This Is For Real
by ScienceGeek91
Summary: Bella works at an uber trendy fashion magazine at the Upper East Side. She also took a part time job at an orphanage. What happens when her path crosses with a gorgeous, but distant and ever furious soccer coach, Edward Cullen? Canon couples, mostly E/B.
1. A New Day

_Chapter 1_

People always tell me I have a perfectly triangular-shaped nose; they say it gives a nice sharpness to my face. I wish they would see me now, early in the morning, with my rumpled hair, dishevelled pyjamas and…a running nose. Well, so much for having a perfect nose, too bad it's of no help when you have a heavy cold. I sniffed, rubbed my eyes and dragged my feet to the bathroom.

They say you're supposed to feel nervous on your first day at work. Okay, I'd say 'nervous' is an understatement of how I felt. I was 'terrified.' A week ago, I was worried they wouldn't hire me, now that they have I'm scared my co-workers, or worse, my boss won't like me. Well, I don't know if they will like me, but I'm determined to make a good first impression. I chose a plain black pencil skirt with black tights, a white shirt and a black jacket. I pulled my hair up and tied it up in a ponytail and put on my favourite court-room shoes. There, that wasn't so scary.

'Bella, honey, your breakfast is ready,' mum called as I came downstairs.

I hurried to the table and gulped down some soggy cereal as fast as I could. My brother, Oliver's eyes didn't miss that. He raised his eyebrows and said,

'They're only humans, your colleagues, not monsters. They're not going to _eat_ you up. So just relax.'

'Thanks, that helps a _lot_.' I said, sarcastically.

My dad, Charlie, was eyeing me from the top of the newspaper he was reading. 'You'll be fine, don't worry.'

'Thanks, Dad,' I said.

As soon as the clock struck at 8, I sneezed, grabbed my purse and almost stumbled over my shoes. I quickly gave my mum, dad and brother and hug and rushed out to the cool New York City morning.

The cool morning breeze gave me the chills and I regretted not bringing a scarf. I wrapped my arms around my body to keep myself warm. It was a quiet atmosphere, the only sound being my heels clicking on the pavement and a few birds flying overhead.

I took the subway to Manhattan. I couldn't stop tapping my feet in nervousness, which was weird because I've never had that bad habit. As soon as the bus doors open, I jumped outside. I could tell, people were giving me strange looks, but that was nothing new for me.

I stood outside the building- _my workplace_, I realize with a jolt of excitement. I looked at the massive signboard right next to the entrance – _'Haute Couture'. _I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

The meticulously clean white-tiled floors were reflecting back my own image. There was a mauve coloured sofa with cream carpet underneath it at one corner of the room, where a bunch of really anorexic-looking girls sat, with their skin stretching on their bones. 'Models', I guessed. At the other corner of the room there was a table adjoining the wall, behind which the receptionist sat. Then I turned to look at the people around me.

It was like looking at a runway.

There were all these beautiful people in their latest designer wear clothes. Some of them turned to look at me, while the rest were either too busy to notice, or didn't bother too. I tried to give my peers a weak smile, but from their looks I guessed it came out more as dumb look. I quickly rushed to the receptionist, a plump-faced brunette, possibly a Latina, who was flirting with a young man, who was good-looking enough to be a model. I handed her my job confirmation letter, and she seemed really annoyed at the interruption. She gave the model-looking guy the sweetest smile, and turned to glare at me.

'Hmm,' she said in a dull voice, 'Bella Swan, personal assistant to the Editor.'

Now she was really looking at me, right from my hair to the shoes. I have always been complemented on my fashion sense so I stood there confidently, patting my hair. She seemed to find nothing to criticize, and almost gave me smile. She showed me the door to the Editor's office.

As soon as I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in I heard a really loud sneeze, and it sure as hell wasn't mine. Then, from the inside came a muffled 'Come in.'

I opened the door an inch and saw a hand a waving from the back of a desk, its owner sitting at it, gesturing me to come inside. As soon as the person removed his hands, he sneezed once more: 'Acchooooo!'

I rushed forward and handed a tissue paper fro a box lying on the desk. He took it, nodded at me, while I waited patiently.

So this was new boss, I concluded. I'd researched on him a bit. Charismatic and a charming 30 year-old, graduated from Cambridge in Economics, a workaholic and a ladies man. Dark hair, blue eyes, good physique – he was definitely a Christian Bale look-alike.

After cleaning himself up, he got up, put his hands forwards and said,

'Sorry about that, the only thing I hate about New York City is the weather. I'm David Gordon. You must be my new assistant.'

I shook his hands and said, 'No problem, I have a bit of cold myself. Bella Swan, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, sir.'

'Please, call me David, and do have a sit' he said.

'So, Bella, what made you decide to work here?' he asked.

'Umm,' I said, a little bit confused.

'Don't worry, I'm not interviewing you. It's just that I wasn't there when you were interviewed, so I don't know much about you. Except that you majored in Applied Chemistry from college with excellent grades. From formulae to Fashion - all of a sudden, why did you switch?'

'You see, sir, sorry, _David_, I am planning to complete a Master's degree from NYU. Until I do that, I feel I will not be ready to get a job in the science field. So meanwhile, I thought I'd do something I've always wanted – work at a fashion magazine. Because, this involves two things I really love – writing and fashion.'

'So you are a writer too?'

'Not really,' I admitted. 'I had a few articles published now and then, but I never gave writing a serious thought, because I was always too busy with my school-work, and later, college.'

'Okay then, you are ready to start your first day. Your desk is the one right outside my door. At the moment all you have to do is answer my calls. After lunch, I'll call you in to have a look at a draft of next month's issue, and you have to tell me what you think of it.'

'Sounds good,' I said.

'Welcome to _Haute Couture _then_; _am I supposed to say that I hope you enjoy your work experience here?' he asked sheepishly.

'You don't have to if it's not necessary,' I replied with a grin.


	2. Dreamworld

_Chapter 4_

On Thursdays, I get the half day off. After checking that my work for the day had been done, I rushed outside in the blazing afternoon sun. I took the subway to Brooklyn and got off just outside Brooklyn Museum_._ From there I started walking. I walked for about fifteen minutes till I reached my destination.

I stood outside the main gate of Queen Victoria Child Care Orphanage, and as usual, heaved a great sigh. This place always makes me feel miserable. Yet, there I was visiting the place every week, because it made me feel humble. This place and the kids living in it made me realise that we should never take what we have in life for granted. These kids have nothing in their life and it makes me acknowledge the fact how much blessed I am. Thus I decided to spend one day of my week coming here and spending some quality time with the kids. I will be teaching them stuffs like Maths, English and moral lessons. Just last week I signed up here as a volunteer. No one would believe me, but the fact that I will be able to lessen the amount of someone's pain, gives me great satisfaction. That's why I intend to keep this visit of mine a secret – only my family knows about it.

I pushed the gate open, showed my ID to the security guard and entered the building. I walked the long corridor and passed the class-rooms along it, until I reached the last one at the end of the passage. I entered Sister Charlotte's room and found her sitting at the desk.

'Hello Sister,' I said pleasantly.

Sister Charlotte nodded.

That was Sister Charlotte. She is a strict, no-nonsense head in-charge, who loved the kids in the orphanage as her own children, but that doesn't stop her from being hard on them once in a while if they do something wrong.

'Since it's your first day, a proper routine hasn't been set up for you. So meanwhile you'll be teaching during the time-slot of another teacher's class schedule.'

'Are you sure, he/she wouldn't mind?' I asked tentatively.

'I'll take care of that,' was her short reply.

The classroom was quite big and there were at least thirty benches with around sixty students sitting on them. The room was pleasant enough. Sister Charlotte might be a cold person, but she was considerate enough when it came to these kids. The room was painted with bright colours like blue and yellow. The walls were covered with drawings done by the children. Even the tables and chairs were painted in warm green and red.

The children greeted me whole-heartedly. I asked their names one by one, and introduced myself. I told them it'll take me a while to get to know all of their names, but eventually I will. I thought since it was my first day as their teacher, I'd go easy on them. So I asked each one of them what their hobbies were, what they liked to eat and what their favourite sports were. One of the kids, Jesse, a 9-year-old bright youngster, was very excited about this part and started talking about football and Beckham, very enthusiastically. I nodded in response now and then because I was more familiar with Victoria's fashion sense than her husband's football skills.

Suddenly I realised that if Sister Charlotte happens to pass by right now, she'd see me chatting with the kids, and might think I'm not taking my job seriously. So I got up, walked to the white-board hung on the wall, and told the children that I'd be teaching them about fractions. Just as I plunged into my explanation of whole numbers, someone was at the door.

It was strange that I was able to tell that person's presence, even though I had my back to the class-room as well as the door in question. But I could feel someone being there, which was bizarre for me, because I'm not psychic and I barely notice what's going on around me, let alone what's going on _behind_ me. I later realised that I was able to tell his presence because there was a significant smell wafting from him – and it was not completely of men's cologne. It was more personal. Until that moment, I had no idea what people meant by other people having their own smell.

Next, a gentle but firm voice spoke up. 'Excuse me? What do you think you're doing in my class?'

I turned at these words and was met with a gaze so powerful and sharp, that my stomach lurched, like it does when I am hungry. I don't mean to sound dramatic and all mushy, but at that moment, it truly felt like there were only the two of us in this whole wide world – him looking at me with annoyed and somewhat angry eyes while I kept gaping at him like an idiot.

He was really tall, his head almost touching the door-frame above his head. I guessed that he was probably either in his late 20s or early 30s. He had bronze hair, which stuck out at different angles, gave him a boyish look in his otherwise masculine features. His eyes, that were scrutinizing my face so intently, it made me shudder, were a lovely bottle-green colour. He wore dark blue jeans and a plain white shirt whose full-sleeves were rolled up to his arms and his left hand was closed around a football, holding it firmly, against his left leg.

All of a sudden, I realised he had asked me something. I didn't know what to say, but luckily Jesse came to my rescue and rushed up to the inquirer.

'Look, we've made a new friend. She knows about Beckham, isn't that cool?'

At this, he looked up at me with those hard, questioning eyes. To my utter surprise, at the next moment, when he looked down at Jesse, who barely came up to his knees, his expression changed instantly. The irritated or rather cruel expression reserved for me was gone. Instead, his face softened and he gave the kid a kind look and a smile so wide that creased his eyes and it seemed like it was lighting up the room.

'That's all very good, buddy, but aren't you supposed to be out in the field right now?'

This was when I cleared my throat and went forward to give an explanation.

'That's where I come in. Hi, I'm their new Math and English teacher.'

'Okay. Forgive me if I'm being rude, but why are taking your class during my practice session?'

'Well, Sister Charlotte said..' I began.

'Look, you're being mistaken. I get it; you are new and need time to get used to things. But that's not an excuse to jump into someone else's schedule,' he replied curtly.

'Who's going to jump when and where, that's my decision to make, Mr. Cullen.'

We both looked up as Sister Charlotte entered the room.

'Sister…' he began saying, but was cut-off by the Sister, as she held up a hand to interrupt.

'Students, that will be all for today. You can go outside and play. As for you two,' she pointed at the two of us, 'You will have to accompany me to my office, right now!' It seemed to me like she was glaring at Mr. Cullen.

As soon as the three of us stepped inside her office, Sister Charlotte banged the door shut.

Then she pounced.

'What were you thinking when you barge into that room, disrupting a class and on top of that asking the teacher present for an explanation; who by the way happens to be new in here?' What kind of example are you setting for the students, Mr. Cullen? They look up to you as their mentor,' she finished.

He looked at the Sister's face for an entire minute with that cold hard expression on his beautiful face, before finally dropping his gaze.

'I'm sorry Sister. That was very unprofessional of me. It's just that the kids always seemed to enjoy their football games. Thus when I saw they weren't there, I thought they have stopped playing for some reason. I was upset when I saw that while I was waiting for them outside in the scorching heat, they were being taught improper fractions.'

'You should have come directly to me. And as I said before, it was my mistake for not notifying you from before-hand,' Sister Charlotte admitted.

He said nothing.

The Sister went on, 'Now if you would let me, I'd like to introduce our new teacher, Ms. Bella Swan.'

He just nodded curtly as a response.

'Ms. Swan, meet our football coach, Mr. Edward Cullen.'

He turned to look at me this time, and I smiled weakly.

'Well, now that the introductions are over, Ms. Swan can go back to the class, or what's left of it anyway, while Mr. Cullen is to stay here while I find a suitable time slot for the kid's football practice,' Sister Charlotte muttered as she settled on to her chair and perched her glasses on her tiny nose and began shuffling some papers.

I practically fled out of the room like my life depended on it.


	3. Happy Working Song

_Chapter 2_

David's callers were mostly publishers and advertisers. A few models and a television actress called after every half-an-hour to ask me if he was available for dinner tonight. I had to tell all of them what David had asked me to: that he was having dinner with his family tonight.

Before lunch break I realized I haven't met any of the staff members. Just as soon as this thought crossed my mind, the receptionist I met in the morning came to my desk.

'Where did you get those shoes from?' she asked.

'Umm..,' I hesitated.

'Are they from_ Barneys_, or _Bloomingdale's_?'

'Well, actually they're from _Macy's_,' I replied with a nervous laugh.

'Eww… I hate that place. But I see that they do have some good stuffs there,' she replied.

I didn't know what to say in reply so I just sat there.

'I'm Gabriella Munéz, the receptionist here.'

'Yeah, we met this morning. I'm Bella Swan. It's nice to meet you.'

'Take it easy, newbie, no need to get all chummy. Now if you'll kindly get your back of that chair, it's almost lunch and I'd like to introduce you to the others.'

'Thanks, it's very nice of you, and I really appreciate it,' I replied gratefully.

'Hmm,' she nodded. Then suddenly turned towards me and snapped:

'What is up with that _hair_? You're not in church, remember?'

'I thought I'd be more professional on my first day,' I replied weakly.

'Then you've got a lot of things to learn here, sweetie.'

With that, she yanked out my hair-band, letting all my hair down.

'Better,' she replied, smirking.

The cafeteria was overly crowded. It seemed like almost half of Manhattan was lunching there. Gabriella rushed to one of the less-crowded tables and I followed her. I quickly found a seat next a guy with straightened hair falling on his forehead, with a few light brown highlights in it. I noticed he had a little lip-gloss on and I bit my lip to hide a smile, realizing that this was the fashion industry after-all.

On my other side sat a woman in her early 40s, with a kind face. On the other side of the table, I saw Gabriella already engaged in a conversation with a black woman in her 30s, sitting next to her. On Gabriella's other side was a young girl who looked about my age, in her early 20s, and she was touching up her face with a little bit of make-up.

Suddenly, the guy next to me exclaimed, 'Who are _you_ and what are you _wearing_?'

I suddenly became conscious of my clothes and stuttered 'I'm David Gordon's new assistant.'

'Sorry guys, I didn't introduce her. Meet Bella. She's new here,' replied Gabriella.

'Oh!' the guy sighed, 'So that explains you choice of clothes. I'd forgotten that 'Arrogant Mr. Know-it-all' approves people with boring preference of clothes. I'm Eric Hannigan, by the way, Fashion Designer of this magazine,' he said proudly, motioning his hands around the room.

I shook hands with him and turned to look at the woman on my other side.

'I'm Grace Mayer, Eric's assistant and best friend.' She dropped her voice and said, 'Don't worry about Eric. He's been unable to stand David ever since he rejected Eric's original designs for our Fall/Winter Collection last year and asked him to make new ones. Seriously, I don't blame David either. I mean, who would wear feathers on business suits?'

I smiled at this and turned to the others. The woman sitting next to Gabriella put her hands forward and said 'Hi, I'm Michelle Robinson, the Art Director. And that's Olivia Turner, the seamstress.'

The girl named Olivia was the one who looked about my age. She was now texting away madly on her mobile phone and as her name was mentioned, she raised her free hand in response.

Next, everyone got up to get the food. I was really excited about this part because I am a really enthusiastic person when it comes to food. I rushed to the table where a wide variety of food was arranged and was disappointed to see that none of them met my appetite. Judging from my queasy look, Grace replied 'That's all they eat in here, _to stay in shape,_' she mocked. I noted that all that the cafeteria provided was salad, coleslaw, spinach sandwich, potato salad, fruit salad and yoghurt. These were the basic items; of course there were another ten types of salads, yoghurts of fifteen flavours, fruit salads with different variations of fruits – basically food that I find to be unappealing. I grabbed a bottle of juice and a box of fruit salad and went to join the others at the table.

The others were eyeing me curiously as I nibbled at my salad. Finally, Eric said,

'Let me guess, you are not a big fan of salad.'

'Or any other raw stuffs for that matter. This is just a side meal for me,' I replied.

'Oooh,' he took a sharp of breath.

'And judging from your reactions, I guess you've never met someone who doesn't like eating salad,' I said with a sigh.

'So what _do _you eat, anyway?' Olivia asked.

'You know, usual stuff, chicken, rice, burgers.'

'Oh Darling, that's like a sweet fantasy in the fashion world, something we like to dream about at night- eating carbs,' Eric said.

Michelle came to my rescue saying, 'These people are exaggerating. Surely everyone here doesn't survive by eating grass.' Eric and Olivia rolled their eyes in response. 'Grace and I are with you. So is Gabriella, on the days she doesn't have mood-swings.'

At that moment my mobile phone rang, and I fumbled inside my bag to receive the call.

'Hey.' It was David.

'Yes, David? Do you need something?'

'Actually, yes. I know it's your first day and it's my mistake that I didn't tell you, but as my assistant, part of your job is to bring me my lunch.'

'David, you should've called me earlier. What can I get you?' I asked, pushing away my half-eaten lunch, glad for the distraction that he'd caused.

'Get me a caramel macchiato from Starbucks and a double cheese burger from McDonalds.'

'Coming right up,' I said hanging up the phone.

I rushed downstairs and remembered there was a McDonalds just round the corner. While the guy made the burger, I asked him if there was a Starbucks nearby and he showed me its direction.

I ran to get the coffee and when I got back, I found that the burger was ready. The packets were too hot to carry but I managed to the office building in ten minutes. By the time I reached David's office, lunch time was almost over and I was breathless.

'Go on then,' David suddenly said, while munching on his burger.

'Excuse me?' I asked, baffled.

'Aren't you going to lecture me on how I should drink less caffeine and eat more salads and stuff?' he inquired.

I laughed.

'Seriously, I'm the last person to give you that advice, believe me. In fact, my colleagues were giving _me _an earful about how they dream about having the stuffs I eat on a regular day basis,' I replied.

'Phew,' he said, clearly relieved. 'That's one thing you and I have in common.'


	4. The Sun Goes Down

_Chapter 3_

After lunch, David called me in his office to have a look at the draft of next month's issue.

This was a really exciting part for me. The draft, or as they called it 'The Book' was a large sized version of the actual magazine. I ogled at the colourful glossy pages, while David made alterations here and there. Suddenly I realised that there was no picture of the cover girl on the cover. When I asked David about it, he said:

'Yeah, that's the problem. We were supposed to put popstar Alyson Walker on the cover, but she was unable to fit a cover-shoot in her schedule; she's busy with her tour, her kids and her husband is in rehab….' he trailed off.

'Oh, I see, but can I suggest something?' I asked politely.

'Sure, what do you have in mind?' he asked

'Well I was thinking that since this month it's Women's Day, we could put such a woman on our cover who has been flourishing in both her professional and family life; a type of woman, who can inspire both younger and older woman of our generation. Our issue would be different than the rest of the magazines' because they all would put a famous celebrity on cover,' I said.

'Hmm, but where can we find a woman like that? Plus Bella, you have to remember that this is a fashion magazine and one of the first things we consider before selecting cover-girl is that if she will look good enough on the cover to encourage people to buy our magazine,' he said.

'Yeah, you're right. Well forget I said anything then.'

'I'll definitely think about it, though. If you do find someone like that, let me know, is that okay?' he asked.

'Fine,' I said.

Soon it was almost six in the evening and most of the staff was leaving. I was sitting online searching for our cover girl. I looked up and found David standing next to my desk. I quickly stood up.

'Do you need something?' I asked pensively.

'Relax, your day is over and you can go home now.'

'Oh, okay.'

He walked away, while I gathered my things, and then suddenly turned and said:

'Oh, and Bella, you did a good job on your first day. Keep it up,' he added with a smile.

'Thanks, David.'

The bus ride back home didn't take very long. As soon as I entered my room I fell on my bed and drifted to sleep. I faintly heard mum coming into my room and putting a pillow under my head, while she asked how my first day was. I mumbled in my sleep, 'Great.'

Next day, recalling Eric's comments, I took a longer time in selecting my work clothes. This time, I chose a fuchsia pink pencil skirt with black tights and a grey sweater, with cream peep-toe pumps.

As I entered the lobby, I smiled at Gabriella, who was chatting with yet another male-model. She gave me an approving nod.

As soon as I settled at my desk, David came out of his office, looking a bit tense.

'Today, my mother is coming back from Italy. She was there for the Milan Fashion Week.'

'By your mother, you mean…'

'Yes, the Editor-in-Chief,' he said.

'Oh, and more thing, if she asks where I was last night, tell her I was at the office, making some changes in next month's issue's draft,' he added.

'Okay,' I replied, a bit confused, wondering why was he asking me to lie to his mum.

At exactly ten, something happened. All the staff members cluttered here and there returned to their respective desks. A hush fell over the entire place. The silence was broken by the sounds of a pair of feet walking in stilettos. Even before I could see her, I heard her asking:

'What the hell is that?' It was a powerful voice, full of authority.

As soon as Melanie Gordon came into our sight, we followed her view, to see what she was pointing at.

It turned out she was referring to the large vase of flowers, placed on the glass table at the lobby.

'Take it away; before I crack someone's head with it, and believe me, I'm really tempted to do so.'

Gabriella quickly rushed forward to remove it.

'You,' she pointed at Gabriella, 'It's Gabriella Munéz, right?'

'Yes, Melanie' she stammered.

'Well, next time, try putting on a longer skirt. It's an office, not a club, for heaven's sake.'

Gabriella walked backwards in a complete daze.

Just as I was dreading the moment she'd notice me, her sharp gaze shifted and rested on me. The look of her cold eyes made me shiver and a chill ran down my spine.

'And who are you?' she inquired.

I tried my best to stay calm and not to stutter.

'I-I'm David G-g-ordon's new assistant, Bella Swan, ma'am,' I finished in a breath.

And then I put my right hand forward for a handshake.

As soon as I did that, there was a sharp intake of breath and I knew I'd done something wrong. She stared at my outstretched hand, and then looked back at me, looking annoyed.

To cover-up for the awkward situation, I managed to say 'It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am,' taking my hand back.

She gave me another irritated look and walked away, as if I haven't even talked to her.

At lunch Eric stopped me on my way to the cafeteria.

'Are you out of your mind? Who told you to shake hands with Melanie Gordon? Handshakes or any other physical contact for that matter are simply out of question. She doesn't even hug her son when she sees him, like other mothers do.'

'Oh, how am I supposed to know that?'

'You're right though sweetie. I'm seeing you have a lot to learn in here.'

I was counting the number of times I'd heard that on my first two days.

'So it seems,' I said.

It was just then that I realised that David hasn't told me what he wants for lunch. Cursing myself for forgetting about it, I rushed to his office.

I pushed open the door saying, 'I'm terribly sorry, David. I'll get your lunch….' I trailed off.

Then I froze.

Melanie Gordon was standing next to David's desk, going through a previous issue of _Haute Couture. _She looked up to see who had caused such interruption, and then returned back to the magazine, while I stood there holding the door knob, unable to move.

Until then, I hadn't had a chance to look at Melanie Gordon properly, because, during our first encounter she was staring at me with those eagle eyes of hers. I concluded that she must have been in her 50s, but all that botox and liposuction made her look like she was in her 30s. Her hair was dark, a shade lighter than David's, and it was tied up in a tight bun. A pair of black-framed reading glasses was perched on her nose. She was wearing very trendy, but conservative clothes - a brown hip-hugging skirt and a formal blouse teaming up with Louboutin shoes and a Gucci handbag.

'David will have lunch with me today,' she said in a cool voice, without even bothering to look at me, while talking.

'Where was he last night?' she asked, still looking down at the magazine in her hands.

'Umm, ma'am, he was here at the office. He was making some adjustments on the draft for the next month's issue,' I said.

'Hmm,' she said, seeming preoccupied.

'I'm seeing that he's already taught his new assistant how to lie to the Editor-in-Chief.'

Now she was looking at me. She didn't say this in a loud or angry voice, but it had its own effect. It made me feel like melting to the ground.

'Mmm, ma'am I-I don't know what you're talking about, but David was here until six o'clock,' I said, deciding that telling half the truth is better than lying completely.

'That's better; the truth's coming out now. You know, I don't blame you; you're just doing what your boss has asked you to.'

'David needs to get back on track. He's lost, just like his father was.' It seemed as if she wasn't talking to me, rather she was talking to herself.

Suddenly she turned her attention back on me.

'If you're worried that David will find out about this, don't be. I won't tell him.'

'Thanks ma'am. I really appreciate your generosity,' I replied politely.

I was about to leave when she called me back.

'Oh, and there's one more thing.'

'Yes ma'am.'

'Don't call me ma'am. I'm not your grandmother.'


	5. Everybody's Fool

**A/N**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Edward Cullen for that matter (*sigh*)**

**I want to thank stacygirl, volleyplayer for putting my story on alert. It means a lot to me.**

**Also, ignore the chapter numbers in the first 4 chapters. I messed up, which is why it may seem chapter 4 comes before chapter 2. Ignore all of it, just continue reading in the serial in which the stories have been posted on **

**You may have noticed that I, like loads of other people, name my chapters on songs. Some of them might be cheesy songs, but I have a wide taste in music. I basically listen to everything besides rap and hip-hop. So enough with the blabbering, let me get back to the story.**

Chapter 5

_Edward_

I had a bad day at work.

Who am I kidding?

Every day is a bad day for me. But this particular Thursday made to the top even in _my_ list of messed-up days, which is saying a lot.

I had just come up with another idea for the Insurance Company's commercial we have been working on since the last few weeks. I thought I should keep it simple.

A kid turns 10, and was really hoping his dad would buy him the video game he'd been eyeing at the store for days. Surprise! Turns out, his dad got him an insurance policy, instead of the _Playstation_. He starts whining and labels his 10th as the worst birthday. When his dad slips into a coma 6 years later after a major car crash, and the kid is still in school, the insurance comes in handy.

I knew it was all dramatic, and actually quite sappy, but I had nothing else in my mind.

So I got up from my chair and walked out of my room, and someone ran right into me.

'Oh, Edward, I am sorry I didn't see you,' Lauren Mallory replied, batting her eyelashes.

I refrained myself from rolling my eyes. _Right, she didn't see me. She has been seeing me through an X-Ray tube ever since I started working here._

'Never mind, Miss Mallory,' I replied curtly.

'Oh, but you should, you know, and how many times have I asked you to call me Lauren?'

She kept following me as I headed towards the Head of Creative Department's room.

I turned back and snapped, 'Well, I am sorry but I have to go and discuss some ideas with the Head now.'

Dumb girl, she couldn't even understand that I wanted her to leave me alone.

I could not wait for her shallow mind to grasp my words' meaning and went inside the office room.

I shut the door behind me and walked forward to the desk placed at the far end of the room.

'Stephen, I just came up with a new idea for the commercial for the Insurance Company,' I said.

Stephen Mallory looked up from the files he'd been studying and eyed me. He was 55 and had been in Advertising since the past 20 years. He looked younger than his actual age and could work for hours, without so much as a break. He was well educated and extremely intelligent _and _observant, unlike his 21 year old daughter.

This last trait of his often turned out to be of a great disadvantage for me, since nothing missed his eyes. Ever.

He took one long look at me as I explained my idea to him. He listened patiently throughout the time I talked, without interrupting me once.

'Well, sounds like a hit advert to me.'

_And…_

'You know Edward, I am actually a little bit worried.'

'About what Stephen? Are you worried about finding a good child actor to play the role? If so then I have some friends in _Broadway..'_

'No, no, it's not the commercial I'm worried about. I am worried about you. When was the last time you took a vacation?' he raised an eyebrow.

'Um, two years ago?' I replied, hesitantly, wondering where he was heading to.

'Wrong. Two years ago, I myself sent you to Hawaii to supervise a commercial we were shooting. As far as I can recall, you were there for about 35 hours, and took a plane back to the City as soon as the commercial was done filming,' he finished in one breath.

I was getting more impatient by the minute and was tapping my foot on the granite floor.

'What are you trying to say, Stephen?' I asked.

He leaned forward on his desk, placed both his elbows on it and gestured towards the chair in front of the desk.

I groaned internally in frustration and slid into the black leather chair.

'I think you are well aware of what I'm trying to say, Edward.'

I looked up at the man I have come to respect in the last seven years.

At 23, as soon as I had completed my undergraduate degree on Marketing from Dartmouth, I took a job as an assistant manager in the accounts section at Pablo's Advertising Agency at the Lower East Side.

I didn't leave my job even while I completed my post graduate's degree from CUNY. From the very beginning, Stephen had been a mentor for me. He always guided me, praised me for my good work but also criticized my bad ideas. Even though I admired the man deeply, sometimes his concern for me became too much overwhelming.

'I feel fine, Stephen. I don't need a vacation,' I replied, warily, wishing he'd let this go.

'If not a vacation, then the least you could do is going out after work and have some fun. Meet some new people.'

With the last remark, he hinted nonchalantly what I was tired of hearing from everyone else.

'You know Stephen, I respect you too much, which is why I am going to pretend that this conversation did not happen.'

I got up from the chair and walked swiftly towards the door.

'Son, it has been four years….' he trailed off, his voice sounding pained.

My hand froze on the door knob, but I didn't turn around. A lump raised in my throat and I wrenched open the door and exited the darn room.

Outside Stephen's office, I was met with Lauren's annoying face again.

If I was being honest, I did not have many reasons to despise the girl. Overlooking the fact that her IQ level was so low that it was almost negative, she was quite tall, blonde, with blue eyes and a perfect figure that models would commit murder for. Sure she lacks brains and wits and has no knowledge whatsoever about what's going on in this world, some guys, like my male co-workers would easily find themselves to be in love with her; which is _exactly_ the case, if I was guessing right.

But when I looked at her shiny, perfectly styled blonde hair, all I could think of was black curls and how I used to run my fingers through them. And how divine it smelled when I used to kiss that hair. And the blue eyes reminded me of hazel orbs and how they used to look back at me with all the love and affection in the world….

And Lauren's lipstick coated fake lips reminded me of another pair of lips. They were much thinner and I realised how much I missed running my fingers across them and how they used to kiss my eyes…

'Hey gorgeous, daydreaming huh?

Lauren's forcedly soft voice jilted me back to reality.

'So you know, I was thinking if you were free for drinks after work?' She raised a pencilled eyebrow.

The only reason I had not been rude to her was because of my admiration towards her father. A small part of me also screamed that if I brushed her off, she might go and complain to Daddy. But a bigger part laughed at the absurdity of that idea. Stephen would never jeopardize my job just because I wouldn't hook up with his daughter.

Which is why I politely replied, 'Sorry, can't make it, I have a family affair,' and then quickly strode past her to the peace of my own office room.

By 3 o'clock, I was done with my day's work. On Thursdays, Stephen lets me leave around this time so that I can go to Brooklyn to 'visit my grandmother.'

I steered my silver Volvo out from the parking lot and headed off towards Brooklyn. I stopped in front of my old-fashioned loft, parked the car in the parking area and went upstairs. I took a quick shower and changed my clothes from corporate to more casual.

Next, I took a cab to the Brooklyn Museum and walked the rest of the way until I stood outside Queen Victoria Child Care Orphanage. This place always brought back the bitter memories – no, they were not always bitter. As a matter of fact they used to be the best recollections. The enchanting laugh still rung in my ears, the silly jokes she used to crack, the funny faces she used to make – thinking of those times now hurt and the unshed tears stung my eyes.

After heaving a sigh, I entered the premises after flashing my ID card. I went to the supply room and took out a football from the locker. I held the ball firmly in my hand and a small ghost of a smile crept up on my face. 9-year old Jesse had been practicing some new techniques and was dying to show them off. The mere thought of the enthusiasm of the bright young boy lifted my spirits and that smile was still plastered on my face as I walked towards the field.

The field was probably half the size of an actual football field, but Sister Charlotte was kind enough to put up a net and hire me to coach these kids some sport. In the 5 years that I've been working here, I had grown extremely fond of all the kids.

I checked my watch. It was almost five fifteen and the kids were supposed to come out to the field at five. I waited for another fifteen minutes and suddenly fear gripped me. What if one of them had fallen sick and had to be taken to the hospital?

Wild thoughts went rushing through my head. Still holding the football in me hands, I hurried to the main building that housed the orphanage, went past the classrooms until I came to a halt in front of one, with its door wide open.

All the kids were seated behind their benches – safe and apparently unscathed. Tremendous relief washed over me and I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. Next, I shifted my eyes to see what they were looking at so eagerly.

Hmm, it was a new teacher. I could tell she was new because I practically knew everyone here. She seemed like a young woman in her early 20s and her dark brown wavy hair was let down and it came up to her waist. I could not see her face as her back was towards me and she was writing the word 'Fractions' on the board.

At the next moment, fury coursed through my veins as I caught myself staring at a stranger and also because the aforementioned stranger was calmly explaining math to her students during _my football practice!_

'Excuse me? What do you think you're doing in my class?' I snapped, trying to fight off the anger.

Her fingers froze on the board and she turned to face me, with her hand still held high.

She was very average looking. Her eyes were plain grey; her nose was very sharp and her cheek-bones were low – not a good combination. But her dark brown locks brought back the memory of black curls, but I quickly shook it off.

At that moment I felt a small hand tugging my jeans.

'Look, we've made a new friend. She knows about Beckham, isn't that cool?'

I spared the newcomer a quick glance before looking down at the distraction. The ghost of that smile reappeared.

I smiled wider this time and leaned down towards Jesse, resting my hands on my knees.

'That's all very good, buddy, but aren't you supposed to be out in the field right now?'

Someone cleared their throat.

'That's where I come in. Hi, I'm their new Math and English teacher.'

I was expecting a carefully polished and confident tone, instead of a squeaky nervous voice. I was preparing myself for the batting eyelashes, a manicured hand for a handshake and all the flirting in between.

The woman surprised me. I blinked a few time to clear my head and then I spoke.

'Okay. Forgive me if I'm being rude, but why are taking your class during my practice session?'

'Well, Sister Charlotte said..' she began.

'Look, you're being mistaken. I get it; you are new and need time to get used to things. But that's not an excuse to jump into someone else's schedule.'

'Who's going to jump when and where, that's my decision to make, Mr. Cullen.'

**Longest chapter so far. I am not seeing any reviews and that hurts *sniff***

**If I don't see any review after the next chapter, I'll stop writing this.**

**If you liked this mad Edward, then please review, otherwise he'll be furious with you.**


	6. Falling Inside The Black

**A/N**

**I would like to thank xX-Twilght-lover-xX, D.J-HALE, Shylady16, Hydriad, Genehh, luvu4ever, vinvinong86 and RosalieTheBeautyQueen for putting my story on alert, putting me on author (!) alert and for putting it on their favourites list. Also thanks to the last two members for reviewing. I feel almost giddy with excitement when I saw 10 new mails in my inbox and 4 more while I was going through them. So thanks so much for making my day!**

**This part starts from where I left off in the last chapter. It's still in Edward's POV.**

**Disclaimer: The super-awesome Stephenie Meyer owns Bella and (sadly) Edward too.**

_Edward_

If I was being truthful, I envied Sister Charlotte sometimes. I had heard that she got married very young, miscarried her first child and caught her husband cheating on her not long after that incident. After going through all these traumatic experiences, she was still able to stand up straight with her head held high. After her divorce was finalized, she set up this orphanage and since then had stopped receiving anyone's sympathy or pity, and welcomed life with open arms.

And here I was, still bitter, still finding faults in everything and in everyone, even though it's been over four years since that incident. I was not living my life, as it clichéd as it might sound; it seemed as if I were just existing. My soul had died that day and all that was left was this cold, hard shell. Empty and numb.

After I'd apologized to the woman for being rude to the newcomer, she introduced us.

"Now if you would let me, I'd like to introduce our new teacher, Ms. Bella Swan," Sister Charlotte muttered through clenched teeth. She was still pissed off at me.

_Swan? _

I chanced a glance at her and decided that the last name somehow did justice to her. She was ivory-skinned, had dark eyes and had her chin lifted in the air proudly – just like a swan. All that was missing was a yellow beak. This image made me bite back a chuckle and I quickly averted her gaze after nodding in acknowledgement.

Wait, I stifled the urge to _chuckle?_

Where did that come from?

As soon as the introductions were done, Bella Swan exited the room in such haste, that I had to wonder, _what is up with this woman?_

After Bella left, Sister Charlotte was quiet for a few minutes, just going through the student records and completely ignoring me. I sighed and pulled a chair and sat down.

"Mr. Cullen, would you be free around 3pm for the football practice?" she inquired, while still keeping her nose buried into the stack of papers.

I whipped out my _Blackberry_ and checked my schedule. Normally, I had to stay at the office around that time on Thursdays to finish up my work on our current project, but I decided I could ask Stephen to let me do that work on Thursday evenings instead.

"That's fine with me. Should I leave now?" I asked.

"No," she interjected. I sighed and fell back in my chair.

"Since you are here already, you might as well help me out with our birthday planning," she replied, finally looking up and meeting my gaze.

I mentally cursed myself and my hand itched to smack myself at the back of my head – the kids' birthdays were coming up. And like always, I'd forgotten about it. Every year, on a random date we would organize a birthday party for all the kids here, since no one's actual birthday was known. Every year we would celebrate the day on a different date, hoping that by a twist of fate at least one of the 1329 kids might get to rejoice on their real birth date.

So I settled myself more comfortably and began suggesting Sister Charlotte ideas about how to make this party even more special than the last one. Last year, our very own cook, Emmett Masen did juggling tricks and the kids absolutely treasured that.

One hour and several drumming on the desk with my pen later, I still had not come up with anything even remotely fun for a kids aged from 7 to 14. I considered asking my co-workers for help, but then imagined Lauren Mallory eavesdropping and then wanting to help me. For all I knew, she might even suggest pole dancing or a fancy dress party with her being the sexy nurse or the hot librarian, and so I quickly dismissed the idea of involving people from my work. On top of that I was not that close with anyone from work – and moreover no one knew about my volunteer work apart from Stephen.

After thinking for another forty-five minutes, I gave up and promised Sister Charlotte brilliant suggestions next week.

I was not too eager to get back home so early, so I wandered around the streets idly. I did this every Thursday after my practice sessions. On other weekdays, I try to occupy my evenings by working late.

I liked this part of New York. Even though I grew up in New Jersey, I had always felt more at home in Brooklyn. It was probably because this part of the City was full of artists. Not that I consider myself to be one, hell I can't even draw a straight line without my hand shaking – but I did know one or two things about music; which is why I found myself following the familiar path to the _Bistro Café_ at the west side of Brooklyn.

The door of the café opened with a soft chime as I pushed it and the warm smell of cappuccino hit my nose. I pushed my way through the crowd of people, and found myself a table.

Since my college days in CUNY, I have been coming to this place regularly on Thursdays. I came here mostly because the much unknown New York underground alternative bands played here and I enjoy listening to new musicians. Once in a while some new acoustic guitarist would play, and that was refreshing as well. Good music immediately lifted my spirits and so this is the only was I can escape from my morose life.

Tonight, a hard rock band was playing, which exactly wasn't of my taste, but I enjoyed it nevertheless with my steaming cup of latte. I heard a chair scraping while I was still looking at the stage where the band was playing, but I had an idea who the person might be.

"Whatchya doin'?" someone chirped in an annoying merry voice.

"Alice…" I groaned, exasperatedly when I finally turned to look at the offender.

"Wow, nice to see you too, Edward," she replied sarcastically, before sticking her tongue out at me.

I couldn't help but laugh. Alice Brandon and I had known each other since pre-school. Our mothers are friends, which is why I practically grew up with her. We went to high school together, and she also went to Dartmouth, even though she majored in Accounting.

Alice was….unexpected. She would do the craziest things for fun. However, she has matured so much in the past few years that it was surreal to see that this was the same mad person I used to hang out with. I remember back in college she used to take up bets like pouring a bucket of black ink on a senior, or eating fifty pancakes in a row and loads of other insane things. Conversely, now she knows what she's doing, thinks before making decision. Even though her mother still lives in New Jersey like mine, she brought her two younger siblings to New York with her, so that she can send them to a private school – a privilege neither she nor I had when we were younger.

Sometimes I felt like Alice was the sister I never had.

_No, _I corrected myself, _she was more like a brother to me, _I realized with a smile.

Alice did not have a pint of girlish behaviour in her. I used to play football with her when we were younger and I had to give it to the girl – she shows some major talent in that sport. I have never seen her wear a dress, not even in Prom. She would always go for skinny jeans, sweatshirt and converse, with her short pixie-like hair sticking out pointedly in different directions. She never hollered me for watching a chick-flick with her, she never cried over a guy; she was more like the type who _made _guys cry for her. She listened to emo-rock, hated wearing make-up and loved her family to death. She's the only person I've been able to open up to. She was my best friend.

"So, what are you up to these days?" she asked

"Oh, where should I begin? I spent my weekend in Paris, made barbeque yesterday with my friends and I also hooked up with Megan Fox. Oh, and I am going cruising next month," I replied dryly.

"C'mon, Edward, don't you know me at all? You can't fool me, you know" she said.

"Isn't that what you wanted to hear? That I am happy and enjoying myself?" I asked.

"Yes, but not if all that's a lie, we all want you to move on.." she began.

"Stop it! First my boss, and now you too. Can't I just mope on my own miserable fate?" I inquired.

"That is not a solution, Edward. You have to understand that. Esme is really worried about you, and she can't even talk to you about it, because you can't control that temper of yours. Why are you hurting her? She only wants you to be…"

"Happy?" I finished her sentence.

"No, she wants you to be able to get a grip on yourself. You have your entire life ahead of you and remaining this depressed is not going to get you anywhere. Do you have any idea how much pain you are causing to her?" she questioned.

I closed my eyes and dropped my face, hoping to escape the daggers she was shooting at me with her eyes. The mention of Esme did the trick – it broke me completely. It was one thing being down myself, but it was not fair that my mother had to suffer with me as well. She didn't deserve this. She had already had her share of unhappiness and grief – I didn't need to burden her with anymore of mine.

"I am sorry, Alice. No, I mean it. I have hurt you guys so much by staying this way. I feel terrible for doing this to you guys," I mumbled.

Alice reached forward and squeezed my hand.

"I am sorry too, Edward; for you and for everything that happened."

I felt my heart getting heavier and all the memories were rushing back faster in my mind. I pushed them back and quickly changed the topic.

"So, what are _you_ up to these days?" I asked, ruffling her hair.

"You remember I sent some job applications a few weeks ago to a number of companies? Well, I was called back for an interview at one of them, and guess what? They hired me!" she squealed enthusiastically.

"Cool, congrats. So what company is it?" I asked sipping my now cold cappuccino.

"It's this fashion magazine in Manhattan – _Haute Couture_. Have you heard of it?"

I choked on my coffee and nearly spat it out.

"You are going to work at a _Fashion Magazine_? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" I asked, dramatically.

"Relax, Cullen. I will their accountant. Their accounts section is on the third floor, totally isolated from the main office of the magazine. You can count on me for not gushing over a _Marc Jacobs_ handbag anytime soon," she smirked.

"That's good to know. But as soon as you start dragging me to watch _Sex And The City Movie_ with you or ask me to accompany you to buy the correct shade of pink nail polish, I will be done being friends with you. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal," she agreed happily.

**Wow, another long chapter. Do you want to know a secret? I had not intention of putting Alice in this story, at all. It's just that you guys were so awesome to put my story on alert that I thought all I could to return your favour is by posting another chapter. Hence, I just created Alice's part today, while I was in my shower.**

**Reviews are better than listening to New York bands with Edward :D**


	7. Miss Independent

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Bella, Alice and Edward.**

**I can't those few people enough who took their time to review my story.**

**Those who didn't review but read this, I still love you guys.**

_Bella_

Monday morning I was being clumsier than usual, if such a thing were even possible. The reason was that, after every ten seconds or so, a pair of green eyes would pop up in my mind, and I would knock over anything next to me or drop something I was holding. This was totally ridiculous. I could not let a guy have that much control over me – even if he was the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. Wow, I sound so lame and pathetic – like a teenage girl obsessing over her first crush.

My romantic history was something my friends often liked to laugh about. I have never dated a guy in high school or in college, let alone have a relationship with one. The most I have had was a few crushes on senior guys back when I was 13. After that, as I grew up, I realized that most guys were jerks and they consider women as nothing more than an object of pleasure. This is why I brushed off any guy who approached me, and that didn't happen very often due to the plain features that I had. But I never complained about that because I was content with my life. I had studies and work to keep me occupied; a wonderful family who loved me and good friends I can hang out with. Sure I drooled over a handsome guy if I spotted one, but that was it. I never had the nerve to actually go up to that person and start talking.

However, Edward Cullen changed all of that. Also the fact that he misbehaved with me was making me more attracted to him.

_Get over him; he's probably just a loser who treats women like dirt, _the logical part of me warned.

_But how can I ignore the warm, fuzzy feeling I had that almost made me light-headed, even when he looked at me with anger in his eyes?, _the slightly less-logical part of my brain asked.

I put these questions aside to ponder on later.

"Bella?" a voice shook me out of my reverie.

Michelle was waving her hand in front of me, hoping to get my attention.

"Oh, yes, sorry Michelle, did you want something?" I stammered.

"David wants you," she said.

I jumped up from my chair and went to my boss' room.

"Ah, Bella, come in. I have some work for you," David said.

I went and stood next to his desk, waiting for him to start.

"You see, we have a new employee here - an accountant. I need you to go the third floor and give her this month's sales records, so that she can draw up the balance sheet," he said handing me a file with the sales figures in them.

"Um, David, her name…?" I inquired.

"It's Alice. Alice Brandon," he replied.

I have never been to the upper floors of this building, which is why I had to ask random strangers where the accounts section was.

After I have been pointed in what was hopefully the right direction, I came to a halt in front of a cubicle occupied by a person so tiny that all I could see was her shiny black hair, cut short up to her ears. On the inside wall of the cubicle there was a poster of my favourite band and the question involuntarily rolled out of my mouth.

"_Cradle of Filth? _Are you a fan?" I asked stupidly. Since she had their poster, she must like them enough to put it up.

At my question, the tiny head looked up and eyed me, like she was having eye-sight problems.

"Isn't that obvious? Otherwise why would I have their poster?" she asked me.

I nodded at this and tried to avoid the awkward moment by introducing myself.

"Hi, I am Bella Swan, the Editor's secretary. He asked me to give you these sales figures," I said while passing her the file.

She kept her eyes on my face as she took the file, but once she opened it, her eyes snapped to it, going through all the numbers, I supposed.

I took that as my queue to leave. As I was backing away, she spoke up.

"I am Alice, by the way," she said, still looking at the file I just gave her.

I went back to my work desk in a state of daze. Jeez, has everyone in this city vowed to be mean to me? I wondered idly.

At lunch, I spotted Alice standing in front of the table serving the cafeteria food, and crinkling her nose. She reminded me of myself of my first day, just last week. I went up to her, fully expecting her to snap at me again.

"You know, you could try the chicken sandwich – that's the only non-veg food available here," I suggested.

Alice looked up at me, and then back at the food table. Surprisingly she did pick up the sandwich I suggested.

"Sorry for acting so rudely back then, it was nothing personal" she said with a grim face.

"You don't need to apologize; the first day can be a little stressful. I myself started my job just this past week."

We walked to the table where I had sat last week, along with Eric, Grace, Michelle, Gabriella and Olivia. After I introduced Alice to everyone, I asked her to sit at that table.

"That's very kind of you to ask," and she settled down in a chair beside Grace.

Alice was actually a fun person to talk to. She was very knowledgeable about everything, which made conversing with her quiet easy. She was twenty-nine and had two little brothers, Ethan and Robbie, staying with her, while her mum lived in New Jersey. She loved to listen to rock music and had never worn a dress.

"Seriously, dear? How do you get guys to ask you out then?" Eric questioned, apparently horrified at this discovery.

"Um, by my taste in music? I don't care about guys who go for my looks," she replied in a serious tone.

"But honey, you are so pretty. All you need to do is grow your hair, add a little bit of make-up.." Eric started suggesting.

"Like I would ever do something like that!" she replied, not being able to believe that Eric would even suggest something as incredulous as applying make-up.

"I would rather go to a _Fall Out Boy _concert than spend time or money on my looks," she finished.

I immediately decided that I was going to like this quirky, somewhat insane little person. Anyone who is not a huge fan of dressing up like a doll definitely falls in my league. I secretly thanked the Creator above for sending one person in my work place I could genuinely be fond of.

**I apologise if the descriptions of Bella's infatuation/obsession with Edward seem like the same old thing – I'll admit it here, I suck at writing romance. Hope you'll overlook that part.**

**Reviews make Alice and Bella become friends even faster…:D**


	8. Me And My Heart We've Got Issues

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Bella, Alice and Edward.**

**Also I love each and every one of you who reviewed my story, or put it on alerts.**

**To the ones who didn't, well I am still glad that you actually read it!**

**Special thanks to Lozzie for putting me as her favourite author, my story on her alerts and for adding it as a favourite.**

_Bella_

I was extremely eager for Thursday to arrive, even though I was perfectly aware of how stupid that was.

I nervously pushed open the gate of the orphanage and peeked inside. No, no sign of bronze hair or a pair of green eyes. I ignored the feeling of disappointment I felt and walked towards my class.

I really enjoyed teaching these kids. Sure, all of them didn't understand every theorem I taught, but I was patient and explained the same thing over and over again, until each and every one of them grasped its meaning. I asked them not to be shy or afraid to ask me questions, because I myself remembered being scared of doing so.

When class was over, and my pupils were shuffling out of the room, my phone buzzed.

"Ms. Swan?" It was Sister Charlotte.

"Yes, Sister, it's me."

"Would you take the trouble of coming to my office? We are having a staff meeting. I could have informed you earlier, but it was sudden and unexpected," she explained.

"No, that would be no trouble at all. I will see you at your office in a minute," I snapped my phone shut.

I tried unsuccessfully not to remember the last time I'd been in Sister Charlotte's office, and hurried towards the now familiar path. I paused outside the door, knocked and entered when Sister asked me to go in.

Sister was sitting on her chair behind her desk. She had to bring in two extra chairs, which joined the other two chairs next to her desk. Three chairs were occupied – by two strangers I haven't seen before and a third person whose face was almost painfully familiar to me by now, even though I've seen him only once. His bronze hair was tousled as usual, and I had this strange urge to go forward and smooth it. He was looking down at his feet, which is why I couldn't see the green eyes I've been dreaming about since the past one week.

I went forward and sat on the only unoccupied chair and for the first time paid attention to the strangers. The person sitting next to me was a big muscled young man with dark curly hair cropped short and he was smirking down at me. Beside him sat a beautiful young blonde woman and she was calmly twisting a pale strand of her hair. Edward Cullen was sitting next to this woman, and I wondered, with a sharp pang of jealousy if they were together.

Sister Charlotte cleared her throat and presumably caught me staring at the other three people.

"Ms. Swan, I am guessing you are already familiar with Mr. Cullen?"

_Familiar? _I huffed at the understatement of the century. That was true if familiar was synonymous with being hopelessly infatuated with a certain person. Then yes, I was familiar with Edward Cullen alright. He was so much familiar that I could recognize his face with my eyes closed, just by tracing it with my fingers.

_Wait, did I just admit that? I must be completely losing my mind._

Instead of saying all this gibberish, I answered her with a simple nod, and instinctively looked over at the person in question. He was still gazing down at the mosaic floor. Wonder what was so fascinating…

"Well then, here is the rest of the staff of Queen Victoria Child Care Orphanage," she said, waving her right hand at the two strangers.

What? That's it? Only 4 of us comprise of the entire staff?

The curly-haired man waved at me and said "Hi, I'm Emmett, the cook here."

I smiled at him and said, "Nice to meet you, I'm Bella, the math teacher."

Next, the blonde woman turned towards me and with a smile said, "I'm Rosalie, I give music and dance lessons."

I smiled.

I felt utterly confused. These people were not screaming at me; as a matter of fact they seemed genuinely nice. I began wondering what I could have possibly done to infuriate Edward (_I was now on first-name basis, God Help me_) apart from messing up his schedule. Is that petty reason significant enough to make him despise me so much that he couldn't even look at me?

Sister Charlotte slammed shut the file she was holding and said, "Now that the pleasantries are over, let me get directly to the point as to why I've asked you to be here.

Ms. Swan, you are probably not aware of this as you are new here, but every year we organize an elaborate birthday celebration for the children here, on a random day of the year."

I nodded. I had heard about orphanages doing this and thought it was a brilliant idea.

"Well, due to the current global economic crises, we are bit short on the funding. In fact, we had to cut down costs on linens and dishes so that we can bring in more food and text books. At such a time, arranging a party might not be the best idea. "

"Wait, does that mean we _won't_ be celebrating the kids' birthday this year?" Rosalie asked, horrified and slapped her palms on the desk after uttering the last word.

Sister Charlotte continued, as if there had been no interruption at all.

"What I am trying to say is that we have to come up with an alternative way, to make this up to the children. This is the only day they eagerly wait for," she said in a sad voice.

Emmett jumped up from his seat and lurched forward with what was perhaps a suggestion when Sister Charlotte cut him off.

"However, Mr. Cullen has already come up with a plan and I was hoping you would approve of it as much as I did."

I could not stop myself from impulsively looking over at Edward, but I didn't need to refrain myself from doing so, because the other three individuals were mirroring my action.

Edward finally tore his gaze from whatever was planted on the floor beneath him and raised his glorious eyes for the first time that day.

My dreams had not done injustice to his features, not even a little bit. I was not able to note the correct shade of green his eyes bore. It was like the green colour of leaves after they have been drenched in a shower of heavy rain. It was absolutely enticing, mesmerizing and appealing. All of a sudden I had this sudden desire to close it shut and kiss them lightly and…

_Wake up sunshine! He is TALKING! _I scolded myself.

"Well, I was wondering if it would be a good idea to arrange a concert, instead of a birthday party," he said tentatively.

"No offence man. Sounds like a fantastic idea to me, but as Sister Charlotte pointed out there is teeny-weeny thing called financial support we have to worry about," Emmett said in his booming voice, and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Yes. I was getting back at that. The concert itself will be a source of finance for the orphanage," he explained.

"You mean, like a fund-raising concert?" I mumbled without thinking.

And I regretted it.

As soon as I had spoken, his gorgeously dreamy eyes rested on my face and I suddenly became self-conscious. I was in all probability looking like a complete wreck, since I had to come here directly from work. I imagined my hair to be all sweaty and sticking to my forehead thanks to the New York sun and hence with nothing left to do, I smoothed my slightly wrinkled skirt, all the time never tearing my gaze from his.

For the first time, I got the opportunity to observe his face accurately. Gearing up the courage to look past his mesmerizing eyes, I noticed his nose was slightly tilted towards the left; he had to cleft on his chin and there were laugh lines beside his eyes. This little detail gave me another topic to worry about – if this person had this much effect on me when he was all grim and moody, what would happen when he smiled?

But, apparently it looked like I would not get to see that anytime soon, because at the moment his expression was far from smiling – it was like he was trying to pay attention to something while looking at my face. He looked extremely sombre and somewhat _cautious?_

Nevertheless, all my wild imaginations lasted for the entire three seconds, and then he looked back to stare at the wall behind Sister Charlotte's chair.

"Yes, it will be something like that. However, due to the obvious financial crises, we can't possibly bring in someone famous to perform. Which is why I was thinking that Rosalie could do some ballet and Emmett knows how to play the guitar…and you - "

"Impossible, this cannot be happening! They are going to throw rotten tomatoes at us!" Rosalie exclaimed.

I wanted to strangle Rosalie, even though I've just met her. But I had my reasons. Before she had so rudely interrupted, Edward was _about to ask me something!_

Thus, I totally ignored her and said "You were saying something?" to Edward.

He cleared his throat, and I precariously hoped he didn't notice how I'd hung on to his every word. Of course I also wished he hadn't already figured out how enthralled I was with him.

"I was thinking if you could do something…" he said, slowly raising his index finger and pointing it at me. But it wasn't done in a manner like he was accusing me of some crime – it felt like he was almost _shy _about asking me this. I found that utterly endearing.

"I could sing something….I used to take lessons as a kid," I replied in an equally hesitant way and quickly looked down at my feet.

"Well, that's settled then," Sister Charlotte announced.

"Man, if I mess up, it will all be your fault," Emmett stated jokingly to Edward.

Rosalie huffed.

"Mr. Cullen, what about you? What are you doing?" Sister Charlotte asked.

Edward looked slightly taken aback.

"Sister, I will be organizing the whole thing, of course. I have a few friends at _Broadway _and they can set up the stage and bring chairs at minimum costs. We can do that in the backyard where the kids' play. Since the field isn't that big, that means we will have limited space for the audience. All we need to do is get the tickets printed and sell them at medium prices, but of course the children will be the most important part of the audience…" he kept on talking.

"You misunderstood me Mr. Cullen. What I meant was, are you going to perform or not? I remember it being clearly stated in your resume that you are a trained violinist."

Edward stiffened, and I looked at him, again.

This beautiful, bizarre and mysterious person also played a musical instrument?

This world is so unfair.

Sister now looked at me, Emmett and Rosalie.

"That will be all Mr. Masen, Ms. Hale and Ms. Swan. Thank you for agreeing to do this for the children. I would call you and inform you about the newest developments concerning this thing, like the rehearsals and all. Thank you once again."

**A/N There, I brought Emmett and Rosalie in the story too. I am sorry if Bella sounds like a love-sick teenage girl, but like I said that's the best I could do.**

**Also, it might seem like the story is dragging and Bella and Edward seem miles apart. But I promise they will be together soon.**

**Meanwhile, please review ******


	9. My Paper Heart

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Bella, Alice and Edward.**

_Edward_

I was sitting in Sister Charlotte's room, not really paying attention to what was going on. When I got my turn, I started explaining them about organizing the concert. Emmett was a fine person, but sometimes he could be a bit shallow. Naturally he wouldn't be able to fathom as to what I was talking about.

But then she spoke up. Bella Swan.

Without having a choice, I looked at her.

She looked exactly like she did last week. Her dark-brown hair tumbled down on her square shoulders; grey eyes wide and her skin pale.

Yet, something was different this time. Today, sitting in that dreary atmosphere, with the sun beating down on us mercilessly, when I looked at Bella Swan, I saw her for who she was. I didn't see black curls or a pair of hazel eyes like I've been seeing every time I looked at a woman since the last four years.

All I saw was a girl, plain as she was, yet special in her own way, looking back at me – without any question, curiosity or pity. She just _looked._ Like she was trying to figure out something, and not being able to do that was bothering her immensely.

She was still in her work clothes – a silk blouse and a conservative cream-coloured skirt, now looking a little wrinkled and her hair held up in a ponytail, with a few strands hanging out. She was not, seemingly wearing any make-up, as far as my male eyes could tell. Even if she was, she kept it to a minimum level.

These tiny details surprised me. As far as I knew, women _always _looked like they are fresh out of shooting a commercial. They always looked so _polished_.

But this particular girl (she didn't look old enough to be called a woman) looking all rumpled and with beads of perspiration on her forehead – seemed so _normal. _It was so real.

While I was still gaping at her, she reached down and smoothed her skirt. This movement caused me to notice her hands. They were so tiny and frail and…

What the hell was I doing? This was the second time I had been gawking at this unknown person. I hastily looked back at the wall in front of me.

I didn't look back at Bella Swan throughout the rest of the meeting.

After I'd explained the little facts as to how the concert will be arranged, Sister Charlotte then said, "You misunderstood me Mr. Cullen. What I meant was, are you going to perform or not? I remember it being clearly stated in your resume that you are a trained violinist."

And all the memories I've successfully suppressed started coming back, one after another.

_It was the summer of 2004, I had just turned 25. I had just finished my day's work, when I passed the shop selling musical instruments. Like always, I stopped my Vanquish on the opposite side of the road, looked at the shiny little violin hanging at the window for display. Its dark mahogany exterior reflected back the sunlight falling on it. The neck was probably made of maple and so was the bridge. The chinrest and neck were the deepest shade of black… _

_Heaving a sigh, I felt for the tiny turquoise Tiffany's box in my pocket. It didn't matter now that I couldn't purchase that piece of instrument. It didn't matter that I had used up all the money I had saved for that particular violin to buy something even more precious._

_I did all this because it was definitely worth it. She was worth it._

_I reached the Italian restaurant and swiftly opened the doors and was face to face with the person I was so eager to see. _

_Angela Weber._

_The love of my life._

_She was sitting at our reserved table, wearing a simple black sleeveless dress, with a cashmere wrap draped around her petite shoulders. Her amazing black curly hair was let down and even from a distance I could smell its rich fragrance. When she saw me approaching, her face broke in to the widest smile and I knew I was home._

_She moved to New Jersey during my final year in high school. The very first day when I spotted her at the local Starbucks', I knew I was in love. After that first day, I went to the coffee shop regularly, hoping to run into her and that's how I got my caffeine addiction. But I didn't mind at all. I had the world's most amazing woman, who by some miraculous stroke of luck felt the same way about me. Since then my life had changed drastically and that night, on our 8 year anniversary, I had decided to ask her to be mine._

_When I had taken a seat from across her after placing a chaste kiss on her lips, she smiled mischievously and said "I know you have a no-gifts policy, but this time I broke the rules."_

_Before I could say anything else, she reached down beside her chair and lifted a long black case and placed it on the table, after shoving away the cutlery and glasses._

_I couldn't hide the shock on my face as I reached forward and lifted the lid._

_Inside was laid an exquisite violin, complete with an ebony bridge and neck._

_I looked up at her with, unable to form any word and reached towards my pocket. Covering the box with my hand, I placed it right on top of the violin case. Then, after meeting her gaze, I saw my entire future planned out for me and I knew that this was what I was looking for. This is what I wanted._

_I whispered after removing my hand, 'Will you marry me?"_

"Mr. Cullen? Are you listening? Do you agree to play for the concert?"

I had absolutely no idea how to reply to her. How could I explain to her as to why I didn't play anymore? Would she understand? Would anyone ever understand how much it hurt when I placed that violin on my shoulder and I would still hear her laughter echoing in my mind?

"I am sorry Sister. I don't play the violin anymore. I haven't touched one in four years hence I have been completely out of practice," I replied, praying that she would not insist any further.

Sister Charlotte looked at me for a long moment with narrowed eyes. Sometimes I had the feeling that she could read people's minds, but today I shrugged it off as a ridiculous idea.

"As you wish Mr. Cullen," and she returned to go through a random file she had picked up earlier.

I muttered a soft "Thank you" and quickly left the room.

**A/N. Some little information about Edward's past. I would like to thank bendigo, amayabrooke, becca Cullen95, party-hardie, A-Curr, Chrissy-Cakes and vampsvwolves for putting my story on alerts and for making it a favourite.**

**To answer vicvic1999's question, in my story I didn't want Bella to be brown-eyed as always. And if you have read the partial draft of 'Midnight Sun' you'll see that at first Edward thought she was plain and ordinary. Then when he realized he was in love with her, he started finding her to be pretty. I guess that's what happens in real life as well – once you fall for a person, even their ordinary features seem so special.**

**If you liked this chapter, please review. Even if you didn't like it, tell me your reasons for not liking it and also tell me what I can do to make this story better. If you guys don't like it, there'll be no point in continuing with this fan-fiction.**


	10. How Does It Feel In My Arms?

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Bella, Alice and Edward.**

_Bella_

I was sitting behind my desk, trying my best not to think about the way Edward's eyes looked when he was staring at me. As the days passed be, he was starting to get more and more mysterious. I wanted so much to know about him – what kind of books he liked, which musicians he preferred, what was his favourite ice-cream flavour. Most of all, I would have given anything to just sit beside him, without saying anything and just listen to him play the violin.

My phone on the desk rang and I knew it was David.

"Hey Bella, could you get our new accountant to my office?"

"Yup." I hung up.

I haven't seen Alice after we had lunch together on her first day. For some reason, she avoided coming down to the cafeteria during the lunch hour and I really hoped I hadn't scared her off with my over-friendly behaviour.

I reached her desk and found her matching some figures with her calculator. When she saw me standing next to her desk, she looked up with a bored expression on her face and I took that as a sign that I had definitely scared her as much as I'd feared.

Since she was not going to break the ice, I went ahead.

"Hello Alice. Remember me? We met a few days ago?"

She was still eyeing me with that non-descriptive look. Not wanting to be in this awkward situation longer than it was necessary I blurted out "David wants to see you."

At this, her eyebrows creased and her eyes narrowed.

"Why?"

I shrugged, not having any idea.

She closed the file she was working on and followed me to David's room on the second floor.

I took her inside and then left the room after shutting the door behind me.

I took my seat and got back to answering David's calls. In the meantime I was trying very hard not to think about a bronze-haired individual and how he was driving me practically insane.

After twenty minutes or so, David's office-room door was flung open and Alice stormed out at an angry pace, with her head bent down, although I could see the murderous look on her face. After battling with my conscience for about a minute, I couldn't hold my curiosity any longer and walked into David's room.

"David, what just - ?"

David was sitting with his hips perched on his desk, and with his tie loosened and his shirt-cuffs rolled up, even though it was barely afternoon. At my question, he looked up.

"Who does she think she is, coming right up to my face and judging my abilities to handle my job?" I muttered angrily.

"What are you talking – ?"

"No, Bella. That woman has no right whatsoever to do that to me. She's merely an employee and should just go on and do her work with the figures I'd given her. No, she doesn't do that. She has to come forward and question my educational qualifications, when _she's _the one who miscalculated in the balance sheet."

"The balance sheet?"

"Here, Bella, have a look at this," he paused and turned around to get a folder lying behind him on his desk. "Do you see this? This month, we spent $276 on advertising, $78 on public transport for bringing in the materials, $46 on stationery items – which makes the miscellaneous expenses to be $400 exact. However, little miss accountant claims I gave her the wrong figures for advertising costs, and hence she drew up the balance sheet with a total miscellaneous expense of $453, with an extra cost of $53 on advertising! How is that possible?" he exclaimed.

"David, you need to calm down. Give me the sales figures and I'll see where the error was done. Don't worry I took accounting courses from my brother before college."

David was still fuming when I re-entered his room after lunch hour was over. He didn't have the appetite to eat that day.

This time, he had tightened his tie, buttoned his shirt-cuffs and was seated in his chair behind the desk.

"Well," I began hesitantly, "I went to the Cash daybook holder and matched the figures with his. I re-calculated the miscellaneous expenses and it seems that the copy of the sales figures you had with you had the wrong value for the advertisement costs. The one you gave it to Alice had the right figures - $329 spent on advertising, which gives a total of $453 on miscellaneous expenses."

"You mean to say that the accountant was right all along?" David asked in a barely audible voice.

"I am afraid yes," I replied just as quietly.

He sighed and leaned forward to rest his hands on his desk.

"Can you go and get the accountant – sorry Alice- for me?"

I nodded and was backing out when something occurred to me.

"Um, David, I know it's not my business at all, and I don't mean to pry, but what exactly did you say to her?"

He leaned back on his chair this time, and tilted his head backwards, rubbing his tired eyes.

With his hand still placed over his eyes, he said "Oh a lot of awful things. I said she wasn't good enough to do this job if she made a mistake in her first month's balance sheet. I also added that I had doubts about her Dartmouth degree and when she tried to defend herself, I called her a rude, obnoxious, mean little person who thinks she is so much better than everyone else."

"Oh David, how could you? You just met her?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what she said. I told her that I was her employer, which meant I kept track of all my employees – which includes their socializing skills. I mean c'mon Bella, you were new here too, but didn't you get along with the rest of the staff?"

"That's beside the point; I gathered that Alice is a shy person and probably would take some time to get acquainted with everyone, but that doesn't mean she thinks she is superior to the rest of us!" I declared.

"I know, I was being a jerk. I drank too much last night, and in the morning I had a hangover and.."

I didn't wait for him to finish. I rushed up to the third floor to find Alice.

As soon as reached the third floor and ran right into something really hard, with a pointed edge that poked my rib really hard.

The excruciating pain almost blinded me and I instinctively closed my eyes and clamped my mouth shout, in case I let out a loud yell. At the same time I clutched on tightly to my right side where the pain was getting worse. In the midst of all this chaos, I faintly heard a strangely familiar voice calling my name.

_Edward_

I was going over the last-minute details on that wretched Insurance Company commercial with Stephen and the others, when my Blackberry buzzed.

This struck me as a strange occurrence, since no one usually calls me. I had bought that phone only for emergency cases when I needed to call somebody, or someone needed me. Once or twice, Esme would call and apart from Alice I didn't have any close friend who had my number.

Assuming it to be wrong number, I let it ring; as it was vibrating mode, the shrill tone didn't disrupt or meeting. After it was over, I got back to my office and out of mere curiosity I took my phone out. Needless to say, I was extremely surprised to see Alice's name in my list of missed calls. Neither Alice nor I have been huge fans of phone conversations.

She picked up her phone at the first ring.

"What on earth was I thinking when I applied at a Fashion Magazine for a job? I knew how full these people are of themselves. Actually, I don't blame them. These Upper-East Siders were raised this way. I was just too stupid to actually think that someone like me would get along with them for the sake of my job. Ridiculous.."

Alice kept on blabbering. I had no clue what she was talking about.

"Alice, what are you - ?"

"Edward, I'm done working for these people. I am packing my things up. I am sorry to call you while you are at work, but do you think you could possibly come and get me?"

I had left my Volvo behind in fear of not finding a suitable parking space. The taxi ride took long enough for Alice to lose her patience and call me again to make sure if I was coming.

I had little trouble finding the building that had been Alice's workplace for exactly a week. It was a modern 16-storeyed office block, with it's outside walls covered in glass, and that gave outsiders no view at all, but I was sure those on the inside could see everything through it.

I asked the people working there for directions to the accounts section on the third floor, and had little trouble finding it. When I reached the third-floor, I walked a little bit forward and soon found Alice's desk.

She was frantically shoving all of her belongings into a metal box, all the while furiously muttering to herself. As I got closer, she realized I was there and she stopped clearing her desk and said, "Thank God you are here. Here," she handed me the box, "Take this downstairs, while I check whether I'd left behind anything or not."

"Alice, you are probably making a big deal out of it. Just tell me what happened?"

"Oh no, Edward. Trust me, I am not," she slammed the pencil holder she was holding, on her desk. "I have been working here for a week, and today, for the first time my boss asks to see me. And guess what? His-Highness David Gordon only wished to humiliate me and judge my academic qualifications. Now tell me, should I still sit here and show him the face of the person whose Dartmouth degree he has doubts about?"

I just stood there gaping at her with my mouth half-opened. Wow, I had never seen Alice this angry before. She never lets anyone get close enough her to piss her off this much.

Judging by the angry glare she was emitting, assumedly to her boss, I picked up the box without another word.

I was carrying the box and approaching the stair-case when someone familiar came right up to me and bumped into that box.

After the person collapsed on the floor due to the impact of colliding with the box, I realized who it was.

I instantly dropped on my knees, scared as hell that either I or the stupid metal box had injured the person badly.

"Bella, Bella, can you hear me?" I asked, shaking her shoulders lightly.

She was not opening her eyes, which did nothing to calm my nerves.

I set the darn box aside, and picked Bella up in my arms. By this time Alice was by my side, and her co-workers were already forming a crowd around us. I carried her to Alice's desk, which was thankfully empty, which is why I was able to lay Bella down. Her feet were dangling off the edge of the desk, and the desk was pretty hard as well, but at least we could mange some room to rest her torso.

It was then that I noticed something red. On her right waist, under which I had placed my hands to carry her, there was a deep crimson pool of blood appearing, soaking the white shirt she wore. Oh God! That box must have poked her really hard.

The rest of the people working in that area were all surrounding us, and amongst this entire horde, I couldn't spot Alice.

Not seeing any other alternative, I figured I should examine Bella's injury.

Slowly, and very carefully as not to move her, I pulled out her shirt where it was tucked into her skirt. Gradually I lifted it and kept moving it until I was met with a medium-sized gash, protruding blood like water from a fountain. A small gasp escaped from my lips at this sight.

At that moment, the crowd shifted a little and I turned around to see Alice penetrating the throng with a first-aid kit in her hand. Without another word, she handed me the box and quickly turned around and positioned herself at the corner of the room, away from the mob.

I had forgotten that she couldn't stand the sight of blood.

Without having any other option I got to work. It was fortunate that I was present that day in high school when they taught us first-aid. Alice wasn't, as far as I could remember, which is why she didn't offer any help.

I rolled up my shirt sleeves and tool out clean cotton to clean the wound. As soon as my fingers made contact with her skin, Bella recovered from the momentary unconscious state. I could tell this, because she suddenly shifted and placed her hands on her waist.

I looked at her and saw her horror-stricken gaze. I had no idea how to compose her nerves, therefore I only took her right hand and pressed it lightly, hoping to give her the courage I didn't have. She nodded and I got back to cleaning the wound.

Then when I placed cotton soaked with antiseptic on her wound, she made a little noise and her body jerked. This time I held her hand and continued applying the antibacterial.

After that, I cautiously covered her wound with the bandage. But this time when my fingers touched her skin, it felt so heated and it felt like electricity just passed between us. I guess even she felt it because when I jerked my hand away at the contact, I shot a glance at her face and I saw her staring at me with the same wonder and curiosity her eyes beheld the other day. I removed my eyes from her face and managed wrapping the bandage without further touching her skin.

**A/N **

**A HUGE thanks to EVERYONE who put my story on alerts, an who made it a favourite.**

**Thanks so much for reading this. I am afraid my next updates won't be up anytime soon as my grades are suffering. I hope you will forgive me and get back to the story when I do put up the next chapter.**

**Reviews make me (and Edward) happy ******


	11. Here In Your Arms

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Bella, Alice and Edward.**

**Massive thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, puts on alert this story of mine. I feel extremely honoured. Thank you.**

_Bella_

I had died and gone to heaven.

Or else, why would someone as magnificent as Edward carry a plain-Jane like me _in his arms?_

This sort of things only happened in those bad chick-flicks of the 90s.

When that excruciating pain on my right waist was blinding me, I could not take it anymore and I dropped on the floor.

With my eyes squinted I saw him : he looked like an angel, which further confirmed my doubts of being somewhere heavenly – with his bronze hair messed up as usual, his green eyes sparkling with what seemed like _concern? _Yup, I was absolutely positive that I was somewhere divine. With a soft sigh of content, I closed my eyes in joy.

Effortlessly, he scooped me up in his arms, and I was lost in his smell. He smelled celestial – like mint and vanilla all mixed together, and I kept my eyes closed to relish all the sweet goodness.

I could hear the people around us talking away, but I paid no attention to such insignificant details. All that mattered was that Edward had me close to him, and I might as well enjoy while it lasts, even it's for a short time. My eyes were still closed, in fear this trance might break if I opened them.

He laid me gently on a desk, which was surprisingly empty. Lying on it was extremely uncomfortable and I was debating on whether I should open my eyes, but then I felt that pain on my waist again and I decided it would be a good idea to lie still for some time.

Suddenly, I felt someone tugging my shirt, lightly. Out of horror, I snapped me eyes open and looked down to see who it was.

Edward was staring at my waist – exactly where it hurt really badly. As he tried lifting my shirt, I shifted and instinctively brought my hand near my wound. He swiftly met my gaze, and then he pressed my hand, ever so lightly and my heart melted. I understood what he was doing and I nodded.

Then as he began nursing my wound, his fingers lightly grazed my skin and my heart started beating so fast that I couldn't even think clearly because of all the noise it was making. Then when he started rubbing the wound with antiseptic, the combined effect of the medicine and his fingertips touching my heated skin was too much to bear, and I had a knee-jerk reaction and let out an embarrassing moan. Thankfully he didn't notice that the noise I made was more out of pleasure than pain. He surprised me by holding my hand in his while he continued his work.

After he was done cleaning the wound, he started wrapping the bandage and that's when it happened. My skin, already heated from his previous touches, was just starting to cool. That's when his fingers brushed again against it and I felt a jolt of electric current surge through me. Impulsively, I looked over at him and he just looked at me with a bored expression and went back to wrapping the bandage.

When he was finally done, I realized I must have been lying on that desk for a really long time and I wondered who occupied that desk. As I started getting up, my right side hurt a little and I winced.

"Hey, stay still for some time, will you?" Edward snapped, gently pushing me back.

"No, I feel much better now. Thanks Edw- I mean Mr. Cullen." I smiled.

"Don't mention it, Ms, Swan. I would have done the same thing for anyone else in your place."

And just with those words, he dampened my spirits.

Then I recalled why I was on that floor in the first place.

"Alice! Where is Alice? Oh God, I hope I am not too late…" I kept muttering.

"Relax, she is here," Edward said motioning his fingers to the corner of the room. Alice saw that and came forward.

"Wait, you guys know each other?" she asked with her eyes wide, pointing her index finger once at me and then at Edward.

"Well, yeah. We've met," was Edward's short and hesitant reply.

Surprisingly Alice didn't demand any further explanation after that, so I took the opportunity and lunged into what I was initially sent for.

"Listen, Alice, the main reason why I came to you and fell in this humiliating situation," I said, gesturing towards my bandaged waist, "is because David sent me. He feels terrible about the awful things he told you and really hopes you would not leave this job. Please, our magazine really needs someone as efficient and daring as you are who can correct the boss when he's wrong. I am not trying to flatter you, what I am saying is absolutely true."

"That's wonderful," Alice said with a mocking smile. "One moment the man says horrible things to me, and at the next moment, he takes his words back and still expects me to work for him? Oh and on top of that doesn't the man have that much sense as to say these things to me himself?" she huffed.

"Bella? What happened to you? What took you so long?" A new voice joined our conversation.

David was standing on top of the third-floor stairs, looking worse than he did after Alice stormed out of his room.

"Hello, Alice." He looked at her squarely.

"Mr. Gordon. My resignation letter will be on your desk within a short while," Alice replied haughtily.

"Yes, about that. Do you think you could possibly excuse my behaviour earlier and.." Suddenly his eyes spotted Edward standing behind Alice.

"And you are?" David raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Sorry, I am Edward Cullen, Alice's friend." They shook hands.

It was at that moment that it occurred to me that I didn't find Edward being there to be strange at all. Heck, I was so busy being dazzled by him that I had not even spared a single thought as to what he was doing there, and how he knew Alice. Yes, I was that much hopelessly infatuated by him.

That's when David noticed Alice's empty table and finally grasped the seriousness of the situation.

"Oh my, Alice you can't be serious!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, well I am," Alice snapped.

That's when Edward grabbed her arms, murmured a soft "excuse us" and went to the corner of the room and started talking to her in hushed voices. Meanwhile, David asked what I was doing on that floor for so long and I had to explain him the whole incident regarding my injury.

A few moments later, Edward came back to where David and I were standing, with Alice in tow.

"Mr. Gordon, Alice will be willing to get back to her job, if you would still like to have her," Edward said, looking at Alice with his eyebrows raised.

Alice nodded.

"Oh thank Goodness! Now that it's settled, I believe I need to apologize to Alice." He turned to face her properly. "Alice, I know I was a complete jerk and you really didn't deserve being screamed at like that. Do you think you can ever forgive me?" he asked dramatically with his eyes pleading.

Alice looked at him for a long moment, before opening her mouth to utter one single word, "Fine."

Later that day, I got a call from Sister Charlotte. She informed me that we will be rehearsing for our upcoming concert on the following Thursday. This new detail made me face a serious dilemma. I had completely forgotten about the event, which is why I hadn't even picked a song yet. That day, after I got home, I searched through my play list, looking for any song that would be appropriate for such an occasion. My search turned out to be fruitless so I went to bed, hoping to make a selection by the next day.

The next day, I barely had time for breakfast, so I skipped the home-made meal and stopped at a Starbucks on my way to work. While I ordered my latte, someone's phone rang, and the caller tune sounded strangely familiar.

_Imagine me and you, and you and me, no matter how we toss the dice, it's meant to be_

_The only one for me is you and you for me, so happy together._

At that moment, while I was holding a few dollar bills to the kid at the cash register, and listening to an old favourite tune of mine that I adored as I child, only one person's face flashed through my mind.

Edward Cullen.

Finally, I had found my song.

That morning, I worked in a state of frenzy and kept glancing at the staircase that led upstairs, hoping to see a certain bronze-haired individual carrying a box upstairs. However, nothing of that sort happened, and I tried to push him aside in my head and tried concentrating on my work. My side was hurting from the precious day's calamity, and I wished I had listened to David when he had asked me to stay back home and rest.

During lunch, I saw Alice at the cafeteria. She spotted me and smiled and I walked towards her.

"Hey Bella, how are you feeling today? Gosh, I'm so sorry, I feel so bad about this." She seemed genuinely concerned.

"I'm good, Alice. And you don't need to feel bad about it. It all happened because of my klutziness," I replied.

"Anyway, I am really glad that you are not leaving this place," I tried changing the subject.

"Yeah, me too," she said.

As we started walking to a table, she started talking.

"So you and Edward work at the orphanage, huh?" she asked.

I got a bit nervous. I don't talk about my volunteer work, but since Edward had obviously opened up to her, I had to say something in reply to that. Also, the mention of Edward had my pulses racing and my palms sweating. Not a good sign.

"Well, yeah, but I don't know him well. I just started working there," I replied timidly.

"Edward is not a very social person. I doubt you'll get to know him even after you have worked there for years."

This information made me sad, and I felt it was kind of rude of her to put it that way.

"So how long have you known him for?" I asked, unable to suppress my curiosity any longer.

"Oh, almost all my life. Our mums are friends and we grew up together."

This made me wonder if something was going on between them. You know like it happened in_ My Best Friend's Wedding _and _Dawson's Creek _where childhood friends fall in love. And just like it happened with Rosalie the other day at the orphanage, the mere thought of Edward with another woman made my skin crawl and jealousy flooded through me.

She glanced at me and I felt like she was reading my thoughts.

"I know that look and I know what you are thinking. Goodness, people react the exact same way whenever I talk about Edward and my history. Just to clear this, no nothing of that sort is going on between us." She shuddered at the thought, and it made me smile. "He's more like a brother to me."

"Then he's very lucky to have friend like you," I said, trying to cover up the awkward situation I had created with my own foolishness.

She shrugged, "Yeah I guess, I feel very much comfortable with him, and I know he feels the same way."

At that moment, another type of jealousy coursed through my veins. This pixie-haired, somewhat strange little person had the privilege of looking right through the mystery that Edward Cullen presented. She had access to all his stories and his secrets and I couldn't help but envy for her for being this close to Edward. Edward, to whom I was no more than someone he had performed first-aid on, _that too with those wonderful hands of his, _I though to myself.

I shook my head, trying to clear it from the evil fantasies it was weaving and took my mind elsewhere. Alice seemed friendly enough today. Maybe yesterday's incident had somehow changed the situation. I wonder if it has altered the awkwardness between me and Edward. Would he still be as distant as he had been all this time, or would he be a little friendlier, like Alice has been, when I see him on Thursday? Nope, I should not get my hopes up. Alice clearly stated he doesn't relate well on emotional level with most people around him.

**A/N Thanks for reading this. Please review and tell me why you do or do not like my story.**


	12. Imagine Me and You

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Bella_

"What are prime numbers?" I asked.

Several hands shot up in the air and the enthusiasm of the kids lifted my spirits. I pointed at a raised hand in random. A little girl with a head full of brown hair spoke up.

"They are numbers that can be divided only by itself and one."

"Well done Natalie. See, how far you have come along from Day 1?"

The little girl smiled shyly and nodded.

"Now shall I give you some homework for the weekend?" I asked, already knowing what their answer would be.

All of them shook their heads in unison and a few brave ones even shouted out "No!" in bored voices.

"Sorry, I have to give you some otherwise you'll forget everything that I've taught you today. Now, tell me Jackson, can you be a pilot if you don't learn math?" I asked the little pale-looking boy.

"What? I can't be a pilot if I don't learn this stuff?" he asked, horrified.

I shook my head.

"Man! Then I guess you _could _give us some work to do. Besides I get bored too on weekends," he mumbled half-heartedly.

I smiled. These kids had become a major part of my life now and I couldn't even imagine my life without them anymore.

After class was over, Sister Charlotte instructed me to use one of the empty class-rooms for practicing for the concert. She said Emmett had been practicing there too. This intensive had been taken so that the teachers spend time together and get to know each other well.

I pushed the door of the class-room open, flicked on the lights and heaved a sigh. As far as I was concerned, I would like to get to know only one teacher and God Knows the person in question has no intention of getting to know me. May be this is why he backed out from performing at the concert. He probably knew he would have to spend practice sessions with me, Emmett and Rosalie, and being the unsocial person that he is, he simply refused to play the violin. Seriously, the man was so full of himself, I thought to myself as I placed my iPod on a desk and connected the speakers with it. I took out the lyrics sheet, turned on the iPod and started singing along the song.

"Imagine me and you, I do, to think about you day and night, it's only right

To think about the girl you love, and hold her tight, so happy together."

"A fan of the oldies, are we?" A loud booming voice said.

Emmett McCarty walked into the room with a huge smirk on his face and a case shaped like a guitar hanging from his massive shoulder.

"Hi, Emmett. Good to see you. I was just practicing for the concert…" I trailed off.

"Then don't let me interrupt you," he said, seeming horror-struck at this and raising his hands in defence. I laughed out loud.

"Oh no, you didn't. Are you here for practice too?" I asked gesturing at his guitar.

"No, I was sent here to dance along with your song," he said before laughing out really loudly at his own joke.

I immediately decided that I was going to like this person.

I practiced my song for about an hour, while Emmett sat there listening, and once in a while fixing a string or two on his guitar. After that I figured that I should let him practice.

"There, I am done for today," I said, packing up my things.

"What? You are not going to listen to me playing?" he asked with a pout on his face and I instantly agreed.

Emmett was really good in playing. At first he started off with an unknown melody. The song began slowly, picking up its pace as it continued. At the end, the tune got so complex, yet so unbelievably beautiful that it was hard to believe that I was hearing someone play right in front of me.

I was thinking of applauding when it ended, but then I heard someone else clapping.

I whipped my head around to see Edward standing at the doorway, wearing a white striped shirt, a black coat and black pants. He probably just got back from work. It's funny, I had not wondered until that moment about what he did for a living.

"Emmett, that was truly wonderful. The children are going to love that," Edward said.

Emmett showed his teeth, obviously pleased with himself and said, "Thanks man for letting me do this. I would do anything to make the kids happy."

At that moment, Edward noticed me sitting next to Emmett.

"Hello Miss Swan. Your practice sessions are going on well, I gather?" he asked.

"Please, call me Bella, Mr. Cullen. Yes, I was just practicing my song a while ago."

"It's Edward. I really appreciate what you are doing for the kids too, Bella."

As usual, my ever intelligent mind could not form a single reply to that so I just nodded.

"By the way, how's that wound of yours?" he asked.

At this, Emmett looked at me questioningly with his eyebrows raised and I started hoping that Edward hadn't seen his reaction.

"Oh it's so much better. Thank you."

"Well, I just came to inform you two that the concert will be held on two weeks from now, on a Saturday. Are both of you going to be free?"

"Yes, definitely," I replied.

"Sure thing," Emmett said.

The next moment, I knew Edward would be leaving so I took the opportunity.

"Um, Edward? Why don't you sit here and listen to Emmett play some more of his songs?"

There. I had just gone and proved in front of the entire world, okay just in front of two people, how much desperate I am. Seriously, how much more pathetic could I be? I realised that I badly needed some therapy. However I wondered what a shrink could possibly do to help me keep my mouth shut.

"Mmm," he checked his watch and said, "Yeah, I think I will." And then he went to the corner of the room, grabbed a chair and settled right between Emmett and me.

Emmett started strumming a new song, and as much talented as he was, I couldn't pay attention to his song, when Edward was sitting so close to me. Fortunately, both Edward and Emmett were in the same line of my vision, so even if I ogled at him, it would appear as if I was watching Emmett play. Edward had some dark circles under his eyes and I immediately started wondering what could have kept him up at night. With the now familiar feeling of jealousy I realised it could have been a woman. However I quickly dismissed that idea because, truthfully my blood boiled at imagining him with another woman. May be he worked late. Yes, that must be it. His eyes look tired and he seemed kind of exhausted. Having him this close and looking so vulnerable made my heart ache and I longed to do something to lessen his burden, or whatever it was that kept him so busy.

I was brought back to reality when I heard Edward clapping again. I quickly followed his lead, applauding enthusiastically and pretending that I had attentively listened to the entire song and was not drooling over the person next to me.

"Emmett, that was absolutely brilliant! The children will be thrilled!" I squealed eagerly.

"That's nice of you Bella. To tell the truth, you have got some major talent inside you as well," he blinked mischievously.

I blushed scarlet at this and I went an even deeper shade of red when I saw Edward looking at me.

"Then I will be looking forward to hear you sing too," Edward said, with a small smile hanging from the corner of his lips.

And my heart exploded into a million little pieces, like fireworks on a Guy Fawke's night. It also did a little happy dance.

"Shoot!" Emmett jumped off from his chair. "I have to prepare dinner for the kids. Thank you for listening to my songs. You both are awesome! See you later." With that, he disappeared in a gush of wind.

That left me and Edward standing in the room, alone, all by ourselves. Talk about things being awkward.

We sat on our respective chairs for a few minutes after Emmett left. When I feel really uncomfortable, I start to fumble with whatever object I held in my hands. This time, it was the buckle of my hand bag.

Along with my fumbling actions I was also tapping my foot lightly on the floor out of nervousness and after a while I started fidgeting in my seat a little. With all of these activities going on, I suddenly lost control of my handbag and it slid from my lap on to the floor with a light thud. Oh, trust me to make a complete fool of myself whenever I am within a 3 metre radius of this person.

I quickly bent down to retrieve my bag, but like a lightning, Edward's long pale hands snatched it even before my knees even touched the ground. Still crouching on the floor, I looked up at him while he knelt in front of me, our faces a few inches apart, while I kept breathing heavily.

His enchanting green eyes were looking at me and for the first time, I didn't hesitate looking back at them. His dark circles seemed clearer from such a short distance, his hair a little ruffled and unlike me he was breathing steadily. He had that same serious look on his face, and a few seconds later he dropped his eyes at the floor and his expression changed.

"You read Brönte?" he asked, picking up the book that had slid out of my bag.

"Yes, she's one of my favourites." I said, gesturing the copy of 'Wuthering Heights' in his hand.

He looked up at me curiously.

"But, if I had to choose, I would pick Austen every time," I said.

Suddenly, he smiled.

It was so beautiful. We were still kneeling before each other with little distance between us, and at that moment Edward smiled at something I said. I made him smile. Oh, I needed a few seconds alone to perform a happy dance myself.

His entire gloomy features shifted to reveal this completely new face of him. His full pink lips stretched out and I could spot some really tiny dimples on either cheek of his. He closed his eyes for second and when he reopened them he started shaking his head.

"Have I said something funny?" I croaked out when I was able to find my voice.

"No I think it's a bit strange for a person working at a fashion magazine to read classic novels, that's all," he replied.

"And why is that?" I inquired.

"Gosh, I was under the influence that women these days read magazines like, _Glamour _or_ Cosmopolitan_ instead of age-old novels, at least those who work in fashion magazines," he said with a now serious face. He was no longer smiling. He seemed a bit surprised.

"Oh, the reason I am working there is not because I am obsessed with fashion or something. I enjoy both reading and writing which is why I took a job at a magazine, before I finished my post graduate's degree."

"What subject are you mastering on?" he asked.

"Applied Chemistry. So you see, I am working there just for the time being so that I can apply for a better job after I have graduated" I replied.

"But you still could a decent enough job with an under-grad degree, isn't it?"

"Yes, I could but I wanted to start working when I am qualified enough for a certain job and the ones that could be handled with a bachelor's degree don't tempt me much. I know I must sound like a snob but I like to dream big," I said with a smile.

He stared at me long enough to start make me wonder if there was something stuck on my face. I was on the verge of asking him this when he spoke again.

"I didn't mean to intrude in your personal life with all these questions. Please pardon me if I have made you uncomfortable," he looked genuinely embarrassed.

"Oh no, not at all. As a matter of fact I was wondering if it would be okay for me to ask what you do," I said hesitantly.

"I work at an Advertising Agency and have been working there since the last seven years. My boss is an extremely nice person who treats me as his son. I really enjoy working there," he said.

After a few seconds I realised that our entire conversation had taken place while we were still kneeling on the ground. I was so engrossed in our talk that I hadn't notice the slight pain on my knees until that moment. At that moment, I took a look at my watch and immediately stood up. It was almost eight o'clock and my parents were probably worrying about my whereabouts. After I was stood on the floor, I started bending my knees in and out to relieve that pain.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry I have to leave right now."

And without another word, I flew out of the room.


	13. Talk You Down

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

**A million thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed! I wish I could send you all free hugs and your own very personal Edwards. You guys make my day!**

_Edward_

Bella Swan was one of the strangest people I had ever met, and that was saying something as because that list included people like Emmett, Alice and also Sister Charlotte.

As soon as Emmett left, she started playing with the strap of her bag and I wondered, _didn't girls do that with their hair?_

After a while she started tapping her feet on the mosaic floor and I wondered if something was bothering her. May be I should talk about something. Anything. I was searching for topics to talk about in my head when her tiny hands lost control of her bag and it dropped on the floor.

As I went to get the bag for her, in a true gentlemanly fashion, I realised one other detail about this person. Bella was extremely clumsy. The other day at the office she was not paying attention to where she was walking which is why she had that little accident. And at that moment when she couldn't hold the medium-shaped bag that didn't seem heavy either, in her hands for very long; I concluded that she indeed was a klutz. For some reason, this new information made me see her in a new light.

When I saw her that day at Alice's office, I had thought that she was like those mindless bimbos whose only purpose in life was to gush over the latest design of handbags or something equally ridiculous like that, or who spent their entire days at spas and shopping for new clothes. I knew I shouldn't have judged her without knowing anything about her, but the few women that I knew from work or I did back at college were of that particular type. That was very non-sensible of me, I admit, but what else do you expect from a man who gets approached by women like Lauren Mallory every single day?

But then, when I found out that she read classic novels, I immediately changed my mind. Seriously, a girl who appreciated good literature couldn't be compared to my boss' immature daughter. Honestly, this novel wasn't one of my favourites, particularly because of that character Heathcliff. Even then I remember the novel being extremely well-written when I had read it that one time back in the sixth grade. On top of that, when she told me about her studies and her reasons for working at the magazine, it completely blew my mind. Besides reading good novels, the girl was also smart.

Another fact that surprised me was the easy way in which she was opening up to me. From what I had noticed from our previous encounters, Bella wasn't really comfortable around me. As a matter of fact, I was astonished to see her talk to Emmett so much candidly, in spite of the fact that she had met him only a few weeks ago. I wondered why her attitude towards me had been so hesitant all this time, until today when she suddenly opened up to me about all her ambitions. One more thing I noticed was the way her eyes gleamed when she was talking about her plans to finish school and take up a job. It clearly showed how much passionate she was about the subject she was studying.

And all that time, through out our entire conversation, we were kneeling down on the hard floor, facing each other, her face a few inches from mine. The distance was so short that I could hear her breathing and could see the clear tinge of red that would appear occasionally on her pale cheeks. I also couldn't understand how I could have seen her as a plain and average looking person when I first met her. Of course, I seldom judged people from their looks, but like I said, all the information that I had gathered today about Bella Swan, made her seem like an extraordinary person. To an average human eye, she would seem like a regular young girl with a flock of brown hair, grey eyes and pale skin. But seeing her from such a close distance, I found out that her eyes were not exactly grey. They were a light shade of black and her lips were pink and her face was just…..so appealing.

All these new discoveries surprised me even more than I had thought was possible. I don't know how long it had been since I had really looked at any other woman, besides Angela. I had no reason, nor the desire to do so. However, the fact that I noticed so many little details about Bella bothered me a little. To tell the truth, it scared me. I had not thought about any other woman since the day I had met Angela.

Whatever, I thought. The reason why I was thinking so much about her was probably because for the first time I had come across a woman who seemed so determined about fulfilling her dreams and besides being intelligent, at the same time she also happened to be a bookworm. All these combinations were really hard to find and may be that was the reason why she seemed to interest me.

But then, all of a sudden, Bella got up and started stretching out her legs. I got up too and started wondering what was wrong with her. When I asked her that aloud, she said she was fine and quickly left.

May be all my questions_ were _making her uncomfortable even though she denied it. It was completely acceptable since we haven't known each other for very long and today was the first time we'd had a real conversation.

There was something else that really troubled me. I had to admit that the talk I had with Bella was so open and honest that I was taken aback a little by the sincerity in which she disclosed her thoughts. And I _liked _that, a lot. I realised that I also enjoyed talking to her and may be some other time….

No. She was nothing more than a colleague. On top of that, for her benefit, it really wouldn't be the best thing to be friends with her. She was sweet and innocent, while I was this really messed up person who needed to figure out so many things. Actually she made it easier for me by leaving so abruptly. I hope that the next time we meet she will continue to be as distant as she was before. I also wish that this conversation, as much as I had enjoyed it, hadn't changed the situation between us.

**A/N. I am so sorry for writing such a crappy chapter ******

**I am also sorry for making it so short. Hopefully the next ones will be much better and longer.**

**Ah, please keep sending in your reviews, good or bad, I don't care. I need to know why you liked/hated my story. Also if you have any questions regarding the characters or the story itself, please send me a message, since FanFiction now has this amazing messaging option.**

**Since I can't send you Edward Cullen(s), I do promise to improve my writing skills and may be you won't be disappointed after reading the upcoming chapters!**

**Also if you have any new ideas that can blend well with this story please send them as well.**


	14. See Who I Am

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

**Again, thanks for all of your reviews.**

**I am looking for a beta. If anyone's interested, please contact me.**

_Bella_

Tuesday morning, the telephone on my desk rang with a shrill ring. Thinking it must be one of the models chasing after David, I said in a bored voice "This is David Gordon's office."

"Bella Swan, get here to my office, right away," replied a cool voice from the other end of the phone.

A warm feeling trickled down my back as I wondered why on earth Melanie Gordon would want to see me. It was a cold day, but I was sweating profusely and I regretted wearing a jacket over my shirt.

I timidly knocked on the door and after hearing a soft "Come in," I entered the room.

I had never been inside Melanie Gordon's office room. The room had white walls covered with prints in black, a black rug on the white-tiled floors and a white straight-backed chair behind a matching white desk. On the corner there was a black leather sofa, much like the one in David's room. Overall, it was a complete vision of black and white only.

The woman herself was dressed in a beige-coloured suit and a matching skirt and she was sitting on the chair behind her desk. When I stood in front of the aforementioned desk, she removed her glasses and looked at me.

"David said you gave him some idea on choosing a cover girl for our next issue?" she asked, narrowing her pencil-thin eyebrows.

Crap! I knew it! I should have kept my mouth shut. Oh God, they were going to fire me now for suggesting something so ridiculous. What was I thinking, going off and giving ideas in spite of being just an assistant?

"Melanie, I didn't really mean to make any suggestion to David, I swear. I know it was very foolish of me, I-I," I started stammering.

"Relax. I called you in here to tell you that I personally liked that idea of yours. But I am afraid I can't say the same thing about my dear son. He seems to think we need to put Gisele Bundchen on cover, but I thought it would be refreshing to have a brand new face for our cover, someone who juggles work, family and personal life all at once."

I blinked a couple of times, wondering what I was hearing was true or not. Could it be possible that our Editor-in-Chief, scary Mrs. Gordon would approve of an idea that my tiny little brain popped out?

"But, like David said, we don't have anyone in mind who fits all that description perfectly," I blurted out, gaining a little more confidence and hoping that it was not some kind of a joke. I made a mental note to check if there were any TV cameras outside this office. If this was another episode of that stupid show "Punk'd" or if I saw the annoying face of Ashton Kutcher outside, then I am so suing that guy.

"As a matter of fact, I do have someone in mind. Tell me, what do you think about our accountant, what's her name, Alice Brandon?"

My eyes grew big and my jaw dropped, my mouth forming a big 'o'.

"Melanie, you can't be serious!" I said.

"Bella, in case you haven't noticed, I am not exactly the kind of person who would sit around and crack jokes with you," she said, annoyed.

"I apologize, that's not what I meant. What I am trying to say is that we'll never be able to convince Alice to do a photo shoot. Not to mention the fact that she absolutely hates wearing make-up, or dresses for that matter."

"If I am correct, then Alice is the one with short hair, and those awful bleached jeans and an ugly loose T-shirt that says 'Kaiser Chiefs', right?"

I hadn't seen Alice this morning so I wouldn't know what she was wearing, but from the descriptions, I gathered it had to be her.

"I think so, no one else here dresses up like that," I replied.

"Right, that's what I thought. She has a good figure, and may be with some hair extensions and some make-up, we could doll her up a bit. Besides I have seen her resume and it says that she takes care of her two younger brothers, finished grad school, and entered this magazine. So she fits the idea of our modern multitasking woman perfectly. It would be suitable for our Women's Day special issue next month. "

When she put it that way, I realised Alice would be suitable for this. But I wouldn't dare break this news to her.

"But Melanie, she will never agree to this…" I trailed off.

"Oh well. Then we will just have to make her agree," she replied, matter-of-factly.

"Am I hearing you right? You want me to pose for your magazine cover? Seriously, what kind of joke is this?" Alice asked, exasperated.

Alice and I were standing in Melanie's room and she had just broken down the big news.

"Calm down. No, we are absolutely serious about our work here. We think it would be a good idea to have you on cover," Melanie replied calmly.

"Why on earth would you think that?" Alice asked, still unable to believe her ears.

"Like I said, I think you would be suitable to represent a contemporary, independent single woman," Melanie said.

"But what if I don't _want _to do this cover shoot?" Alice asked, sceptically.

Melanie moved forward and rested her chin above her adjoined hands.

"We can't force you to do anything against your will, but I personally think you'd be appropriate for this and maybe you can discover a new side of your personality, a part you didn't know existed inside you." She said this last line while retrieving a file from a stack and without looking at Alice.

"You really have got the wrong person…" and with that, Alice walked backwards and exited the room.

"Now what do we do?" I asked

Melanie simply replied, "We wait."

I slowly walked over to my desk and sat down on the chair. A few minutes later, I saw David barge out from his office-room and walking towards my desk. I stood up on shaky legs. Boy, he looked scary.

"What the hell is going on here? My mother asked our _accountant _to be a cover girl?"

"David, she-" I began.

"No, Bella, you don't need to defend her. I know she is the Editor-in-Chief and she has all the right to make such decisions, but couldn't she have at least considered my opinion on how _I _felt about this? After all I also have some say in it," he said.

"No, David, it's not like that. She respects your views all the same. She hasn't even made it official yet. Besides you don't need to worry about this anymore. I don't think Alice would agree to this," I said hoping this would calm him down.

"Bella couldn't you have said something to my mother about this? I mean you have seen the kind of person Alice is. She is not meant to do photo sessions and pout or glare at the camera in the correct angle. It just doesn't fit her personality. She's not like those models…" he kept talking.

At that moment, the phone on my desk rang. Seeing that David wouldn't stop talking now, I decided to receive the phone call, thinking it might be from some important advertiser or publisher. But I couldn't hear anything from the other end because David was still blabbering on.

"…I mean, you can't imagine someone like Alice in those designer outfits and expect her to go all glamorous all of a sudden."

David paused when he saw the phone cradled between my ear and shoulder and I took this opportunity to finish the phone call.

"Hi, this is David Gordon's office. Who is this?" I asked.

But at that moment, the caller hung up and the tone resumed.

"Bella, what I am saying is that girls like Alice don't do magazine covers. They are way too innocent and just _too good _for this kind of stuff. I might be wrong, but she seemed like she belonged to a conservative family and they don't really approve of this kind of stuffs," he finished.

"David, that's very thoughtful of you. I'll see what I can do," I said, warily.

I was surprised to see David's reaction at this. I had thought that he was against this idea because he didn't see Alice as a pretty face. But I realised I was wrong. It seemed as if he was more worried about her virtue than he was bothered about the cover. This part of David's character was totally alien to me. He was not a bad person, but it's just that I had never seen him care about anyone else other than himself. This incident, however completely changed my viewpoint.

After I talked with David, I went to Melanie's room, terrified yet determined to make her see that all this 'Make Alice a super-model' was a terrible idea.

When I entered her room after knocking, I saw the last person I expected to see.

Alice was standing right in front of Melanie's desk, exactly like she had been a few hours ago.

"Alright then, Melanie. You win. I will do your magazine's cover-shoot."

**A/N Please review. I wrote this chapter in one day in between studying for my A'Levels, so you can see how much you guys mean to me. Next chapter won't be up anytime soon, because I have my exams, so please accept my apology!**


	15. Fall For You

**A/N: Sorry for such a late update. I am finally done with my exams and so the next updates will be coming much sooner. Meanwhile I am working for my second fan-fiction so keep your eyes opened for that one too.**

_Edward_

I was sitting in my office-room going through the draft of an upcoming lemonade commercial when my Blackberry buzzed. Surprised, I checked the caller id to see Alice's name on the screen. That's happened twice in one month.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"I am posing for a magazine cover," she replied, indifferently.

My hands stopped working on the papers and a drop of ink collected at the pen's tip. I observed the drop getting heavier by my long pause in writing and I let out a breath when that drop of ink oozed on my papers, making a big blotch.

"Okay, why are you telling me such lame jokes," I checked my watch, "at the middle of the afternoon?" I asked, hesitantly, even though I knew she wasn't serious.

"That's exactly why I am doing this. Everyone seems to think it's a big joke, even _I_ had the same response when they made the offer to me this morning."

"Who made you what offer Alice?" I asked, now grasping the seriousness of the situation.

"Why is it so hard to believe? I am telling you for the last time. Melanie Gordon, our magazine's Editor-in-Chief, thinks I represent the idea of a, quote 'contemporary independent single woman'. So she wants to stick my face on the cover for the Women's Day issue," she concluded, grimly.

I didn't know how to reply to this. In a way, I was happy for her. May be she will enjoy doing this. Who knows, it might also make her happy.

"Wow, that's great. Congrats, I guess. I am sorry for being such an inconsiderate jerk. It's just that you and designer outfits don't exactly.."

"Yes, that's the precise word the Editor used. David Gordon thinks I can't carry off those frilly girlish dresses like his _Victoria's Secrets'_ supermodels can," she replied, smugly.

"I think those models wear lingerie, not dresses." I corrected, laughingly.

"Whatever! I am going to show that arrogant man that I can look beautiful too. And I don't need to expose my body to look good, I can do so while wearing non-revealing clothes…." She kept on talking.

I was taken aback at this sudden change. Alice never felt it was necessary to prove herself to anyone. She had always been extremely confident in her skin and whatever she wore. She never valued other opinions about her. This was one of the qualities that I admired of her.

"Alice, it's alright. You were the one who always kept saying that a person's beauty lies on their inside, not on their outer appearance. And you disregarded anyone who made judgements based on someone's exterior. Why on earth would you change your mind all of a sudden?" I asked.

"I am not changing my mind. I still believe everything that you said. It's just that the people I work with, they are an entirely different lot. I know I didn't used to care about what others thought of me, but Edward, I have been trying way too hard to make them see that I am capable of my job. But apparently, working hard is not good enough for these people. You also have to look bright and sunny and wear the right shade of eye-shadow. These people disgust me!

However, I want to do this now. I have this sudden curiosity to see if they would treat me the same way if I am wearing a different set of clothes. If they do, then I'll know who likes me for who I am and who likes me for what I wear," she concluded.

"Then I have got your back. You know I am so proud of you and I am happy that you are taking this different turn. If I can be of any help…" I started.

"Just be there for me, you know like moral support?" she asked.

"Absolutely," I replied.

_3 days later._

After work, I drove to Alice's magazine office in the Upper East Side. That's twice I have been to that place in a month.

Alice had told me to go to the second floor. The last time I had been to that place, I had taken the stairs straight to the third floor. This time I paused after two flights of stairs, took a turn and reached a place that looked like a lobby.

I went to the receptionist's desk on the corner.

"Hi, I am here to see Alice Brandon?" I asked the plump woman sitting behind the desk.

When she looked at me, it was like being virtually molested by Lauren Mallory again. She observed me from head to toe and a small flirtatious smile crept upon her lips.

"And may I know who are you?" she asked, with a light South-American accent.

At that moment, I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

"Edward?" Bella Swan asked.

"Oh, hello." I replied, looking to a corner from where she spoke. I was reminded to the promise I'd made to myself earlier about maintaining the distance from Bella.

She was standing there with the tiniest smile on her lips and I wondered if she had had a good day at work if she looked that content. She was wearing a cream coloured knee-length skirt and a peacock blue short-sleeved top with that. That colour made her skin look more flawless and radiant than ever. I shook my head to clear those thoughts.

"Fancy seeing you here," she said, coming forward.

"Bella, won't you introduce us to your friend?" the receptionist from the corner asked.

I turned back to where the woman was sitting and saw that now there a few more people crowded around her desk.

Bella walked towards that desk and I followed her queue.

"Edward," she began, "That's Gabriella," she said pointing to the receptionist, "that is Grace," a middle-aged woman with a kind face "Michelle," a 30-something woman, "and that's Eric," she finished while gesturing towards a man wearing a bright pink t-shirt that hurt my eyes with yellow skinny pants.

All of them said hi and I smiled in response.

"Everyone, this is Alice's friend, Edward Cullen."

I couldn't think of anything to say so I kept smiling.

"Wait, if he's Alice's friend, how come you know him and we don't?" asked the guy. "I didn't know you and Alice hung out with common friends after work," he said, looking seriously offended at the thought.

"Oh no, we don't hang out, Eric, like ever. I once ran into Alice and Edward at a…..at a bookstore!" Bella answered. Goodness, she was a terrible liar.

The woman named Gabriella now came to my side and started talking excitedly.

"My, my, I see Alice had been hiding her friends from us. So tell me, Edward, where are you from, what do you do..?" she began.

"Gabriella, give him a rest! You can interrogate him all you want after he'd seen Alice. I bet he just got back from work and he's probably exhausted…" and with this Bella tactfully guided me away from the little crowd.

"Thanks a lot for that," I said, genuinely grateful, as I didn't have the energy to withstand anymore of the flirtatious glances and conversations.

"I bet you get that a lot from women, don't you?" Bella asked with a grim face, looking straight ahead and walking.

"Huh?" I asked, not exactly comprehending what she was saying.

"Never mind. Here we are. Alice will be thrilled to see you," she said.

"Oh, and Bella? Also thanks for not letting them know how we actually met," I said with a smile.

"That's alright. I gathered you would want to keep your volunteer work a secret. You're like Bruce Wayne during the day and Batman at night," she added while laughing.

She looked beautiful when she laughed.

We arrived at a large studio full of fabrics and materials lying haphazardly on tables and people walking around busily with cell phones stuck to their ears and amidst all of this commotion, I spotted Alice sitting on a revolving chair, with a few papers in her hand while a couple of people standing behind her head were endlessly babbling on.

"And this is dress you have to wear for the pictures on one of the inner pages, with the dress we still have to find the perfect pair of shoes.." one of the woman kept rambling.

As I approached her, Alice looked up from the pages she was pretending to pay attention to and smiled. She got up from her chair and hugged me.

"I am so glad you are here," she said, looking extremely relieved.

"I told you I would stop by, didn't I?" I said with a smirk.

She nodded then added in a whisper, "Listen I have to stay here for a couple more hours. I just wanted you to see what _situation _I am stuck in," she said, gesturing to all the mess of fabrics and cosmetics around her.

"You can still get yourself out of this…" I suggested.

"What, and let the people have the satisfaction that I wasn't capable enough for this? Not a chance," she finished, determinedly.

I patted her head, and turned towards Bella. All this time, she had not spoken a single word. When I looked back at her, she was looking at me with a strange expression, quite different from the ones she wore when she had looked at me on other occasions.

"What's the matter?" I asked, not being able to stop myself.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "Come on; let's go sit there so you'll able to see the dresses Alice will be trying on."

We walked to the far end of the room where there were a few single chairs lined along the wall.

I sat down and realised sitting there with Bella wasn't going to be the best idea if my initial plan was to keep away from her. However, now that we both were seated, it would be rude to get up.

As soon as I sat on the chair, beside Bella, I had this strange feeling. It was like an electric circuit was connected to my chair and was feeling some kind of static electricity. Astonishingly, it felt as if the electric field was somehow directed towards Bella and this made me realise something. _I was feeling sparks between me and Bella._

We were sitting in closest proximity, our arms resting on the armrest of our respective chairs. I was a few inches apart from her, and this made me feel good, in a weird and wonderful way. She was staring straight ahead and I took this opportunity to look at her.

She looked a bit beat, but that's probably because she had been working the entire day. As it happened the other day at the orphanage, I noticed she was wearing very little make-up. Since I was sitting that close to her, I was quiet certain about this tiny detail. Today, her hair was not tied in a ponytail, like she usually does. Instead, it fell on her square shoulders and I longed to feel them through my fingers.

I quickly removed my eyes from her face and looked at the scene in front of me. My thoughts were forming a jumble in my head. I was fully aware of the fact that I didn't look at Bella in the same way as I did with other women. However, at the same time, I didn't want to look at her in a different way. I wanted to act cold and indifferent towards her so that she doesn't get the wrong idea. Instead, I was sitting with her, waiting for Alice's photo shoot to start. No, I have to be more careful. I will be nice to her, without being to distant or too close for that matter.

I decided I needed to overcome this awkwardness and begin a conversation. So I just went ahead and said the first thing that came to my mind.

"What is the reason behind the comparison to Bruce Wayne? What's wrong with Peter Parker, or Clark Kent?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows.

She laughed again and my breath caught in my throat.

"I don't know. Maybe because you didn't strike me as a geeky guy," she replied.

I smiled. She was so very wrong about this.

"Well then, allow me to correct you. I was a total nerd at school. The unpopular guy, that was me," I said, pointing my right thumb at myself.

"There's no shame in that. I myself hate being in the spotlight," she said in a whisper.

There, the girl surprised me again. Most people I know loved being the centre of attraction. But apparently, she was not one of them. I asked her why.

"I feel really self-conscious when people look at me for more than two seconds. It's like they are figuring out everything that's wrong with me. Like how my eyes are a little too narrow, how my lips are too puckered and how my teeth are not straight-edged, etc."

I was stunned. I looked at her properly and couldn't match the faults she had just described.

"What made you think you have all these details in you?" I asked, still shocked.

"I have seen myself on the mirror, Edward. I know what my face looks like," she said with a small smile.

I had no reply to that, partly because I was having a slight side-reaction after hearing my name come out from her mouth. And secondly, I had no idea she under-estimated herself so much.

"You are mistaken. I, for one don't think your lips are too puckered or that there's anything wrong with your eyes," I added, facing her directly.

She looked at me with utter disbelief spread all over her face, and I realised, a little too lately, what I've said. I must have made her uncomfortable again. If only I learnt how to keep my thoughts to myself….

Bella quickly dropped her eyes and looked downwards at her feet.

A long, uncomfortable silence followed after that. Thankfully, it didn't last longer as because a few more minutes later, Alice emerged from her dressing room, wearing a knee-length dress covered with some kind of floral print. She had her hair straightened, which made it seem longer than it really was, and she had some make-up on. All in all, it was a complete different Alice.

She caught my eye and I gave her thumbs up sign. She seemed more relax and smiled more confidently. She pouted and glared at the camera while the photographer madly snapped off pictures, throwing in adjectives like "marvellous" and "amazing" after every five seconds or so.

**Review please?**


	16. Here Comes The Rain Again

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters. **

**Sorry for the delay in update. This is my longest chapter so far. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did while writing it as this had been in my head for a really long time.**

_Bella_

"You are mistaken. I, for one don't think your lips are too puckered or that there's anything wrong with your eyes," Edward said, holding my gaze.

I felt suffocated. My heart was beating so fast that I was afraid that it would jump out of my insides and I would kneel down in front of him, holding my heart in my hands.

I shook away that thought from my mind and looked down, in a lame attempt to hide the small smile that had appeared at the corner of my lips.

After my heart regained its usual beating pace, Alice came out of the dressing room. She was wearing one of Eric's latest designs, a white knee-length halter neck dress with pink lilies all over it. I made a mental note of complimenting Eric on it. Her dress was teamed up with a pair of Jimmy Choo slingbacks. The hair stylist must have used some mousse and straightened her hair so it seemed shinier. Alice looked absolutely stunning.

I looked at Edward's face to see his reaction.

"So, what do you think? Have we done justice with your best friend?" I asked.

He looked at me and with a small smile said, "I think you guys have done a great job. I wish Alice's mum were here, she had wanted to see her all dressed up like since forever."

"I think we can manage that to happen. The issue with Alice on the cover will be out very soon," I said.

"So who came up with this bizarrely cool idea anyway?" Edward remarked.

"That would be me," Melanie replied, appearing out of nowhere.

Edward and I both stood up and I started stammering.

"M-Melanie, this is Ed-Edward Cullen, Alice's friend," I managed to say.

"Edward, this is our Editor-In-Chief, Melanie Gordon," I said tightly.

Thankfully, Edward didn't make the blunder I did on my first encounter with Melanie. He didn't put his hands forward for a handshake. He just simply said, "Pleasure to meet you."

Melanie nodded and went forward to see how the photo session was coming along.

"How did you know?" I asked, not being able to hold my curiosity any longer. I realized that I probably looked impressed.

"Alice had warned me about that beforehand, no physical contact," he said, shrugging.

I rolled my eyes and pretended to be jealous, "Oh, how I wish I had a friend like that."

Edward chuckled softly and looked at me. He stared deep into my eyes and I noticed his smile faltering a little. Gradually, the smile was gone but he still kept looking at me, like he was trying to figure something out. I didn't look away either; I stared back at him, glad at having the liberty of scrutinizing his perfect face again. The dark circles still seemed prominent and his eyes seemed a little puffy too. With a jolt of jealousy, I thought he could have been kept up at night by a woman. This time, I truly pondered, someone as flawless as Edward must have someone special in his life; because life was just too unfair. Life didn't offer grand options like him to ordinary people like me.

I was shaken out of my reverie by Melanie's shrill voice and a crying baby.

"What on earth is going on here? Do you people seriously think we'll put one of these pictures on the cover? No offence to Alice Brandon, but if we put Kate Moss in that setting, our magazine cover would still be a flop," she said, fuming.

I tried to see what had triggered Melanie's temper. Ah, the background was inappropriate for a cover shoot. Everything was white – the floor, the walls, the table Alice had been perching on, even her dress was of an ivory shade. The entire scenario was way too _plain_, something that would never catch a person's attention if he happened to pass by a magazine stand.

"For heaven's sake, who brought that baby here at work? Can someone please make it shut up?" she screamed.

I saw Gabriella quickly rushing forward and take the little toddler with brown curls from Grace's arms and pat it on its back to make it calm down.

This gave me an idea. If Melanie approved of it, then all was well. If she didn't, well, then I'd have to ask Sister Charlotte to pay me for my volunteer work since I'd be unemployed then.

I cleared my throat and started walking forward, towards the middle of the room where Melanie stood. I heard Edward ask "Where are you going?" but I ignored him.

I stood right behind Melanie and she turned to face me. I explained my idea to her in a soft voice so that no one else could hear me. She listened to all of it with an expressionless face. After I was done, all she said was "If my magazine doesn't sell, you know what to do, don't you?"

I nodded, "I'll pack up my things and never show you my sorry face again."

Melanie clapped her hands once to capture everyone's attention then said, "Listen up people! We are taking this photo shoot to Central Park."

------------------------------------------------x------------------------------------------------------

I rushed to David's room to inform him about this. When I entered his room, I saw he was standing against the window, gazing outside, deep in thought.

"Um, David? Melanie has decided to go for an outdoor cover shoot. So, are you coming?" I asked.

David turned his back to the window and said, in a harsh tone, "Does it make a difference, Bella? You guys would still go ahead with this even if I don't come, so why should I bother?"

"Now, that's ridiculous David! Your opinions matter as much as Melanie's, if not more. Moreover, the situation is not the same anymore. Alice herself agreed to do this; we are not forcing her to do anything."

David seemed taken aback at this new detail. "Alice decided to do a _photo shoot?"_

I nodded.

"Oh, screw this!" David grabbed his coat and said, "If that girl herself is determined on building a career as a cover-girl, who am I to stop her?"

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When almost everyone was downstairs, I rushed back to the room where the cover shoot had been taking place a while ago. Since I'd been running, I started panting as soon as I skidded to a halt at the door.

"Oh, thank heavens you are here. Come, let's go!" I urged Edward.

"Bella, I don't know. I am not exactly a member of the staff.." he said hesitantly.

"Yes, but you are close to our 'model' and just in case she freaks out and needs to be comforted, we'll need you. We can't let our 'model' be upset, can we?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

Edward flashed a brilliant crooked smile and said, "Of course not."

---------------------------------------------x---------------------------------------------------------

By the time we reached Central Park, the sun was already setting and evening was approaching swiftly. As per my suggestion, Melanie directed the entire crew to shift to the Great Lawn.

David didn't get the opportunity to see Alice clearly before we had gotten there. Once we were in the Great Lawn, he seemed to notice the change in her for the first time.

Alice was surrounded by the make-up artists and hairdresser when David, Edward and I walked over to her. David seemed to recognize Edward from their last encounter.

"So, David, what do _you _think?" I asked, motioning towards Alice.

"I think Alice looks….different. But, in a good way, of course," David muttered so slowly that I wasn't sure if he meant to let the rest of us to hear that.

However, whether he meant to or not, Alice did hear him because I noticed a light shade of pink creeping up to her pale cheeks, but she quickly recovered herself.

"So, Mr. Gordon, now do you believe that someone like me _can_ carry off a designer outfit, like those models who hang out with?" she asked, with acid in her voice.

David blinked a couple of times and I was certain he was thinking the same thing that I had on my mind. That day, it was Alice who had called at the phone on my desk and she had heard David's rant.

"Alice, you have to understand, I didn't want to insult you in any way. As a matter of fact, that's the last thing I'd think of doing. The reason I didn't want you to do this photo shoot is because you are _nothing _like those models I hang out with. You are a more real person, not some fake plastic Barbie doll," he said in a small voice.

Edward looked baffled at this conversation that was going on before his eyes. He snapped his head left and right, once towards Alice, then at David and back again.

With my right hand I gestured him to wait and nodded, meaning that I would explain the situation later.

Alice looked confused at David's strange explanation but had no time to react as one of the crew members came to inform her that the set-up for the photo shoot was ready.

Melanie had managed to get a horse-drawn carriage right at the middle of the Great Lawn, with the Turtle Pond at the background. She instructed Alice to go and sit at the driver's seat. She was still wearing Eric's dress and a man, who looked like the carriage driver, helped her get on the driver's seat. Melanie sent one of the crew members to smooth her dress and fix her hair.

However, once Alice settled down on her seat, the two horses went a little berserk and were about to raise their hooves to leap forward. However, in the last minute, Alice pulled the strings in a strange angle and calmed the horses down. After her accomplishment, she faced the mob watching her and smiled.

Edward leaned sideways to whisper, "In the eleventh grade, Alice took horse riding as a hobby."

I nodded, saying "Figures."

Everyone looked at the scenario before them in awe, wondering what Melanie had in mind. I mentally kicked myself for suggesting Melanie something so ridiculous. Everyone is going to laugh at me. Worse, I was definitely getting fired after this. While I fretted over the outcome of this disaster, I noticed Edward move forward and stand silently beside me. I turned my head sideways and saw that he was staring at me with the same expression he had back at the office. Strange, as it may seem, but at that moment I felt my body beginning to relax, all tension being washed away as he gazed deeper into my eyes. He smiled reassuringly and I gathered up enough courage to witness the entire photo shoot.

After Alice was settled, with the same confounded look everyone else surrounding us wore, Melanie instructed me to go to Gabriella. She was standing with the rest of the staff members, with her 7-month old baby boy, Henry. She had to bring him to work as her mother, who usually looks after her baby when she's at work, was out of town for the day.

As I took her baby from her arms, I asked Gabriella quietly, "Are you sure about this? Your baby is still a newborn…"

She took a deep breath and whispered "I am counting on you, Bella. I am sure you'll keep him safe."

"I trust Alice, she is great with kids," I said, smiling reassuringly.

Very carefully I took little Henry in my arms and walked towards the carriage. While I walked the small path, I chanced a glance at the crowd and noticed Edward's face among them. He smiled again and felt a calm wash over me. The carriage driver took him from me and put him in Alice's arms. She cradled the baby with her right arm while she held the strings attached to the horses in her left hand.

The scene was just like I had imagined it in my head. With the sun setting in the background of the Turtle Pond, there was a tinge of orange reflecting on the pond water. On the Great Lawn, sitting on driver's seat of the horse drawn carriage, was our very own Alice, holding little Henry. The entire scenario was metaphorical, of course. It represented the modern woman taking care of her baby at the same time holding together the strings of life.

While the photographer snapped the pictures, Edward whispered in my ear, "It's a brilliant idea!"

I smiled shyly and muttered a swift, "Thanks."

After the photo shoot was over, everyone went ahead and congratulated Melanie on her idea. I was glad that Melanie hadn't corrected them – in case the magazines _didn't _sell, no one would think once before bashing me.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw David watching Alice as everyone went ahead to congratulate her. I walked towards him.

"Ahem, so are you still mad at your mother, or Alice, for that matter?" I asked.

He was quiet for several seconds, "No, but I can't relax until the issue is out on newsstands and we get the reviews. However, Bella, I have to say, your idea was completely bizarre for a magazine cover. Not that I hate it, I just thought it was out of the typical context of magazine covers, that's' all."

I was a little taken aback at this and said "David, I really didn't mean to meddle with your job, I-I just…."

"Don't worry, Bella. I am okay with it. You don't need to feel bad about this," he replied.

Gradually all crew members were packing up and leaving. I saw Alice and Edward standing at one corner of the lawn and talking quietly.

"Alice, you were wonderful there!" I said.

She smiled and replied, "I was shaking from head to toe throughout the time. I had never done something like that in my entire life. It felt surprisingly good."

That's when Melanie came in and joined our conversation.

"I told you it would. Wait till the magazines are out, you've done a terrific job, Alice," she said with a small smile.

I took the opportunity to ask her what had been bugging me since my talk with David. "Melanie, why did you decide to go ahead with _my _idea?"

She faced me squarely and coolly replied, "Because it was your original idea to put a regular person, a non-celebrity on cover. Hence I thought since you had suggested that, then you must know what to do next with that idea."

I smiled gratefully.

Melanie and David left together with the rest of the crew members. Alice left saying that it was late and her brothers were waiting for her.

That left only Edward and me.

I looked up at the sky and noticed a few stars appearing. Suddenly a thought played across my mind – something I had wanted to do since I was a kid.

I looked at Edward and asked with a sheepish look, "Have you ever lied down right below the sky?"

He looked at confused and narrowed his eyes. "Why would I do that?" he asked looking appalled.

"Because it's fun," and with that, I took his hand and urged him to move forward. I don't know what had gotten inside me. May be all the incidents that had happened on that day were making me a little bit insane. The fact that everyone approved of my idea was actually making me a bit high.

The lawn was deserted. Most of the curious onlookers had left as soon as the photo shoot had ended. I came to a halt just when we were at the edge of the pond. I started taking off my shoes and was preparing to see the sky lying on grass at Central Park when Edward interrupted me.

"Bella, what are you doing? People are going to think you are crazy!"

"There is no one around! C'mon, don't be so boring. I have wanted to do this since forever!"

I didn't give him a chance to say anything more. I lied down on the grass and patted the space beside me, motioning him to do the same.

After battling with his sanity, Edward finally gave in and slowly sat down beside me and then lied down. "If the cops chase us for vandalizing public property, you are taking the blame."

I chuckled, "Do you consider squishing a few square metres area of grass 'vandalizing public property'?"

Until that moment, I hadn't realized what I was doing. There, right in the middle of Central Park, long past dusk, I was laid on the ground beside none other than Edward Cullen – the man I hadn't paused thinking about since the moment I had set my eyes on him. I started cursing myself for bringing this situation up. Since the damage was already done, there was no turning back. I couldn't just get up and leave. I decided the best thing would be to not look at him. Because if I did, heaven knows I won't be able to stop myself from jumping on him.

That is why I concentrated on the skies above me. It was not exactly a cloudless night. However, peeping among the clouds where the stars I had seen earlier. The silence was making me more nervous so I decided to make small talk.

"Ah, this feels great! Can you imagine being this close to nature while staying in New York City? The air smells wonderful, like grass. And can you hear the pond water flowing?" I realized I was babbling.

Edward didn't answer to any of this. Instead, he asked me, "Bella, you are really happy today, aren't you?"

I stuck to my previous decision to not look at him and I mentally praised myself for having such high amount of self-control. I replied still looking above at the sky.

"Yes, Edward," I tried not to bask in the thrill I felt just by uttering his name, "I never thought Melanie would approve of my idea. It was surreal to see the scene I had imagined in my head to play out so well in front of my very own eyes," I raised my right hand and started talking using my hand. "So to answer your question, yes, I am indeed very happy today."

After I was done talking, my hand fell back and it landed right on top of Edward's. At the first touch, I felt the now familiar surge of electricity pass between us. I felt so stunned at this that I didn't remove my hand and neither did he. My breath started coming in faster. I couldn't keep the promise I'd made to myself earlier. I turned my face to look at him.

I saw him staring right at me, gazing deep into my eyes, just like he had done before. I swallowed hard and started taking deep breaths. It was like one of those moments I'd watched in numerous movies, which could end either in a good way or terribly.

However, I didn't get a chance to ponder on that for very long because all of a sudden it started raining. It was not a heavy downpour, but just a faint drizzle. We both got up and Edward stood first and then helped me get on my feet. After I'd put on my shoes, he started pulling me forward, still holding my hand.

"C'mon, let's move. You might catch a cold," he coaxed.

I stood where I was and didn't move an inch. "Oh, don't be ridiculous. By the time we get out of the park, we'll be soaked anyway. Besides it's not raining that hard. You might as well enjoy getting wet," I said, as I felt the previous feeling of ecstasy take over me.

He tried pulling me forward again, but I stood rigidly, hence as a result he was pulled back. He stood there facing me, while we both slowly got drenched in the rain.

His gorgeous bronze hair was wet and it stuck out at different angles. Some of his hair was sticking to his forehead. His shirt was soaked and it clung to his broad chest. I slowly removed my eyes and looked up to meet his eyes. I caught him staring at my lips and my heart did back flips in my chest.

Still holding his hand, I moved forward and slowly raised my other hand. I gently brushed aside the hair falling on his forehead. I could see his eyes darken and his chest heaving up and down.

Very carefully, I placed both my hands on either of his shoulders and raised myself on my toes so that both our faces were at the same level. I closed my eyes, and with my heart beating so fast that it had the risk of jumping out at any moment, I leaned forward. Just like the movies, I waited for his lips to meet mine.

I felt the rain coming down more heavily and we both were dripping wet. The rain was soaking my clothes and I was glad that I was wearing a jacket over my thin cotton top. I breathed in a lung full of air as I waited patiently for our first kiss.

But it never happened.

Slowly, I felt him removing my hands from his shoulders. I snapped open my eyes and saw him moving backwards.

"I-I am so very sorry, Bella. I can't do this."

With that, he turned backwards and left.

Realization dawned on me at his rejection. As I stood there, all alone, getting more soaked by the minute in the heavy rain, a thought that I had been unconsciously repressing for so long, suddenly flashed through my mind.

_I love you, Edward._

**A/N: Special thanks to the people who put my story on alerts. It's such an honour! Thank you all! **

**Just so you know I have posted my second fan-fiction, 'Perfect Harmony' on . It's an Edward/Bella AH fan-fiction (yes, again!). However, at the moment, TIFR is my topmost priority. Once I'm done with it, I'll continue writing 'Perfect Harmony.' I have posted two chapters so far. See if you like it or not.**

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	17. Whispers In The Dark

**A/N: Sorry for such a late update. Here's the climax of the story. Really long chapter. Hope you guys like it, though.**

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/ScienceGeek91

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Edward_

The moment Bella's hands touched my skin it felt like my entire body had erupted in flames. I felt the kind of passion and desire for the woman before me that I hadn't felt in a really long time. In fact, I had no idea that I was even capable of having feelings of that strong intensity. I had thought time had frozen me and my body was past feeling all human emotions. However, I found out that wasn't the case, apparently.

As she inched her body closer to mine, I realized I too wanted to hold her close, _badly. _That thought scared me; hell, it _terrified _me. Just as she was about to touch her lips to mine, I decided it was time for me to stop; I needed to end this somehow. All I knew was that she was someone who still had her entire life ahead of her. She deserved loving someone who would love her back. She didn't need someone like me who couldn't return her feelings. And I _couldn't _feel the same way, because I was beyond being able to have any kind of emotional attachment. Getting close to her would be a terrible idea when I was so….broken. Broken beyond repair.

That is why, even though acting this way was causing me immense pain for reasons I was unaware of, I pulled back from the embrace of her warm delicate body. I saw surprise and shock wash over her face and it broke my heart to hurt her this way. But, in the long run, this would be best for her.

"I-I am so very sorry, Bella. I can't do this."

With tremendous effort, I forced myself to turn my back to her and ran out of the place and reached the haven that was my car.

I sat still for a while inside the Volvo. My heart was still pounding in my chest. With trembling hands, I reached for the glove compartment and took out the CD that I'd already played almost a thousand times, once for every time that I'd been unhappy. I started the ignition and decided to go back to my loft. As I let the smooth melody of _Coldplay's _'Trouble' engulf my mind, I realized what a fool I was. I had been about to make the exact kind of mistake that I was afraid making of. I should have stayed miles away from Bella. Every second that I had been close to her, I had hurt us both. If I had been careful enough, things wouldn't have gone this far. However, now I'd come to my senses. If tonight's incident ever repeats itself, I was going to make the situation clear. I have to be strong enough to be able to see the pain in Bella's eyes at my refusal. But I will be able to live with that as long as I know that she'll not be under my cursed shadow anymore.

_Bella_

I had read so many things about being in love. I had spent so many hours watching cheesy love stories on the television screen. In real life I'd witnessed people being nauseatingly in love. However nothing could have prepared me for what I felt at present. From what I'd heard, people are supposed to feel happy and content with their life when they were in love, even if it was one-sided. What I felt was nothing but a numb, empty feeling in my chest. I felt like I had been trying way too hard to hold on to something, or rather someone who didn't belong to me in the first place. At the moment, that seemed to be the rational explanation of the sense of loss I felt. Whenever I tried to close my eyes in hopes of seeing his angelic face alight with happiness, all I saw was him walking away the previous night at Central Park.

Of course, I should have seen this coming. What was I thinking, hoping that someone as magnificent as Edward would take an interest in me, plain old Bella? I should have known better than that.

I had called David and told him I wouldn't be able to go to work as I had caught a bad cold. That wasn't exactly a lie though. I _did _have a cold, but if only that were the case I would never have skipped work. I doubted a broken heart is considered as an illness so I used the cold as an excuse. Honestly, I liked to think that I had missed a day's work because of the cold alone. I hated feeling like a lovesick teenager pining away for someone who couldn't care less about me. My mum, Renée noticed me lying on the bed all day and asked what it was all about. I rarely kept secrets from my mum, so once she kept eyeing me with concern, I started babbling.

"And then he just….left," I concluded when I had told her the whole story. "Mum, this is the first time something like this had ever happened to me and before being able to experience fully what this was, I lost it altogether." I had been holding my tears back all this time, but after saying those words out loud, my eyes welled up.

My mum hugged me and I shed my tears, ruining her dress. "Oh, sweety, I am so sorry," she said patting my back. "I am sure you'll meet someone even better."

This angered me. I pulled back from her arms and looked at her, "Mum, he was the definition of perfection. I really doubt that there's someone better than him," I said, placing my head on her shoulder again.

"Whatever happens happens for the best, dear. We don't know what's written in our fate." She took my face in her hands and said, "I am saying this not because I am your mother. I am telling you the truth. You are a wonderful person and you deserve happiness. I promise you'll find that very soon."

-----------------------------------------------------x---------------------------------------------------

By afternoon, I got sick of staying in bed all day. Gearing up all the courage, I decided to go to the orphanage for my class, as it was a Thursday. Hoping against all hopes that I wouldn't run into _him, _I reached the classroom. Like always, the kids kept me distracted from all the drama going on in my life. The fund-raising concert was one day later and I had to practice again after class.

With a heavy heart, I went to the empty classroom I had rehearsed in earlier. I practiced my song for a couple of hours and left quickly after promising Sister Charlotte that I'd back the next day for the final rehearsals.

On Friday, I decided to go back to work. At the magazine office, everyone seemed to treat Alice differently. Before, whenever she came down to the second floor, everyone just walked past her without so much as a 'hi.' However, now, Alice was an instant celebrity. Alice herself seemed a little different. Even though her hair was no longer shiny and long and her short, spiky look was back, Alice wore a different set of clothes to work. Instead of the usual jeans and tee, Alice was sporting a plain-looking top and a knee-length skirt together with black ballet flats. She was talking animatedly with David, holding some papers in her hand and gesturing towards the numbers printed on them. Once she was done, she spotted me sitting at my desk and smiled.

"Hmm, nice change in your wardrobe, I see," I remarked, when she walked over to my desk.

She laughed a little nervously. "No, I just borrowed them from my neighbour." At my surprised look, she lowered her voice and spoke conspiratorially, "I just wanted to see my co-workers' reaction at this change. You know, how people say they don't judge others by their outer appearance?"

At that moment, as if to prove her words, Olivia, who had never spared a glance for Alice or me, was walking by and stopped when she saw Alice.

"Oh, Alice, dear! It's _so _good to see you!" She squealed like they had been best pals for ages.

"Um, yes, hi…?" Alice began, trying to remember who that person was.

"It's Olivia, the seamstress," I muttered slowly under my breath.

"Oh, oh, yes, hi Olivia," Alice greeted in a sarcastic tone.

"I'll tell you what, I am going to the mall after work. Why don't you come with me?" she asked.

"Why would I want to go the mall _with you_?" Alice asked, shocked. "I mean, we don't usually hang out like that, do we?"

Olivia seemed stunned too at Alice's reply. "Oh, well I thought, there's always a first time for everything, right?"

Alice immediately faked a smile and replied in a sweet voice. "Of course, but I am afraid I already had plans after work. Thanks for asking though."

"Oh, sure, whatever." Olivia walked off, looking a bit pissed off.

"You see what I am trying to say?" Alice asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Crystal clearly," I replied.

"Um, Bella?" Alice began, looking slightly embarrassed. "Okay, this is a bit awkward for me. But I wanted to say 'thanks'. For treating me the same way always," Alice said, looking down at her feet.

"It's not a problem, silly!" Alice looked up at my response and smiled before leaving.

After work, I realized that I still didn't have a dress to wear at the concert. Even though my appearance won't matter to a certain person, I still needed to look presentable. Since it was a semi-formal occasion, a formal evening wear would be inappropriate. On the other hand, since I would be going on stage, I didn't want people to see me in cocktail dress either. So, before leaving the office, I browsed at some online stores. Just when I was about to give up the whole internet shopping, something caught my eyes.

It was a Grecian, silk satin, evening dress in midnight blue. It was floor-length and consisted of self ties at the empire line. The sleeves were short and the neckline was a modest v-shaped one, that didn't show too much skin. Below the waist, the pleating gave the dress an elegant flow. It was something right out of a Disney fairytale, except it was less dramatic and more based on 21st century fashion. Without giving it a second thought, I purchased the dress. I had the perfect pair of strappy heels that would go with that dress.

When I reached the orphanage, I saw a truck load of supplies parked outside the main gate. After I was inside the premises, I found out that stage for the concert was being set up on the so-called soccer field. I noticed Emmett walking around busily, shouting out orders to random men around him. He spotted me and waved and I smiled back. Just as I was about to walk over to where Emmett stood, I saw Edward helping a couple of other men setting up the stage. I walked towards Emmett in a state of daze, with my eyes fixed on Edward. He had his back to me which is why he was probably unaware of my presence.

"Bella!" Emmett exclaimed in his booming voice as I got nearer. I smiled in response.

"It's been so long, Emmett," I said.

"Aw, did you miss me much?" he asked, mischievously.

"Yeah, may be a little," I replied, pretending to be embarrassed.

He laughed out loud and the noise caught Edward's attention. He whipped his head backwards and saw me standing there with Emmett.

"So, all set to steal the show tomorrow night?" Emmett asked.

"You bet," I replied, distracted by Edward's gaze on my face.

I quickly got out from my reverie and pretended to not notice Edward standing a few metres away, looking even more irresistible wearing a grey shirt that clung to his broad chest and sporting a little film of perspiration on his forehead. He was still staring at me with the typical unfathomable expression on his face and that didn't make things a bit more comfortable.

Now that I came to think of it, it was downright embarrassing for him to see me this way after that fateful night's incident. What was I thinking, attacking him like that, only to be pushed away? I was beyond pathetic.

That is why I quickly excused myself from Emmett and rushed towards the orphanage building for my final rehearsals. Thankfully, I was able to go through it successfully, without having Edward even once in my mind. Okay, he must have popped in there once, or twice. When I was finally satisfied with my preparation for the performance on the following night, I quickly left the place after saying goodbye to Sister Charlotte and Emmett.

The next day, in the afternoon, I found myself sitting cross-legged on my bedroom floor, with my fairytale dress that had arrived early in the morning, lying on my bed while I pondered over how to doll myself up. I rarely went out with friends and so I didn't actually have much experience with applying make-up. Besides, I was terrible at it and couldn't bother with all the different products the cosmetic industry produced. Having no other option, I decided to call Michelle. Before she got promoted at the art department, she'd started off as the make-up artist's assistant, initially. So I figured she'd know a thing or two about it.

Michelle was a lifesaver. She arrived at my place in an hour and brought her make-up kit along with her. After gushing over my dress for a while, she got down to business.

While she did my eye make-up, she asked subtly, "So, where are you headed to, anyway?"

I sighed and decided to tell her about my volunteer work.

"By any chance, did you meet that Edward guy at the orphanage?" she asked, still feigning nonchalance.

I had no idea what she saw on my face, but she took my expression to be a 'yes.'

"So, does this dressing up have to do anything with that?" she asked, now curling my hair with her curling iron.

"Oh, c'mon, it's not like that. Besides, he's not interested," I replied, after realizing a little too late what I'd said.

"And you are?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I told you, it's not like that. We're very different from each other and it doesn't matter if I am interested or not," I said, heaving a sigh.

Thankfully, Michelle ended that conversation there. That was one of the reasons why I asked her to come. I could have asked Gabriella too, but she would have pressed on about the issue even if I'd made it clear that I didn't want to talk about it. But then, Gabriella would never have guessed this. She wasn't as observant as Michelle was.

After she was done with my hair and make-up, I decided to put on my dress. After Michelle had complimented me on how terrific I looked, she took off, wishing me good luck. I grabbed my coat and purse and hauled a taxi.

The backyard of the orphanage which had been the soccer field all this time looked completely different. The stage had been set up right next to one of the doors that lead to the orphanage building. In front of the stage, the crowd was beginning to gather. I noticed the orphanage kids huddled at a corner. Jessie and some of his friends noticed me and waved excitedly. There were some outsiders gathered as well, with more people pouring in as I stood there watching. A minute or two later, the door next to the stage opened and I saw Emmett's head peeking out. He spotted me and gestured towards the door.

I quickly made my way to the door that Emmett held wide open. It lead to a room that was serving its purpose as the dressing room. Emmett was dressed in a white dress shirt and black formal pants, grinning from ear to ear.

"Someone looks excited," I commented, noting his enthusiasm.

"Bella, Bella, look at you! Trying to impress someone, are we?" he asked with a mischievous grin.

I ignored the second part of the question. "You cleaned up pretty well, too."

"Oh, Bella! Tonight's going to be awesome!" With these words, his gaze trailed across the room all the way to the corner where Rosalie Hale stood, with her back to us and her left leg resting on a desk while she tied her ballet shoes. She was wearing a pale pink, muslin ballet tutu and her hair was tied up in a bun. When she turned and faced us, I saw, from the corner of my eyes, Emmett dropping his jaw. Rosalie looked breathtakingly beautiful.

She smiled, came forward and extended her hand. Emmett was about to put his hands forward when she spoke.

"It's Bella, isn't it? It's nice to see you again," she replied with a sweet smile.

I could almost hear Emmett silently muttering profanities as I shook hands with Rosalie. After that she just turned backward and walked to the room at the back, without so much as a backward glance at Emmett.

I looked at him, his face devoid of all his previous confidence.

"I've never had trouble with charming women, Bella, but this one is now getting on my nerves!"

I smiled at this. "Maybe you should approach her differently. Don't be obvious about your feelings, you know. Let her keep guessing."

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try. What could I lose though, right?" he asked.

"Nothing much, except for your pride and dignity, in case she _doesn't_ come around. But don't worry, that's just a remote possibility," I added, as an afterthought.

He got all serious and I laughed out loud.

"You'll do fine," I said punching his arm and regretting it immediately. My fingers made a loud cracking noise.

While I was flexing my fingers back and forth, Sister Charlotte entered the room.

She was dressed in her usual clothes. She had her traditional black habit on, complete with the matching black headpiece.

"At first, some of our children will be doing a dance number from 'The Wizard of Oz.' Ms. Hale will be performing after that. Mr. McCarty, you'll be next. Ms. Swan will end the show with her song. Good luck to all of you." With that, she left.

Emmett and I settled down on chairs facing the stage outside, so that we could see all the performances, without anyone seeing us. I briefly wondered where Edward was. After all, he had been in charge of the entire concert. Wouldn't he at least have the decency of showing up?

A bunch of eight-year olds took the stage first, as had been instructed by Sister Charlotte. The enthusiastic performers danced around the stage rhythmically to 'If I Were King of the Forest' in their adorable colourful costumes. They exited the stage while the audience clapped endlessly.

Next, it was Rosalie's turn. Emmett told me that she had been practicing at a ballet studio which is why we hadn't seen her around during rehearsals. He also said she took up ballet when she was around four and was extremely good at it. As if to prove his words, Rosalie started off her performance with so much poise and grace that it was hard to believe that it wasn't some animated figure I was watching on television, but a real person. She leaped gently in to the air and came to rest just as smoothly on her toes. She finished by spinning on one of her toes until I started feeling dizzy and then came to an abrupt stop. The place was filled with deafening applause from the crowd as she took a bow and left the stage.

When she entered the dressing room, Emmett's name was announced. I could tell he wanted to congratulate her on her performance, so I leaned towards him and whispered, "Not now. Let her keep guessing, she'll come around." I repeated the same things I'd told him earlier.

He squared his shoulders and confidently walked out on stage with his guitar in his hands. The moment he started playing, I started panicking. I'd go up on that stage in a few minutes and present my vocals for the audience to scrutinize. The all too familiar stage fright engulfed me and I hugged myself, hoping not to fall apart into pieces.

Much too soon Emmett finished his song and as he walked off the stage, I realized I had no idea what or how well he'd played. But I didn't have any chance to regret that because on that precise moment, I heard my name being called.

With my legs feeling as soft as jelly under my silk dress, I walked towards the stage, hoping that I looked more graceful than I thought I did. I heard the swishing sound my dress made as it came in contact with the floor, and I let that bit of sound comfort me. A microphone had been set up on a stand. I re-adjusted it until it was in the same level as my face. I cleared my throat, took a deep breath and started the song.

It seemed like clearing my throat had been unnecessary. As soon as I'd opened my lips to sing the first verse, I noticed the person I'd been looking for the entire evening, standing at the back of the crowd, with his hands crossed across his chest, and the usual serious look on his face. Even among the throng of people, Edward stood out from others. My breath caught in my throat at the mere sight of him standing yards away – he wore a white button down shirt under a black suit with black pants. As always, he looked astoundingly gorgeous.

Somehow, his appearance boosted my meagre amount of self-esteem. I cleared my throat once more and began my song.

_Imagine me and you, I do  
I think about you day and night, it's only right  
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight  
So happy together_

If I should call you up, invest a dime  
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind  
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine  
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you  
For all my life  
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue  
For all my life

As I continued singing, I didn't dare remove my eyes from Edward's face, in fear that I might mess up the whole performance. Like the other day during the photo shoot, he made me feel more relaxed and confident and I gradually felt my stage fright subside. However, as soon as I'd started singing, I noticed a strange expression taking over his beautiful face. I had seen so many expressions on his face – annoyance, anger, warmth. But this mask he wore seemed completely alien to me. Nevertheless, the expression was obvious.

It was one full of pain; blinding, excruciating pain.

As I watched from the stage, he scrunched up his face and squinted his eyes. It seemed like he was writhing on the insides in physical pain. I stood there, away from him, feeling helpless.

I finished the song in a state of complete daze. As soon as it was over, I noticed Edward turning his back and leaving. I jumped off from the stage and dashed towards the dressing room. In my hurry, I hadn't paid attention to the audience's response. I had no idea if they were clapping out of mere politeness or if they had thoroughly enjoyed the performance and were enthusiastically showing their positive response with the loud applause. All I knew was I had to go find Edward somehow.

I reached the dressing room and grabbed my purse. I scooped out my cell phone from it and dialled the number I had fortunately stored in it just a few days ago.

"Hello?" Alice answered after the first ring.

"Alice, you have to tell me Edward's address," I blabbered, out of breath.

"Bella? What is going on?" she asked, clearly stunned.

"Please, Alice, I don't have time for explanations. Just tell me where he lives. This is important!" I practically screamed.

"Okay, here it is…" I tried to memorize it as she gave me the directions to his loft.

When she was done, I said, "Alice, thank you so much. I promise I am not going to cause any harm to your friend. Trust me. And I swear I'll explain this madness to you later."

After hanging up with Alice, I rushed to the streets outside, stopped a taxi and got in. After giving directions to the taxi driver, I started worrying. Edward looked so hurt and I was afraid I'd messed things up between us after the incident on the other night. I tried to mentally prepare myself to be able to face his rejection again, but at that time, I wasn't going to his place to change his mind or push my luck. I just wanted to make sure that he was alright.

It was then that I thought of it – what if Edward didn't go home? Where will I look for him then? I quickly shook off that thought. If necessary, I'll stay there all night, waiting for him. At one point, he had to come back home.

The taxi came to a halt in front of an old-fashioned building in Brooklyn. I got out quickly, shoved a few dollar notes through the driver's windows and rushed up the stairs, two at a time.

On reaching the fifth floor, I noticed two doors facing each other at the end of the corridor. I walked forward uncertainly, wondering why on Earth I hadn't asked Alice which door lead to Edward's loft. As I neared the doors, I noticed the one on the right side was closed, while the other on the left side was ajar.

Tentatively, I pushed it further and noticed the place was almost in complete darkness, except for a small source of light. The light source turned out to be the television screen, I figured as I walked further into the apartment. Some sort of video was playing on the screen of the flat-screen television that hung on the wall. The occupant of the house seemed nowhere in sight.

As I took a closer look at the television screen, I recognized the song playing in the background. It was the same one I had sung just about an hour ago. The screen showed a young woman with a flock of dark curly hair, wearing her white wedding gown and dancing her first dance with her new husband.

_I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my life_

_When you're with me, baby the skies will be blue, for all my life._

As the song continued playing, I shifted my gaze over to the husband. He was wearing the usual black suit with black tie, his bronze coloured hair in disarray. He face was as familiar to me as my own, but somehow, he looked like a completely different person. He was smiling widely at his new bride, who was dancing in his arms. The scene was so remarkably beautiful that it was hard to look away from his face. He looked so happy!

I was standing a few metres away from the television and from the illumination provided by the light from the screen, I spotted a loveseat at the back of the room, facing the television and two single-seat couches on either side of it placed at right angles. A slight movement at my peripheral vision brought my eyes back to the screen. That was when I noted a shape against the wall from which the plasma hung, sitting on the floor, with its back to the television.

The moment the light from the screen was shed on the familiar reddish-brown mane of hair, I inched closer and sat down beside him, with my back to the wall. I was careful to maintain a distance from him, as I had very recently learned that he was _married. _I felt sickened with myself. I had been throwing myself at a married man? But if that was the case, where was his wife then? The beautiful dark-haired woman who looked like she completely belonged to Edward?

Edward was still wearing the same set of clothes he'd worn to the concert, except that now he had taken off his suit. He was starting intently at something on the floor, just like he had that day at the orphanage. If he had acknowledged my presence, he didn't show it.

I sat there silently for a while, wondering whether it was ethical to feel this way about Edward now that I know about his marriage. I stopped thinking for a while.

"Edward? What's the matter? Tonight, why did you leave all of a sudden?" I asked in a rush without pausing to breathe.

He was still focusing on the patterns of the carpeted floor, not paying attention. I was not even sure if he had heard me in the first place.

Hesitantly, I inched closer. "Edward, are you okay?"

He didn't answer right away. After a few seconds, he looked up and met my eyes. His expression surprised me. It was still the same one he wore at the concert. He still looked like he was in intense pain.

"This video, what does this mean?" I asked, not being able to hold in my curiosity for any longer.

"It means exactly what you think it does. I am married, Bella," he replied, his eyes looking like they had witnessed immensely difficult times. His eyes made him look a decade older.

Even though it was pretty much obvious, but hearing it come out from his lips – the confirmation of the fact – didn't make it any less painful. I stared back at him, hoping to find out why he seemed so much in agony. As I opened my mouth to ask him so, he lifted his eyes to mine again and all I saw was the deep set emotions for the woman on the screen above us.

He began talking.

_Edward_

Just like any other weekend, I had taken the refuge of my loft and turned on our wedding video. Like always, being the coward I was, I had turned my back to the screen – I still did not have the courage to see Angela's face when I knew that I would never see her standing before my eyes again. That is why I had shunned myself from watching it. I'd placate myself just by listening to our first dance song or by listening to her honey-soft voice on the video. Yet, I was not strong enough to actually make myself watch that video.

That night, things were a little different, though. I realized that how ironic it was that Bella had to choose that particular song…..

But never in my wildest imagination had I expected her to show up at my door.

I had no idea what to explain to Bella, or even how to begin. I knew I had done injustice to her by not disclosing such a significant part of my life. However, now that she had come to know about it, I decided it would be best to just go ahead and tell her everything. She deserved to know the truth, not being lied to.

I told her every single detail, beginning right from the day I had met Angela. She listened to it wearing an emotionless mask on her face and seemed calm enough as I kept talking. Once or twice she would reach up and scratch the bridge of her nose or smooth the skirt of her dress. During one of her latter actions, I noticed that Bella had dressed up for the occasion. The song she had sung brought back the old memories so fast that I barely had time to see through the haze forming in my vision. That was the same song that had been playing on the radio as I had driven Angela to the beach on our first date. It was her idea to choose that song for our first dance after the wedding, as man and wife. I remember standing amongst the crowd while Bella kept on singing the song – _our _song, Angela and my song – and it felt like all the pain I had kept stored at one corner were seeping through my veins, crumpling me, disabling me.

Nonetheless, at that moment, as Bella sat next to me, I noticed that, that particular shade of blue did wonders to her ivory skin. The dress looked like it was made for Bella to wear. She looked perfect, beautiful beyond words. Her brown hair was all curled up and it fell back on her shoulders, covering the sides of her face with a dark veil. All these thoughts were not helping me in my current situation so I shoved them aside, resolving to never bring them back to my mind again.

As soon as I came to the part about that fateful day of my life, I realized the familiar feeling of my hands freezing, in spite of the beads of perspiration that had appeared on my forehead. Impulsively, I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping to ease my nerves, but that was of no help.

"It was New Year's Eve. I was going to perform with the orchestra at the Lincoln Centre that night. It was not a big deal, but being one of the 16 violinists seemed like a great honour for me and I remember I had felt excited. Angela sat among the audience while I sat on stage playing the violin she had gifted me on an anniversary. I had put my best efforts that night and I recall the conductor praising me and the other violinists afterwards. When I got down from the stage," I paused to take a breath, "Angela rushed towards me and jumped up into my arms. She was in tears and said she was proud of me," I said with a small sad smile.

I took another pause. The difficult part was coming up and I hoped I had enough strength to tell her the entire story. After taking a deep breath, I began again. "Since it was the end of December, the winter season had struck New York with full force. There had been a blizzard the previous night and the roads were still covered in snow. I was driving my old car, an Aston Martin Vanquish. Out of nowhere, a little girl ran across the street and came right in front of my car. Her mother was following her to try and stop her and so to avoid hitting them both, I-I t-took a right turn and……" I started stuttering. It was hard to go on. I was having trouble breathing.

Without uttering a single word, Bella reached out and gently took my hand in hers. I looked up to meet her eyes and saw that she still wore a neutral expression. After a few seconds, she said, "Edward, you can go on if you want. However, if it's painful for you, then don't." After saying those words, she started rubbing soothing circles on top of my thumb. That relaxed me for a while and I decided I might as well finish the story, no matter how much it hurt.

"The roads were slippery, so the car spun on the snow-covered road and ran straight into a phone booth on the pavement." My breath was coming in harder then. "Angela…..she was lurched forward and….there was an ear-splitting crash as the windshield broke into pieces…and then all I could see was blood. I-I couldn't think clearly. S-she was s-s-seven months pregnant, Bella!" I couldn't control myself any longer. I snatched back my hand from hers and covered my face with my hands.

Like before, remaining utterly silent, Bella reached forward and wrapped her little arms around my shoulders. They were not long enough to reach me shoulder blades, but the gesture was oddly comforting. She slowly patted my back and even though I didn't put my arms around her, I let her console me. That somehow encouraged me to continue.

"She had lost so much blood. They could save neither her nor….my baby." I sighed deeply, pressing my nose deeper into Bella's hair, and allowed the sweet fragrance of her hair calm me down. I breathed in deeply the heavy scent and added, "I was unconscious for days. When I eventually woke up, I found out that my life was over."

I removed myself from her embrace. "I killed my own family – my wife and unborn child – with my very own hands. I mean, how much more meticulously could a man destroy the reasons of his existence?" I saw her shaking her head, and interrupted whatever she was about to say. "Do you know what the worst part is, apart from living a lonely, meaning less life? The fact that kills me further is that I don't have a scratch on me, Bella! I survived the accident that wiped out my family, and I am healthy as a horse! Ah, the cruel jokes life plays on us…" I said, with a mirthless laugh.

After I was done talking, I realized I was out of breath. I felt exhausted, like I'd run miles or lifted some heavy weights. In spite of that, it felt strangely good to let all those thoughts out for someone else to speculate. I noted Bella's expression again. It was one full of shock, horror and agony – all at the same time. I waited patiently, gave her time to fully grasp the meaning of everything I'd said.

**A/N: Review please?**


	18. Wave Of Anguish

**A/N: I have a twitter account now, if you guys are interested about my updates (or not!).**

/ScienceGeek91

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Bella_

I felt like I was in a dream-like frenzy, in some place beyond the world I was familiar with. The concert I had left a couple of hours ago, my workplace, my home and the people in it – everything seemed to belong to another planet. The current circumstances I was in – the one where only Edward and his pain existed – seemed isolated from the hustle-bustle of human lives. Sitting on the floor of Edward's apartment in the dark, while listening to his heart-wrenching, unbelievable past, I realized what a fool I was. There he was, all hurt and battered in pain, while I was yearning for him? That was absurd. I had felt heartbroken at his rejection the other night, but what he was going through was a hundred times worse.

At one point, when he was talking about the most agonizing part of the story, I noticed his eyes welling in a little. Without being able to control myself, I flung myself at him, wrapping him in my arms. I was fully aware of the fact that this action was not for my sake – it was to comfort _him. _I felt him relax just a little and he pressed his cheek on my hair.

Life was so damn unfair.

I had imagined so many different scenarios like that one, me in his arms. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that it would turn out this way.

Also, I couldn't quite make out the reason for him telling _me_, of all people, about his past. However, then I comprehended that it was his way of explaining his behaviour the other night.

After listening to the entire story, my teeth felt clamped together. No words could escape my mouth, but that was probably because I didn't know what to say in the first place. I felt his eyes on my face, contemplating my expression. His eyes probed my face, searching for some reaction.

"Bella," he breathed, after politely disentangling himself from my embrace and letting his head fall backwards and rest against the wall, "Say something. The silence is killing me." He sounded so wary.

I cleared my throat. "Edward, I-I don't know what to say, except that what you went through was horrible. I really wish it wasn't you. I wish you were……happy," I finished lamely.

He let out a dark chuckle. "I've had my fair share of happiness, I guess. It was much more than any man could have ever hoped for. However, it seemed like my share ran its course and then left me eternally doomed with an empty life. Sometimes, it feels like, fate is making me pay for what I had done. I think, death would have been a less painful punishment for me," he finished with another humourless laugh.

"You can't blame yourself for - ," I began.

"Stop!" he said a little sternly. He sat up straighter, pulled his legs up and rested his elbows on his knees. Covering his face with both his hands, he said, "I am just so tired of hearing the same thing from everyone else. First it was my mother, then Alice, and now you too!"

Hesitantly, I raised my hands and placed them on his shoulder. He didn't flinch or even removed his hands from his face. Heaving a sigh, I pried his fingers loose and pulled his hands away from his face. Reluctantly, he looked up to meet my eyes.

"Bella, why exactly are you here?" he asked, seeming genuinely curious.

_Jeez, let me think,_ I wondered. _It's because I couldn't bear to see the pain in your eyes; because I hadn't stopped thinking about you since the first time I saw you. You occupy each and every corner of my mind. And tonight, I felt my heart bleeding as I learned about your past, because I came to know how much pain you really were in. That's right; your pain bothers me, immensely._

_It was because of one simple reason: I was hopelessly, irretrievably and madly in love with you._

I never thought I'd see the day when I sounded like that chick who keeps writing country songs about ex-boyfriends.

Of course, I couldn't say any of those things out loud. When I was about to form a coherent reply, it seemed like my answering time was up. Either that, or Edward had no actual desire to know the answer to his question.

He started getting up, interrupting me when I was about to answer. That movement brought me back to reality. I hadn't noticed this before, but the video seemed to have ended and the room was flooded with light from the blue screen that had appeared. I got on my feet as well.

"It is getting really late, Bella. I should drive you home," he said, grabbing his jacket.

Translation: You have invaded my privacy enough already. I don't want you hanging out here anymore.

"No, Edward. Don't bother. I can get home by a cab…" I said.

"That's out of the question. You are late because of me. The least I could do is take you home safely."

I felt sudden anger towards him. I was a grown-up, fully able to take care of myself. He didn't need to chaperon me.

I raised my chin in the air. "That won't be necessary. But thanks for the offer, though." I put one foot forward, preparing to exit. With a jolt of surprise, I heard him let out a chortle. I turned backwards and noted on his face a small smile.

"What's so funny?" I asked, attempting to control the fast pace of my heartbeats as he flashed the full force of his scorching eyes on me. His previous gloomy mood was still there, but there was also a hint of humour touching his beautiful face.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "This is a request, Bella. Heaven knows I have enough guilt to live with already. If something bad happens to you too because I let you go all by yourself…" he didn't finish, the previous aching look eclipsing the momentary trace of wit he bore on his face.

"Okay, you've made your point," I grumbled.

A ghost of his crooked smile appeared at the corner of his lips.

While I stood at the doorstep and he turned off the television, something came to my mind.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" I said, half-expecting he'd refuse.

He turned to face me and nodded.

"Is that why you have stopped playing the violin?" I asked, looking down at my feet.

I could tell he had frozen. I forced myself to look up and was astounded to see him smiling again.

"Bella, I just told you the most depressing part of my life, and that's all you can ask me about?" He smiled wider.

"What else do you want me to ask? Did you expect some other reaction?" I asked morbidly.

"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of running away from me, thinking I am some kind of a demon or something equivalent to that," he replied, his light-heartedness gone.

I had no reply to that so I turned away from him and went down the stairs.

I waited while he took his car out from the parking lot, a silver Volvo S60. He stopped the car right in front of me and I got in.

We both remained silent as he drove towards my house. It was pretty dark and quite late as well and I was actually grateful that he had offered me the ride. The past couple of hours had put things in a different perspective. Before, in my head, we were the central characters of my story. Now that I'd come to know the truth about his past, I understood that there was no 'we' in the first place. Edward was still clearly very much in love with his wife. I was nothing but a mute spectator in _his s_tory.

That was when something else hit me. This was a different car than the one he had mentioned while talking about the…incident. I marvelled at the thought – I had a strange mind indeed. That was so not the appropriate moment to differentiate between cars.

"Bella, just spit it out, whatever it is that's bothering you," Edward said looking straight ahead, startling me.

I looked at him inquiringly and he swiftly glanced my way once. "Your fingers are gripping the seat so hard," he muttered.

I released my fingers and placed them on my lap. While keeping my gaze down at my hands, I said, "This car, it's not the same one you used to drive….before."

I could tell Edward had been holding his breath. When I finished my question, he let out a deep sigh. He quietly said, "You never cease to amaze me." I was not sure if that was meant as a compliment. "Yes, this is another car. I couldn't sit behind the wheels for two years and it took me another six months to finally start driving again, without freaking out. I discarded the Vanquish as soon as I was released from the hospital. It was damaged beyond repair, anyway. Just like me." The last part was not meant for me to hear, I figured.

"So, is that all you were curious about, whether I still played the violin or drove a different car?" he asked, still avoiding my eyes. "I am still actually waiting for you to come to your senses and hand me to the cops," he sniggered mirthlessly, again.

"Stop it!" I muttered, quietly, but a little bit harshly. He misunderstood me and hit the brakes. The car came to a screeching halt.

"Not the car," I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "I meant, stop degrading yourself that way," I said, suddenly feeling angry again.

He hadn't restarted the engine. I felt him looking at me so without having another choice, I turned towards him.

"You don't understand, do you? What I had done is unacceptable. No matter what anyone else says to change my mind, as long as I'll live, I'll never be able to forgive myself," he said, determinedly.

I closed my eyes. "You see, Edward, that is what I am trying to tell you. You couldn't have changed what fate had already decided. That was bound to happen, if not by you, then by someone else. We are nothing but mere humans. We have no power to alter anything that happens on this planet." I opened my eyes after I'd finished talking.

"Quite a philosopher you are," he remarked, a hint of a smile in his tone. I couldn't help but smile back. Slowly, just like the other day, his smile started to vanish. He stopped blinking his eyes and continued to stare at me. All of a sudden, he removed his gaze from my face and started the car again.

He remained silent throughout the rest of the drive. When he paused in front of my house, I remained seated. I was in no hurry. It seemed like he wasn't either. He sat there, still resting his hands on the steering wheel.

"Thank you, Bella," he finally said, breaking the silence and astounding me again. "For listening to my story and for not thinking I was some lunatic who belongs to a mental asylum, or worse, a murderer."

I sighed, defeated. He was one stubborn man. No matter how much I tried to talk some sense into him, he'll go back to blaming himself.

"You are welcome, but I would appreciate it further if this 'lunatic' stops holding himself responsible for everything," I replied, a little coldly. I didn't need to look at him to be able to tell that he was smiling again.

"Thank _you_, Edward, as well, for trusting me enough to talk about such a…difficult time of your life. And I also wanted to say," I looked down at my hands again, not sure exactly how to say it, "that I am truly very sorry, about everything. I wish there was some way…that I could…I mean, I wish there was something that could be done…..to…lessen your pain. And if this makes you feel any better, then you should know that my mum thinks that only those human beings are put into tests whom God loves more. That means you are special, Edward, special than the rest of us," I muttered, still looking down.

I felt my face being lifted upward by a cool finger. He brought my face in level with his and said, "Yes, it does make me feel better." His cool breath washed over my face, making me dizzy.

I turned my face the other way, hiding my smile, as soon as he dropped his finger from my chin. I opened the door and was about to get out of the car, when his voice interrupted me again.

"And Bella, I hope it doesn't sound inappropriate. You looked…. exquisite tonight." He turned his head to stare at the road before him when he uttered those words.

My hands froze on the door. I pushed the door open, nonetheless. Without looking at him, I muttered swiftly, "Goodnight, Edward."

_Edward_

I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Bella as I drove back to my apartment. Saying that her reaction was nothing like I had expected, would be an understatement. I was awed by the cool calm she kept, or the charade of it, whichever. Bella Swan was indeed a remarkable young woman, the kind of person I had rarely stumbled upon.

I was not blind. I knew the reason why I was being so honest with her. My feelings for Bella were….more intense than I had actually thought. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the situation. In the morning, when she wakes up and sees some sense, she'll stay out of my way, hopefully.

I parked my car into the garage and climbed the stairs. On reaching my loft, I went to my bedroom and took out a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. Without sparing a glance at the bed, I threw the clothes on it. Next, I took off my shoes and changed my clothes.

As I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, while brushing my teeth, I thought about what Bella had said. Was it likely that she was right? Was there some chance that I am not to blame after all? No, she was mistaken. I am the one to be held responsible for what had happened. Regardless of what she said, I am guilty of committing a gruesome crime.

As I kept thinking about that, I looked at my reflection on the mirror, not really seeing it. However, after staring at it for a long time, I realized that it was the first time I had really seen my face on the mirror in years. I idly wondered about what Bella actually saw in me that would make her locate my address and find me here. I looked so much different than I did four years ago. I was fleetingly shocked when I noticed the changes. My eyes had set deep into the sockets – they looked lifeless. My nose, that was broken during that accident, seemed crooked now, like the nose of a wicked witch. A small, almost undetectable scar ran along the contours of my lips. But, that scar wasn't the only one in my body, as I had told Bella. In spite of that, those scars were trivial compared to the massive gash on my broken heart.

After heaving a deep sigh, I washed my face and prepared to go to bed. Following the accident, I had sold our house in Queens, the one – I realized with another sigh - with a complete nursery and all, and rented this worn down apartment in Brooklyn. I had sold all my previous furniture as well – the mahogany dining table Angela adored, my enormous bookshelf, the large king-sized bed - everything that reminded me of her. Instead, I purchased the basic necessities of a household and cramped this place that was my home now.

Cautiously avoiding looking at the empty left-hand side of the bed, I laid down, knowing that like always, I would have to stay wide awake for a long time, just like it had been happening since the last few years. Moreover, when I did finally fall asleep, I would have to see the accident played out from my memory, again. The car speeding, the windshield breaking, Angela's screams and the sight of blood – each and every detail would be more profound than the previous night. A slight shudder went through my body as I turned on my side, clamped shut my eyes and praying for the millionth time for a deep, dreamless slumber.

_Bella_

I couldn't sleep at all that night. That was very surprising because on most nights, I slept like a baby. But that night, I tossed and turned, threw the covers on top of me and then pulled it back again. I still did not fall asleep. All I could hear was Edward's voice resonating in my ears. I tried covering my ears with my pillow, but there was no avail. Once, a few hours before sunrise, my eyes rested for a while. Nevertheless, I woke up as soon as it was bright enough outside.

I got up from bed, washed my face and brushed my teeth thoroughly. I picked my clothes out very carefully. I chose a sea-green silk top with skinny jeans. After putting my black ballet flats on, I decided to tie my hair in a ponytail. Like always, I couldn't bother with make-up, so while checking my breath I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

"Bella, there's someone here who wants to see you," mum called from the other side of the door.

I had no idea who would want to see me on a Sunday. Nonetheless, I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. Needless to say, I was extremely surprised to see Alice in our kitchen, sitting at the table, while my mother poured her coffee.

"Bella, you didn't tell us that you were expecting a friend," my mum gushed, clearly happy to see I'd made a friend at work.

"Actually, I didn't know," I mumbled, still confused.

Alice got up from the table with a hostile expression, that confounded me further. She walked over to me and muttered under her breath, "Can I talk to you?"

I nodded, dazed.

I was heading out anyway, so I thought it would be better if we talked outside. As soon as I'd shut the door behind me, she snapped at me.

"Where are you going, all dressed up like that, that too on a Sunday morning?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Alice, I-I…" I trailed off, not sure how to tell her the truth.

"No, Bella. I want the explanation you promised last night. Do you think I _don't_ know what's going on in your mind? Well, you are mistaken. I am fully aware of your intentions. Like loads of other women, you couldn't stop falling for Edward. I have seen girls drooling over him since the ninth grade, and I have shooed away anyone who seemed inappropriate." _Ouch. _"But let me tell you, I won't let you get close to him. He has already been through so much. You….Bella, I had never expected this from you. I thought you were different." She looked mad.

My breath clogged my throat. I tried to pretend that all those words didn't hurt. I had no idea what to explain. If I told her how I felt about her friend, would she believe me?

"Women go after him just because of his looks and money. No one has the slightest clue as to what kind of person he is, on the inside. But you…of all people…..I still can't believe it!" she shook her head, incredulously.

"That's enough!" I shrieked. Alice looked a little taken aback at my exclamation. "You think that's what I am after? His money? His looks?" I was almost on the verge of tears.

"That might not be the case, but you don't know his history…" she began.

"As a matter of fact, I _do _know about that," I interrupted her. The effect was just as I had expected. Shock and disbelief washed over her face.

I told her everything that had happened at Edward's place. She listened to me, quietly, looking more astounded by the second.

"Wait, he told you all that?" she asked, doubtfully.

I nodded.

"So why do _you _care so much about all of this that you had to go see him at his apartment?" she pressed on.

I didn't reply, but looked down at my feet as I felt a blush creep upon my cheeks.

"Oh, _come_ on! Please, for heaven's sake, don't tell me you are _in love _with Edward," she cried, frustrated, making a sound of disgust at the back of her throat. "What is this, a bad soap opera?"

"Believe me or not, I had the exact same reaction when I found out," I said, still looking down, feeling my cheeks getting redder.

"Have you told him yet?" she asked, looking sceptical. Her expression looked like she questioned my sanity.

"No! Are you crazy? Have you seen the state he's in?" Now it was my turn to look shocked.

Alice narrowed her eyes again, this time snapping her eyebrows together. She looked thoughtful. "Well, that's strange. From what I knew, women preferred to throw themselves at his feet, _professing their love," _she said with air quotes, looking repulsed at the thought.

I couldn't hold my curiosity any longer. "You keep saying 'women'. How many have you come across until now, who had approached Edward?" I asked

Alice bit her lip, looking tentative. "Do you really want to know?" she asked.

I gulped. "No, I guess not."

"But, Edward had always been quite….what's the right word…yes, 'sensible' about that. Unlike other good-looking men, he never took advantage of women. He only ever dated a handful of women, the ones that really caught his attention. That was before he met Angela. After that…he only had his eyes for her." she paused. "Bella, you should have seen them together," she said, with dreamy eyes. I didn't know if she was talking about it to discourage my feelings for Edward, but I listened anyway. "They were the like the perfect couple. Can you imagine those words coming out of my mouth? Yes, those two made me change my mind too. They were like two pieces of puzzle, two opposite forces that worked together, all the time." She heaved a deep sigh. "Everything changed after that accident. The old Edward was gone. The one that was funny, optimistic and full of so much _life._ Instead, it was replaced with a person who was just…..lifeless." She sniffed once, her eyes looking somewhere distant.

My heart felt heavy after hearing about Edward's heartache from someone else. I breathed in a fresh lungful of air, hoping to calm my nerves. I hadn't realized until that moment that my eyes prickled with sudden tears.

Alice noted my expression and forced a smile. "I apologize, Bella, sincerely. It's just that I had seen such instances before, so I judged you and your behaviour on that basis. That was inexcusable. I really am sorry," she muttered, looking embarrassed.

"It's not a problem. I understand. No harm done, right?" I myself cracked a grin.

She nodded. "Bella, now, I am not going to ask you where you are going. But, whatever you do, regarding Edward, keep in mind everything I had told you today. I don't want to see him being hurt…" she pleaded.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I promised, surprised at how much I really meant it.

_Edward_

I woke with a start when I heard the doorbell ring. Strange, it seemed like I had dozed off as soon as my head had touched the pillow. On top of that, I don't remember having nightmares either; just a deep, undisturbed sleep. It was bizarre because I haven't slept that well in….years. Every morning, I would wake up with a scream, the bed sheets all tangled around my legs, my shirt wet with sweat. None of these happened today. This morning, I felt, rested. Calm.

The doorbell rang again. I wondered who it could be on a Sunday morning. I didn't have many visitors over to my place. So I walked over to the door, uncertainly. Needless to say I was surprised to see Bella standing outside the door, with two huge paper bags in her arms, that were overflowing with…..things. Bella stood there, looking bright, sunny and practically…… glowing, while I looked like a mess.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You see, I am a terrible cook," she began.

I raised an eyebrow, wondering where she was going with this.

"So, I thought it would be too much of a torture for you if you had to start a day by tasting something _I _made," she paused to laugh at her little joke. "Which is why, I brought you breakfast…." She trailed off, unsure if that was the right thing to do or not.

"But, why?" I asked, still confused.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, and started pushing her way through me to enter the apartment. I quickly stepped aside to let her in. "My mum says breakfast is the most important meal of the day and since I figured guys don't prefer elaborate cooking so you must be having a crappy breakfast," she kept rambling on, walking through the doors and into my living room, seeming at ease, like she actually owned the place herself. "That's why I thought you should have breakfast, with me," she stated the reason, pointing her thumb at herself, like it should have been obvious all along.

I stood there, speechless for a while. She turned to face me, still holding the paper bags in her arms. I swiftly went ahead and took them from her. After I had placed them on the dining table in the kitchen adjoining the living room, I felt her standing next to me.

"Um, that was very nice of you to think that way, but I can cook pretty well for myself," I muttered, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed to reveal that tiny detail.

"Oh, I know that look. Most men count making coffee and frying eggs to be equivalent to real food," she laughed, again. "But, let me tell you. Food is a type of an art that should be treated well and _appreciated_. It's not something that keeps you alive. _You _live for it," she explained, her eyes looking dreamy.

Wow. I had never heard a woman be that much enthusiastic about food. It was actually kind of….adorable.

"Err, okay. But I really need to clean up first. Make yourself at home and I'll be back in a minute," I said with a smile.

Her eyes went out of focus. She swallowed once and nodded, walking backward.

I chuckled at her odd behaviour and walked back to my bedroom.

**A/N: Did anyone catch the reference to Taylor Swift? Don't get me wrong, I love her music. I was listening to one of her songs when I had this crazy idea to include that part…lol!**

**Review please?**


	19. Trance Awake

**A/N: I have a twitter account now, in case you guys are interested about my updates (or not!).**

/ScienceGeek91

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Bella_

As I stood there outside Edward's apartment, after having pressed the doorbell once, I started having a panic attack. Was it the right thing to do? Showing up at his door on a weekend? What if he thought I was some kind of a mental a case, or worse, a stalker?

However, it was too late now. I couldn't sneak out now, like a coward. Why was he taking so much time to open the door? Did I still have a chance to walk away?

It was at that moment, that the door was opened. There stood Edward, in front of me. It was clear that he had just rolled out of bed. His hair was messier than usual, giving it kind of a 'bed hair' kind of look. I shuddered slightly. Now was _so _not the time to think about that.

He hadn't shaved so he had that morning facial stubble. Honestly, now that I had seen him that way, I didn't know if he looked better early in the morning, unkempt like that, or when he was dressed up for an occasion, like he had done at the concert. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt, with a pair of grey sweats. _Grey sweats?_ Who looks mouth-watering in sweatpants? Oh wait, Edward does.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" he asked; his voice was thick with sleep. Oh crap, kill me now!

I was so much preoccupied with the way he looked and the way he sounded that I just went ahead and said the first thing that came to my mind. "

"You see, I am a terrible cook," I started saying, sounding more and more stupid. He looked confused and raised an eyebrow. "So, I thought it would be too much of a torture for you if you had to start a day by tasting something _I _made," I took a breath and laughed out loud at my sorry attempt at humour. "Which is why, I brought you breakfast…" I said, wondering why he wasn't saying anything.

"But why?" he questioned.

"Oh, Edward," I began, while trying to move past him and get inside. Once I was in his apartment, I continued talking. "My mum says breakfast is the most important meal of the day and since I figured guys don't prefer elaborate cooking so you must be having a crappy meal. That's why I thought you should have breakfast, with me," I finished, hoping I didn't sound like I was forcing him to do this.

After I was done talking, I turned to face him. He quickly came forward and took the bags I was carrying in my arms and placed them on the table at the kitchen. I walked over to him.

"Um, that was very nice of you to think that way, but I can cook pretty well for myself," he replied, with a small smile.

"Oh, I know that look. Most men count making coffee and frying eggs to be equivalent to real food. But, let me tell you. Food is a type of an art that should be treated well and _appreciated_. It's not something that keeps you alive. _You _live for it," I reasoned.

_Seriously, Bella? _I told myself._ That's the best you could do? Of all the things to talk about, you decide to lecture him on the importance of a proper meal? Pathetic._

"Err, okay. But I really need to clean up first. Make yourself at home and I'll be back in a minute," he said, with one of his devastating smiles. My head fogged up and my vision got slightly hazy. I blinked feverishly a couple of times and saw his back turned towards me as he walked to his room.

I took the opportunity to sweep my eyes over the apartment. The previous night, I couldn't see everything clearly as the place was in almost darkness. Now I could see that the place was neither as intricately furnished as a house decorated by a woman nor did it have the scruffiness of a bachelor's studio apartment. The loveseat and couches I noted last night were of a beige shade, placed above a navy blue rug. The coffee table placed at the centre was slim and modern looking. There was a modest sized flat-screen hung on the wall facing the loveseat – the one which played the wedding video. _Sigh._

Right next to the living room, there was the kitchen – equipped with marble-top counters, a microwave and refrigerator. The dining table sat only three people. For some reason, looking at the small table made me really sad.

That was when Edward emerged from his bedroom. He hadn't shaved but he looked better and I had no idea how that was even possible. He had donned a black V-neck t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans, looking like he had just stepped out of a _GQ_ photo shoot. His hair looked wet which probably meant he had just stepped out of the shower…..

Okay, that was definitely not the best thing to think about with him standing a few feet away from me.

I tried concentrating on the darker shade his hair wore – the water made the bronze look like chocolate. The messy hair, like always, fell on his forehead. My hands itched to sweep them away.

"Sorry for taking so long," he apologized with a small smile. "You must be starving."

_What, starving? With you standing there looking delicious? Ha! Not a chance…._

"That's not a problem," I mumbled, walking over to the dinner table. I reached inside the paper bags and started taking out all the food items. "So, I didn't know what you liked which is why I brought a little bit of everything. We have pancakes, croissants, bagels and some blueberry muffins. Is that enough?" I asked, as I suddenly realized men had a huge appetite. What if there wasn't enough for him?

He walked towards me and stopped near the table. "Bella, you didn't have to go through so much trouble. I can assure you, I can feed myself perfectly. Besides, it's not fair that you get everything for breakfast while I sit idle. Next time, we'll share, okay?"

Next time? Was he being serious?

He must have sensed something from my expression because he quickly added, "Only if you want, of course."

I stalled for a while then replied, "I'd like that." I turned my face to hide my smile.

"Okay, so the least I could do this morning is make coffee. You do drink coffee, don't you?"

I nodded as I watched him reach into one of the kitchen cupboards and take out plates and mugs and a coffee jar. He handed me the plates and I served the food while he turned on the coffee machine. When the coffee was ready, he brought the two mugs to the table and sat down.

We ate silently for a while, the only sound being the sipping of coffee and munching on the croissants. The coffee was surprisingly good and I had to say it to him. "Edward, the coffee is brilliant. I must say I am impressed," I said.

He looked up from his plate, and smiled wide. "Yes, you get good at it after making it for yourself for so long. Thanks," he added.

After we were done eating, I helped him do the dishes. I scrubbed them with the sponge, while he wiped them dry with a piece of cloth. After we ran out of the dishes, we stood facing each other, not looking in the eye. After a few seconds, he spoke up. "Thank you so much for this wonderful meal. I can honestly say that I haven't enjoyed one in a really long time."

"You're most welcome. But I wish I could have made something myself," I mumbled.

"From next week, I am cooking half of the meal. And you can bring the rest, does that sound good?" he asked, sounding sceptical.

"Yes. I hope you don't get tired of my company. It can be tedious at times," I said, with a laugh.

"I highly doubt that," he replied, looking serious all of a sudden. My laughter stopped and just like numerous other times, we kept looking at each other, neither of us saying anything. Like always, he was the one to break the trance. He looked away from me and snapped me out of my reverie.

"Um, I hate to say this, but I actually had a pile of work stacked up for the weekend. Since I stay at home on most weekends, I bring tons of work back home. So do you mind if I…?" he trailed off, not finishing the question.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I don't mind," I replied, hoping I sounded more convincing than I thought I did.

He cracked a smile and went back to his bedroom. He came out with his MacBook Air secured under his arms and sat down at the table. He turned the laptop on and I, seeing no other option, pulled up another chair and sat down facing him. Thankfully, I had a book in my bag. I took it out from my bag and started reading, not exactly attentively because I was wondering if I should stick around for this long.

"Still a fan of classics, I see," he noted, raising his eyebrows. I turned the cover of my battered copy of _Sense and Sensibility _and smiled. "Well, yes. I really don't get tired of reading them," I admitted.

"I myself used to read a lot at one time," Edward said, his eyes looking distant. "I had an enormous collection that I had been filling up since I was a teenager. But after I decided to move into this place," he said, motioning the place around him, "I became conscious of the fact that it was time to shrink my book collection. Now all I have left are a few old copies of works by Shakespeare, Dickens, P.B. Shelley and more recent writers like Ian Fleming and J R. R. Tolkien. I also enjoy poems by Robert Frost."

I stared at him in awe, surprised to know this much about his preferences in literature.

I quickly looked down at my book and tried reading the sentences out loud in my head, hoping to tune down the confusing thoughts that were taking over my mind. Like, why was he telling me all these things, not that I was complaining. I just hoped that he didn't feel like he owed me explanations after last night. I didn't want him to feel compelled in any way.

I was certain he also felt like he had given away too much information because out of the corner of my eye, I saw him snap his eyes back to the computer screen. He worked silently for a while and I kept reading until the part where Marianne learns about Willoughby's betrayal. That was when a thought crossed my mind. I pondered on the possibilities of the outcome of my suggestion that I was about to make. I squared my shoulders and decided I would have to take my chances.

I cleared my throat, and asked, "Um, Edward? Can I ask you something?"

His fingers paused on the keyboard and he looked up from over the top of the screen and appraised my expression. He sat back, resting his shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes, sure. Go ahead."

All of a sudden, I started feeling dizzy. My head spun and I had to take deep breaths to calm myself. I could not think about what he would if he got angry with me. I'll find out soon enough.

"Last night, when I came in, you had your back to the television screen. Why was that so?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even and failing miserably.

The previous serene mask he wore changed into a gloomier one. He uncrossed his arms and leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. He closed his eyes and it was obvious how much painful it was for him to talk about this. I cursed myself for bringing this about.

"I-I still don't have the st-strength to see her face, knowing that she's no longer for real," he replied, still looking agonized.

My insides churned to see him this way and I realized he had to overcome this, somehow.

"Edward, you cannot let that incident make you weak. I know it is very difficult for you…"

"You don't know anything!" he stood up from his chair abruptly, startling me. His voice was laced with hostility and his eyes looked angry, just like I had expected it to be. "I said I was not strong enough, not that I was weak." He shoved aside the laptop, leaned down on the table by resting both his palms on it and looked me in the eye. His face so close, I could feel the heat radiating from his fury. Impulsively, I leaned back on the chair. "If I were a weak man, then I wouldn't have been able to step out of the house and move on with my life like the way I had. You would have seen me moping around, cursing life and everyone who was in a better state than I was. No Bella, I am not doing any of those things. As a matter of fact, I am trying to do everything I possibly could to retain the normalcy of the remains of my life. So, you don't get to tell me that it made me weak….."

"Sshh, stop. Calm down." I placed both my hands on his shoulders and immediately felt him relaxing under my touch. I could tell the contact made him feel edgy but this time I didn't let him get his way. Keeping my hands there, I said, "I am not judging you, Edward. I am not that blind. I can see how well you have done with your life so far after going through such a traumatic experience. All I am saying is that there are certain aspects that you have to face and you cannot hide from them. Angela is a huge part of your life and will always remain that way. Her death can't change that situation and _you_ have to prove it."

He subtly shrugged away from my touch and stood back, facing me. I stared back at him, hoping he understood all that I had said. I gave up when he didn't reply; I got up from the chair and I gathered my things. "I should probably get going. Please, Edward. Think about what I said." He was still standing with the same expression on his face, looking back at me. He didn't move an inch and I turned my back to him and exited the apartment.

_Edward_

I didn't want her to leave; that was not the intention of my outburst, not at all. I couldn't remember the last time someone had been nice to me without showing an ounce of pity. But, Bella did it effortlessly - make me feel good. When I said I had a great time, I realized that I had initially meant to say it out of politeness but it sounded very much true in my ears. However with those few words, she completely ruined the morning. Okay, may be I was more responsible for that, but I really didn't want her to say those things.

Amidst all we both had said, I vaguely remembered her talking about Angela in the present tense. That really surprised me. Wouldn't it have been more convenient and easier for her to talk about Angela in the past tense?

Suddenly, I felt too tired to think about all those details. I walked over to my bedroom, yanked open the cupboard and reached behind it to retrieve the small carton box I didn't have the heart to throw away. I sat on the bed, placing the box on my lap. Before removing the lid, I snapped shut my eyes. With my eyes closed, I trailed my fingers to feel the material lying inside. I felt the delicate chiffon, the bodice and the beaded neckline below my fingers. Slowly, I lied down backwards on the bed, bringing Angela's wedding dress with me. I turned on my side, pressing the dress to my face and breathed in deeply, hoping to find her scent in it, even though I knew it had been so many years since she had last worn it. Five years, to be exact. That realization brought angry tears in my eyes and with my eyes still closed I fell into a deep slumber.

---------------------

_I could see her face, her hair blowing in the wind. She looked…content. Not exactly happy, but not sombre either. Her skin glowed in the sunlight, with her eyes sparkling. She was excited to see me, or rather, appear before me._

_At first, the place seemed unknown. For one crazy moment, I thought we were sitting in Central Park, in the Great Lawn. However, after a while I realized it was just the backyard of my parent's house in New Jersey – the place where we had spent countless afternoons._

"_You shouldn't have lost your temper," she commented. She sounded like a parent, scolding a child for doing some kind of mischief._

_I could see her sitting in front of me, with her legs crossed. I couldn't see myself very clearly. I was just a hazy shape, unlike Angela who looked very much real. I reached my finger out to touch her but her fingers reached mine midway. She laced her fingers through mine and started playing with our adjoined hands._

_Her hair was let down, as always, the ends curling in together. She was wearing a pale yellow dress which made her look more angelic than ever. She still took my breath away. _

"_You hate that colour. How come you are wearing it?" I asked, not answering her question._

_At my question, she looked down at herself, seeming to realize for the first time what she was wearing. Then she looked at me and shrugged. "You don't reply to me and I don't answer your question. Tit for tat."_

_I widened my eyes in disbelief. The Angela I knew and loved would never respond that way. She saw the serious look on my face and burst out into a tinkling laughter that sounded like wind chimes. Without a warning, she lurched forward and caught my lips in a deep, unexpected kiss. Her lips moved with mine with the familiar rhythm, mine tracing the lines of lips, remembering the way they felt. It was then that I realized that this was the same person that I had fallen in love with. Nothing had changed._

_She slowly pulled back and smiled at me. I didn't let her go. I grabbed her shoulders and quite forcefully pulled her into my arms. She murmured with a smile in her voice, "Behave yourself now; Esme might walk in on us."_

_I dipped my nose into her hair and breathed in her ever familiar fragrance. More proof that she really was there. "Come back, please," I pleaded._

_I felt her sigh. She pulled back a little so that she could meet my gaze. "You know it doesn't work that way. But, I am so happy with the way you have handled yourself. You have no idea how much proud that makes me."_

"_You are so…..that is so unfair," I finished lamely, suddenly at a loss of better words._

_She placed her palm on my cheek. "Do whatever makes you happy. That is all I ask from you. I will always be with you, Edward. Always….."_

_--------------------------------_

I jumped up from my bed and found myself still holding her dress, which was then slightly damp from my tears. I wiped a single teardrop from my cheek, got up from the bed and placed her dress back carefully inside the box. I walked over to the living room, knelt in front of the television screen and turned it on. The video was still in it place. I turned that on too. After taking a deep breath, I pressed the 'play' button.

There she was, walking down the aisle, with her hands around her father's arm. Something heavy dropped at the pit of my stomach at her sight. Seeing her face in a conscious state was even harder than I had thought. She had her head bent down and a red tinge was present on her cheeks. She reached the place where the minister stood with the bridesmaids on one side and two other men standing on the other side. One of the men, who seemed like a stranger now, went forward and took her hand from her father's. The two then exchanged the vows and kissed passionately. When Angela's smiling face appeared on the screen again, I lightly trailed my finger along the screen, as my insides twisted and turned in pain. I started taking deep breaths and felt like I was choking. I couldn't take it anymore. The traitor tears started falling again. I cried the pent up tears I had not shed in the last four years. I cried for her, for my fate, for our baby, for the family I had lost and the future I would have had with them.

**A/N: Review please?**


	20. Fragments Of Faith

**A/N: I have a twitter account now, in case you guys are interested about my updates (or not!).**

/ScienceGeek91

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Bella_

I had promised myself that I would not shed a single more tear for Edward. I wouldn't let his rejection cause me any more pain that it already had. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from weeping really hard as soon as I had stepped out of the apartment building. I got into a cab and wept silently at the back seat so as not to arise any confusion in front of the cab driver. Once I got home, I avoided everyone's stares and rushed up to the safety of my room. Slamming the door behind me, I slid down on the floor and bit on my lip as fresh tears rolled down my cheek. I sat there in the darkness of my room until the sun set. Thankfully, my family members gave me my privacy and no one, not even Renee came up to check on me.

When I had run out of my tears, my insides felt empty and it was not because the last meal I had was at Edward's house. After sitting in that position for so long, my back hurt. However that pain was very insignificant to what I felt on the inside. It was like a part of me was missing, like I had left it behind. My throat felt dry. I got up in an instant, as a result of which my head spun and I had to steady myself by holding the door. I wrenched open the door, flew down the stairs and reached the kitchen. I took out a water bottle from the fridge and started drinking the ice cold water from the bottle itself. The water slashed down the side of my lips, drenching my clothes I hadn't changed since morning.

I finished the entire bottle within a minute and after I was done, I pressed the cool surface of the bottle on my forehead, hoping the condensation would calm my nerves. That was when I realized that in my hurry to reach the kitchen, I had not paid attention to anything else that was going on in my house. Now that I was coming back to my senses, I could hear the television on in the living room with some football match going on. Charlie must be home. I could also hear Renee on the phone talking with my Grandma Marie. Oliver must be up in his room. It seemed strange to realize that all these people were there for me. They cared if I was unhappy. If I wished, I could gather them all the living room and cry my heart out, if I had not done that already. They would still be patient with me as I related my pathetic story to them. Then why should I waste my time behind people who didn't care that much?

So I wiped the last lingering teardrop from my face and raided the fridge until I felt like I was going to be sick. Next, I walked up to my bedroom, removed my day old clothes and took a shower. After putting on a fresh pair of pyjamas, I knocked on my parent's bedroom and found my mother doing some knitting. I smiled wide at her and plopped down on the bed and talked to her about the most random things. My mother didn't guess anything was wrong because we do this practically on every weekend. After sharing all my workplace gossip with her for an entire hour, I had to stifle multiple yawns. So I bid her a goodnight and went back to my room.

Once I had lied down on my bed, I hid my head under my pillow to muffle the sobs that threatened to escape my mouth, as the tears started streaming down again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Monday morning_

It had been several hours since our current issue had hit the newsstands. We were all at the edge of our seats, our nails already bitten as we waited tensely for the reviews. My situation was even worse than the rest of them. If we didn't get positive reviews, I would be unemployed. And finding another job in this time of global economic crises was simply impossible; which is why I sat at my desk, with my fingers crossed.

David had showed me one of the copies in the morning. The pictures were even more awe-inspiring on the glossy pages. The whole setting, the Central Park background and the greenery – everything looked utterly amazing. Alice looked splendid as well, not precisely supermodel material like Heidi Klum, but still marvellous in her own way.

However, as much as I would have liked it to be otherwise, I had other matters at hand to worry about. Edward was still very much present in every corner of my head. On top of that, his words still blared in my ears, loud and clear. But the truth was that I was hurting to see him go through so much pain. And I had to do something about it since apparently no one else was. If he continued to live this way, he would not survive. May be that had been his intention all along – to stop living in order to die.

That thought sent a tremor through my body. No, I could not let him waste his life in this way. I didn't care that he didn't want me (I tried not to flinch at this thought). I didn't give a damn that he absolutely lost his temper when I advised him to yank himself out from this miserable state. If he would let me, I would try to save him.

I was jilted back from my superhero mode at around noon when David called me into his office.

"Bella, we just got the initial reviews. So far they seem positive enough," he said cheerfully.

I heaved a deep sigh of relief. "Does that mean I still get to work here?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh c'mon, my mother was not exactly being serious when she said that. We both knew what we were doing when we carried out that photo shoot. As a matter of fact," he sat up straight and cleared his throat, "if things go as well as they are looking at the moment, you could start expecting a promotion soon," he added, with a smile.

My eyes grew wide and my jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me?" I asked, not completely taking his words to be true.

"Of course I am not, Bella. I am very impressed with your work so far and you absolutely deserve this. I remember you mentioning that you did a little bit of writing, so does a position of a columnist sound good to you?" he asked, with mischief in his eyes.

I screamed out loud. "David! That's huge! You really can't be serious about that?"

"Now, now don't get too excited about that. It's really a small column. More importantly, I would have to see some of your writings before I could consider you for that position. Do you understand what I am saying?"

I nodded, as gradually my spirits were sinking. I would have to write something really good if I really wanted that promotion. Nevertheless, I forced a smile and said, "David, I feel so honoured that you would even think of me to be capable of such a job. I promise I will try my best to hand you some really good pieces of writing. I will not let you down."

"I am counting on you, Bella. Oh, and one more thing, who was the photographer who took Alice's pictures for the photo shoot. It certainly wasn't our usual man, James, was it?" he asked.

I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. None of the people working here were fond of that shabby-looking creepy photographer. He kept hitting on everyone. "No, it wasn't. James took off a week before the photo shoot saying that he got a better offer at some magazine in L.A. This new guy is called Jasper Whitlock. He had worked with _Harper's Bazaar _and _Vanity Fair _before so he seemed pretty appropriate for the job. Why do ask?" I questioned.

"No, I just noticed that this issue's photographs were livelier, more personal than the stuffs James had been shoving down our throats since the past few years," he pretended to shudder at the thought. "I personally don't regret his leaving this job," he whispered conspiratorially.

I laughed. "I definitely second that."

I felt exuberant after talking with David. I also wished other aspects of my life had been going this smoothly as well. I decided not to make myself unhappy over that detail any more. With that thought in my mind, during lunch I climbed up to the third floor to congratulate Alice on the successful magazine cover.

However, after I had climbed two flights of stairs as I started walking towards the accounts section, I suddenly heard someone talking in hushed voices.

"Why won't you leave me alone? I thought I had made myself pretty clear the last time we saw we each other." I recognized Alice's voice.

"No, please don't say that. You have no idea how hard these past two years had been for me. I waited all this time, hoping that you would change your mind. But I couldn't take it anymore." The male voice was unfamiliar.

"But you know what I want. I have responsibilities, Jasper," Alice pleaded.

"I know that now. I was stupid to pressure you earlier. But I have realized my mistake now. We will do things the way that you want," Jasper said.

I pressed myself against the wall so that they wouldn't see me. So Alice and Jasper knew each other. I knew eavesdropping was not the best thing to do but doing so I had come to know that the two must have had a history. Well, I knew better than to mention about it to Alice. When the time was right, I hoped she herself would tell me about it.

It seemed bizarre now. I had seen the photographer snapping away Alice's photos and not for a single moment had it seemed like the two had had something going on in the past. Jasper Whitlock - the tall, lean and blond young man who had just joined _Haute Couture_ – had been in a relationship with our little pixie, Alice? It really was hard to believe. I was aware of the fact that he was a talented photographer, but romancing someone like Alice? The guy must be exceptional.

Once I was sure that both of them had left the staircase hallway, I made my way to Alice's cubicle. She had her bent down, reading something lying on her desk. When she sensed me standing there, she looked up and smiled. That was something I still needed time to get used to. It was still surreal to have her behave friendly with me.

"Hey there, Bella. What's up?" she asked, with all the previous strain in her voice I had heard during her conversation with Jasper gone.

"You tell me. I just talked with David and he said the magazine sales are going quite well so far. So what do you think, are you expecting any calls from Donatella Versace or Oscar de la Renta anytime soon?" I asked, hoping to distract her from whatever was bothering her.

She laughed out loud and I knew my plan had worked. "Is that so? That's good news then, I guess. Enough about me, tell me about you. How are things going?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and I knew what she was talking about.

I pretended not to notice the hint in her voice. "Everything is going very well, thank you." I told her about my upcoming promotion, carefully avoiding talking about Edward.

She seemed excited enough about my good news and fortunately didn't mention the issue about Edward, for which I was thankful.

We headed to the cafeteria together for lunch. Once we had filled our food trays, Alice lead the way and I was surprised when she didn't stop at our usual table where Eric, Michelle and Grace were already seated. She gave them a friendly wave but kept walking towards an empty table at the corner. I gave them a perplexed look, trying to convey that I was just as confused as they were. Without a word, I kept following her.

Once we reached the empty table, she stood before a chair, holding her tray. "So are you going to tell me what exactly is going on with you and Edward?" she muttered through her gritted teeth, narrowing her eyebrows.

I swallowed loudly but did not back down. My previous resolve about not asking Alice about her love life broke and I opened my mouth before I had even thought it through. "Only if you tell me what is going on with you and the photographer guy." I hated being so nasty but if there was any way I could escape her interrogations regarding Edward, I would take it. However, it seemed like her concern for Edward won over everything else, even discussing her personal life.

"Fine," she muttered, dropping the tray on that table. She looked clearly annoyed and I smiled sweetly back at her. "I hate you, Swan, like literally," she spat.

I sighed, removing my precious charade of cheerfulness. "Yes, I kind of hate myself too, at the moment." At my response, she looked confused. Suddenly, Alice grabbed my hand, startling me and asked, "What on earth happened?"

So I told her all about my foolish attempt to get Edward out of his depression. She listened to all of it, slowly chewing her tuna sandwich. Once I was done, I took a swig of water from the bottle to wet my parched throat and said, "Okay, now go ahead and scream at me."

To my utter amazement, she remained just as quiet as before. She didn't even pay attention to me. She looked at her food tray while she opened her can of soda. The can opened with a sharp noise, and some of the drink spilled on the table. Very calmly, she started wiping the table with a napkin. After the table was spotless, I said, "I am growing a beard over here."

She carefully dumped the dirty napkin into her food tray. After finishing her soda, she finally looked up to meet my eyes. "You are a very stubborn person, Bella. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Needless to say, I was shocked to see her go out of track. I was expecting a full-blown speech on how I should stop messing with Edward and stay out of his life, etc. If she hadn't known him all her life, then she would have scolded me for losing my dignity and trying to forcefully make a place for myself in his life.

"And….?" I prompted her to continue.

"And so I figured you wouldn't listen to me if I asked you to stop making these attempts. You would still keep trying even if he said you 'no' right in your face." I winced slightly at this. Seeing my reaction, her expression softened and she gave a small sad smile. "He himself brought this upon him. Not the accident, no. That was just a cruel twist of fate. The way he is treating himself now, that is definitely his fault. And once he makes up his mind about something, no one can change that. So, I am sorry to say, but you giving a shot at this might be futile. He is not going to change," she concluded with a sigh.

I listened to her the entire time with my mouth wide open. After she stopped talking, I realized that and snapped my mouth shut. Of course, Edward wouldn't change his mind. But like Alice had said, I was just as obstinate. Even though this detail about me was sort of new to hear but now that she had said it, it seemed very much true. I would still try to help him get back on his life, if he would let me.

This reminded me about my last night's resolution on not interfering with his life anymore. No, I didn't promise myself that. I had vowed that I wouldn't try and hope about a…..future with….us together…in it. No, I was not that big of a fool. Instead, I would make an effort to make him smile; so that he could forget about his pain for a while.

Alice had been silent all this time. I was so deeply immersed in my thoughts that I was suddenly surprised when I realized I was at the office cafeteria, sitting with Alice.

"I _care _about him, Alice," I said, placing both my palms on my chest for emphasis. "Every time I see all that pain in his eyes, it kills me. I can't sit here and do nothing while he destroys himself that way." I shook my head. Saying those words out loud motivated me even further.

She sighed again. She placed her hands on the table, clamped them together and rested her forehead on top of her adjoined hands. "I really hope you succeed in this, Bella. It had been hard for me too, to watch him in agony for this long." With her head bent, her words came out as a muffled sound. I reached out and tried to comfort her by patting her shoulder.

"I am sorry I eavesdropped to your conversation with Jasper," I mumbled, feeling ashamed.

Her head snapped up at this revelation. "So _that_ is how you came to know, huh?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

I panicked. She would burn me alive now. "I swear, I really didn't mean to. I only went upstairs to tell you about the magazine sales. Then when I heard your voice, I got confused and stopped there at the staircase hallway."

"Don't bother. There's nothing to hide anyway. My story is not something overly dramatic or something. Jasper and I met when we were in college. We were in a relationship for five years. Then he asked me to move in with him and I said no." She concluded with a shrug.

I couldn't hold my curiosity. "So why did you say no?"

"I was not that type of a girl, Bella!" She stated it like I should have already guessed. "I didn't want to be some kind of a burden for him. I didn't need him to take my responsibility. Besides, I had two little brothers to think about. I couldn't just leave them on their own…" she said.

I understood what she meant. But somehow, I could see Jasper's viewpoint as well. "Alice, I am sure he didn't want you to lose your independence, if that's what you were worried about. I bet he just wanted to take the relationship to the next level, to make things more permanent, you know what I mean? He didn't want you to think of yourself as a burden of some sort. Five years is a long time, Alice. And today, I heard the pain in his voice. He really seemed to have missed you. But, then what happened? Had you stopped seeing each other since the last two years, like he had said?" I asked.

Alice sighed again and wrapped her hands around herself, looking like she was cold. "No. He got an offer as a photographer in Paris and he had said he would sort things out with me after he got back. I shifted houses and he kept looking for me, until he heard about this position of a photographer at this magazine. He agreed to do the job, before even realizing that I worked here as well. He saw me first on the day of the photo shoot. Oh Bella!" she cried out suddenly. "It was so difficult for me to smile at the camera and pretend to be normal while _he _of all people took my pictures. It's amazing the way things turn out. He had been nagging to take pictures of me since we met and every time I had refused. I could tell from his expression that day at Central Park that he couldn't have been happier. As for me, I was still reeling from shock of seeing him after so many months. I can't describe how I felt at that moment; it was such a strange feeling. I was still angry at him at the same time I felt ecstatic to see him."

"Now I realize that I had been running away from him. I don't know why. We had such amazing understanding between us but still I felt afraid sometimes. That fear became too much to swallow at one point and so I purposely lost contact with him after he left for France. And now he is back again and I don't know what to do." She concluded and looked up at me with tired eyes.

I stared at Alice with awe. I really did not expect her to be so open and honest about a topic that was clearly very sensitive. Yet, there she said everything out loud. It felt nice to know that she had come to trust me after all this time.

"You know, it's not very unusual. I bet there are loads of other people who had been exactly in your shoes or even worse circumstances. We are humans after all. It's okay to freak out once in a while," I tried to console her.

"This is not 'freaking out', Bella. It's called having 'commitment issues'," she replied back, with venom in her voice.

"You need some more time, that's all," I still tried to make her feel better.

"You are an annoyingly optimistic person, Bella, do you know that?" She remarked, after pulling herself back together.

And I had no reply to that.

**A/N: Review please?**


	21. Help Is Around The Corner

**A/N: I have a twitter account now, in case you guys are interested about my updates (or not!).**

/ScienceGeek91

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Stuck here  
In the middle of no where  
With a headache  
And a heavy heart_

Oh well nothing  
was going quite right here  
and I'm tired  
I can't play my part

Come on Come on  
Oh what a state  
I'm in  
Come on Come on  
why won't it just  
sink in  
The help is just around the corner  
for us

Help Is Around The Corner by Coldplay

_Bella_

So another Thursday arrived. I was a little scared to face Edward at the same time I was looking forward to do so as well. I finished my class while being distracted the whole time. As I was exiting the classroom, I was met with a huge dimpled grin.

"Look who's here!" Emmett said in his booming voice. I swear he had grown since the last time I had seen him. His arms looked like he could squash me to a pulp within seconds. Yet, now that I had come to know him, I knew he was a sweetheart. I realized once again that you really cannot judge someone from their appearance.

"Hi, Emmett. What's up?" I asked, out of politeness.

He tried to appear nonchalant as he flexed his biceps up and down. "Nothing much, except that someone got lucky with Ms. Stuck-Up."

I pretended to be surprised. "Emmett! You didn't!" I said, trying to look awed.

"I sure did. 'Rose' agreed to go out with me…" he trailed off, his voice losing the initial confidence.

"So, when is the big date?" I inquired.

He bit his lip, suddenly looking like a nervous child. I felt bad. "Well, she said sometime in the near future, but not now," he replied, looking downcast at once.

"Aww, poor baby! Do you need a hug?" I said, trying to lighten the mood. To my surprise, Emmett came forward and wrapped his cylinder-sized arms around my shoulders, crushing my fragile bones.

"She thinks I am fooling around with her, Bella. She thinks I am some kind of a stupid jerk who won't treat her well. Is that what I look like?" He sounded like he was almost on the verge of tears.

Since my hands were locked under his embrace, I tried to comfort him with my words. "I am sure she will see what a great person you are. Give her some time."

When he pulled back, he already had one of his goofy smiles back on his face. I sighed happily. Just a few kind words had the power to make Emmett smile. He really was a wonderful soul, pure at heart. He deserved his share of happiness.

I playfully punched his arm and like the last time regretted it. Forcing back the cry of pain, I muttered, "Go get your girl!"

He forced another smile, flashing his adorable dimples again. "I will, definitely."

As soon as he walked out from my vision, I was face-to-face with the one person I was trying to avoid, who also happened to be the person I was desperately eager to see.

I was still standing outside the classroom, in the middle of the corridor, while he stood at the end of it which led to the exit. We had several metres distance between us, yet I could see each and every expression with absolute clarity. As soon as he saw me, he stopped walking and froze where he was standing. Neither of us moved. I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible, while he looked like, well, like he was _glaring _at me. He wore a plaid shirt today with blue jeans and his hair looked like he had pulled the strands multiple times and yet he looked like a sight of perfection. It was impossible to look away from his gaze but in spite of that, my mind begged me to run. Run and hide from all the probable pain he was likely cause, save myself from the tears I would be shedding. However, my legs felt frozen as well, like they were made of ice. Even though all my senses screamed that he was nothing but trouble and waved red signals at me, I stood there, as motionless as him.

After an eternity, or so it seemed, he broke the eye contact and strode towards me. With his long legs, he reached me within no time. Once he had closed the space between us, he stood there, facing me squarely. I didn't look away either. We had a few inches gap between us and I could already feel the electricity again, sending tingles through every cell of my body. Before all that could distract me, he broke the silence.

"Can we talk?" he asked, in a barely audible voice.

Impulsively, I looked around me and saw all the kids sitting at their desks in the classroom while we stood outside the door. Before they could see us together, I turned and lead the way to the yard outside.

Edward followed my lead like I had expected him to. I kept my strides small so that he didn't need to keep up but that wasn't necessary because he kept walking at a fast pace, occasionally getting so close that I would feel those prickles again.

Once we had reached the soccer field, I could tell he had stopped on his tracks but I kept walking until there was a few metres distance between us again. I couldn't think clearly if those sparks kept me distracting me all the time. I stopped at a few arms' length from the goalpost and turned to face him.

"I was horrible to you the other day," he began, looking down at his feet, his hands immersed deep in his pockets.

"Yeah, well, I am not going to disagree on that," I snapped back bitterly.

He looked up to meet my gaze and I, against my wish, felt my insides churn at seeing the sadness in his eyes. "The thing is, Bella," I tried not to gloat at the way my name rolled out of his lips, like it was poetry. "Before you came along, I haven't really had someone who took it as their sole purpose of their life to make me feel better, in a really long time."

How _dare_ he, that arrogant, self-righteous man? He thinks _that _is the 'sole purpose' of _my_ life?

Well, he got that one wrong.

_Or may be not, _a second voice inside me spoke up.

I closed my eyes hoping to tune out all those voices in my head.

"_What is wrong with you_?" I screamed, not being able to help myself. "Why on earth are you so _full _of yourself? One moment you yell at me for some unknown reason and the next moment you….you…." I trailed off, not exactly sure what I wanted to say.

"I think we both know why I snapped at you," he said in a calm voice now, crossing his arms over his chest.

I felt my entire body shake with rage. I felt so angry that it seemed like my bones would fall apart from the violent quiver. My teeth rattled and snapped shut my jaw to hold them in a piece. I could feel the pent up tears threatening to burst through my tear glands but I controlled myself. I could not let him see me as a vulnerable being. I started taking deep breaths as I suddenly started feeling suffocated. All these reactions shocked me completely. I never lost my temper that easily. Hell, I didn't even remember being that much angry, ever, in my whole life. Yet, at that moment, I felt like I could crush something with my own hands. At that instant, I had a fleeting image in my mind of scenes from movies where characters would crush wine glasses when they got furious. I truly understood those instances now.

He saw the change in my expression and practically ran towards me. He placed both his hands on my shoulder and shook me feverishly.

"Bella, what's happening to you? Are you okay?" he asked, with concern in his voice. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not.

However that contact completely shattered me. His first touch evaporated the shivers and brought those tingly feelings back again, except that now they were four times as powerful as before. My breathing accelerated again but this time, it was not like there was a lack of oxygen – it was like there was a surplus amount of it and that my lungs were too small to take in all those air. The feeling was not completely unpleasant.

As the tears started welling in again, I, having no other option, wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his chest. Once I was there in his arms, I took the first-time liberty of smelling him from the closest proximity possible. It was the same vanilla smell I had gotten a hint of that other time at my office, when I had hurt myself and he had to carry me. This too was much more potent than that last time. His smell, his body engulfed me and then he was everywhere – I could see him, feel him and smell him. I was very much aware that his arms were swinging limply at his side but I didn't let that bother me. I tried to relish in that closeness with this distant man as long as it lasted.

Gradually and very awkwardly, I felt him place his arms around my shoulder very lightly and a single teardrop slid down my cheek. It was not precisely the response I had hoped for but it was better than nothing.

"Bella, from the moment we had met, I had done nothing but make you unhappy. I still don't know what made you stick around for this long. You should have stopped caring a long time ago.." he murmured softly.

"Oh yeah? I myself am having second thoughts about that," I replied, still a little angry, but not as much as before.

He chuckled. It was a deep, throaty noise and I felt his chest heave as he sighed. Subtly, he removed his hands from my shoulders. I understood the sign and disentangled myself from his embrace, feeling my cheeks burn. What if someone had seen us like that? I swiftly took one long look around the yard and spotted no one. I really hoped Sister Charlotte did not have a sudden desire to peer through her windows.

Edward noted what I was doing and took a few steps backwards so that we looked like two colleagues discussing work matters and nothing personal.

"That day I had such a good time and yet I let it end so terribly. Not to mention, I let you go feeling so awful. I cannot tell you how much sorry I am for my behaviour." This time, he did look like he was regretting his previous actions.

I didn't reply back. I bit my lip and looked away from his remorseful face. "I want to make it up to you, Bella. I owe you that much for everything you had done for me."

This infuriated me again. Did he think I wanted a refund of all my love I had spared for him?

"You don't owe me anything!" I spat back.

He looked slightly taken aback by my reply and blinked twice. Then he shook his head and said, "Of course, I didn't mean it that way. I just.." he seemed at a sudden loss of words. "I just wanted to let you know that how much you have _helped_ me, Bella, to get through…." He didn't need to finish his words.

He paused for one moment. After taking a deep breath and not meeting my eyes, he managed to utter, wringing his hands nervously, "I _need_ that help, Bella."

"Oh," was all I could say.

"So," he began, flashing one of his breathtaking crooked smiles. "Will I see you on Sunday?"

I could not help but smile back.

Once I got back home, I hunted down Renee and found her in the living room, reading the day's newspaper.

"Um, Mum? You know how you keep telling me I should learn how to cook? Well, I thought if today would be a good day to start…" I trailed off.

She removed her glasses, set aside the paper and looked at me curiously.

_Edward_

That day, I could barely concentrate on my work. I had a sudden urge to stifle a laugh when I realized that I was nervous about being confronted by Bella. I tried to console myself saying that I would just apologize and leave her alone because that would be best for her.

As soon as I was done with the day's work, I drove my way to the loft as usual, parked my Volvo in the garage and changed my work clothes. Next, I hauled a taxi and reached the orphanage before three o'clock.

I waited for a couple of minutes before the kids finished their classes. Then I spent an hour coaching the kids and they enthusiastically kept going till they all were sweating profusely. That was when I ended the day's practice session and at that exact moment, my phone buzzed.

"What's up, Alice?" I said as I waved at the kids.

"Jasper came back," she replied.

That news shocked me. Jasper Whitlock used to be one of my favourite people but he had changed that after he had left Alice all by herself.

"Really?" I asked, with acid in my voice. That jerk had to pay for all the misery he had caused. "What did he want?" I snapped, already losing my temper.

"The same thing he wanted before," she said calmly, not sounding as agitated as I did. "He wants me to consider our relationship."

"What relationship, Alice? He left you, remember? How can you even think about this?" I asked, not believing my ears.

"Okay, first of all, he did not leave me. He got a better job and _I _let him go. Then I deliberately shifted houses so that he wouldn't find me. And secondly, I am not thinking about anything. I am merely telling you about this since I figured you had already seen him the other day," she said, sounding a little annoyed now.

"Seen him? I certainly haven't otherwise I would have crushed his bones by now," I almost screamed.

"Edward, you really need to get control of that temper of yours. It is not really helping anyone. On the contrary it is annoying the hell out of me!" It was her who shrieked this time.

I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "Sorry, I-I…." I couldn't find any words.

"Save all those stuttering for someone who cares!" Alice was starting to get on my nerves now. I didn't speak at all.

"Okay, that was a bit out of line," she murmured, sounding embarrassed.

"Yes it was," I replied coolly, but not saying anything further.

"Look, will you listen to me or would you keep interrupting every time?" she asked and I immediately felt bad. It was not her fault that I was in bad mood. As a matter of fact, things weren't looking so bright on her side either. So that is why I continued my silence.

She sighed and began again. "Jasper was the photographer that day at Central Park. He was the one who took my pictures."

Now she really was not making any sense. "What are you talking about? I was there. I saw the photographer. It was some skinny-looking guy with really short hair and…"

"Yup, that was him. Even _I_ couldn't recognize him at first. But then he smiled when I finally saw him and I knew…." She sounded sad.

"It doesn't matter if he's back or not. You will not let him have his way, do you understand what I am saying, Alice? Do what _you_ want," I said, hoping that she would make a wise decision like she always does.

"That is the problem, Edward. I really don't know what I want," she sighed again.

We both remained silent for quarter of a minute. Then I spoke up, "Can I do anything?"

"Yes, you can. Just try not to snap at every single person who goes out of their way to make you feel better," she said, her voice sounding bitter again.

I was astonished. What was she talking about? Was it about Bella?

Before I could ask her about that she spoke again. "Listen, I have to go now. I'll talk to you later."

After hanging up the phone, I thoroughly thought about what Alice had said. Was it possible that Bella was coming up with ways to make _me _feel better? Is that what she had been trying to do the previous weekend?

I smacked myself at the back of my head. It had been pretty obvious all along. She had been so nice to me from the very beginning yet I had only made her feel dreadful. She did not deserve that, just like I did not deserve being treated so well from such a warm-hearted person.

I was thinking about all of this as I walked through the corridors, not really looking where I was going. That was when I spotted Emmett standing outside a classroom. He shifted a little and I saw Bella standing before him, patting his arm and saying something. I smiled inwardly. That was _so _like her, always comforting others. As soon as Emmett walked away, she saw me standing there. I realized that since she was already there, it would be better if I apologized then and there. So with that thought in mind, I made my way to where she stood, unmoving, with her eyes locked on mine. Once I was close enough, I asked, "Can we talk?"

She didn't reply. Slowly, she shifted her gaze towards the classroom. Thus, when she turned and started walking, I knew that she didn't want to do the conversation inside. I followed her outside to the soccer field. I stopped at the middle of the field, while she kept walking until she stood a little distance away from the goalpost.

I decided it was going to be harder the more I delayed it. Putting my hands inside my pockets, to keep them from trembling, I said, not looking at her, "I was horrible to you the other day."

She replied with hostility in her voice that was completely alien to me. Bella had never used that tone with anyone, not even me. "Yeah, well, I am not going to disagree on that."

I gulped as I realized I had indeed made a big mess. I lifted my head and decided it will be less cowardly of me if I looked at her while talking.

"The thing is, Bella, before you came along, I haven't really had someone who took it as their sole purpose of their life to make me feel better, in a really long time." I grasped that I felt tremendous amount of relief as I said those words out loud.

In spite of that, she didn't look too pleased at my admittance. She closed her eyes and screeched, "_What is wrong with you_? Why the hell are you so _full _of yourself? One moment you yell at me for some unknown reason and the next moment you….you…." she didn't continue, seeming like she unable to do so.

"I think we both know why I snapped at you," I said, trying to sound composed while she was obvious angry.

However, at the next moment, I noticed visible change in her features. Her cheeks turned bright red and I saw her look fiercely at me, while her shoulders shook like she was caught in some vicious earthquake. I panicked and rushed towards her wondering of she was getting sick or running a fever.

"Bella, what's happening to you? Are you okay?" I asked, shaking her shoulders, wondering why she was shaking so hard. Nevertheless, before I could force a reply out of her, she surprised me by jumping into my arms, burying her nose deeper into my chest. In one whirlwind instant, I felt like my body had been set on fire. Every part of me ached to hold her even closer, so that she could feel the fast pace of my heartbeats. Yet, I forced my hands to stay at my side as her scent fogged my mind and made me dizzy. Sudden, mysterious emotions caused turmoil inside me and I had no idea what name to put to them because I hadn't felt them in a long time. After a couple of seconds, I couldn't help myself but put my hands gently on her shoulder blades, fully aware that anything else would make her painstakingly uncomfortable. She was just a person seeking comfort and I couldn't take advantage of that.

After I had calmed myself down, I managed to utter the words, "Bella, from the moment we had met, I had done nothing but make you unhappy. I still don't know what made you stick around for this long. You should have stopped caring a long time ago.."

"Oh yeah? I myself am having second thoughts about that," she remarked, sounding still a little angry. This made me laugh and I suddenly became conscious of the way were clinging to each other. Slowly, I removed her from me and I tried not to ponder at the abrupt loss I felt. As a safety measure, I walked a couple of steps backwards because I did not really trust the amount of self-control I had.

"That day I had such a good time and yet I let it end so terribly. Not to mention, I let you go feeling so awful. I cannot tell you how much sorry I am for my behaviour," I said.

She remained silent and didn't meet my eyes. Since she had not replied, I continued, "I want to make it up to you, Bella. I owe you that much for everything you had done for me."

I noted the change in her features once more. With all her rage back in her voice, she shouted, "You don't owe me anything!"

I was baffled at that reply. How could she jump to that conclusion? Didn't she know me at all? I realized I had kept myself so isolated that she didn't really see what she had done for me. Or may be, I had not let her see it. That is why I chose to tell her the truth if hiding it was causing that much misinterpretation.

"Of course, I didn't mean it that way. I just.." I trailed off, unsure as to how to put it into words. "I just wanted to let you know that how much you have _helped_ me, Bella, to get through…." I hesitated for a second. Finally, I muttered, "I _need_ that help, Bella."

She looked at me with understanding in her eyes and I knew I was successful in explaining myself. She opened her mouth, closed it and reopened it. She replied with a soft, "Oh."

"So, will I see you on Sunday?" I asked, still not sure if I had handled the situation in the right way. But her answering smile, that almost blinded me, wiped away any confusion I had had.


	22. You Remind Me Of Home

**A/N: I have a twitter account now, in case you guys are interested about my updates (or not!).**

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**I have posted this chapter again because of the countless errors I had made in the unedited version. Special thanks to my lovely reader, Mariana75 for her help in correcting those errors.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Bella_

Saturday found me busy inside the kitchen, all covered in flour and egg shells and what not. My vision was blurred due to lack of sleep. I had spent the whole night pouring over numerous cook books I had borrowed from the library. The evening before that, Renee gave me a hand in the kitchen. Okay, to be honest, she did all the cooking while I just stood there watching, trying to memorize every single detail of the dexterity in which she performed her recipes. She agreed to help me, but first, she proceeded to interrogate me about my sudden interest in being all domestic however I was expecting that so I was ready with my fabricated answer.

"Well, there is this….." I began.

"It's about Edward, isn't it?" she interrupted me.

I was momentarily stunned. A part of me had hoped that she wouldn't ask about him.

"Um, wow. That was….very perceptive of you," I commented, not sure how badly she would react.

She raised an eyebrow, waiting for my reply.

"It's really not what it looks like," I groaned internally at how clichéd those words sounded. "What I mean is, we…I mean…he doesn't see me that way, Mum. I have explained this to you before." I looked down at my feet as I felt a sharp twitch tearing through my heart. "He sees me more as a companion, an acquaintance," I said, wondering if my words even made the slightest amount of sense.

She gave me one of those long looks that always made me feel she was dissecting everything I had in my mind. I had to look away once again. Thankfully, she didn't question me about it any further, or maybe she hoped that, at some point, I would tell her myself if there wassomething else going on. I felt like I was betraying her trust, but that feeling didn't last very long. Surely, there was nothing else to tell, nothing at all.

On Saturday evening, after I had burned the non-stick pan enough number of times that it now had a permanent burn mark, cracked and wasted innumerable eggs, spilled flour all over the counter and even managed the catch the end of my apron on fire, I finally handed over my first cooked pancakes, or any food item for that matter, to my ever patient mother, for inspection. Like always, she didn't add any topping to the pancakes and I fretted over that fact, wishing she had added, at any rate, some maple syrup on top of it. If that thing was perfectly inedible, at least the sweet taste of the syrup would prolong the moment until she would have to spit it out. I stood on my tiptoes, gripping the back of the chair by the table at which she sat. She cut a piece of it with her fork and plopped it into her mouth. As she started chewing it, I closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself not to feel the stinging pain when my beloved pancakes that I had spent half a morning making, would be tossed into the trash.

"Hmm," she pondered, while still chewing her first bite. All of a sudden, I found myself hoping. May be, luck was with me today. May be all of my efforts had not gone to waste.

She swallowed it and opened her mouth to give her verdict. To my surprise, she said in a resigned tone, "Bella, honey, I really wish you would tell me why you are going through this much trouble."

My jaw dropped, forming a little 'o'. Had I heard her right? Was it possible that my pancakes were not going into the trash after all? Or more importantly, how the hell was I going to answer her question?

I didn't reply but she didn't wait for it either. "Okay, forget I asked that. I already know the answer to that question. What I don't get is if you know he is not interested in you," I flinched, in spite of myself, "then why do you still care so much? Bella, I need you to tell me, so I can understand. Why, instead of taking a step back and distance yourself from him, are you doing something that you know will inevitably hurt you in the future? I know it may be hard for you to let go, but sweetheart, this worries me."

I realized my knuckles had gone white from holding the back of the chair so tightly. I released my hold, pulled back the chair and sat down. I dropped my head in my hands, unable to face her probing eyes anymore. Slowly, I felt her hand on my head, slowly patting my hair.

"You can tell me anything, dear, you know that, don't you?" she asked. Her smooth voice pleading me was too much to resist. I was about to blurt out the whole truth.

I raised my head, hoping that she wouldn't see the myriad of emotions flickering in my eyes. I blinked once and relayed the entire story about Edward's past, while she chewed on more of my pancakes. She listened to me calmly, not exposing any sort of reaction on her composed face. But I knew my mother all too well. I could tell she was just as stunned and appalled as I had been. When I was done, she laid aside her fork, took my hand and whispered, "I just don't want to see you end up getting hurt, do you understand?"

I nodded as silent tears pooled in my eyes. My mother smiled back at me and I could see the tremendous effort she had to put behind it. She got up and was about to leave when she turned and called, "Oh and Bella?" I looked up from the pattern on the table.

"Next time, add just a little bit more sugar."

So, the next day I woke up literally at the crack of dawn. The sun still hadn't risen and everyone in my house was still asleep, I presumed, since there weren't any distinguishable human noises. I walked down the stairs in my socked feet, not wanting to wake anyone and more importantly not wanting to have to explain my early morning expeditions. With tired and sleepy eyes, I prepared the pancake batter with eggs, baking powder, flour, milk and cinnamon. As an afterthought, I also added vanilla essence, thinking of the way Edward smelled. I smiled at that and had to stifle a yawn simultaneously.

_Edward_

My eyes flew open little before the alarm went off. I stumbled out from my bed, fearing that I might have overslept and Bella would be here at any moment. I quickly brushed my teeth, not bothering to shave and started to make my way to the kitchen. Just as I was about to head out of my room, I noticed, with a jolt of horror, that I had a basket full of laundry to do. Cursing my luck, I grabbed the clothes on my way out and dumped them into the washing machine at the end of the kitchen. Since I had little time in my hands, I decided I couldn't do something elaborate and fancy like I had planned to. No, Bella would have to eat something simple for breakfast today. And here I was, planning to change her mind about my cooking. I would be lucky if she even agrees to come back next week.

Thankfully, I had stocked my apartment with all the necessary food supplies on my way home from work on Friday. Hilda, the kind faced middle-aged Mexican woman who worked at the cash counter, had knowingly smirked at me, while looking at my large pile of grocery items. I couldn't have blamed her – it was a massive change from my usual shopping list. I had swiftly muttered, "Lately, I have developed quite an appetite," and had to turn my face away to hide the smile that kept appearing these days whenever anything even remotely related to Bella happened. Hilda had smiled even wider at my lame explanation and had replied, "Oh, I am sure you have."

I took out a loaf of bread from the fridge. Next, I beat some eggs with milk, salt, green chilli and chopped onions. In between, I rushed to add the detergent to the clothes and turned the washing machine on. As the slight hum of the appliance began, I dipped the slices of bread in the prepared mixture and deep fried them in cooking oil. After the French toasts were done, I diced up potatoes and fried them as well. Then my washing machine dinged announcing it had finished its task; I hurried to get my wet clothes out and put them in the drier but by doing so, I let a few of the fried potatoes to get slightly burned. After I was done preparing the breakfast, I looked at the meagre two items I had made and I comforted myself saying that I had given it my best shot. I heaved a deep sigh, looked down at myself and realized that I was still in my pajamas. To my utmost dismay, I also noticed that my living room was in poor shape since I had been too lazy to clean it up the previous day.

I stood there for moment, trying to come up with reasons for which I had been so distracted that I had forgotten about doing my laundry or cleaning my apartment. Of course, the answer was right there, in front of me. I had been looking forward to this morning with way too much enthusiasm, which is why doing all the usual chores had completely escaped my mind.

As I rearranged the magazines on the coffee table and the cushions on the couch, I laughed out loud when I realized the amount of trouble I was going through. Yet, I couldn't make myself become self-conscious enough to stop. As far as I knew, women felt more comfortable when they were in a neat and organized environment. After all that Bella had done for me, this was the least I could do.

When my place looked decent enough, I looked up at the kitchen clock, the hour hand of which pointed at eight. She would probably take one more hour to get here, which meant I had plenty of time to make myself look a bit more presentable.

With exaggerated ease, I walked to my bedroom and made my bed. Next, I pondered over what to wear. I had another fit of hysterics when I grasped that this time I was behaving like a sixteen-year old girl, getting ready for her prom. Without looking at what I was picking, I reached inside and grabbed the first piece of clothing material my fingers touched.

As I turned my back to the closet, I noticed a small piece of paper on the bed stand. I groaned out loud when I realized that since it was the end of the month, the newspaper boy was supposed to come and get the bill. As if echoing my thoughts, the doorbell rang. I hurriedly put on my pants and glanced up at the wall clock – eight fifteen. No, it's too early for Bella to come; it must be the newspaper boy.

Attempting to pull the t-shirt over my head, I stumbled my way to the door, with the bill in one hand and my wallet in the other.

_Bella_

In my eagerness to get there, I ended up being forty-five minutes early. As I pressed the doorbell, I wondered if Edward was even up yet, after all everyone liked sleeping late on a Sunday. I knew I did.

I was holding a paper bag in my arms that contained a box full of pancakes with a small bottle of maple syrup. My hands started getting sore at Edward's delay in opening the door. What if he _had _been sleeping? Was it possible that I had just woken him up?

After another long minute, I heard the door being cracked open. The first thing I saw was Edward pulling a t-shirt through his arms, as he held out a small piece of paper in front of him along with a few dollar notes. His view was obstructed by his t-shirt which is why I guessed he probably couldn't see me. But the next thing that I saw took me completely off-guard. The lower half of his torso – pale white skin stretched over a flat stomach that shimmered in the morning sunlight that came from the windows - was still discernible from underneath the t-shirt he was still putting on. What surprised me, were the numerous pink scars that ran along all over his skin. A particularly grotesque-looking one went right through his navel and the sight of the deep gash made me gasp out loud.

On hearing the sound, he struggled even harder to pull his t-shirt down and when his face finally came into my view, I saw that he looked stunned at my expression. He swiftly retrieved back the hand holding the money. I fought hard to keep a neutral face.

"Bella, you're here," he said. He smiled to make it seem less like a question, I presumed.

Words were all jumbled up on my tongue. I opened my mouth to say something but no sound came out. He quickly stood aside, motioning me to come in and explained, "Sorry about that." I did not have a clue as to what he was apologizing for and it must have shown on my face because he immediately added, "I thought you were the newspaper boy."

He came forward, took the paper bag from my hands and placed it on the dining table. To break the somewhat uncomfortable silence, I said the first thing that came to my mind. "I hope I didn't wake you."

He turned to face me and said with a wave of his hand, "No, I was up already." I swayed on the heels of my feet, wringing my hands, feeling extremely awkward all of a sudden. Edward stood, facing me, his hands rigid by his sides, looking just as uncomfortable as I did. Except that in his blue t-shirt and plain black slacks, he looked even more striking than usual while I looked plainer than ever. He broke the silence saying, "I am sorry I couldn't prepare much for breakfast today." He looked down, suddenly embarrassed.

My insides melted at his announcement. I smiled guiltily and said, "Please, don't apologize. I am not much of a cook myself so I perfectly understand."

At this, he looked up and flashed one of his dazzling smiles that almost made me dizzy. "Let's go eat then and see for ourselves how this impromptu breakfast turns out." He held out a chair for me. I sat down and took out my pancakes while he went to get plates and glasses. From the microwave, he brought out dishes, one containing French toasts and the was other full of home fries. He set them on the table and turned on the coffee machine. I placed one of my pancakes on his plate and poured maple syrup all over it. I waited tentatively while he took a bite.

He kept eating silently and I figured it was impolite to ask him how it was. In the morning, I had tasted them after they were done. Even though they were nowhere close to the little pieces of heaven Renee makes, I didn't think they were entirely revolting either. I finished my pancakes and gained a little bit more confidence, reinforced by what I had first thought about them this morning. After a while, he got up to get coffee and I took one of the toasts and bit into it.

I narrowed my eyebrows as I chewed. "Why are these spicy? Aren't French toasts supposed to be sweet?" I inquired. He brought the coffee mugs to the table and sat down. "Yes, they are. But this is how they are made in India. Back in college, my Indian roommate taught me how to make them," he said with a smile. Then he looked nervous all of a sudden, "Why do you ask? You don't like them?"

"Ha! Are you kidding? These are brilliant! I have never, ever had anything like them before," I said, enthusiastically finishing the small piece left on my plate. He had been right about his cooking. He did know how to manage it all on his own. He smiled again and my heart fluttered in response. "Phew! That's a relief. Then allow me to say that those pancakes were quite delicious as well."

I choked on my coffee and started coughing. Edward ran to get me a glass of water and I finished it instantly. Following that, we continued eating in silence, none of us making small talk. Thankfully, he didn't comment on my cooking skills any more because obviously I didn't react to them properly. After we had finished every last piece of fry, I sat back on the chair. "And you thought there wouldn't be enough food?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and burst into laughter. Edward joined in.

Like the previous week, after breakfast, I helped him do the dishes. While I scrubbed the plates, I asked "So what college did you go to?"

He had his eyes cast downward, carefully wiping the clean dishes dry. "Dartmouth, class of 2002" he replied wryly.

I looked up at him and mouthed, "Wow." I felt even more intimidated by him. He chuckled softly. "Bella, I could say I had the same reaction when you told me you majored in Applied Chemistry. Imagine how inadequate I felt at that moment," he said, pretending to look mortified.

Before I could reply to that, he took all the clean dishes and stacked them one by one neatly inside the kitchen cabinet. I stood with my back resting against the kitchen counter while he stood, once finished, facing me. Crossing his arms over his chest, he said, "Who are you, exactly?"

His question and the way he asked it made him seem genuinely curious about my dull life. Yet, I couldn't be sure if he actually wanted to know the answer, so I didn't know how I should reply to that. "What do you mean?" I asked, snapping my eyebrows together.

"Well, apart from the fact that you love to read classics and you have a strange way of chewing your food, I don't know a thing about you." He bit his tongue and scrunched up his face, looking like he had given away too much information.

I digested that for a minute. Nonetheless, I couldn't fathom as to why he would suddenly take an interest in _my _life and since he was still waiting for his answer I decided I should start saying something. At least it would be better than the awkward silence surrounding us again.

And what was that he said about the way I chewed my food?

"Well, you haven't talked much about yourself either," apart from that dreadful accident, I added silently.

He sighed, giving in. "Okay, I guess you are correct. I'll tell you about my life if you tell me about yours," he said.

"That sounds about right," I replied, feeling excited, dazed and anxious all at the same time.

We settled down in the living room. He sat across from me on the loveseat while I nestled down on one of the single couches, with my feet comfortably tucked under me.

"I was born in New Jersey. My father, Carlisle, was a neurosurgeon and my mother, Esme, was a high school teacher. I was their only child. The year I turned twelve, my father passed away, due to a heart failure." He paused for a while, looking down at his palms, his expression unreadable. "My mother struggled a lot to pull us through. She worked full-time and after she got back home in the evening, instead of taking a break, she would engage herself in preparing our meals, inquiring about my lessons and asking me about my day. She yearned to see me as an educated, responsible and all-around good human being. Whatever I am today, it is only because of her." He said this with a peaceful look on his face and it was clear how much his mother meant to him.

"After I had passed my SATs," he continued, "I wanted to stay in New Jersey and go to some local college. You see, I didn't care much about Ivy League. However, that was when my mother put her foot down and asked me to apply to Dartmouth. My SAT scores were good enough so I got in, but I had no intention of actually moving away to New Hampshire, because I was fully aware how lonely Esme would get without me around. Yet, she kept pushing me and finally forced me to move out. That was one of the most difficult days in both our lives; however neither of us let the other know about it. People said that was one feature I had inherited from her – the ability to hide well my emotions," he chortled.

"After four years of college, majoring in Marketing, I decided to move to New York. I wanted to drag Esme along with me but she wouldn't budge saying that she couldn't leave my father's house. She said the place was still full of memories of him and she could not leave those behind her and move all of a sudden to a new place. Seeing that her decision had been made and that I had no intention of leaving her behind once again, I changed my mind and decided to stay back in Jersey and get a job there, instead. But she wouldn't let me do that either. She said she didn't want me to plan my life around her and it would be foolish of me to miss out on good opportunities by staying there. For the second time, she forced me out to live life on my own," he laughed again, but it was a mirthless one this time. "You could say that being stubborn was another one of the habits I had gotten from her."

"Then after I got a job here, I enrolled for a post graduate's degree. In the meantime, I continued my violin lessons with an orchestra. That was something I really enjoyed doing," he said, his face lighting up all of a sudden, casting brightness all around him. "It always felt so good to play before a full-room audience, that didn't boo you at the end of the show. I remember it made me feel extremely relieved and satisfied with my work. I tell you, there is no better sensation in this world than making someone happy with your music," he said, meeting my eyes, with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. I felt a strange pull in my heart, knowing how his tragedy had put an end to something he took so much delight in doing.

He remained quiet for some time. "So that's basically it. Are you content now or there's anything else you would like to know?" he asked, smirking.

"I'll think of something," I said, holding my index finger up and biting my lip. All of a sudden, his gaze shifted to my lips and I automatically froze, with my fingers hanging in air and my bottom lip stuck between my teeth. Our eyes locked and several, tense moments passed, making me feel those electric sparks again, even though I was sitting at quite a distance away from him. After a painfully long amount of time, or it could have been seconds – I couldn't be sure because like they said in books and movies, time did lose its meaning on such instances - he broke the eye contact and muttered two words: "Your turn."

I cleared my throat, feeling thoroughly bewildered at what had just happened. "Well, I have lived in New York all my life. My dad, Charlie, is a retired government officer and my mother, Renee, is a housewife. I have an older brother, Oliver, who annoys the hell out of me on most days but he and I are very close." I paused, licking my lips which had suddenly gone dry. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see his eyes following that trail and I quickly resumed, in order to quench my nervousness.

**A/N: As usual, review please?**


	23. Spellbound

**A/N: Sorry for such a late update. I have a Beta now so hopefully my next chapters will have lesser errors from now on.**

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_Edward_

I watched Bella carefully as she sat before me, feeling completely at home. She looked splendid in her white knee-length summer dress. Like always, she wore very little make-up and had her hair tied up in a messy bun. She remover her legs from underneath her and rested them on the floor. Feminine looking open-toed sandals dangled from her feet. She was talking animatedly with her hands.

"Hey, what was that you said about the way I chewed my food?" she asked, snapping her eyebrows together.

I knew she would have caught that. No single detail escaped from her attention.

"Well, you always cut down your food into little pieces and plop them into your mouth and while you chew, your cheeks bend at one end and your lips sort of move in a clockwise direction and I can't tell if you're actually chewing or thinking about how to accomplish world peace" I replied. I laughed at my ridiculous explanation, hoping she wouldn't see through my sorry attempts at hiding the fact that I had been paying way too much attention to her.

She grumbled in protest. "I do not!" she persisted.

I smiled crookedly and that irritated her even more. "Enough about that. We were still talking about you," I pointed out.

She sighed and finally gave up. "Like you said, I have an obsession with classic novels. What else did I miss? Oh yes, I have a weakness for _Ben and Jerry's_ hot fudge sundaes and my favourite shows are _Law and Order _and _The Simpsons_. I love Bart Simpson. He rules," she concluded with dreamy eyes.

Her enthusiasm was infectious. I fought hard to keep a straight face. The corners of my lips twitched.

"As for favourite movies, then I would have to say that it's a tie between the 1999 movie adaptation of _Mansfield Park _and _A Nightmare on Elm Street,_" she concluded.

This time, it was too much for me to bear. I burst out into laughter.

She scowled at me and she looked adorable. I was really liking this trend at making her mad. "And you find that funny because…?" she asked, pretending to look annoyed, yet failing miserably.

_Where to begin? It's because it's too easy to be myself with you. I don't need to fake a smile when you say something funny; the laughter comes out naturally. It's because I realized that I have laughed more in this past month that I've known you than I have in all these years since the accident. It's because I don't need to make an effort to be fond of our little meetings and relax when I'm around you. It's because it's become so simple for me to like you._

I cleared my throat and said none of those things. Instead I replied by saying, "I just think it's a bizarre combination of movies to like, that's all."

"And why is that?" she inquired.

"Fanny Price and Freddy Krueger are not exactly the perfect match," I said, before I started laughing again.

"Okay, I guess you have a point," she mumbled, looking down at her feet. When she looked up, she started yawning.

"Sorry, that's very rude," she said, clamping loudly her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the multiple yawns.

I shook my head. "Not at all. You know what? I'll go and make you another cup of coffee, would you like that?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you, Edward. I can get it myself though, you don't need to take the trouble of making it yourself," she offered.

"Really, it's not a problem," I said over my shoulder, as I turned my back towards her and made my way to the kitchen.

As I was taking out the coffee jar from the cupboard, she called my name. "Edward?"

I had my back to the living room where she was currently sitting in. Since the kitchen and living room where joined by connecting window, she could see and hear me as well. "Yes?" I replied back.

"All these things that I said right now, they are not the most important details about me, you know."

My hands froze in midair, holding a spoonful of coffee beans. I was not sure where she was heading to with this conversation.

"I want to do something worthwhile with my life. I'd like to think that since I have been given the opportunity to live this existence, there must be some purpose behind it. Maybe I am fooling myself with that explanation, kind of like wishful thinking, but I'd like to believe that may be I'm not. Whatever the case, I would like to make a difference in this world. No, I'm not saying I plan to feed the starving children of Uganda, nor do I have the ability to stop North Korea from making nuclear weapons." She got interrupted by another one of her yawns. I waited impatiently for her to resume. "However, I would like to make a person smile, or change the way a person felt about him or herself with a few kind words, boost his or her confidence, you know what I mean? I am aware that may not seem like much or they may not last that long to make a difference, but I would live in peace with myself knowing that, at least, I made the effort. And that's all I ask from life."

I spun around on my heels to check if this was the same person I had left behind in the living room. I saw that Bella had put up her legs on one of the armrests of the couch she was sitting on, with her head resting against the back of the couch. She was now facing away from me, towards the wall in front of her, which is why I couldn't see the expression on her face. Of course, everything she had said right now made complete sense. It was strange to hear those words come out from her mouth but it was not unexpected. I had come to know her well enough to understand that she was perfectly capable of wanting that as her mission in life; she was a selfless person by nature. Yet, I couldn't make out the reason as to why she would talk about this with me, of all the people.

I quickly resumed making her coffee and while doing so, realization dawned on me. She probably felt she had come to know so much about my personal life, that this was her own way of letting me in her private world. Maybe she felt guilty that she didn't have big enough secrets to share so she was trying to make it up to me by talking about her dreams.

In spite of myself, I chuckled at her absurdity. Yet, in a way, I found that to be quite endearing as well. However, my smile was short-lived as I grasped something else. What was she doing, wasting her weekends away with a complete lunatic like me? Why doesn't she go around and have fun like other people her age usually do? Or if she wasn't the outgoing type, like she said so, then why wasn't she spending her weekends with her family, who clearly meant the world to her? No, Bella was being completely irrational about this and I let her have her way. Because I _had _finally allowed myself to become the selfish creature I had always dreaded on becoming. Because I enjoyed her company too much to talk some sense into her so she would stop visiting me and do something fun for a change. No, I would have to be hard on her and ask her to never visit me again. Even though it would not only hurt her but me, as well, initially, it will be for the best. With time, she would move on and forget everything about me, about this, whatever _this_ was.

With that resolve in mind, I walked over to the sitting room, with the coffee mug in hand. She was not sitting in the same position I had seen her before – her legs were no longer draped across the armrest but she was snuggled back against the single couch.

"Bella," I said, placing the mug on the coffee table. "I don't think I can do this anymore. I have been taking advantage of you and I am terribly sorry about that."

When she didn't respond, I walked over to the couch and slowly circled around it till I was facing her. Aha, she had fallen asleep. Her head was resting on her right shoulder while her hands were placed on her lap and her legs were bent and drawn to her chest. Her sandals lay abandoned on the floor.

I stood there, wondering what to do. From the way she was breathing steadily, with her chest slowly heaving up and down, it was obvious she was in a deep sleep. If that was the case, then she was going to give herself a back pain from the foetal position she was currently curled in. That meant I would have to move her from that couch, but then where should I place her? I thought for a moment if I should just tuck her in my bed, but quickly shook that idea off, knowing it would be completely inappropriate. A small part of me commented that I would have a completely sleepless night if her smell lingered on my bed sheets and pillows. I metaphorically smacked myself in the back of my head to shut that voice.

With extreme care, I placed one arm on her back, right beneath her shoulder blades and the other below her knees and picked her up. Her head lolled to her side and rested on my chest while she kept breathing in and out. Her smooth skin felt like satin against my arms, but I tried hard not to think about that. Gradually, so as to not wake her, I laid her down on the love seat and quickly stepped backwards.

As I kept watching her, Bella stretched her legs and rolled onto her left side, while her right hand hung from the edge of the loveseat. The stretching caused her dress to rise up to above her knees, exposing the creamy white skin of her long legs. She slumbered peacefully, her hair coming loose from the bun it was tied in, creating a wild mess around her head. Idly, my eyes raked over every curve of her body, as I realized that so far I had been totally oblivious about Bella's appearance. Of course, I knew she was pretty but until now I had no idea that someone could look so …appealing, for lack of a better word. The sight of her made the muscles in my chest tighten and a lump rose in my throat. I gulped slowly as I felt my entire body go rigid.

I quickly looked away from the loveseat. What had I just done? There she was, lying comfortably, in my apartment, trusting me blindly, while I was acting like a leering teenager ruled by hormones. I felt disgusted with myself.

So I stood there, trying my best to not to stare at Bella. Which was an extremely difficult thing to accomplish, I might add. Having nothing else to do to distract me and realizing that clearly, I didn't have much will to stay away to begin with, I went ahead and knelt down beside the loveseat. I picked up reverently the hand that was lazily hanging by her side. I had intended to put it back on her lap but as soon as my fingers made contact with her skin, a surge of electricity passed through us. Bella jerked in her sleep as her hand fell back limply against her neck. Her reaction startled me so much so that I staggered backwards and my shoulders hit the edge of the coffee table. Consequently the mug full of coffee was turned over, spilling its contents all over the table and making a loud noise as it hit the glass surface of the furniture.

All that commotion woke up Bella. She sat up straight on the sofa, startled by the commotion and impulsively reached over to pull her dress over her knees with her left hand while she smoothed her hair with her right one. I tried not to pay attention to her movements while thanking fate for giving me enough time to position myself a little distance away from her. I was now bending over on to the coffee table, picking up the mug and checking the glass sheet for any crack.

I straightened up, with the now empty coffee mug in my hand and apologized saying, "I am sorry I woke you up with all that noise."

Bella rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Aw, crap! This is so embarrassing." With that, she dropped her head into her hands.

I sighed and placed the mug back on the table that was still spattered with coffee. For the second time, I knelt down beside the sofa where Bella sat now. I looked up to her face and murmured, "What?"

She blinked once, her face looking flustered. "This!" she said, pointing at herself. "I fell asleep!" she stated, like I had not been painfully aware of that fact since the past half an hour.

"That's not such a huge deal, it happens. I am sure you must have been exhausted," I replied, hoping to comfort her.

She swung her legs from the sofa and I immediately retrieved backwards, but I was careful this time so that I didn't cause another calamity. She walked over to the kitchen sink and splashed water on her face while I cleaned up the coffee table. When she was done, she came back and sat down on the couch she had occupied earlier. I finished cleaning up and came back to the living room. Like before, I took my seat across from her.

"Bella, I'm sorry about the coffee. Do you want me to go and make another cup for you?" I asked. My earlier resolution of asking her to leave and never come back was put on hold for the moment being.

"No. I'm fine," she said, her eyes looking tired and puffy.

We spent the next couple of minutes in silence. Then suddenly, she snapped her head up, her eyes looking still as weary as before but there was a certain spark in them. I waited patiently for her to say something because evidently she had something in mind.

"If I ask you to do something, would you say yes?" she asked, looking hopeful, yet nervous. When I didn't answer right away, she started biting her lip and fidgeted in her seat.

I sighed before answering. "That depends on what you ask."

She looked down at her palm and traced the lines on them with her index finger. "Please don't be mad, but I-I-I-I'd really like t-t-t-to hear you play."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples with my fingers. How should I answer her?

"Bella, why?" I asked, with my eyes still closed.

"I've come to realize that playing the violin was something very close to your heart and I hate to see you not doing it," she replied, her voice sounding strained.

I opened my eyes and said, "I don't know if that would be the best idea. It's just …"

"Look," she interrupted me, "I understand you have had such a major loss but have you thought that playing your music might actually give you some peace of mind? It was a cruel turn of fate by which your family was taken away from you," I winced slightly, "but what is the point of distancing yourself from the one thing that might help you maintain even an ounce of remaining normalcy?"

I felt my eyes flash up in anger. My teeth clenched together and my hands curled into fists. "You think my life is no longer normal?" I snapped at her a bit too harshly.

She cringed against the back of the couch, looking……frightened. It did nothing to calm my nerves. Instead, it fuelled my anger even more.

"Th-that's not what I meant. Please, Edward, don't misunderstand me. You are trying way too hard to detach yourself from your previous life and that's not helping, at all."

I sighed, feeling my rage evaporating slowly. I was instantly reminded of the reason I had asked her to come back in the first place. I had told her that I needed her help to…survive. Of course, that was before I had realized that I wanted her around mostly because I _liked _it. "I-I still don't think…."

"Please, at least give it a try. You have nothing to lose here," she reasoned.

Slowly, I got up and walked over to my room, knowing that she wouldn't stop pestering me until I conceded her wish, though in the back of my mind I realized that she did have a valid point. There, lying in the corner of my room, nestled between my study table and the closet, was the black case holding my beloved violin; Angela's anniversary gift to me. I hadn't touched it since …… that fateful night, four years ago. I tried to make myself go numb so that the blinding pain that would inevitably tear through my being just by opening the case would not make me change my mind. Holding my breath, I reached for it quickly then walked back to the living room, placed it on the table and finally opened it. There lying inside, in all its glory was the same luxurious violin. I traced my fingers slowly across its exterior as I waited for the rush of grief to weaken my resolve. However, I felt none of that as I took the instrument and the bow out and I could smell the familiar whiff of the ebony bridge. Instead of the infinite sorrow I'd dreaded, I felt a strange calm wash over me, something I hadn't felt for a long time.

I saw Bella eyeing the violin in my hands with admiration. I walked over to her and stood next to the couch where she sat. She started to get up but I pushed her back down by putting a hand on her shoulder. She obliged in a state of daze.

After four years' time, I placed the violin on my left shoulder, positioned the bow above it and let out a deep breath. I met Bella's eyes once, snapped my eyes shut and strummed the strings of the instrument with the bow. As the vibrations of the strings began, the room was filled with the melody of Franz Shubert's _Ave Maria _and I prepared myself again for feeling all the pain crash down on me. To my utter surprise, the only sensation I was aware of was the music playing, the familiar notes being struck and the harmonious tune being reverberated by the walls. I kept my eyes closed knowing that whatever Bella's reaction might be to this, it would sidetrack me.

My insides twisted and turned in pleasant ways as I struck my personal favourite note. Even after playing classical music by composers like Chopin, Mozart, Liszt and Beethoven, this song by Shubert remained one of my favourites. It was one of the first ones I had learned when I started playing and it always reminded me why I enjoyed playing this melodious intrument so much. My heart picked up pace as the song reached the highest note and finally, I exhaled again when I struck the ending note.

When the song ended, I felt all my body muscles loosening and a sense of tranquillity filled my senses. A slow smile spread across my face instinctively. I opened my eyes to see Bella, looking as motionless as a stone sculpture, with her eyes wide open in shock, unblinking. Her reaction made me chortle. I realized it sounded less strained and more genuine than ever.

"That was………" she began.

And I was suddenly feeling very self-conscious. It had been a long while since I had last played and I had been out of practice since then. What if the music hadn't been as pleasing to her as it had been to me? Was I being so partial because I was the one playing? I cursed myself for not practicing before playing in front of her. Edgar, the conductor of the orchestra I used to play for, would have been extremely disappointed.

"Magnificent," she breathed. I too let out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

**A/N: Review please?**


	24. Eyelash Wishes

**A/N: I apologize for such a late update. This chapter had been, um, tricky for me to write. And it had a lot of errors, which my Beta, Mariana75 had been kind enough to correct and that's why it took me so long to post this. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and put it on favourites list/alerts.**

**And a huge bucket full of thanks to my super awesome Beta, Mariana75.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

_Bella_

"Please, at least give it a try. You have nothing to lose here," I pleaded.

I knew I was treading on thin ice when I brought up the issue of him playing the violin. Naturally, I expected him to get upset, angry even, but I was much too used to his mood swings to let that bother me. The only thing that kept me going was the way his face lit up and his eyes sparkled each time he talked about his music and the love he felt whenever he played that instrument. And I knew that if I could just convince him to perform anew, he'll be able to take his first steps into enjoying the act of living. And maybe, just maybe, one day, he will become once again the laughing, carefree man he used to be.

With a resigned sigh, he got up and walked into his bedroom. I used his momentary absence to ponder on something else entirely. Staying up for two consecutive nights, clearly, had not been my brightest idea. Not that I had much choice in the matter, but still. How could I have fallen asleep here, in his apartment? But then, instead of following my self-deprecating mood, something else distracted my train of thought and as the drowsiness left me completely, my mind became substantially more coherent. I remember falling asleep on the very same single couch I was currently sitting on. Then, how in the world did I end up lying on the loveseat? I did talk in my sleep but Renee had never mentioned that I had sleepwalking habits as well. Unless Edward….

At that moment, Edward walked out from his room, holding a black violin-shaped case. He gently placed it down on the table and opened it holding the latch. And there, inside the case, laid an exquisite violin. I could tell that the violin was definitely worth a fortune. I couldn't help but continue looking at it in awe. Edward retrieved the violin from its case as I started to get up. He lightly pushed me back down on the couch with a hand on my shoulder and I swiftly obliged.

Inhaling deeply, he placed the instrument on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

And then, something truly magical happened.

The moment he moved the bow across the strings of the violin, an impossibly sweet melody filled my ears. The music haunting and full of pain, yet hopeful and optimistic at the same time, knocked the breath out of me. I felt goose bumps along my arms as the intricate tunes pulled and tugged at my heart in strange ways. My breathing accelerated as I realized what an incredibly talented musician Edward really was and I felt devastated by the fact that he had been keeping himself away from creating such magic. My heart gained an unusual rapid pace when he struck the highest notes and it kept pounding loudly against my ribcage, well after the bow had stopped its movement on the instrument.

After a rollercoaster of music induced emotions, the now silent room made me realize my hands were pinned to my sides and my body had become frozen. He sluggishly opened his eyes and the, now familiar, emerald green colour in them bore into mine. A shiver ran along my spine as a slow smile crept across his lips. I realized he was waiting for a verdict. I cleared my throat and began, "That was…." I was suddenly at a loss of words. I wished desperately for a better vocabulary.

His expression turned downcast within an instant. The glorious smile disappeared and a sombre look took over his perfect face, completely misunderstanding the reasons behind the delay in my response.

"Magnificent," I finished, when I could finally find my voice.

Gradually, I rose to my feet, hoping my trembling legs wouldn't collapse under my weight. I willed my legs to move forward but they shook underneath me, hindering my progress. I stumbled and one of his arms impulsively reached out. He steadied me by placing his fingertips on the small of my back, while his other hand still clutched the violin and bow. I placed both of my hands on his arms and unbidden images assaulted me, for we had been this close only twice before.

"Did you really think so?" he asked, tilting his head to one side; surprise and disbelief laced in his voice. His sweet breath fanned over my face and my legs felt even more wobbly, threatening to give away at any moment.

It took me a while to figure out what he was talking about. Oh right! He was talking about his violin performance.

"Of course, I did," I said, with a reassuring smile. At that reply, he exhaled profusely, looking extremely relieved. My eyes searched his face, looking for any sign of discomfort at such close proximity. I could recognize nothing of the sort. He just kept staring back with that same look of relief and a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. For the moment, I forced myself to concentrate on keeping my breaths even, but it was easier said than done, especially since I was still being encased in his embrace. Slowly, my hands ran up along his arms and with a jolt of surprise, I realized he was pulling me closer. My breath caught in my throat as my gaze dropped to his lips. Keeping one hand on his arm, I raised hesitantly the other one and I caressed his strong jaw line with the back of my fingers. He shivered slightly under my tender touch and I had to fight back a smile. I looked up to meet his eyes again and that was when he spoke.

"Bella, I-I am not the person you think I am," he said, his voice pleading me to grasp the situation.

I scowled at his choice of words. Like I hadn't heard that one before…..

Of course, he wasn't the same person I thought he was when I first saw him. He never ceased to surprise me; more and more qualities kept popping up the more time I spent with him, confirming the good man he really was underneath his gruff exterior. I used to think he was inconsiderate, pompous, self-centred and basically a round-the-clock pessimist. And even though, the latter feature still applied to him, all my other misconceptions had started to vanish since the first time he had truly let me in his own world; that was the night of the fund-raising concert. Now that I have come to know the real Edward, I was able to conclude that he was generous and funny, when he wanted to be; that he possessed a beautiful, genuine soul; and that sometimes, well most of the times actually, he was too hard on himself. But then, that was Edward for you. And those were just a few of the reasons that had made me fall in love with him. So, at that point in time, as I kept looking back at him with uncertainty, I knew that in my whole life, I would want no one else, but him; even if he didn't feel the same way.

Very lightly, I continued to rub my fingertips against his jaw line and he sighed, making my heart flutter. Then it stopped beating altogether when he leaned his face forward, angling it towards mine. Blood in my veins circulated forcefully, making pounding noises in my ears while my pulse raced at a manic pace. He closed his eyes and so did I, truly expecting myself to snap out of this dream-like frenzy at any moment. But I didn't, because even with my eyes closed, I was very much aware of Edward; how his body was closely pressed against mine and how his memorable smell engulfed me. I cupped his chin with one hand and when he didn't push me away, I snaked the other around his neck and pulled him closer.

After what seemed like an eternity, his lips, as light and soft as a feather, tenderly grazed mine. He gasped at the first contact and I felt him pulling back minutely. With all my strength, I crushed my body against his and urgently touched his lips with mine again. I sucked deliberately on his lower lip and he moaned out loud, making me smile against his lips. My stomach was full of fluttering butterflies and moths and all sorts of beings that were wreaking havoc inside of me. He kissed me back a bit more enthusiastically, increasing prodigiously the intensity of the moment as I felt my heart soar to new heights.

He tried to push the boundaries a bit more by opening his mouth against mine but that made me freeze instantly. I pulled away a little and with my eyes still closed, I whispered, "I have to go."

He surprised me again by holding me even closer. He brought his lips to my ear and murmured in a husky voice, "No, you don't." I smiled again, in spite of myself. And even though, I would have been more than happy to stay forever in his arms, I knew that I had to move away from this place, as soon as possible, before I completely lost myself.

I snapped open my eyes and quickly stepped out from his embrace. He immediately dropped his hands from my back and just like that, we were no longer touching. I tried not to ponder at the emptiness I felt at the sudden loss of contact. He was still holding his beloved violin in one hand and ran the other through his hair.

I avoided making eye contact with him and so with my face turned away, I said "I'll see you….soon." I licked my lips to relish the remaining traces of him and a violent shudder went through my body. I decided I should make a run for it while I still had an ounce of sanity left in me.

He called out to me, "Bella, listen…" but I didn't turn back. I wrenched open the door and flew down the stairs. I kept running until I reached a main street; my breath was ragged and coming out in short spurts from the exertion.

My clothes were drenched with sweat from running in the warm New York afternoon. Tired from the lack of sleep and emotionally frazzled, I stopped a taxi and got in. After giving the proper directions to the cab driver, I realized that my heart was still beating at a ridiculously fast pace and I checked my reflection on the rear-view mirror. My cheeks turned a deep shade of red, a signature move of mine, as I recalled the sweet taste of his lips. Never in my life had I felt so outrageously happy yet utterly scared, at the same time.

The cab driver happened to be a cheerful North Indian dude with a thick, long beard and a blue turban. His name was Kuljeet and he filled the silence with incessant one-sided chatter. I welcomed the distraction as I laid back on the seat and tried to calm my nerves.

"Miss, would you mind if I turned on the radio?" he asked with a heavy Indian accent.

I raised my head and saw him look questioningly at me through the rear-view mirror. He must have – finally!!- sensed I wasn't in a conversational mood. I shook my head and he smiled gratefully. Soon, the car was filled with a high-tempo Bollywood number with lots of drums and trumpets. I smiled at this, realizing that the foreign words from the lyrics would keep my mind occupied long enough, so that I wouldn't be able to dwell on matters that I wasn't yet prepared to face.

Kuljeet started singing aloud with the song and he seemed to know each and every word. I asked him what the lyrics meant. He replied saying, "You see, Miss, there is this boy and a girl who are madly in love but they are forbidden to be together because of some old enmity between their families. It's a very conventional concept of Indian movies," he added with a laugh.

"But then of course, like all other movies, the two indeed get married in the end, thus providing the audience with the happy ending everyone craved for," he concluded with a sigh.

That struck a nerve. Aren't we all, in reality, looking for the so-called 'happy endings' in our lives? What happened to stories like mine? How did they end? Maybe what happened today was the peak point in my story; it just wouldn't get better than this. Maybe that's the most I would get to share with him – just a heated kiss and nothing more. Nothing serious, no strings attached. He was a broken man and from what I could only guess, he just needed a source of comfort, namely me. And while I did provide him with that, I also let my countenance slip and in a bold move, made the first advance by grazing his arms. So perhaps, he thought it would be too impolite to reject me so blatantly. Maybe the kiss had just been a gesture meant to say 'thank you.' And here I was, running away like a scared cat, making other assumptions and constructing misconceptions.

_Edward_

I remained rooted at my spot long after Bella had left. I kept pulling the strands of my hair yet that didn't seem to alleviate the frustration I felt. A loud growl erupted from my chest as I was reminded for the umpteenth time about what had just passed between Bella and I.

What had I just done?

The last thing I remember was Bella tripping on her way towards me and I had to reach out to hold her steady. A second later, it felt like as if someone had turned off the logic switch inside my brain. It all started when she confirmed to me the fact that she thought my music was bearable. I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude, not just because she appreciated my music, but because of all the changes she had brought along with her, that I just couldn't control myself. A wave of unexplained emotions crashed against my long dead heart and I found myself getting inexorably closer to her.

And then she danced her delicate fingers along my bare arms and my body was on fire. Desire flooded through me and it clouded my thoughts. Acting on the basis of some crazy instinct, I pulled her closer, knowing how dangerous, for both of us, that was. It was dangerous for her because she was still so young and had her whole life ahead of her; which is why it would be terribly foolish of her to be this close to someone like me, who couldn't offer her the happiness she deserved. It was also risky for me to allow this closeness because my feelings regarding her were still quite confusing.

Then her soft fingers touched along my jaw and all my muscles, beneath the skin she managed to graze, relaxed as I tried to remember the last time a woman had made me feel that way.

I realized I needed to say something, to bring some sense back into her; something, anything to make her stop…..

"Bella, I-I am not the person you think I am," I said, frantic for her to grasp the meaning of my words. Her expression turned a bit sour as she digested that. Her forehead creased as she thought things through and for a second, I felt as if she would pull away.

But she didn't.

She kept moving her fingers across my jaw and I concluded that my lame attempt at convincing her that I wasn't the man for her had been insufficient to change her mind. Yet, the worst part was I didn't regret the fact as much as I should have. Without thinking anything further, I leaned forward, still feeling uncertain about what I was about to do. Of course, the rational part of my brain ordered me, or rather screamed at me to stop. Nonetheless, the less logical part of me wouldn't even bother itself by listening to that other voice.

While constantly reminding myself to be mindful of the precious creature I held in my arms, I lightly touched her tantalizing, soft as petals, lips with mine. The contact was completely unexpected and _unnerving._ It felt alarming because the touch scared me; it absolutely terrified me. I was frightened of what had yet to come. I was unsure about my capability of controlling myself and that uncertainty was horrifying as well. In addition, I was anxious and panicky about how Bella would react to this simple kiss. However, it turned out that pulling away after that first touch had been a good decision after all, because what came next almost crippled me.

With forceful strength, Bella slammed her body against mine and caught my lips in a deep, feverish kiss. I could see fire behind my closed eyelids as liquid flames seemed to surround me. Her lips moved against mine in harmony, moulding their shape with mine. She softly traced the contours of my lips and the tenderness with which she did so made my heart swell and I let out a deep moan. After putting my brain on disabled mode, I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss and my progressiveness startled me, but I couldn't care less. Her hands started playing with the hair at the nape of my neck, her fingers leaving a fiery trail behind and making my toes curl.

It was then that I felt Bella's body freezing against mine. She pulled back and I squeezed my eyes shut to keep myself from feeling the pang of disappointment and hurt that was threatening to surface. She replied, confirming my worst fears, "I have to go." She sounded breathless.

To my surprise, I found my arms tightening their hold around her as I whispered back, "No, you don't." After a strenuous pause, Bella removed herself from my embrace. Resigned, I let her go.

Without facing me, she said, "I'll see you…soon." She seemed to struggle to keep her voice composed. Without another word or a backward glance, she rushed out of the apartment.

I won't lie. Her promise to see me 'soon' gave way to optimist thoughts inside me that seemed utterly foreign to me. However, the moment Bella left, my mind began working overtime again. What was I thinking?

A part of my brain tried to console me, by saying that it was perfectly normal for a grown man to act on his hormones. But the other sensible part complained that we had been given brains for a reason, and that was to control such actions. There was no denying the fact that I had made an advance on Bella and I was in a perfectly stable state of mind, I might add. Other part of me gloated at the fact that she hadn't tried to resist me and yet another saner part told me that I should be thankful that Bella had pulled away before things had gotten way out of hands. I tried to tune out my exploited brain, feeling exhausted all of a sudden, and kind of crazy too, as a numbing headache started taking over my mind.

**A/N: So how was it? Please kindly let me know by reviewing because nothing else makes a writer happier…******


	25. To Make You Feel My Love

**A/N: Sorry for my late updates. Just been busy with schoolwork. So here's another chapter. **

**A million thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and put this story on alert and as a favourite.**

**As always, big thanks to my awesome beta, Mariana75.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.**

Chapter 25:

_Bella_

After I got back home, I laid down on my bed, without changing my clothes or even bothering to take off my shoes. My head hurt from all the thoughts that were reeling and lurching inside of me. I pressed my fingers to my temples, hoping to get rid of the searing pain, but to no avail. I felt torn between having the urge to either laugh or burst hysterically into tears. For the hundredth time, I felt my hand trailing along my lips as I recalled that afternoon kiss. And like an endless cycle, I sat up on my bed, while I waited for fresh tears to start rolling down my cheeks, once again.

As expected, a second later, I was crying my heart out. In the darkness of my room, I sat with my head in my hands, biting on my lip and weeping like a baby.

I had absolutely no clue as to why I was crying. Was it because of the fact that, right after Edward kissed me, I decided to leave? Which consequently brought me to ponder on something else that I have been trying to put off for later speculation: _Why exactly did I run away from him?_

I tried to come up with several reasons. Firstly, I was very much certain that the kiss didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. Of course, I recognized that the way his body responded to me was just how human males reacted to women, in general. However, when _I_ kissed him, I was thinking of the first time I had set my eyes on him; the way he made my insides squirm with just a glance and the way my body had melted when he had finally touched me. For the entire time the kiss lasted, all ten seconds of it, I kept chanting three words repetitively, in my head, like a mantra: _I love you, I love you, I love you…._

As for him, I was pretty sure that sentiment was the farthest thing from his mind. Obviously, he was still grieving his wife and unborn child. That is why I knew and firmly believed that it would be excruciatingly painful for him to move on, not to mention, it would probably take him a lot of time to do so too. And thus, before he could take things further- because I was sure that just for the sake of being _polite, _he would never break up the kiss I had initiated_-_ I knew I was the one who had to put an end to it.

And that was undoubtedly the most difficult thing I had to do, ever, in my whole, albeit short, life. Nonetheless, I forced myself to leave because I couldn't bear the fact he didn't the feel same way I felt when we kissed, that he didn't want me as I wanted him, and escaping that blissful torment was the best thing I could come up with at that time.

The second probable reason was that I felt like I was betraying the trust Renee had put on me. I had promised her that nothing was happening between us: which is why my dear mother trusted me blindly and didn't question me about the afternoons I spent _alone_ in an exceptionally handsome widower's apartment, with said exceptionally handsome widower. I knew I was an adult and was at complete liberty to do whatever I felt like, but I was aware of my limitations. I was brought up with certain values and principles and I wouldn't go against them.

When I ran out of my reasons and tears for my running away, I realized I was like a complete mess. So I got up and discarded my dress on the floor. I stepped into the shower and turned on the freezing cold water in full force. The cool water helped me calm my nerves and when I was done showering, I felt immensely better. I walked out of the bathroom, picked up the dress I had worn earlier and, in a weird impulse, smelled it. Hmm, a slight trace of his scent was still in there….

That was when I caught my reflection in the mirror hung on the wall in front of me. What was I doing, sniffing my _dress_, for heaven's sake? My eyes widened in horror as I realized that I was on the verge of losing it completely.

I was a 23-year-old college graduate who had a loving family, a wonderful job and was going away to NYU within a few months for my post grad degree. Then what on earth was I doing obsessing over Edward Cullen, a mournful widower, who, for what I had witnessed, had no chance of ever loving someone again the way he loved his deceased wife? I was just asking for a broken heart and an impossible love.

I threw my dress into the laundry stack, mentally resolving to wash off every remaining trace of his smell from it.

This was one of those rare moments when I wished that I had a bunch of cool girlfriends with whom I could share sad and pathetic stories over a round of piña coladas. I had some, way back in college, but they had all moved to different states and we eventually lost contact. Nevertheless, I grabbed my phone from the bed stand, intending on scrolling down the list, hoping to find someone with whom I could strike up a meaningless conversation, just to get my mind off of things.

I stopped at the first name in my phonebook. After hesitating for a moment, I pressed on the 'call' button.

Someone answered after the phone rang three times.

"Hello?" It was a deep male voice.

"Um, hi. Is this Alice's number?" I asked, almost certain that I had dialled the wrong number.

The voice on the other end chuckled. "Yes, it is. Actually, Alice is a bit….busy right now. Oh no, wait, she's back. Here, talk to her."

I waited as he handed her the phone.

"Bella? Is that you?" Alice asked with uncertainty in her voice. She must have seen my name on her caller id.

"Yes. Hi, Alice. I am sorry to bother you on a weekend. I just…" I trailed off, not sure what I wanted to say.

"Yes, go on," she insisted.

That's when I heard a child screaming through the phone.

"I am sorry, is this a bad time? I could call later," I said, now wishing that I hadn't called.

"Wait a sec," she said. Then I heard her screaming, "JASPER? CAN YOU GET THAT BOY TO SHUT IT FOR AT LEAST A MOMENT?"

I heard her sigh heavily after the screaming stopped. "Seriously, younger brothers are a nightmare. So, you were saying?"

"Actually I didn't have anything particular in mind. I just decided to call up and see what you were up to," I said nonchalantly.

She remained silent for a moment. Then she replied, saying, "You know what? Let me give you my address so you can get here. Then we can go out and do something. How does that sound?"

I heaved a sigh in relief. "Sounds perfect."

I put on a sequined top with a black, fitted skirt. I matched the outfit with my peep-toes and let my wet hair down. I felt too tired to put any make-up on, so I grabbed my purse and coat and headed outside.

It took me a twenty minute cab ride to reach Alice's apartment in Bronx. I rushed up the stairs and knocked on the door.

A tall blond man opened the door. He was dressed in a plain white shirt and blue jeans and was quite good-looking. Even though I knew he was here, I had to step back in surprise when I saw him.

"Hey! You must be Bella. I know you, but I am not sure if you know me," he said, sounding hesitant.

"Jasper Whitlock, right?" I said as he opened the door wider and stood aside to let me in. "I _do _know you," I said with a smile. "My boss has been pretty impressed with your work and I can say that I completely agree. Your pictures are fantastic!"

"Well, as introductions go, that sure was easy," he said and laughed in a good-natured way. I had seen him only once during Alice's photo shoot but hadn't paid enough attention to make any judgement. Now that I knew he and Alice had a history together, he seemed a much more intriguing character. He must have had some worthwhile qualities that had made someone like Alice fall for him.

He led me to an open living room with light, warm coloured couches with a beige carpet underneath. Joined to the living room was a corridor, which, I assumed, led to the bedrooms. From inside that area, I could hear a child wailing. Jasper noticed me looking at the corridor as I sat down.

"Ethan is being a bit difficult. You see, the two boys have a mutual friend's birthday party to go to, but, Ethan wants to go dressed up as Batman. Alice has been trying to make him understand for the past one hour that it's not actually a costume party," he said with a chuckle.

That was when the person in question zoomed out, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, with his eyes all puffy and red. He was soon followed by a disgruntled looking Alice, who held some clothes in her hands.

"I am not wearing those!" Ethan said haughtily, pointing at the clothes in Alice's hands with his fingers and glaring at them with fury in his eyes.

I smiled at this. The boy was no more than seven and resembled Alice in some ways. They shared the same shade of hair colour and his angry-face was almost identical as his sister's. Alice returned the glare with equal intensity and replied, "Fine then! You can go there, wearing those shorts. But you are not wearing that ridiculous Bat-suit!"

Jasper got up from the chair he had occupied and walked over to the fighting duo. He knelt down before Ethan and I was suddenly reminded of the first day I had met Edward, at the orphanage, when he had knelt just like that in front of Jess. Jasper had the same look of adoration for the boy before him that Edward had had for Jess. I quickly shook my head to bring my focus back to the present.

"How about you wear your beloved Bat-suit to some other party, where it will be more appropriate?" Jasper said. When he was met with an unwavering stare, he continued, "You know what? I know this great place where they hold costume parties for kids, during Halloween. Wouldn't it be nice to save your Bat-suit for that occasion, huh buddy?" he said, with a huge smile.

Ethan scrunched up his face as he thought it through. Alice stepped forward and knelt down like Jasper and slowly whispered, "Doesn't that sound really nice? To hold the surprise of your costume until Halloween for all your friends to see?"

"But Halloween is still four months away," the boy said with an adorable pout on his face, but I could see that he was already liking the idea.

"Yes, but in the meantime we can get you a matching cape and mask," Jasper added with a smirk, knowing that with that final sentence, the battle was won.

Ethan dropped his shoulders in defeat and sighed, suddenly seeming more mature than his age. "All right, I'll wear the boring clothes," he said, motioning towards the garments Alice still clutched in her hands.

Alice smiled widely and hugged her little brother. Jasper got up with a smile plastered on his handsome face as he looked at the two people before him with nothing but love in his eyes.

All of a sudden, I began feeling like I was totally invading their privacy. I squirmed in my seat, feeling rather uncomfortable, for prying into something so personal.

Alice looked up to where I sat and smiled at me. Jasper saw that and he said to Ethan, "Let's get you ready, then, shall we?" The boy nodded and Jasper took his hand. Alice handed Jasper the boy's clothes and they both left the living room.

Alice walked over towards me and flopped down on the couch, facing me. "Sorry about that. He's the troublemaker. Robbie, the older one, doesn't give me that much of a hard time." She paused and wiped some beads of perspiration from her brow. "So, after we drop them off at their friend's house, Jasper and I are going to go and get some drinks. You are coming with us."

And just like that, she assumed I would oblige to her wishes. She didn't think it was necessary to give me a choice. That was one of the reasons I was so fond of this eccentric, vertically challenged person.

"So, you and Jasper are back together, huh?" I asked, finally. She smiled a little and shrugged. "I don't know how to reply to that. He just called me today, out of the blue, asking me if I wanted to go out. Then I told him my brother was being annoying and within half-an-hour, he showed up at my door. And now," she motioned towards the way they had left with her thumb, "he also seems to be able to pacify that little devil of a brother that I have. Something, that even with years of experience under my belt, I still haven't quite figured it out how to do it just yet."

She then got up, saying she needed to change. That was when Jasper came out, with Ethan hanging from one his arms. He was laughing. The change in his expression was remarkable. I guessed that was one of the best things about being a child: one quickly forgets their sorrows.

Following Jasper, another boy entered the living room, who I assumed to be Robbie. He looked around eleven, had dark hair and a very calm face. He was exceptionally quiet, in contrast to Ethan's loud nature.

Jasper settled Ethan on a couch and motioned Robbie to come forward. "Boys, this is Alice's friend, Bella. Say hi to her."

Ethan got on his feet, came forward and stood right in front of me. He reached his hand out, touched my hair and dropped his jaw, dramatically. I laughed at his expression. "Wow, you are prr-eeee-tty!" he said, pronouncing the word in three syllables, with a huge smile on his face.

I laughed harder and nudged the boy's chin, saying, "Well, you are quite handsome yourself, Ethan." He blushed and I ruffled his hair playfully. His brother, who was still standing next to Jasper, said in a timid voice, "Hi."

Alice came out next, wearing a silk halter top with her usual skinny jeans. I threw a glance at Jasper's direction just in time to note his admiring gaze. Alice seemed oblivious to that. She was busy shoving her keys and phone into her purse and was simultaneously shouting at her brothers.

"C'mon, you two," she said to her brothers. "Let's go, Bella."

We dropped the two boys at a house a few blocks from Alice's. Jasper then drove us to a Pizza Corner in Allerton Avenue, saying that we needed a bite to eat before hitting the pub.

The restaurant was swarming with customers since it was a Sunday night, so after waiting there for twenty minutes, we finally managed to get ourselves a table. After we settled down, Jasper's phone rang and he excused himself to take the call.

That's when Alice sprang at me. "So, what came up, all of a sudden?"

I bit on my lip as I deliberated a proper answer. "Before I tell you that, first I have to say how sorry I am for ruining your night with Jasper. You two have been apart for so long and I'm quite certain that Jasper must be feeling rather annoyed by my presence here."

"Shut up, that's not even an issue. Actually, I was quite relieved when you called. I didn't want to go out with him alone after all this time. Things would have been terribly awkward between us if you weren't here," she said, with a sheepish grin.

"Yes, but you two need to talk things out," I replied.

"We have plenty of time for that. Now, let's go back to the previous topic, quickly, before he comes back. What made you call _me_, on a Sunday afternoon, that couldn't wait until tomorrow when we met at work?"

I took one deep breath and said the words out in a rush: "Edward and I kissed and I ran away." I felt a tremendous amount of relief after saying those words out loud, which in turn, made me realize how exceedingly glad I was that it was Alice whom I had called in the first place.

Alice took a sharp intake of breath at that. However, she didn't get the chance to say anything because at that moment, Jasper returned after finishing his phone conversation.

"Sorry about that," he said while sitting down. Neither Alice nor I said anything in response, so he swivelled his head first in Alice's direction and then in mine. "What did I miss?" he asked, perplexed.

"Nothing," Alice replied, calmly. Then she reached out and picked up the menu off the table, saying, "Let's order. I'm starving."

We quickly finished eating. Jasper wouldn't let me pay for my share, saying that it was his treat and I reluctantly accepted his offer. Next, we walked to a pub that was a few blocks away from the Pizza Corner.

Thankfully, the place wasn't as crowded as the restaurant. We found ourselves a table near a small stage, right beside the left wall, which left us rather far of all the commotion from the bar and the people that went to the bathroom. Alice and Jasper both ordered a beer while I settled for a martini. A jazz band was playing on the stage in front of us and while we all listened to the music, none of us felt the need to fill the silence with unnecessary small talk. When Jasper seemed completely engrossed in the music and wasn't paying attention to us, Alice scooted her chair closer to mine and said just as I was taking a sip of my drink, "Well, that was not very sensible of you."

I choked on my martini and started coughing. Thankfully, Jasper didn't take any notice of that or this was just his way of surreptitiously giving us some privacy.

"What do you mean?" I managed to ask, between coughing fits. Alice sighed and replied, "I mean that you should not have run away,"

"Then what else was I supposed to do?" I asked a bit too harshly. I felt irritated.

"Bella," she said, "You need to understand that Edward is not one of those guys who goes around kissing random women."

"You think I don't know that?" I almost shouted. I hoped my voice would be drowned by the music. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to really care about that. I was too angry now.

Alice sighed again. "Please, calm down. Jeez, Bella, now your temper is almost as bad as Edward's."

"You are not helping the situation, Alice," I muttered through gritted teeth.

"Will you stop interrupting me? All I am trying to tell you is that you should have stayed behind," I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up her hand, "because, you needed to talk to him, about what happened."

"There is nothing to talk about," I said with a sigh. "Obviously, this entire situation is a much bigger deal for me than it is for him. I was not about to embarrass myself further by demanding explanations about it."

Alice started shaking her head in resigned disbelief. Then, when we heard everyone around us applauding, we both turned our heads towards the stage. It seemed like the band was done performing for the night. Sure enough, the lead singer came forward and took the microphone in his hands.

"Thank you all for enjoying our music so much. That will be all for tonight, but, as you all know, tonight is _k-a-r-a-o-k-e _night." He sang the word, did a little dance move and the crowd cheered happily. "So, to start this with a bang, I'm gonna pick one of you to come on stage and sing your heart out. C'mon, any volunteer to be the first one on stage tonight?"

And the next moment, seeing that no one else raised their hands or made an attempt to come over to him, he threw the microphone into Jasper's hands, who was sitting closest to the stage. The crowd went wild and poor Jasper looked terrified. He remained in his seat, but the singer came down and started pulling Jasper's arms. I heard Alice's frantic cries, "Stop it! He can't sing. No, seriously, he can't!" But no one paid attention to her. Within a few seconds, Jasper was standing in the middle of the stage, with the microphone in his hands, looking flabbergasted. He reacted only after he was asked what would be his song request, to which he replied quietly though loud enough for the people in charge to catch the name and nod in acquiescence.

Nevertheless, he put the microphone in the stand, took a deep breath and looked at the television screen at the corner, which displayed the lyrics. As the piano intro began, a hush fell over the crowd and the lights were dimmed, leaving a single soft spotlight on Jasper. This filled the ambiance with a sort of French-bohemian aura. After clearing his throat once, he did his best impression of Bob Dylan.

_When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love_

When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong

He wasn't exactly the most talented singer around but his performance wasn't entirely terrible either. As a matter of fact, I found myself to be really enjoying the song, since I hadn't heard it in a really long time. I turned to look at Alice's face. Even though I could see her expression was completely neutral, I knew that deep inside, she was not as immune to his evident emotional voice as she pretended to be.

Next, I swept my eyes over the audience surrounding us. They seemed to be enthralled by Jasper's voice. He also seemed to have gathered a few female fans as well, and one of them, a redhead, seemed particularly more impressed than the others. Alice's eyes followed mine and landed on her as she walked over and sat down at the empty chair nearest to the stage. The girl flicked her hair and batted her eyelashes at Jasper. Beside me, I saw Alice's hands balled up into a fist as she glared at the redhead.

_I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love_

Jasper finished his song and a defeaning round of applause began. I saw both the redhead and Alice getting up from their seats. But Alice reached Jasper first as he was coming down the stage. I was sure she had meant to put a swift peck on his cheek, just to let the other women, especially the redhead, know that he was taken. However, Jasper misunderstood the action, or just deliberatley made a better use of the oppurtunity. Alice placed a hand on his shoulder and reached out to kiss his cheek, but, Jasper turned his face at the last moment, which inevitable made Alice find his lips. And what began as a small, innocent kiss, soon enough, built up in intensity, making me a witness of what years of pent up love and separation can do to a couple.

If the crowd had gone wild earlier, it was nothing compared to the way they reacted now. Everyone cheered even more enthusiastically and some even wolf-whistled. Jasper wound his arms around Alice's tiny waist and almost effortlessly lifted her feet off the ground. I couldn't help but smile while looking at them.

And just like that, the two made up. No words were spoken, no explanations were needed.

**A/N: So, no Edward in this chapter. But plenty of Alice and Jasper. So tell me if you liked it, or not..**


	26. Awake And Alive

**A/N: *Hangs head in shame* Okay, so I sincerely apologize for this delay in updating. I had so much to study for school. So finally, here's my next chapter. Oh, and here's a fanfic recommendation for you guys: The Tutor by ItzMegan73. It's really good, so go check it out!**

**By the way, have you guys seen Rob's Vanity Fair and his and Kristen's Harper's Bazaar photo shoot? I totally loved them both!**

**Here's a shout out to some new readers: ****Narnia dreamer, C-U-Next-Tuesday (interesting username lol!), bundycal, KT Holmes, campcathryn, AnthonyMasen, dazzled-by-you-forever, .x, Twifan 1986, erina-s, SycaTress, hillyjmalts, ktluvsTwilight, StarSongs, young4life, SurpriseEnding, mglenn, Melee03. Seriously, you guys have no idea how happy it makes me whenever I get these notifications saying somone had put this story on alerts. Thanks to you all!**

**Much love to my amazing Beta, Mariana75. Feel better soon!**

_Edward_

The only window in my office room, overlooked some of the corporate buildings of Manhattan. I could see Wall Street as well as the site of the World Trade Center. At the far distance, I could see the tip of the Empire State Building. I remember when I first moved to New York, I had been awed by the beauty of this city. Grand Central Terminal, Rockfeller Center, Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square – all the usual New York City landmarks had impressed me, like it had on millions of people who had embarked upon the city before me. I still remember my frequent visits to the art galleries, concerts and pubs, where random underground alternative bands played. I was still doing my master's degree from CUNY back then. While my classmates spent their weekends partying and drinking, I took the time to roam around the city aimlessly.

Angela and I got married in the winter of 2004. We were both 25 years old by then. I had a steady job, my master's degree was complete and Angela was done with her interior designing course. At first, we rented a tiny apartment in Queens. It was a one bedroom flat with no porch or windows with nice views but we both loved it. We bought some second-hand furniture and decorated the place.

Angela loved cooking. Every night, she would spend ample amounts of time making me a full course dinner. On Sundays she would make roast chicken with vegetables; on Mondays she would go for lasagne, Tuesday nights would mean it was pasta time and so on. A week after our wedding, I had to get myself a gym membership.

She was the one who had taught me how to cook. Now that I've come to think of it, I feel like she already knew that I would have to live without her, at some point.

Three months later, Angela found out that she was pregnant. We weren't planning on having a baby right then, but, nevertheless, when we heard that piece of news, we were thrilled. We had been thinking of buying a new home and so, after receiving those terrific news, we didn't delay that decision any further. Initially, I made some down payment and took a loan for the full payment.

We found a medium sized two bedroom and one bathroom apartment in Long Island City, Queens; it was the ideal setting for our growing famliy. Angela took the time to specifically choose the perfect shade of colours for the walls, the right furniture and all. I stood by her, but was unable to provide suggestions since I had absolutely no clue what in the world taupe or fuschia meant. Once, while we were at a store, Angela wanted some crazy things like magnetic mesh curtains and light emitting wallpapers. She looked back at me with puppy eyes, as if asking for my permission. I had to bite on my lip to keep myself from laughing. She got the message and settled for something less quirky. Yet, when she set her eyes on a particular waffle toaster that was shaped like a type writer, she was determined not to take no for an answer. Yes, Angela was sometimes crazy like that and I loved her all the more for quirkiness.

And then, after we found out about her pregnancy, she stopped gushing over the duvets and Persian rugs. Instead, she put her full concentration on turning the second bedroom into a nursery. She herself painted the walls lime green, a neutral colour, since we both decided not to find out the sex of the baby.

We were planning to move in after the baby was born. But it seemed like fate had something else entirely in store for me. I have never believed in superstitions. However, after the accident, I had wondered countless times if God was punishing me for a sin I had committed in some previous life.

I looked back at my reflection on the clear and clean window of my office room. My eyes looked flat, dead. This city had taught me many things – how to laugh, how to be happy and what it felt like to lose all that joy in an instant. What it was still unable to teach me was how to fill the aching hole inside of my chest.

And then Bella came into my life: like sunlight streaming into a dark, abandoned forest. Her happy spirit, perky nature and contagious laughter started seeping through my gloomy demeanour. I even started having deep, dreamless sleep almost every night. Since I had met her, I no longer had the nightmares – the ones in which that accident keeps playing and playing in a repeatedly infinite loop, much like an old vinyl record that was played in its entirety, yet nobody pulls it from the turntable.

But what's next? What happens now that I have crossed my boundaries with her? Will she ever want to see me again? What if she doesn't? What if she does? How will things be between us now?

At that moment, my Blackberry vibrated inside my pocket. I reached for it and without looking at the screen, I placed the phone on my ear.

"Hello?" I asked, warily, not being in the mood for a phone conversation.

"Edward?" It was Alice.

"Yes, hi. How have you been?" I asked. I hadn't heard from her in two weeks.

"Um, well, you see, I called to tell you something," she said, sounding uncertain.

I waited patiently. She paused for a few seconds before answering.

"So….um, Jasper and I are back together," she said, finally.

I let out a breath of relief. "Jesus, Alice. You sounded like you just admitted comitting a murder," I said, laughing.

"So, you're not mad?" she asked, still sounding hesitant.

"Of course not. You know what's best for you. I am happy for you."

"Hmm, I wonder what brought this change on," she mused, quietly.

I had no idea what she meant by that. She continued, "So, Jasper and I are going out for lunch and I want you to come with us."

I looked at my watch. Lunchtime was still an hour away. "Okay, I will be there in an hour."

_Bella_

Standing by Michelle's desk, I was looking at a design, trying to decide if it was worthy enough to be used as the background image of a photo shoot for the next issue. There were several others scattered on the desk, all done specifically by Michelle herself, who was currently bent over, critically analyzing them. We couldn't decide which design to pick. Even though my promotion was yet to be finalized, Michelle had been kind enough to start asking me for my suggestions already.

"So what do you think of that futuristic one? The one with all those metallic details? We could even add some outer space-like lighting effects?" she asked, with her eyes glued on the aforementioned design.

"As far as I can remember, Eric is doing some dresses in metallics. May be the models could pose with this background, wearing those dresses?" I asked, unsure. "Or would that be too much?"

"I'll have to show these to Melanie and-" Michelle began saying but was interrupted by another conversation going on nearby. We both turned our heads and found Eric and Olivia, the seamstress, engaged in some intense conversation, with Olivia talking animatedly using her hands.

"He has the most perfect hair colour and…. his eyes….oh Eric, it's like he was seeing right through me," Olivia said with dreamy eyes.

"Let me guess, bronze coloured hair, green eyes, total hottie?" Eric asked, with his eyebrows raised. When Olivia nodded, he sighed and said, "That's Edward, Alice's super gorgeous best friend. Although, I can't fathom how _anyone_ canbe _just_ friends with that hot piece of-"

I wasn't listening to Eric anymore. All that I could think, from that moment on, was that Edward was here, in this office, right now.

I needed a place to hide my face.

"Bella?" Michelle shook me by placing her hand on my shoulder. I looked back at her with horror-stricken eyes. She remained silent, not really trying to understand my sudden change in demeanour. She just shrugged and started gathering her designs. "I'll run that design by Melanie and let you know about it, okay?"

I nodded mechanically and sprinted away from Michelle's cubicle, mentally thanking her for being considerate and letting me go without further questioning. I reached my desk and looked around, hoping to find a hiding place. Never in my life had I dreaded facing a person so much.

It was then, while I was still pondering my best course of action, that I spotted someone with a head full of short black spiky hair stepping out of the elevator. Oh no, this was _so_ not the right time to see Alice. I quickly turned my back on her, swiftly preparing to make my inconspicuous escape; but, she must have spotted me first because she called out my name.

I stood motionless on my spot and waited for Alice to reach me. Then, I slowly turned to face her.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," she commented.

I was unable to speak. My words where caught in my throat. It was absolutely ridiculous that I was reacting this way but I couldn't help it.

"Bella? Is something wrong?" she asked, with concern in her eyes.

I bit on my lip. I didn't know how to answer to that question.

Alice sighed audibly. "You are not ready to face him yet, are you?"

That was easy enough to answer. I nodded.

"Really, Bella. You look petrified. He is only human. Yes, he can be scary at times, but at the moment, you are overreacting. It's not rational."

"See, Bella, I have started to predict your reactions by now. I knew you would be too much of a chicken to actually go and talk to him yourself," I glared at her choice of words, but she ignored me, "which is why, I have taken matters into my own hands. I invited him to have lunch with me, Jasper and you."

Fear and rage shook me violently and almost knocked the breath out of me. I couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Alice Brandon! Are you out of your _freaking_ mind?" I finally opened my mouth. My words sounded harsher than I had meant them too, but I was way too furious to take them back. "How could you do this to me? I thought we were friends…"

"We are. And that's exactly why I had to do this. And for Christ's sake Bella, stop being so melodramatic." She crossed her arms over her chest and took a deep breath. "Now, listen to what I have to say. You two will be with Jasper and me the entire time, so you would have no real reason to feel awkward. You will make small talk with him - nothing major – and that will give you enough time to get accustomed at having conversations with him. When the time is right, you can easily have _that_ talk with him, without feeling terrified."

I thought it through. The way she said those things, she made it sound so easy. Yet, being in the same room as him was still scary-as all hell- concept. I gulped loudly at that thought.

"Are you sure about this? It's just that…I mean, I don't know how he…." I began, but didn't finish my sentence. I looked down at my feet, suddenly not being able to meet her eyes.

"Feels?" she guessed. When I didn't reply, she sighed again. "Bella, when you teach those kids at the orphanage, do you know for sure that all of them are going to turn into college graduates in the future?"

I narrowed my eyebrows, wondering where she was going with this. Nevertheless, I looked up at her and replied, "I don't know how that's relevant to this case, but to answer your question: no, I don't know that for sure. As a matter of fact, I don't even know how many of them will even get the chance to finish junior high…" That thought instantly made me sad.

"But, that hasn't discouraged you from hoping that they will all have a bright future ahead of them, has it?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. And then it hit me. She was trying to tell me the same thing that I had told her the other day at the cafeteria. She wanted me to not lose hope, to be optimistic.

Suddenly, I was so overcome with emotion that I felt a lump in my throat. I couldn't believe this pixie-like person, who snapped at me the very first day we met, would also be such a great friend and care so much about me. Without thinking, I stepped forward and hugged her. "Thank you, Alice."

"Um, Bella, you should know that I don't feel very comfortable when people get emotional around me. I hardly know how to handle such situations. Please tell me you are not going to cry," she said, sounding really worried.

I had to laugh at this. I stood back and faced her. She forced a smile and started leading the way. Still feeling uncertain, I started following her.

I quickly grabbed a cup of coleslaw from the cafeteria and dropped it on David's desk. Not bothering to take the elevator, I bounced down the stairs, two at a time. All of a sudden, I started feeling really excited just knowing that every step took me closer to seeing him again.

Alice and I found Edward and Jasper standing at the lobby, not making any conversation. The two were facing away from each other and Jasper looked relieved when he saw us coming down the stairs. Edward's facial expression was unreadable and it didn't change when he saw us approaching.

"Good to see you, Bella," Jasper remarked. I smiled warmly at him. As soon as I turned towards Edward, I muttered a swift "Hi". He nodded once.

With his grey suit and white shirt underneath, he looked breathtaking. I knew that no matter how many times I saw him, I would never get used to the perfection, that was his beautiful face.

"So, you guys know each other, huh?" Jasper noted, nonchalantly. When neither of us answered, he continued, "Let's get going. I'm starving." And with that, he pulled Alice's hand, wrapped an arm around her shoulders and started leading her towards the door. Edward gestured me to go first and then followed me.

Once we were outside, Edward offered to give us all a ride, so that we needn't make use of Jasper's car. As we all quickly agreed on that, Jasper and Alice quickly got into the back seat of Edward's silver Volvo. Thus, I was left with no other choice but to sit on the passenger seat, next to Edward. After I got inside the car, I managed to glare at Alice through the rear-view mirror. She smiled back at me sweetly.

The ride to the restaurant was immensely awkward and not at all quiet; it was not exactly silent because Alice and Jasper kept whispering to each other and giggling like teenagers and it was awkward because they were the only ones talking. Neither Edward nor I opened our mouths to say anything.

I tried peeking at him through the corner of my eye. He looked so focused on driving, with his long pale hands gripping tightly the steering wheel, while his eyes never left the road in front of him.

According to Alice's directions, Edward stopped the car at 63rd Street at Park Avenue. As we got out of the car, I noted the name of the restaurant. It was some American Nouveau eatery called _Park Avenue Summer._

Alice, Jasper and I went inside while Edward parked the car. The interior was supremely lavish and the décor was impeccably modern with a slight hint of vintage style. It was obvious by the looks of it that the place was really expensive and I momentarily wondered the reason why Alice had chosen this particular place.

The waiter found us a table for four and just like they did in the car, the two lovebirds sat next to each other, leaving the remaining two chairs opposite them for Edward and me. I sat down quietly and didn't even bother to glare at Alice anymore. She noted my expression and sighed. "You know Bella, one day, you'll thank me for this."

Edward came back a couple of minutes later and sat down, as expected, on the chair next to mine. We were handed the menus and began ordering the food. I ordered the salmon tartare for appetizer and a grilled swordfish. Alice and Jasper turned out to be fans of the roasted filet mignon while Edward ordered roasted chicken and pumpkin pie.

Before the food arrived, we settled into a light conversation. Alice said this place held a special significance to her as she and Jasper had come here for their first date. We had a good laugh when Alice shared some of Edward's embarassing childhood stories.

"Remember our eighth-grade math teacher, Edward?" Alice asked, raising her eyebrows. To my utter surprise, Edward's face went a visible shade of pink and lowered his eyes. My lips twitched as I realized he was feeling rather shy.

"It was just a stupid schoolboy crush," Edward clarified, with his head bent down. Alice added, "Just to clear things up, she was a young teacher, fresh out of college."

Jasper and I laughed at that while Edward hissed angrily at her. "Hey, I am defending you, man," Alice said, raising her hands up in defense.

That's when Edward looked up and I thought I saw a hint of mischief in his eyes before he said, "Since we are sharing these kinds of stories, would you like me to tell Jasper one of yours?"

That immediately wiped the smirk off of Alice's face and Jasper looked once at Edward and then back at Alice, in confusion. "Go ahead and tell, as if I care," Alice snapped and stuck her tongue out.

Edward laughed and I turned to look at him, mesmerized by that sound. In response to that, he faced me and said, "Alice was once dared to go and make out with the football team captain, who we all knew also happened to have a soft spot for her. But you know Alice… she would never back down from a dare." He sniggered once and shook his head, but didn't remove his eyes from my face. _Why wasn't he looking back at them?_

"So she went over to him, making all these gagging sounds, claiming she was prepared to be 'grossed out' and that she was already feeling the compelling urge to puke on that boy's face. However, when she did kiss him, she almost passed out and dropped on her knees. Must have been one hell of a kiss, right Alice?" he said, finally tearing his gaze from my face and smirked at Alice.

It was Jasper who broke the silence. Alice looked really embarassed but Jasper laughed. "It's not funny," Alice complained, but that just made him laugh harder. I stole a glance at Edward. He caught my eye and we both smiled. Gradually, Jasper's laughter and Alice's complaints died down but neither Edward nor I took our eyes off each other. I wondered what expression he saw on my face. Suddenly, as my eyes dropped to his lips, I was reminded of our heated kiss and my breathing hitched. I looked away quickly and saw Jasper and Alice looking at us with a knowing expression. Thankfully, it was then that the waiter arrived with the food. We ate our meals quietly.

After we were done eating, we all commented on how good the food was. Fortunately, I had successful avoided the urge to look at Edward throughout the rest of the time. Jasper paid for his and Alice's share of food. As I was about to open my purse, I felt a hand on my arm and before I could understand what was happening, Edward had already placed his credit card inside the bill folder. The waiter quickly left with it.

"What did you do?" I accused. He looked hurt and confused and I immediately regretted my outburst. After calming myself down, I said politely, "I mean, that was nice of you, but you didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to. I still owed you a meal. Remember that first breakfast we had? You said that was your treat; this was mine. And now, we are even," he said, with a crooked smile.

I didn't know how to reply to that when he dazzled me with his smoldering gaze. He must have been fully aware of the effect he had on me, for he was certainly taking full of advantage of it.

I heard Jasper clearing his throat and was quickly jilted back to my current surroundings. I could tell both he and Alice were looking at us with curious gazes. I looked away from Edward's face again, feeling embarassed that I was caught ogling at him. Turning my face halfway towards him, and without meeting his eyes, I said, "Thank you."

**A/N: So, what do you think?**


	27. Tongue Tied

**A/N:**

**So, I need to tell you guys something. My exams are just a month away and I need to take some time off to study. You guys have been so amazing these past few months and I can't thank you enough for all the support you have shown. I am hoping to start writing again when my exams are over in February. I also hope that when I do start writing again, you guys will be here and read more of my story. Till then, hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you once again.**

**On a side note, have you guys seen New Moon? It won't been released in my country so I had to watch it online, (shame on me, I know). I watched half of it and it was AWESOME!**

**As always, huge thanks to my Beta, Mariana75. This chapter would have ended up in a wastebasket if she hadn't made certain changes. You rock!**

_Bella_

The rest of the day passed in a constant state of daze. Melanie finally approved one of the designs that Michelle had created and we both heaved a sigh of relief. I attended to, at least, a dozen phone calls from advertisers, publishers and a couple from David's admirers. Right after the clock struck eight, David said I was done for the day, and I truly couldn't have been happier. It had been a long day; I longed to get back home and take a luxurious bubble bath.

Once I was outside the office building, I tried catching a cab. The traffic wasn't too bad, yet I couldn't find a single one to take me home. Just as I started to get a bit restless, I noticed a silver car parked on the other side of the road. It was getting dark and I had to squint my eyes a little before I realized that it was a Volvo; Edward's Volvo.

He was leaning against his car with his hands inside his jacket pockets. He saw me looking at him and smiled tentatively. Even from a distance, I felt a shiver running down my spine as I realized he was staring back at me. Feeling the inevitable magentic pull from him, I had half a mind not to run across the street to where his car was parked. I did not run, of that much I was certain; dignity still intact, though, I couldn't avoid to walk at a very fast pace.

"Edward," I said, feeling a little breatheless, "what are you doing here?" I felt overjoyed at seeing him so unexpectedly. I didn't dare to hope but the fact that he seemed to be waiting for me made me giddy with happiness.

He just shrugged and said, "Well, I was just passing by and thought I could give you a lift. That is, if you don't mind," he said hesitantly, leaving the choice completely up to me. Who was I to decline such an offer?

"Oh, so you were just….passing by?" I realized I sounded rather disappointed. I gazed at his face and saw that he looked a bit skeptical, doubtful. He remained silent for a few seconds, yet I could tell there was more to it because he seemed to be struggling to find the right words.

"The other day," he began, removing his eyes from my face and clearing his throat, "I read in the newspaper how unsafe the streets of New York were getting nowadays. And I-I immediately thought of you…and…" he trailed off, still not meeting my eyes.

"Oh," was all I managed to say. I had to look away from his face too as I felt my cheeks reddening. The corners of my lips twitched as a huge dorky smile threatened to creep upon my face. We both remained silent for a while, looking away from each other.

"That was… v-v-very th-thoughtful of you," I said, breaking the silence. He finally looked back at me, and smiled; my reassuring and stuttered words, apparently, had a calming effect on him because he seemed a bit more relaxed. He walked over to the passenger door and held it open. It took me a few moments to grasp onto the fact that he was holding the door open for me.

"Really, Bella, do I have to carry you now?" he asked, feigning a worried look on his face. I shook my head, kept my smile in check, and without another word, got inside his car.

The drive back to my house was a quiet one. The only noise came from the low hum of the engine. Throughout the entire drive, I had to fight the urge to look his way.

We soon reached my house and he parked the car on the street a few meters from my doorstep. I didn't get out immediately and he didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave either. I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to have _that _talk with him.

I cleared my throat and began, "Look, Edward, about what happened the other day…."

There was a pause as I gave him time to remember which day I was talking about. I mean, I knew that the memory of that day was permanently branded in _my _brain but I was certain that must not be the case for him.

"Yes, Bella, about that, I've been meaning to apologize to you," he said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Apologize to me?" I asked, still unsure if I had heard him right.

"Yes," he said, turning to face me. "It was wrong to….." Again he seemed to be at a loss of words.

And I knew it. I knew that he thought our kiss to be a mistake. I wondered why hearing the confirmation straight from his lips stung so much. After all, I had known all along, that the kiss had meant nothing to him.

"Why are you apologizing? I was the one who started it," I said, as I felt angry tears prickling my eyes. I realized my tone sounded bitter.

"Yes," he said with a sigh, "but I could've stopped it." His head fall back on the headrest of his seat.

In a small voice, heart constricting painfully in my chest, I said, "Maybe, I didn't want you to." It was no more than a whisper. I turned to look at his face. He closed his eyes and replied, "I was afraid you would say that."

That was when I decided that I couldn't take this anymore. I knew his rejection was coming, and coming fast, so before he could make all of my worst fears come true, I decided to back down from this myself.

"You know what, Edward? Forget about it. It was a stupid thing for me to do and I don't want you to ever feel guilty about it. You needed comforting and let's just say, we…got….carried away." Yes, we got carried away like the bunch of teenagers that we clearly weren't. I flinched at the nonsensical words I had let escape from my mouth; deeply mortified at how sad and lame my explanation sounded!

And so, without sparing a second glance at his way, I said, "Thanks for the ride," as I scurried away from him, and his car as quickly as my trembling legs allowed.

_Edward_

That was the second time she had walked out on me. The second _freaking _time.

To say I was angry would be a laughable understatement.

I was furious: at Bella, at myself, at my stupid hormonal urges.

Throughout the whole torturous drive to her house, I had forced myself not to look at her; I had forced both of my hands to remain on the steering wheel, whereas I was perfectly capable of driving with just one. I had to do this because for some unfathomable reason, my hands had this unquenchable urge to reach out and softly place, behind her ear, the loose strand of hair that kept falling on her face. I mean, it was bothering her, after all, and my intentions were perfectly noble and…

Oh, who was I kidding? Never in my life had I felt _less _noble. In reality, all I wanted to do was glide my fingers across the flawless skin and then she had to go ahead and remind me of _that_ kiss….

Jesus Christ! What the hell was I doing? This was Bella I was thinking about. The sweet, pancake-making, Bella. The one who tripped on staircases, carried around old paperbacks of Austen novels, liked walking barefoot in Central Park….

The Bella who talked about peace, truth and faith and made me realize that there was hope left after all, even for a lost case like mine.

How could I, after that just one darn kiss, start having these bizarre thoughts…or fantasies, to be more precise, about Bella? At one moment, she's all about sunshine and butterflies and all the nice things life brings and the next, I keep imagining her in my arms again, with her hot, sweet breath on my face as she gasps for air, her soft fingers trailing along my arms, raising goosebumps…

I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts that I felt bad for having them in the first place. So, I decided I should apologize to Bella. Even though she wouldn't know the real – lust filled - reason behind my apology, just by doing so, would make me feel better.

"Yes, Bella, about that, I need to apologize to you," I said, hoping she wouldn't ask what exactly I was apologizing for.

"Apologize to me?" She almost shouted.

"Yes, it was wrong to…" I trailed off. Wrong to what? To fantasize about her in such licentious ways? To imagine how her soft lips would feel against mine again? No, of course, I couldn't tell her that.

"Why are you apologizing? I was the one who started it," she said. She sounded harsh, like she regretted her actions. That realization hit me with a numbing pain.

"Yes, but I could've stopped it," I said, feeling defeated, knowing with clear certainty that was what she hoped to hear. Feeling helpless, I laid my head back and rested it against the headrest of my seat.

She remained silent for a few second. I heard her breathing get steady and the next moment, I heard her taking a deep breath. Before releasing it, she said softly, "Maybe, I didn't want you to."

Pure joy flooded through me as she uttered those few words. My lips curved into an involuntary smile, which, of course, she couldn't see as my face was turned away from hers. But that didn't make things any easier between us. It was then that I realized that I hadn't felt this happy in a long, long time. And all because she said she hadn't had wanted for me to end our kiss. However, my happiness was not the most pressing issue for us to deal here. I still didn't know what Bella wanted, or for that matter, what I wanted. I closed my eyes and said in whisper, "I was afraid you would say that."

Even before I had uttered that last word, I heard her release another forceful breath. I turned my head towards her and her expression was completely unnerving. Her breathing was ragged, her chest heaving up and down as she glared at me. Her eyes were wide and angry. She was mad, at me.

"You know what, Edward? Forget about it. It was a stupid thing for me to do and I don't want you to ever feel guilty about it. You needed comforting and let's just say, we…got….carried away."

I couldn't believe my ears. Had I been wrong in assuming that she felt something for me? Was it only my imagination?

Before I could say anything else, though, she swiftly muttered, "Thanks for the ride," and got out of the car, leaving me completely baffled.

I sat in the darkness of my car, accompanied by the frenetic thudding of my heartbeat. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel as I stared at the empty passenger seat, pondering on what the hell had just happened.

_The conversation hadn't gone well, at all__!!_

She had misunderstood everything I have said and that was awfully irritating and not to mention, frustrating. For every step forward we took, we ended up taking two steps back. I closed my eyes and again, I leaned my head back against my headrest.

I wanted nothing more than to step out of this car and run after her. I wanted us to talk and not create more misunderstandings, for a change.

_What do you plan on telling her, then? How exactly do you feel for her?_

I pinched the bridge of my nose and thought about what she meant to me. Every single time I met a woman, thoughts of Angela haunted me. My mind remained in constant torment, believing that I was somehow cheating on my wife. Just the bare thought of moving on was physically painful. But with Bella Swan, it was anything but agony. She swayed into my life so suddenly, like a warm summer breeze to my everlasting winter. I had come to realize that she treated my heart with the utmost care, like it was a fragile thing; maybe she was right…

I sat up straight and stared out in front of me, when it suddenly hit me. Somewhere along the way, Bella Swan had become one of the most important people in my life.

I thought, as always, back to Angela, and was surprised that the guilt I usually felt was almost non-existent. Thinking of Bella in my life was effortless, easy; it was soothing and natural.

I turned quickly and stared at her empty seat again. I needed to talk to her, the sooner, the better. I knew that there was so much we still didn't know about each other. I knew that there was still so much more ground we needed to cover. I was scared —no, petrified— really. But I had to do this. I knew I had to get out of this car and move on from my tragic past; completely aware that I would never forget it but at least, after all this time, I would be coming to terms with it.

Putting aside the inescapable physical attraction I felt towards her, I had also come to realize that I wished for her to get to know _me_, the real me_, _the same way I wanted to get to know the real her. First thing I needed to do though, was to get that ridiculous notion —that kissing her was mistake— out of her head.

Snapping myself out of musings, I started noticing once again my surroundings. It was late in the evening. With the exception of the occasional noise caused by the passing of a random car, Bella's neighbourhood was a quiet one. The streets were dark, except for one solitary lamppost standing on the pavement, a couple of yards to the left of her home. Bella's house was a modest two-storey building that looked cozy and well-kept. I could see some lights downstairs, while the upstairs was in complete darkness.

At that very moment, an idea played across my mind. I was not certain how well my plan would go, but at least it was worth a shot. Reaching inside my pocket, I scooped out my phone and dialled the first number that appeared in my missed calls list.

"What is it, Edward?" Alice asked, stifling a yawn.

"Were you asleep already?" I asked, surprised. I checked my watch. It was only ten o'clock.

"When you have younger brothers who need to wake up at six for school, you need to call it an early night," she said, before yawning again. She sounded annoyed.

"Okay, sorry about that then," I said and I meant it. "It's not going to take much time. I just need to ask you something."

She waited and I swallowed once before speaking again. "Um…so, I was wondering…if, maybe, you had Bella's cell phone number?"

---------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------

I stared at my phone for two whole minutes, wondering if it was the right thing to do. Finally, I decided I might as well call her before she went to sleep. If I didn't talk to her now, I doubted she would even want to see me again after this horrible debacle of misunderstandings. And I clearly wasn't prepared to take the risk of not having Bella in my life.

So I sucked it up and with trembling fingers, I dialled her number. I waited as the phone rang once, twice and thrice. What if she didn't answer to unknown calls?

Thankfully, just as I was thinking this, someone finally picked it up and I heard a breathy "Hello?" from the other end of the phone. Releasing a sigh of relief, I opened my mouth to answer back, but no sound came out. My words got caught up in my throat.

"Who is this?" she asked, sounding somewhat worrried. "Um, Bella. It's me." There, let her figure it out.

She was quick to respond. "Edward, is that you?" she asked, still sounding uncertain. A flash of light caught my eye. I looked ahead and saw that, suddenly, there was a light in one of the rooms on the upper floor of Bella's house.

"Yes…I…uh….so, do you think you could…maybe come down…for a while? I am outside your house…I never left…..and I…have to talk to you."

I heard some sort of movement going on. There was a banging noise, followed by a muffled "Ouch."

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked.

"Yes, yes, I am fine. I am coming down." And with that, she hung up.

I snapped shut my phone, removed my keys from the ignition and got out of the car. After locking the doors, I stood with my arms crossed over my chest, leaning against the front of my car that faced her house, so that I could see her when she came outside.

I kept waiting and occasionally checked my watch. Ten minutes had passed, and then five more minutes later, the front door of Bella's house opened, throwing a brilliant beam of light on the otherwise dark street in front of it.

I saw her walking towards my car carrying some sort of massive bag along with her. As she approached me, I stood up straight and squinted in the darkness to make sure it was really her.

A second later, she was standing in front of me. She was wearing a sweatshirt with matching pants; her hair was wet and fell all over her shoulders. Her face looked slightly flushed and her wet hair stuck to her forehead. She must have been in the shower when I called her, so she must have got out of it just now. I couldn't, for the life of me, remove my eyes from hers so, I really wasn't paying close attention to what she was carrying and I asked her, "Jeez, are you planning to run away with me?" I thought maybe starting with a joke would warm her up to me; I fought the desire to laugh and struggled to keep a straight face.

Even in the dark, I could tell she rolled her eyes. She walked past me, dragging that thing with her. "You are hilarious, Edward," she remarked in a mocking tone, looking straight ahead as she continued her way. I was somewhat disappointed to hear that there was no trace of humour in her voice. I kept up my pace and followed her, wondering where she was heading to. That's when I noticed a few garbage cans standing in a line at the far corner of the street. Finally, I realized that what she was carrying was a black polythene garbage bag. I felt really stupid for not recognizing it before; I felt even more stupid for not helping her carry the bag myself.

Soon, she reached the trash cans. She carefully removed the lid and dumped the bag inside it. I stood a few meters away, waiting for her to turn back so we could talk. She stood up straight, turned and started walking towards me. I was about to open my mouth when she strode past me, yet again. _Damn it, woman!_

I sighed and followed her. As she was about to walk past my car, I reached out and as gently as I could, grabbed her arm. She stopped, but struggled to loosen my hold on her arm. I let go of her and raised my hands in surrender as she finally turned to face me.

"What?" she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I can't leave things the way they are," I explained, feeling a little bit annoyed at her behaviour.

"I don't understand," she replied, her voice devoid of any curiosity. She was looking back at me with a cold and indifferent look on her face. I felt a sharp twist inside of me, for this was so unlike her.

I closed my eyes and sighed again. I opened them and said, "When I apologized to you earlier, I was not apologizing for what _happened_ that day. I was sorry for…." I wrung my hands as I struggled to find the right words. "I was sorry for taking advantage of that situation. I mean, I didn't even know if you wanted _that_ to happen in the first place. I just assumed you wanted it, as much as I did. That was an inexcusable behaviour on my part and I am sorry for acting in such an ungentlemanly manner." I groaned internally at my poor choice of words.

She remained silent throughout the time I spoke and when I was done, she dropped her shoulders, heaving a sigh. "I am having a very difficult time trying to understand you."

_Was she serious? Didn't she see the effect she had on me? Weren't my actions rather obvious?_

"Bella," I began, "You are a very unusual person and that is what I like the most about you." She blinked furiously a couple of times and then stared at me with her wide eyes. "I just don't want any sort of misunderstanding to drive a wedge between us. So, if any of my actions have made you uncomfortable, I am truly sorry for that," I said, finally dropping my eyes from her face.

"Please, Edward, don't feel bad about offending me. That has never even crossed my mind. You've done nothing of the sort, believe me," she said, in a small voice.

Tremendous amount of relief washed over me after hearing those words come out from her mouth. That reminded me of the real reason for calling her in the first place. I still needed to know if she felt something for me.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward and got closer to the still wide eyed Bella. Slowly, I met her eyes, seeking silent permission as I lightly took her hands in both of mine. When she didn't step back, I lowered my head. Raising my trembling hands, I brushed away the damp hair falling on her shoulders, exposing her pale neck. I smiled at how divine she smelled–like raspberries. At my first touch, she closed her eyes and her head fell slightly back, inadvertantly giving me more access to her alabaster column. Gently, I grazed my nose from her temple, to her cheekbones and down to her jaw. Pressing a small kiss there, I dipped my head into the crook of her neck and continued the trail right until I reached her left ear. Turning my head slightly, I pressed my lips lightly below her left ear, at the base of her throat. As I lingered my lips on her heated skin, I felt her shudder momentarily and I knew, then and there, I had gotten my answer.

Carefully resisting my violent urge to kiss her lips, I stood up straight and stepped back. Now that I had gotten my answer, there would be plenty of time for kisses later. Slowly, Bella opened her eyes and what I saw there, took my breath away. Her usually grey eyes were darkened and I couldn't look away from them. All that emotion was staggering and I just remained there, completely transfixed, gaping at her while I waited for her breathing to regained its steady pace.

Finally, it was her who broke the silence. "I have to get back," she said, indicating behind her with her thumb towards her house. But she made no attempt to move. I smiled a little as I pushed behind her ear, that elusive loose strand of her hair that had been tempting me throughout the evening. She lowered her head and I knew that, if it weren't as dark, I would have been able to see a tantalizing blush creep up on her pale cheeks. "I'll see you on Thursday," I said, as she raised her head to meet my eyes. After nodding once, she turned back and ran towards her house as fast as she could.

**A/N: So, Edward is moving on. What do you think?**


	28. Author's Note

Hello to my wonderful readers. I hope you all have been well. If you were wondering if this is chapter 28 of 'This Is For Real', then I am sorry for the false alarm, because this isn't a new chapter.

I know I had promised you I would continue my story that you all have accepted so lovingly, after I was done with my exams. And I had started working on the next chapter also. But this is where I was interrupted.

I am sure you all have heard about the massive earthquake in Chile. My dear friend and awesome Beta, Mariana lives there. As soon as I heard about the earthquake, I e-mailed her asking if she was okay. As of now, she hasn't replied me yet. I have been praying with all my heart that she, her family and the rest of the Chileans are alright.

I could continue writing this story by finding another Beta, but I don't think that would be fair to her. She has been of so much help that I can't even think about continuing this story without knowing that she is doing fine.

So, I'd like to request all my readers to pray for the earthquake victims in Chile.

Thank you,

ScienceGeek91.


	29. And I'm Aching

**A/N: Dear readers. A new chapter might come as a surprise to you after that author's note I published a week ago. Like I say in that note, I was halfway through this chapter when I heard about the earthquake in Chile. And after getting some wonderful reviews from readers over here in Fanfiction as well as over there in Twilighted, I realized my readers deserved to read whatever I'd written. So, with a heavy heart and while praying for Mariana's well-being, I decided to finish this chapter. This chapter is un-beta'd. If you come across any sort of grammar or tense errors (which I'm sure you will), please forgive me for them. Let us all pray that Mariana and her family is safe.**

_Bella_

When I was very young, I remember that every summer, Charlie would drag us to see Mamaw and Pop in Maryland. My grandparents had a nice little house in a secluded part of the city. It became an unspoken ritual for Charlie to get all domestic and start making barbecue for dinner once every time we visited. I remember standing outside in their nicely mowed lawn and watching pieces of meat getting roasted in the heat. I almost always wondered during that time, how hot the grill must get. When I saw the steam evolving every time a cold piece of meat hit the red hot grills, I would get my answer. The grills were very hot, indeed.

That was how every nerve ending of my body felt when Edward touched me. It seemed like every nerve was on fire and he was both the cause of it as well as its remedy. Every time his cool breath fell on my over-heated skin, I squirmed under his touch, wanting more yet afraid of being unable to handle it.

I shyly muttered, "I'll see you on Thursday," and looked up to meet those mesmerizing emerald green eyes of his. He nodded slightly, with a smile around the corner of those perfect lips and I realized I couldn't hold myself together anymore. So, I turned my back to him and hurried towards my house, praying to God so that I could make it there without injuring or humiliating myself.

Once I was inside my house, I tried very unsuccessfully to hide the silly grin on my face. Thankfully my dad and brother seemed to have retired for the night and as I was about to heave a sigh of relief and creep up the stairs stealthily, Renee's way too observant eyes caught me.

She was wiping a plate with a dishtowel in the kitchen, facing me. As I met her gaze, she raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"Um, yeah, the neighbours sort of filled all the trash cans with all their rubbish. It took me a while to find an empty trash can…" I said. I mentally smacked myself at the back of my head for my pathetic explanation.

She lowered her raised eyebrow and continued wiping the already dry plate. "I wanted to ask you if you wanted waffles for breakfast tomorrow…"

Stupid should be my name. Could I be any more obvious? Finally, I replied, "Yeah that would be great. Good night, mum."

Just as I had turned my back to her to go up the stairs, she called out. "Oh and Bella? Next time, please invite him in. It's rude to keep guests waiting outside."

I felt my face heating up and I had no strength to turn and face her. So, like a coward, I hid my face from my mum and hurried up the stairs, tripping when I reached the top.

I had always been a sound sleeper. All my life, as soon as my head hit the pillow, I have been able to fall asleep within minutes. However, that definitely was not the case on that particular night. I had taken off the sweatshirt I was wearing outside and was sleeping in the cotton t-shirt I was wearing underneath and sweatpants. I placed the sweatshirt I had worn at the foot of my bed and after every two minutes or so, my eyes would drift to that piece of garment, wondering if Edward's smell still lingered on it. I tossed and turned in my bed, thinking about what he was doing right now. Was he asleep, or was he up, thinking maybe?

I sat up, reached out and picked up my sweatshirt and fell asleep with it tucked under my arm.

It seemed like the alarm went off soon after I had fallen asleep. I groaned loudly, threw the covers off myself and got up reluctantly from bed. I brushed my teeth hastily, picked something from my closet to wear and brushed my hair indifferently. Clearly, I had my mind elsewhere.

Downstairs, Renee set down the previously promised waffles on a plate in front of me, with a knowing smirk on her face. Seriously, I have such a hard time understanding my mother. When I saw that my brother had left for work and Charlie had settled down with the day's paper, I cautiously approached the subject that would inevitably come up.

"Mom," I started and immediately that stupid grin spread across my face as I realized I was going to talk about the love of my life with my mother.

"Yes, dear?" she asked nonchalantly, putting a spoonful of whipped cream on the waffles on my plate.

I kept my head down, trying to hide that smile and paid attention to the food on my plate. "I just…."

"Hmm, do I get to know the reason behind that smile of yours? Or is it my waffles that are making you extra happy today, huh?" she asked giving me the look that said she knew everything.

At this, I lowered my head even further and groaned in frustration. Renee just laughed. She came over to where I sat and wrapped her hands around my shoulders, patting my head. "It's okay; we'll talk about it when you are ready."

_Edward_

_I was sitting on a field of grass. Bluebells and daisies covered the ground around me, while the afternoon sun shone mercilessly, blinding me with the light. I held up an arm to shield my eyes and that's when I saw him. _

_He was standing a few feet away from me, his mop of auburn hair sitting unceremoniously on top of his head. He looked about five and his hair colour and brown eyes looked painfully familiar. Yet, I was very much aware of the fact I had never seen this child before. He had his left arm stretched towards me, beckoning me to follow him. _

_I stood up on my shaky legs and he walked towards me, grasped my hand with his little ones and tugged me forward. His hands were warm and now that we were in a closer proximity, I realized he had my jaw line and high cheekbones kids used to make fun when I was in kindergarten. _

_He held my hand until we reached the middle of the field. Suddenly, he released my hand and ran towards an unknown figure standing across from us. She held out her arms and the little boy jumped into them. My eyes widened as I realized what I was witnessing._

_Angela, still beautiful in a lime green dress, while the wind blew her dark curly hair that curtained her oh-so familiar face. She held the boy in her arms while he squealed in joy, her laughter synchronized with his._

_Abruptly, they both went quiet and turned to face me. The little boy, a smile still gracing his lips, mouthed one word in a whisper, yet it rang out clearly across the entire field: "Daddy."_

My eyes flew open as I realized my entire room was bathed in sunlight streaming through the winds. As was usual when I was dreaming, the bed sheets were tangled with my limbs, while I was covered in a thin film of sweat.

I sat up and checked the watch on the nightstand. Darn it! I had almost overslept. If I hurried, I'll be able to get to work in time.

So, that was how I kept my mind from wandering back to the dream. I got dressed, grabbed a latte on my way and reached my workplace at just five minutes past nine. I was late, but marginally so. Throughout my drive, I had successfully managed not to succumb to thinking about the dream. But once I was settled in my office room and glanced at the picture of me and Angela, taken during one Thanksgiving, it all started coming back.

Every minute detail – the sound of the child laughing, the way the corners of Angela's eyes crinkled when she laughed along with him and the way the sunlight reflected on her dark hair. What mostly bothered, no, _fascinated_ me was the way the two seemed to be at ease with each other. I felt like a complete outsider. I felt like I was letting go of the memories of the love of my life – like she was turning into a stranger. That thought terrified me and kept me from paying attention to work all day.

At the end of the day, when I was finally able to get my mind off of that dream, last night's conversation with Bella started coming back to my memory. I remembered everything, how my body reacted to her, the way she blushed at everything I said and the way I had practically assaulted her in my apartment. I felt sick. I felt like a manipulative monster, playing with a girl's emotions while I already had such a horrendous past to haunt me. She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve any of the miseries I had put her through, intentionally or not.

As if on cue, my Blackberry buzzed, indicating I had received a text message. The number was familiar.

_Apology accepted – Bella._

I groaned and dropped my face in my hands.

**A/N It's a short chapter, I admit. I just hope that one day Mariana will come back and read this.**

**Meanwhile, I have some fic recommendations for you: 'Juice Me Up' by Leon McFrenchington and 'In Bloom' by queenofgrey. **


	30. Carry You Home

**A/N: Soo, a new chapter. This one is also un-beta'd. I decided I might as well continue writing without getting the chapters beta'd. If the tense and grammar mistakes become unbearable, then let me know.**

**Hello to new readers (those who had put my story on their favourites list or on alerts): Lilly225, midge62680, xsoniaxx, LindaSOA, CaroMary, LucyTwilight, cutenesslover, robmania08, twilightlover4077, poisoned blood, alicia184life, musician13th, rosalie123, sunshinejess, xxmusicxx11, guerralisa, justchillin3, victooriousss, sweetestchik163, Leaseablue.**

**Also, thanks to: guerralisa, rosalie123, poisoned blood, Navygirl14, shira01, LucyTwilight and Lureetwilitejunki for their reviews. Special thanks to Navygirl14 and shira01 for their usual insightful reviews.**

_Edward_

I decided I needed to be honest with Bella, about everything. So, I took a spur-of-the-moment decision and dialled her number. It was close to 6:30 in the evening and I hoped she was done for the day.

"Hello?" She picked up after the first ring.

"Hey, it's me," I said.

"Hi, Edward," she muttered shyly.

"Um, are you finished working? Is it okay if I pick you up?" I asked tentatively.

She cleared her throat. "Well, give me another fifteen minutes. Can you get me after that? Or is that a problem?"

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me. "No. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Like the previous evening, I parked my car on the opposite side of the road where Bella's office building stood. I started wondering if this would become a routine for us. For some reason, I liked that idea a lot more than I should have.

At five minutes before seven, the main door of the building swung open and Bella walked out. She spotted me easily and her face broke into that devastatingly beautiful smile that had been making appearances a lot lately.

With some sort of new spring to her stride, she crossed the road within seconds and soon she was standing next to me, a little out of breath, her hair a little mussed up and her face a little flushed. Yet, she looked breathtaking. I tried to make myself focus on what I had planned to tell her. I couldn't let anything distract me.

"Hi," she breathed and smiled a little.

I smiled back and wordlessly, opened the passenger seat door and held it out for her. She blinked once, looking a little perplexed but nevertheless, got inside the car.

I too got in and before I started the engine, I began, "Look, this might seem a bit odd to you, me picking you up from work every day."

She faced me squarely and replied calmly. "No, it's not odd at all. As a matter of fact, I like it. You picking me up, that is," she said meeting my eyes for once. I was surprised to hear the confidence in her voice, though there was the sign of a tell-tale blush creeping up her pale neck. At least, that's what I could see in the light from the lamppost.

I started the ignition and removed my eyes from her inquisitive ones. While keeping my focus on the road in front of me, I asked her, "Why?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, sounding genuinely surprised. From the corner of my eye, I could see her tucking the usual loose strand of hair behind her ears.

I sighed audibly. I might as well be open and ask her about it. "Why do you like the fact that I come and pick you up from work?" I muttered, through gritted teeth, wondering if she was intentionally being dense.

"Oh, I-I," she began stammering, Bella's usual sign of nervousness. I tried to give her more time. "We're almost here. Let's take a walk and then maybe you can explain it to me?"

She looked around, with uncertainty in her eyes. "Why are we here, at Central Park?"

I removed my seatbelt and before getting out, I replied, "Because this is a good place for us to talk."

Bella obliged and started following me as I walked through the park entrance. I kept walking at a moderate pace, to make sure that she could catch up with me easily. I slowed down even more when I reached the Great Lawn so that now we were walking side by side. Bella understood the gesture and began talking.

"Really, Edward? You need to ask me this? Are you really that clueless?" she asked, with bitterness in her voice.

The sun had set a few hours ago and the Park was immersed in moonlight. Smell of the freshly mowed grass hit my nostrils and I breathed in the fresh scent to calm my nerves. A few crickets chirped once in a while, breaking the uncomfortable silence that ensued after she stopped speaking.

I took my time in answering her. Of course I wasn't clueless. I was not blind and I could see the way Bella acted whenever she was around me. Yet, it took me a long while to admit what I had known all along. My brain had long ago registered this fact, but somewhere in my heart, I still didn't want to believe it.

"Oh come on! You are going to make me say it, right? Do men get some kind of sick pleasure out of making women admit their true feelings?" she said, huffing. When I didn't reply, she threw her hands up in the air in frustration.

"Edward!" she screeched and stopped walking. I, too, stopped and averted her gaze. "Stop sending me these mixed signals! I am tired of trying to figure you out. Your hot and cold nature, to be honest, is absolutely driving me insane!" She practically screamed the last line and I knew this was what Bella Swan looked like when she was mad angry.

I kept my eyes fixated on her brown boots. "I wish you would give up, you know. I wish you would stop trying to figure me out," I replied in a soft voice.

"But that's the whole damn problem! Believe me, I have tried. I have tried way too hard to leave you alone. And this has never happened to me before and so, I don't know how to handle this sort of things. Moreover, the situation is not made any easier if the object of your affection keeps having these mood swings." She panted, her chest heaving up and down in a steady rhythm that matched with my heart rate.

My head whipped up at the choice of her word. _Affection, _she had said.

I looked up to see her eyes shining brightly, burning into mine and knocking the breath out of me.

"But why, Bella?" I pleaded. "Why do you care so much? You _know _everything. You _know _the horrible past I bring with myself. Then why are you so darn stubborn about feeding life into someone who has no reason to…."

"Shut. Up." Bella said, clamping her palm over my mouth, in an authoritative voice.

I was momentarily distracted by the soft skin of her palm pressing against my lips. She left it there while I tried to work the wheels of my mind. My vision seemed to have fogged up. If my mind was clearer, the first thing I would have done was remove her hand from my mouth. However, since my brain was on some sort of a mini vacation, I let her hand remain where it was.

"Who do you think you are benefiting with all that self-loathing? The people around you or yourself? I hate to disappoint you by saying this, but no good is going to come out from that. The only thing you'll achieve is be miserable yourself. You think Angela would want to see you this way? Frankly, Edward, I am quite disheartened. I thought you were better than that."

My brain finally resumed functioning and I gently removed her hand. Her words had struck a chord. "So, what do you think I should do? Forget my ugly past completely?"

"No. You won't be able to do that even if you wanted to. I just hate to see you tear your hair out for every bad thing that has happened to you." I ran my hands through my hair as I thought about what she said.

"And I mean that both figuratively and literally," she huffed.

I dropped my hand with a resigned sigh.

She took a deep breath and moved a step forward. She took one of my hands in hers and willed me to meet her eyes. "You don't know what it's been like. These past years…" I trailed off.

"I know. I can't imagine what you have gone through," she replied in a quiet voice. She seemed calmer now than before and in better control of her temper.

"No, you can't," I snapped back a bit harshly.

A slow smile tugged the contours of her mouth. I had no clue what was so amusing all of a sudden. "But I want to know. If you want to talk, or not talk, either way, I am here," she said, emphasizing her words by gently rubbing her thumb against my palm. I fought the shiver that ran across my spine.

I sighed for the fiftieth time. "I really wish you would .."

"Give up?" She shook her head and smirked this time. "Not so easily, Cullen. You will have to work a lot harder than that to get rid of me," she said and smiled mischievously.

I could feel a sly grin creeping upon my face as well.

I decided voicing a thought that had been on my mind ever since I decided to take a walk with her in Central Park, of all places. With my hand still sandwiched between hers, I asked, "Do you remember the last time we were here?"

Bella looked up and I could see pain in her eyes. Her hands stilled and she removed them from mine. As a precaution, she took a step back. Slowly, her head bobbed up and down once.

"I also remember you leaving me standing here, alone, in the rain," she replied in a whisper, with anguish in her voice and wrapped her hands around herself. Classic Bella-Swan-self preservation-technique.

"You _know _why I didn't kiss you that night," I reasoned in strained voice.

"Do I?" she challenged me, her voice shaking slightly. I also heard her sniff once.

"God, Bella, you needed to know certain things about me before you made any decision. I wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt if I had kissed you that night, while keeping you in the dark about my past." That thought made me shudder.

"Edward, I will say this only once: your past doesn't bother me, not even a little bit. It was an unfortunate incident that happened."

I placed one hand over my eyes and rubbed them in an attempt to clear my still fogged mind.

"You must be tired. I can get a cab from here. You should drive back home before you start feeling drowsy."

"No, Bella, I am fine," I said, removing my hands from my eyes. "Besides, I _want _to take you home, unless you have any objection to that?" I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

She shook her head and replied, "I wouldn't be here if I had any."

**A/N: So, what do you think? Do you still feel like punching Edward now? I know, he's being difficult but he'll come to his senses, and soon!**

**Meanwhile, here's some fic recommendation for you: Nicknames and Rumors by suitablyironicmoniker, The University of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud (it's so good!), Playing Footsie by Scarlett71177 (a fluffy one-shot) and Hydraulic Level 5 by Gondolier.**

**Also, if any of you wish to talk about anything even remotely related to Twilight, tweet me at ****.com/ScienceGeek91****, because, honestly I have no friend in this fandom *cue pouty face***

**Finally, review please?**


	31. Fearless

**A/N: Okay, I have no intention of offending people with intellectual disabilities. There are some slight humour regarding that so I thought I should make myself clear first. This was a fun chapter to write. Hope you enjoy it! **

**Hello to new readers: MiACulleN44, dcb855, jennyb311, chill89, Centauri85, ..Smile, Amanda Rich, Free-to-be-me24, angelbaby468, **

**Jaydenlove247, sarahkatherine156, RobzBella, vampiregirlsrule. **

**Thanks to the following people for their reviews: poisoned blood, ..Smile, SkinnerCube, SAM (;), Charlees, strungirl, shira01, meg and Navygirl14. **

_Bella_

That night I slept very well. I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of my chest. Sure, I hadn't told Edward exactly how I felt but he probably has a hunch now. I don't know what had gotten inside me then. His endlessly self-deprecating nature was driving me crazy and I just snapped. Otherwise, I would never have dreamed to be that much daring in front of him. He needed to hear those things.

In the morning, I woke up in time and decided to take a quick shower. Looking out the window, I saw Charlie leaving for his morning walk and since it was already past 7:30, it meant my brother had left for work too. So, after my shower, I draped myself in my fluffy white bathrobe and padded down the stairs, looking for breakfast. What I saw in the kitchen almost gave me a heart attack.

Edward was sitting at the table with his hands around a steaming mug of coffee and a serene smile on his lips. I could hear Renee at the other part of the kitchen, chatting away enthusiastically with him, like she had known him for years. I stood at the bottom of the stairs where I could see only Edward listening politely as Renee rattled on. He must have sensed me staring at him because at that moment, he turned to look at me. I felt his eyes move from my legs and travel upwards until it settled on my eyes. My face suddenly felt hot as I started feeling underdressed in front of him. As I pulled the bathrobe more tightly around me, he shifted slightly and his face broke into that familiar crooked smile. He spoke softly, so that only I could hear him. "Good morning, Bella."

I flew up the stairs, slammed my bedroom door and stood with my back pressed against it. I waited until I had caught my breath and then confidently walked over to my closet, picked up my nicest blouse and a pencil skirt. I got dressed, dried my hair and put on some mascara. Grabbing my shoes and purse, I took a deep breath and walked down the stairs.

He was still sitting in the exact same position, except, instead of holding the coffee mug, he was now digging into my mother's homemade blueberry muffins. Renee sat at a chair next to his and sipped her own cup of tea, while conversing with him.

"…And there she was, arms immersed in pancake mixture, cooking for the first time in her life. I was so proud of my baby girl that day. I knew that one day she would find interest in cooking," Renee was saying, gazing off in space dreamily.

Edward leaned forward and said conspiratorially, by lowering his voice, "So, what you are saying is that, before that day, Bella had never been inside the kitchen, ever?"

Renee shook her head as I cleared my throat to make them aware of my presence. "Of course I have been inside the kitchen before. I can make….um…fried eggs and coffee, tea," I listed the only things I was capable of making. I felt incredibly foolish.

"Bella!" Renee exclaimed. "It's good that you're here now. I saw Edward waiting by his car outside. And I thought I should invite him in," she smiled.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at Edward.

"Now, Bella, that's rude…" Renee began.

"Mrs. Swan, that's fine. I know this is unexpected, but I just thought I would give Bella a ride to work, if she doesn't mind riding with me, that is," he said, nervously running his hands through his hair.

"Of course she wouldn't mind!" Renee answered before I had any chance to say anything. She swivelled her head between me and Edward while he stared back at me, with a raised eyebrow.

"You didn't have to bother," I mumbled as I sat down to with my cereal bowl and poured milk in it.

As I finished my breakfast and Edward devoured the remaining bits of his muffin, Renee kept interrogating him about where he worked, where his parents were, if he was an only child etc. I looked at Edward apologetically. My mother could be so embarrassing at times.

As soon as we both were down, we said goodbye to Renee and exited through the door. Not until we were sitting inside his car, did I heave a sigh of relief.

"Sorry about that," I said.

He shook his head, smiling. "Your mother is an intriguing character. I can now see where you get some of your unique personality traits from," he said.

"Unique? I hope that isn't synonymous with 'crazy' in your vocabulary," I said, quirking an eyebrow.

He laughed out loud. The sound was mesmerizing. I noticed how his face looked younger when he was relaxed and carefree like that. His moss green eyes sparked with humour and seeing him so vulnerable tugged some strings in my heart. "No, in my vocabulary, 'unique' is synonymous with 'special'," he said, turning to look at me momentarily, before returning his gaze to the road.

"'Special' as in 'Special Olympics'?" I countered back.

He laughed again, this time shaking his head. I could get used to that sound.

"In so many ways, she reminded me of my own mother. I guess all mothers have some characteristics in common, am I right?"

It was a rhetorical question. So, instead of answering him, I asked him a question of my own. "When was the last time you went to visit your mother?" I blurted out. Then I added, "If you don't want to answer that, it's fine. I understand."

He spared me a glance and his features softened. "A few months ago, during Christmas. Why do you ask?"

I bit my lip and wondered if I might be delving into something personal. He noticed my hesitation at answering him. While keeping his eyes on the road, he reached his hand out and released my lower lip by tugging my chin. I shivered slightly at his touch.

"Stop doing that."

I nodded and then gathered the courage to respond to him. "When you talked about your mother, you sounded like missed her."

He opened his mouth to reply but no sound came out. He snapped it shut then opened it again and sighed deeply. "You caught that, huh? Yes, I do miss her. But I really don't have the strength to face her scrutiny anymore. After taking one look at me, she'd know that what was going on with me. That I am still…._hurting _inside."

I noticed how hard his hands gripped the steering wheel as he said those words out loud. I realized how difficult it was for him to talk about this, yet I was thankful that he chose me to share these thoughts with. For that, I felt truly special, like he had said I was. "And that would cause her pain. I don't want that," he finished.

I reached out and lightly caressed his straining knuckles that were still holding the steering wheel like his life depended on it. His hands visibly relaxed from their firm grip and he lied back on his seat, looking a bit calmer than he did a few seconds before.

I thought of Esme, his mother. She lost her husband, her only son moved out and then that horrible tragedy befell on said son. I couldn't imagine what sort of emotional turmoil she must have gone through. Then, as I tried to imagine her all by herself in Edward's childhood home, with no one to keep her company, no other child to spoil, I felt this indescribable sadness for the woman who had brought up the man I had fallen in love with. I swallowed once and decided to come out and tell him what was on my mind. As much as I loved Edward, it seemed to me that he was being incredibly selfish about this. Had he thought that how much his visits could mean to _her_?

"Have you thought about visiting her more often? I mean not only during holidays, but after every two or three weekends or so?" I asked, while keeping my eyes on my lap.

He seemed to be at a loss for words again. He nervously ran his hands through his hair and finally said, "I figured it would be easier this way, if I didn't see her very often."

"Easier for who? You or her?" I challenged.

He looked at me with a perplexed look on his face. "What are you getting at?" he asked, a little impatiently.

I shrugged. "I just thought your mother might feel better if you went to see her more frequently. I hate to think of someone living all by themselves, that's all." I tried to keep my voice light, not wanting him to think I was advising him on how to treat his family members.

"And I thought she would like it if she got the chance to see you more often, you know what I mean?" I finished lamely, quirking an eyebrow.

He thought that through. Finally, he leaned his head back and heaved a sigh. "Yes, I know what you mean. God, I am such an idiot. All this time, I only thought about how she fussed over _me_ for how much weight I'd lost or how well I was sleeping. Never had I given a thought about how happy it made _her _to see me every once in a while. I have been so blind…" He groaned in frustration.

I realized I had brought the self-deprecating Edward back again. "Edward, please calm down. It was never my intention to get you agitated like that. I, for one, know you had the best interest in your heart. I am sure your mother knows that too and understands."

"You are right, again. Esme _is _very much considerate. That's why I'm feeling even more horrible. I am such an undeserving son."

"And there you go again, beating yourself up. When you are done hating yourself, let me know. I think I'll be able to squeeze in a little nap time before that," I snapped, in an annoyed voice.

He laughed again and shook his head. I didn't realize how our light-hearted conversation had turned so grave. And it was all because of what I said. Trust me to mess things up when they had been going so smoothly….

He remained silent for a while. Then, to lighten up the situation, I assumed, he said, "So, is it true that you never knew how to cook, until our impromptu breakfast meetings began?"

I bit on my lip again and nodded wordlessly.

"Will you tell me why?" he asked, with an almost child-like innocence. I was almost on the verge of blurting out the truth when he pleaded me like that, with his eyes brightly lit.

_Um, because love makes you do irrational things?_

I shook my head minutely so he wouldn't notice. Of course I couldn't tell him that. I settled for saying something that was equally true. "There hadn't been a good enough reason for me to learn how to cook before that."

He nodded while he processed my explanation. Then as he stopped the car at traffic, he turned the full force of his smouldering eyes on me and softly said, "And you think I was a good enough reason?"

_Um, what was he saying again? Oh yes, he was a mind-bogglingly handsome reason indeed._

I held his gaze for a few seconds and decided to try a trick of my own. After keeping my eyes on his for a few moments, I suddenly dropped my gaze and looked up at him from beneath my lashes. I had seen girls do that on television and hoped I didn't make a complete fool of myself.

I heard him take a sharp breath and his face went blank for a few seconds. He recovered almost immediately. After swallowing visibly once, I saw him shifting in his seat slightly.

Mission accomplished.

He cleared his throat and while staring straight ahead, he said, without any trace of humour in his voice, "By the way, that blue top looks very appealing with your skin tone."

I was tongue tied, as usual, whenever he unpredictably paid compliments to me like that. I decided I had to say something back.

"You look nice too," I managed to choke out. "I mean, not only today. You always look…very nice." I realized I sounded mentally incompetent. I looked down at my lap, secretly wishing the floor of the Volvo would open up so that I could crawl under it.

Edward remained silent for a moment and then when I glanced at him, I saw him facing me with a smug grin. "Thanks, I guess."

I smacked his arm, muttering "Jerk." He shrugged nonchalantly and laughed again.

At noon, while I was sitting at my desk, my phone chirped. I had received a text message.

_According to Webster's dictionary:_

_spe·cial _

_adjective_

_Surpassing what is common or usual; exceptional._

_Distinct among others of a kind._

_Distinguished, set apart from, or excelling others of its kind._

_Edward_

I giggled like a school girl. I typed in a quick reply before heading off for lunch.

_You are such a dork – Bella_

At the cafeteria, while I unenthusiastically picked on the unappetizing spinach sandwich in front of me, my phone chirped again. Another text had arrived.

_Yes, but you happen to like this particular dork – Edward_

This time I laughed out loud and consequently received some curious gazes from the people around me. Ignoring them, I hit the 'reply' button again.

_You are lucky that I do._

I smirked at what I had written, feeling a little smug. Let's see what he makes of that. A minute later, came his reply.

_I know I am._

I finished the remaining of my sandwich with a warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

Just like the previous evening, Edward drove me home. We kept up our newly established playful banter throughout the drive. He was more relaxed around me now. I noticed that he could be exceptionally funny and charming when he was comfortable in the surroundings around him. I liked seeing this brighter side of his personality. Maybe it was always there, but had been under that cool demeanour of his.

When he stopped the car outside my house, I fidgeted with my seatbelt for a while. I turned to look at him and noticed he was staring intently back at me. Removing the seatbelt, I leaned in closer to him. I placed one hand on his cheek, feeling the day old stubble on it. His eyes fluttered close at my touch and I lightly caressed his cheek while bringing his face closer to mine. Taking a deep breath, I kissed him lightly on the other cheek, feeling my heart pounding like crazy against my ribs. He sighed once deeply and leaned his face further into my hands. My eyes started welling up and I felt the atmosphere between us getting charged.

All of a sudden, his hand that had been clasping the steering wheel slid down and fell on his lap with a loud thump. I jerked back at the noise, removed my hand from his face while he simultaneously opened his eyes. The moment had passed.

I started giggling like a mad person. The entire scenario had been so serene, so precious and within a second, it had turn into something comical. In the light from the lamp post, I saw his cheeks getting red. He ducked his head in embarrassment and ran his fingers through his hair, while a smile tugged the contours of his lips.

I wished him a good night and exited his car, while still laughing.

**A/N: So, the authors of two of my favourite stories, Tropic of Virgo and A Little Less Than Before, did this so I thought I'd try doing this too. At the end of every chapter, I'll leave a question for you guys to answer, just so that I could get to know all you lovely people a little better. Here's the question for this chapter:**

_**What's your favourite breakfast item?**_

**Also, if any of you wish to talk about anything even remotely related to Twilight, tweet me at www(dot)twitter(dot)com/ScienceGeek91, because, honestly I have no friend in this fandom *cue pouty face***

**Finally, review please?**


	32. Heartbeats

**A/N: So, here's the new chapter. Sorry it took me so long to update. This was sort of difficult to write. Hope you enjoy it!**

**So, it seems like most of you like either pancakes or blueberry muffins or toasts for your breakfast. Coffee seems to be the common favourite too!**

**Hello to new readers. Thanks to the following for the favourites, alerts and reviews: AshAllred, stumblegina, asnandara, ElvenQueenOfMirkwood, bliss14, jediahsokaroxx, Amyytje, skinnercube, Luereetwilitejunki, evelinapalm, Lily, shira01, Sam, Navygirl14, Valenid. **

Chapter 31:

_Edward_

I had never in my life, been so much frustrated, relieved and aroused, all at the same time, within the span of mere twelve hours. I was frustrated because of the mixed signals that Bella had been giving me. For instance, when I showed up at her house to pick her up for work, I expected her to show at least some sort of enthusiasm. Instead, she had narrowed her eyes and said I shouldn't have bothered.

I had been relieved when she had actually accepted the ride to work. Spending the thirty-minute long ride from her house to her workplace, within a confined space with her was gradually becoming a favourite of mine.

And then the first glance I had of Bella this morning involved her wearing a bathrobe, of all things, which did nothing to tame my less-than noble thoughts that had been circulating my mind for some time now. The robe was nothing scandalous, no. It came up to her knees and the sleeves were short. However, for some reason, her pale white legs sticking out from beneath her bathrobe was more tantalizing than when they were exposed by the usual skirts she wore at work. The way her long, wavy hair fell over her shoulders; the way her hair colour seemed darker than usual as a result of being wet from the shower; the way the bathrobe clung her slim hips – all these acute observations were causing blood to rush to my… _nether regions._

Then, while we were at traffic, her little attempt at _dazzling_ me, for lack of a better word, was causing more tightening of my pants. I had a sick and scary feeling that she was aware of that fact.

Finally, the little stunt she pulled outside her house was frustrating enough to make me spontaneously combust. When she leaned in closer, I was assaulted with the smell of her strawberry shampoo and something that was entirely _Bella. _My palms were slick with sweat from grabbing the steering wheel so hard that I barely noticed them gliding down silently until they landed on my legs noisily. I could tell that the noise had startled her because she pulled back immediately, leaving my cheek blazing from the touch of her lips.

I drove off of her neighbourhood, with a small smile gracing the corner of my lips.

As I neared my apartment in Brooklyn, I noticed one of those moving vans parked outside that transported furniture and other household objects when people shifted houses. Hmm, so a new tenant was moving in.

As I walked up the stairs and reached my floor, I saw a few carton boxes lined up in front of the flat across from mine. _Great, _I thought dryly. That probably meant the crazy cat lady living next door had finally moved out. I wondered who was taking her place.

I got my answer the next morning when I was locking my apartment door before heading out for work. I heard movement behind me and turned to see a young girl standing there in the hallway. She looked no more than twenty, had strawberry blonde hair that was pulled into a ponytail that sat atop her golden head. Her white shorts and pale pink tank-top were the skimpiest of workout gear I had ever seen a woman wear. Clearly, she was back from her morning jog. She had her pink iPod fitted in an armband on her bare arm and she had the earphones on.

As she approached me, she took off her earphones and put on a big smile. I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Hey, there. I am your new neighbour. I just moved in last night," she offered, while checking me out from head to toe. As her eyes finally rested on my face again, I swear I saw her batting her eyelashes at me. Please. Could she be more obvious?

I nodded curtly, gave her a fake tight-lipped smile and finished locking my door. As I was about to walk past her, she tried again to engage me in some sort of conversation. "I'm Tanya, by the way. And you are?" she asked, cocking her head to one side in a gesture that was supposedly meant to be endearing.

I sighed and decided this poor girl didn't have to endure my wrath just because she was inept at flirting. I forced another smile and said, "Nice to meet you, Tanya. I'm Edward." This time, I successfully managed to walk past her and down the stairs. I have had too many of these similar encounters with women to get pissed off anymore.

As I started my car, I could literally feel my skin buzzing in excitement for seeing Bella again. It was then that I suddenly came to the conclusion that I relied so much on her company nowadays, that I couldn't imagine not having her by my side. I felt like my sanity, my attempts on re-living my life again would crumple into dust if she ever decided to walk out from my life. That thought caused me to shudder momentarily.

After munching on one of Renee's (she insisted I stop calling her Mrs. Swan) homemade pancakes, Bella and I headed off for work.

"So, what's new?" she asked as we stopped at traffic.

I shrugged once nonchalantly and decided to tell her the truth, just to gauge her reaction. "My old neighbour, the crazy cat lady, moved out and a new one moved in next door."

"Oh," she said, in a politely interested tone. "So, have you met the new neighbour yet?"

"Actually, I did. Just this morning," I said.

"Oh, really? So, what's he like?" she pressed on.

"It's a girl. Her name is Tanya," I said, feeling my lips twitch as a smile threatened to break across my face. I waited impatiently for her to react in some way.

Bella sucked in a breath of air and I glanced her way once to see something flash across her eyes. Her cheeks turned pale pink and she gasped once more before recovering herself. It all happened within a few seconds. Soon, she was back to her normal self, but I could see that she was trying way too hard to maintain a neutral expression on her face and a cool composure.

"Okay," she replied in meek voice, as she inspected her chipped fingernails. "That's….um, nice. I suppose she will be a lot more fun than the crazy cat lady, huh?" She put on a plastic smile that didn't reach her eyes.

I couldn't help it anymore. I burst out laughing. In between my fits of laughter, I registered a look of complete shock, which was followed by one of annoyance, on Bella's pale features. That made me chortle more.

Narrowing her confused eyes and creasing her forehead, she asked, "What's so funny?"

I shook my head and continued paying attention to the road ahead of me. She seemed to get more irritated by my lack of response. "Let me guess. You remembered some joke your hot new neighbour girl shared with you?"

This time, I turned my eyes towards her and let them linger for more than a few seconds. "You look adorable when you're jealous, has anyone ever told you that?"

Bella turned her gaze towards the window on her side, while running her hands through her hair. "Honestly? No. I have never had any reason to be jealous of anyone else before."

Her voice was so quiet and sounded so much unlike her usual, cheerful self that I got instantly worried that I had somehow made her upset. "I was just messing with you, Bella. Actually, you being jealous was a huge turn-on…"

I clamped my mouth shut before I said something else that would cause me further humiliation.

I counted up to thirty in my head, let out a deep breath before speaking again. "Let's just forget I said that."

Now it was her turn to shrug. With her cheeks burning bright red this time, she said, "If you say so."

---------------------------------------------x------------------------------------------------

After work, I enthusiastically drove to the orphanage as I sensed the now familiar excitement build up inside me. I got there by three o'clock and the kids started the game within ten minutes. I tried to pay attention to every single player and the goalkeeper as well as kept an eye on the ball as the energetic kids kicked the poor thing back and forth. Like always, I, being the coach, also acted as the referee. I had divided up the teams A and B, containing both strong and weak players. The game went smoothly, since it was being played by eleven-year olds, but it did a get a little rough at certain points. The team B captain, Tim, committed a penalty foul by tripping a team A striker. So team A were awarded a direct free kick. Team B won with 3 goals.

After having a quick chat with little Tim, where I explained him that injuring an opponent player does not make one a stronger player, I headed to the supply room where I was stowing in the football. That's when I felt little hands tug mine and I turned to find Paige, the goalkeeper of team B. She reached out her other hand, in which she was holding a loose sheet of paper.

"Coach Cullen? I was asked to give you this."

I smiled at her in thanks. While she sauntered off, I opened the folded piece of paper.

_The game went well, I suppose? The kids look pleased. _

_And yes, I am aware that we are in fact, in the 21__st__ century, and I could easily text you. But where's the fun in that?_

_Busy teaching your soccer players factorizations,_

_Bella._

_P.S The truth is I have never passed a note like this, ever, in my life. I just wanted to know what it feels like._

I laughed out loud at her sweet and charming gesture. After locking up the supply room, I headed off towards Bella's classroom, hoping I wouldn't run into Sister Charlotte now.

As I neared her classroom, I saw that all the students had changed their soccer uniforms for their regular school clothes. They sat at their desks, listening patiently to their teacher, or at least pretending to. Bella had her back towards the door I was standing at and she was scrawling continuously on the blackboard hung in front of her.

As I looked properly, I realized she was writing down some mathematical problems for the students to solve. Before she finished writing, I turned towards the students who were all gaping at me, their math problems clearly forgotten. I placed my index finger on my lips and gestured them to remain quiet. I entered the classroom noiselessly, walked towards the back of the room and sat down on one of the last row seats. My long legs felt cramped beneath the desks but somehow I managed to remain still.

Finally, Bella turned to face the classroom and her eyes turned as big as saucers when she finally noticed my presence. The children giggled at her reaction.

Her expression changed from shock, to that of amusement as I noted how her lips twitched at the ridiculous sight of a grown man occupying seats meant for eleven-year-olds. Then her face settled with an annoyed look as the students continued to disrupt the quietness of the classroom.

"Now, quiet everyone! You have twenty minutes to finish this task," she said, pointing her thumb behind her towards the blackboard. I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep myself from laughing. She was delightful when she was all stern and authoritative like that.

The students went to work on their math problems, but they continued sparing me fleeting glances full of curiosity. I just grinned at them and motioned them to keep working. During that time, I noticed Bella intentionally avoided meeting my eyes.

After all of them had submitted their notebooks to _Miss Swan_, Tim, the little devil on whom I had imparted some wisdom a short while ago, decided to it was my turn to be grilled by a teacher.

"Miss Swan? Don't you think Coach Cullen should solve some problems, since he's here in class, with all of us?" Tim began.

I saw a slow smile creeping upon Bella's face. Of course she would enjoy this. "Yes. Absolutely. Coach Cullen, would you mind getting up please?" She snorted once at my title.

I tried to remove my limbs from the confinements of the wooden desk. It was a rather awkward task. When I finally stood, my knees hit the top of the desk and I had to hold on the corner of that very desk to remain steady. The entire class erupted into a fit of laughter. Bella tried very hard to keep a straight face. I felt ridiculous.

Thankfully, that was when the bell rang and all the children rushed towards the door to celebrate the end of yet another school day. It seemed that I was saved by the bell. How clichéd.

Bella stood there awkwardly, wringing her hands, still trying hard not to meet my gaze. I stood between the desk and the bench, my knees aching in the cramped space but I ignored it. I began, "So, am I off the hook? Or do I need to answer some math questions?" I raised an eyebrow quizzically.

She finally locked her eyes with mine for a second before looking away. "Sorry about that note," she said and cleared her throat once. "It was childish and impulsive," she said with her eyes fixed on her hands.

I sighed once audibly and walked towards where she stood. I stopped a few inches from her and lifted her chin with my thumb and forefinger so that she could meet my eyes.

"_I _thought the gesture was rather endearing," I said.

Just as I had expected, a blush began creeping up on her neck as she ducked her head in embarrassment.

Taking a deep breath, I closed in the distance between us but not touching completely. Bella instinctively looked up and took a step backward. "No, really. It was a very immature move to make and I…" she began babbling. I kept walking towards her, while she, consciously or not, kept retreating backwards until her back hit the blackboard.

"Sshh," I whispered while moving a stray lock of hair from her temple. As expected, her eyes fluttered close at my first touch. I leaned in closer until my nose nuzzled against her cheek. She turned her head slightly and whimpered. That noise encouraged to continue. With my hands placed gently but firmly on her slim hips, I tilted my head to one side and kept leaning towards her…..

"Someone might walk-in on us," she whispered, her voice sounding breathless like she had been panting. She gulped loudly and her breathing grew erratic as I delayed my actions. Finally, I dipped my head and lightly grazed my lips against hers.

I remained still, while my heart pounded away like crazy. My lips lingered on hers, not moving. Slowly, gently, I moved my lips against hers and she followed my lead. Her hands, that had been limp on her side moved up on their own accord and tangled themselves in my hair. As her lips moved at a painstakingly slow pace against mine, her hands tugged and pulled the strands of my hair. I was mortified when I noticed the noises that were coming out from the back of my throat.

After what seemed like hours, I leisurely raised one of my hands and placed it on her chin. Gently, holding her chin, I urged her to open her mouth. She realized what I was trying to do and complied. My knees nearly gave away when she reached out her tongue tentatively to collide with mine. I kissed her with newfound fervour and was rewarded when she responded with a breathy moan. Then, to give both of the chance to breathe, I reluctantly moved my mouth from hers and began kissing my way down to her jaw and along her cheekbone. Bella kept whimpering and tightened her grip on my hair in response.

I lifted my head and was surprised, yet secretly pleased to see that her hair was a tangled mess, her cheeks were flushed and she was gasping for air. Yet again, she was trying her best to avoid my gaze. I was having none of that.

I leaned in and touched my forehead with hers. I, too was out of breath. I could see the depthless pools of her eyes. But something seemed different. Her eyes now held a spark that I had never seen before.

"No one comes in here after class is over," I replied. My voice trembled embarrassingly.

"Huh?" she asked as she raised her eyes to meet mine. It didn't escape my notice that her hands were still wound around my shoulders.

"You asked someone might walk-in. I said that there's no chance of that happening since the supervisors don't come in until after sunset to clean the rooms and lock them up for the night." I marvelled at how coherent my words sounded. I was astonished that my brain had the ability to conjure up that much information after such a mind-numbing make-out session.

"Oh, that." I felt rather than saw the familiar blush on her cheeks. I could feel the heat from where I stood.

"So," I began, in hopes of making her comfortable, well, as comfortable as possible with her arms around me and my hands on her hips, "Will I be quizzed by Miss Swan now? I am afraid my math isn't that polished." I chuckled nervously to add to that effect.

With a smile that almost blinded me, she replied, "That won't be necessary. Your other, uh, _skills _are impressive enough."

**Have you passed notes at school/college?**

**Keep the reviews coming, people! You know they are always appreciated. Even if you think this story sucks and I should do something else to occupy my time, please tell me so!**

**Fic recommendation: "Awake In The Infinite Cold" by quothme and "How To Save A Life" by .**

**Also, if any of you wish to talk about anything even remotely related to Twilight, tweet me at www(dot)twitter(dot)com/ScienceGeek91. I also give out fic recommendations there.**


	33. All I Wanted Was You

**A/N: Thanks to all the wonderful people who have reviewed or put this story on alerts.**

Chapter 32:

_Bella_

You know what they say about wanting something so bad that when it actually happens, you remain in utter disbelief? That's what I was feeling as I rested my forehead against Edward's, my arms around his shoulders, anchoring him to me. He was still breathing hard, and to be honest, so was I. As he exhaled, I breathed in his scent – a mixture of liquorice, soap and man. It was surreal to see him lose control once in a while. I was getting a complex by being under the impression that I was the horny teenager in our relationship….or whatever it is that we have.

His moss green eyes burned into mine and I couldn't look away. They seemed to be silently conveying something to me. I didn't understand. I raised a hand hesitantly and brushed away the hair falling on his eyes. "What is it?" I whispered.

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, he turned his face and gazed unseeingly at the only window of the room. Darkness was setting in. I had no idea how long we had been inside the classroom. Time seems to fly when you are…otherwise occupied.

He took a step back and dropped his hands from my waist. Instinctively, I removed my hands and he straightened up. I ignored the sudden chillness I felt at the lost of contact. He rubbed his face with his hands and seemed exhausted all of a sudden. "I have decided to go see my mother," he said in a voice that was muffled by his hands.

I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding. That man could be so cryptic at times. The way he was building up the suspense, one would have thought he was confessing a murder or something.

I took in his appearance. His grey t-shirt stretched across his pectoral muscles as he raised his hands to run across his hair. The vulnerable expression he wore on his face made him look ten years younger. He impatiently tugged at the strands of his hair that was standing up on his head, looking impossibly even messier. With a jolt of pleasure, I realized I had been responsible for some of that mess.

I pushed myself off of the blackboard and took a step towards him. He was still facing away from me. I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and brought them down from his hair. "You'll go prematurely bald if you keep doing this," I murmured. I tried to remove my hands from his but he held onto me, finally dragging his eyes from the window to our entwined hands.

"You don't have anything to say about it?" he asked, his eyes still trained on our hands. With his little finger, he traced the lifelines on my palm.

I sighed as I thought about how to reply. The sensations he was creating on my palm weren't exactly helping me form any lucid thoughts but I still managed a reply. "This should be your decision, Edward. You should _want_ to go see her. I am an outsider in this case and I don't want my opinions to affect any choice you make."

"No, I get that. Of course, I want to see her. It's just that, that day when you mentioned how lonely she must be in that house, until then that thought hadn't occurred to me. It had been on my mind that she was there all by herself but I didn't let myself ponder on that thought, you know? And now that you have pointed this out, I just can't seem to get it out of my head. I mean, all her life she had worked so hard for bringing me up as a good human being and this is how I repay her? By leaving her all alone?" He shook his head at what I thought was disgust for himself.

"And she has been successful, hasn't she? I mean, look at you?" I said gesturing at him with out joined hands and taking a step back. "You are intelligent, noble and you _care _about other people. I would say she had done a pretty good job at bringing you up."

He looked up and locked my eyes with his. "Of course you would find some way to make me look like the better person here," he said, smiling knowingly.

I sighed audibly, rolled my eyes and said, "Well, it's not my fault that you don't see yourself very clearly." I cleared my throat and said in a more serious tone, "You should never let anything come between you and your family. No reason is good enough for breaking ties with you family."

He picked up our linked hands and brushed his lips across the back of mine. I closed my eyes in contentment. "Thank you, for reminding me this," he whispered, sounding genuine. Then he cleared his throat, dropped our hands and said, "Are you ready to leave? It's getting pretty late."

I nodded and followed him as he stepped out of the classroom and into the empty hallway. A few lights were on and the hallway was dimly lit as it hasn't been long since the sun had descended for the day. As we walked, I noticed the walls were covered with drawings made undoubtedly by the kids themselves. The colourful illustrations hung on the walls made the otherwise gloomy atmosphere more real, more cheerful.

We walked side by side, maintaining a distance. He shoved his hands inside his pockets and was staring straight ahead. I kept praying that we didn't run into anyone we know. At the end of the hallway, though, we saw Emmett standing, with his hands on his hips and a knowing smirk on his face. Along with that smirk, he wore an apron that said 'Don't upset me. I'm running out of things to break.'

"Fancy running into you here, huh?" Emmett remarked, winking.

"Emmett, did you just wink at me?" Edward asked, sounding truly baffled. At his reaction, Emmett threw his head back and laughed out loud. I was afraid the booming noise would blow up the ceiling.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself there, Eddie. I was just greeting dear Bella here, right love?" he asked, shifting his attention towards me. I giggled at his ridiculousness and at his even sillier nickname for Edward.

"Hi, Emmett," I managed to choke out. Edward rolled his eyes.

He walked up with surprising grace considering the two hundred and ten pounds of him and wrapped his arms around me, lifting my feet off the ground. He twirled me in a circle like I was a little child in his arms. In that circular motion, I noted Edward standing stiffly, with an expression of pure annoyance etched on his lovely face.

I smacked his pillar-like arms, asking him to put me down. When he finally did, my head spun, making me dizzy.

"Good to see you again, Bella," Emmett said happily. Then, he took a step back and appraised us, his eyes moving from me to Edward like he was following a ball in a tennis match. Finally, when he was done evaluating our appearance, a slow smile spread across his face. I noted the dimples in his cheek that made him look like a little boy.

"Well, well. You two look like you've had some fun times in one of those empty classrooms," he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and motioning towards the said classrooms.

I felt my face growing hot and I tried my best not to look at Edward to see what his reaction was like. Even though I couldn't see his face, I could tell from the corner of my eye that he had frozen in his place.

Emmett obviously noted our discomfort and waved a hand in dismissal. "Now, come on, you two. I was just having a little fun. I wasn't serious."

I didn't believe him since he had been so close to guessing what we indeed _had_ been up to. However seeing his expression, I slowly exhaled in relief but Edward didn't lose the rigid posture. He crossed his arms on his chest and asked, "What's got you smiling like that, anyway?" I recognized the subtle way in which he was trying to steer conversation towards a different direction.

"Well, Eddie, because of that charming attitude of yours, or lack thereof, I'm going to share this with Bella only." And with that, he placed one large arm over my shoulder and steered me away from Edward's earshot. I threw a glance over my shoulder to see Edward eyeing us suspiciously.

Dropping his voice conspiratorially, Emmett said, "It worked. The 'playing hard to get' method you suggested totally worked! True, it took me three whole weeks, but I, my friend, can now proudly say that I have the good fortune of having Rosalie's phone number."

I beamed enthusiastically at this and said, "That's wonderful! Wait, did you just get hold of her number or did she personally give it to you herself?"

He smiled even wider at this, truly resembling a grown child. "I wouldn't be this happy if it wasn't the latter case."

This time, I smiled almost as wide as Emmett and said, "I am truly happy for you." I was surprised when I realized how much I meant that.

That's when Edward cleared his throat noisily and Emmett and I walked back towards him. Edward seemed to have gotten in sour mood. I finally wished Emmett a good night and followed Edward outside.

His bitter frame of mind seemed to linger even when we were both seated inside his Volvo. As soon as he started the ignition, I couldn't hold off my curiosity any longer. "Are you mad or upset?" I asked, eyeing him carefully, looking for any signs of uneasiness.

He sighed and gripped the steering wheel harder. "How come you were offering Emmett relationship advice?"

I was a bit irked at the way he asked me that. I snapped back harshly, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He spared me a glance, probably perplexed by my reaction. Seeming a bit uncertain, he continued, "It just seemed strange that you, of all people would go on and advice someone on their love life."

This time, I was really angry. I was just thinking of something mean and hurtful to say back to him just to let him know just how much that comment had hurt me. Was my inexperience in this relationship business so obvious that it came as a shock to him to see me offering some advice to a friend?

As if he had just read my mind, Edward shifted slightly in his seat and asked in a timid voice, "Bella, since we've come this far and we've know each other for a few months now and have, um, kissed a couple of times, would it bother you if I asked you about your previous romantic relationships?"

My eyes grew wide at this and like a twelve-year old boy, had this irresistible urge to giggle at the way he had formed his question. Of course, the momentary impulse to find this situation humorous dissipated quickly as I thought about how to answer him. My 'previous romantic relationships', as he had put so wisely, included a kiss shared with a classmate at the age of nine and a date with my neighbour's son during my junior year in high school.

I told him this and he burst out laughing. At that moment, for some unknown reason I felt like all the previous tension from earlier had disappeared from his body. He visibly relaxed his posture for the first time since we had exited the classroom, stretched his endlessly long legs and sat back more comfortably.

"No, but seriously though, you can mention your ex-boyfriends now," he asked, sounding genuinely curious. I faced him squarely and continued staring at him until he turned to look at me.

"I did go out with this guy for a month during my first college year. His name was Aaron and he was my lab partner," I said, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable at bringing this up.

He continued driving like before except now he sat with his back ramrod straight and he subtly lost the relaxed posture again. I could feel he was holding his breath, like he was afraid of what I might say next.

"So what happened?" he asked, in barely a whisper. His voice sounded hoarse.

I fought against the inevitable lump that was constricting my throat. It was better to just get it out of my system once and for all.

"At the beginning, things were alright. Better than alright, actually. He was smart, funny and at times, kind too. However, the problem was that I was just too young and naïve. He could be so charming when he set his mind to it. He used to say all those things a girl wants to hear, you know? And, let's just say I was too stupid to see through his charade."

He suddenly took a sharp turn and the car protested making a screeching noise. Soon, he came to a sudden halt and I noticed that we were parked a few houses before mine. He turned his face and I was surprised to see a calm expression on his face.

"Please, Bella. Tell me he didn't harm you in any way," he asked, with a pleading look on his face now.

I sighed before replying. "No, don't worry. I'm probably making it sound a lot more serious than it actually was. It's nothing dramatic, no. It just turned out he was more interested in my friend and was kind of using me to get to her."

Edward swore under his breath but since we were sitting next to each other in his car, I heard him anyway. This sudden outburst was so unexpected that I stared at him for a long moment. His chest was heaving up and down like he was having trouble breathing. I also noticed that he still hadn't removed his hands from the steering wheel even though he had turned off the engine several minutes ago. Feeling my gaze on him, he turned his face and muttered a swift apology.

I rolled my eyes and tried to lighten up the situation. "Really, I'm glad things ended with him." _I wouldn't have been able to sit here with you if it hadn't._

"Well, it was his loss if he didn't see the goodness in you," he said, recovering from his rigid posture again, for the second time that night.

I offered him a tight-lipped smile and didn't say anything. He ran his hands through his hair numerous times before settling them on his lap. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Can I ask you something else?" He wasn't looking at me but I still nodded.

"I might come off as a jerk for asking this, but, were you… I mean this guy and you, have you two….um, been intimate with each other?"

As soon as those words came out, he took in a sharp breath and shut his eyes, his face looking mortified. "Crap! That sounded worse out loud than it did in my head. Just forget it, Bella. It was a really inappropriate question to ask." He was still muttering incoherently as he turned his face towards the driver seat window.

"Come on. I've asked you so many personal questions. It's not a big deal," I replied as I waited for him to look at me. When he didn't, I continued.

"To answer your question, no. Nothing happened between us. We didn't even kiss," I said, focusing on my hands that were folded on my lap.

I looked up to find him watching me intently. Feeling self-conscious, I patted my hair and smoothed my now-rumpled skirt.

"Is there any chance that I was your first kiss?" he blurted out incredulously.

I kept my eyes trained on my lap as I felt my cheeks redden. Biting my lip, I decided to answer him back by saying something humorous. At least that would mask my nervousness.

I looked up and locked my gaze with his. "Emmett was right. You do have a habit of getting ahead of yourself. I just told you that I shared my first kiss when I was nine. His name was……wait," I paused, holding up a finger as I tried to recall the poor guy's name. "I know his name.."

He relaxed visibly and rested his head back on the head rest. He rolled his eyes and said "Sure you do."

"No," I said adamantly. "I do know his name. It was…yes! His name was Walter!" I beamed at him with a look of triumph on my face.

"Walter? He sounds like a grocery store owner," he said, his eyes glinting mischievously.

"Say what you want. But, he used to have a fancy box of crayons that he was kind enough to share with me. Oh and he also was a really good kisser," I remarked back playfully.

In reply, he leaned over the console and surprised me by slipping his fingers through the hair at my nape. Bringing my face closer to his, he said, "I bet he didn't kiss you like this."

And then he was pressing his lips against mine and butterflies were doing somersaults in my stomach. I smiled against his lips and pulled back slightly to whisper, "Where did you get that line from? Some bad Lifetime movie?"

He laughed good-naturedly and kissed me once more. This time it was slightly awkward. Our noses grazed and my head banged with his as we both were shaking with quiet laughter. Yet, it left me feeling woozy and more un-coordinated than usual as I stumbled out of his car.

-------------------------------------------x--------------------------------------------------

After dinner, I put on my camisole and shorts as it was a warm night and prepared to get into bed. After plumping up my pillows once, I slid between the sheets, turned on my bedside lamp and grabbed my battered copy of 'Jane Eyre'.

My phone chirped at that moment. Just as I finished reading Edward's text that wished me sweet dreams (to which my inner thirteen-year old girl squealed in delight), my mother walked in through the door.

I put away my phone and sat up straighter as I realized what Renee wanted to talk about. After Edward started coming in for breakfast before driving me to work, we really haven't had the opportunity to talk about it. Rather, I deliberately avoided every possible situation where Renee wanted to bring him up. This time, I had nowhere to run. I might as well have that conversation with her and be done with the awkwardness that is sure to entail with that.

She walked towards my bed, her stride full of purpose and sat down at the foot of the bed.

"Hey, mom. What's up?" I began cheerfully, hoping she'd ask me about work or my volunteer work at the orphanage.

"I wanted to talk to you about Edward."

Crap. No such luck.

I started taking a few breaths to calm myself. She didn't look mad. She didn't look like she was about to tell me I was making a huge mistake. But she didn't look like she was overflowing with happiness either. I dropped my eyes on my well-worn book cover.

"Bella. He seems like….well, he's not the kind of person I expected you to go for."

At this, I stopped pretending to pay attention to my book cover. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you've always been more outgoing, louder and cheerful than your brother. So, for obvious reasons I always imagined you to find someone who was equally fun-loving and as boisterous as you are," she explained. Her voice was compassionate.

I waited and motioned for her to continue. "But Edward is so…..mature. He is thoughtful and very observant. Sometimes, he's very serious too. To see that you have sought out someone who actually is that way made me realize that you too have matured. I have been noticing some changes in you. They are subtle, but they're there," she concluded with a smile.

I placed my book on the nightstand and waited for her to say something else. When she didn't, I replied, "So, that's a good thing, right?" My voice sounded hesitant.

She smiled and scooted closer. Placing one hand on top of my head, she smoothed my hair and said, "Yes. That's a very good thing. I had this feeling that he has this strength in him that's acquired by people who have gone through traumatic experiences. Yet, in spite of his sombre personality, it seems like he could crack a joke or two when he's in the mood."

I remained silent as a slow grin threatened to spread across my face. Finally, I asked her, "So, you, uh, approve of him?"

In reply, Renee wrapped her arms around my shoulder and pulled me in hug. "Yes. Definitely."

My happiness was short-lived as she brought up another issue now that this one was over. "But you need to tell your father about him."

**A/N: Fic recommendation for the day: 'A Cannabean Betrothal' and 'A Rough Start' both by ItzMegan73. **

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	34. It'll All Get Better In Time

**A/N: Sorry for the late update. So many happenings in the Twi-fandom over the past couple of weeks. The Eclipse soundtrack list was released. Two of my favourite bands/artists Metric and Sia both had a song. Muse released their song preview. Also, Rob, Kristen, Taylor and Dakota appeared on Oprah. The interview was HILARIOUS! Rob has the world's most contagious laughter. And did you guys see how Rob and Kristen tactfully dodged the dating question? **

**Thanks to all the wonderful people who have reviewed or put this story on alerts.**

**Chapter 33:**

All fathers tend to be protective when it comes to their daughters. Charlie was no different. True, I was not as close with him as I was with my mother, but that was because he was not one of those people who were open about their emotions. My brother, Oliver got that from him. I didn't.

After that whole nasty debacle with Aaron, Charlie had been really careful about the men I saw. I didn't get mad at him; after all he was just looking out for me as a concerned parent. It was due to my own foolishness that I didn't see through the façade Aaron had been pulling. The night I found him and my friend in a compromising situation, I came running back home, crying like a lovesick teenage girl. Honestly, I wasn't upset because he had chosen my friend over me. I was saddened because I had lost two friends that night.

My parents had been patient and extremely understanding during that time. They didn't blame me for what happened but Charlie did warn me about thinking wisely before giving so much priority to a man the next time. I had kept his words in mind when I realized I was falling for Edward.

Until now Charlie's protective nature wasn't something I had to worry about. It's not like I was afraid of Charlie not approving of Edward. Now that I'd come to know what a truly wonderful person he was, I am sure my father too would see that and accept Edward for who he was. It was just a matter of time.

On Friday evening, after Edward dropped me off at home, I decided I will tell Charlie about him during the weekend. I wished Edward a good-night and a safe trip as he was going to New Jersey on the next day to see his mother and will be spending the weekend there.

With a pang of distress, I watched as he drove off. It was terrifying how much miserable I knew I would be without seeing him over the weekend. As soon as the Volvo turned around the corner of the street and out of my sight, I started missing him. The thought of how much effect he had on me was truly horrifying. Yet, I liked it that I was missing someone's presence.

After dinner, as I helped Renee do the dishes, I kept an eye on Charlie. I saw him settling down in front of the television to catch the ten o'clock news. After I had placed all the dishes in the dishwasher, I wiped my brow and took a deep breath. Very carefully, I went to the living room, where Charlie was stretched out in his favourite armchair.

When he saw me, he smiled and I returned it, hoping he'd still be smiling at the end of our conversation. I sat down precariously on the couch beside his armchair and he turned down the volume.

"So, how's the job treating you, Bells?" he asked, tearing his gaze from the TV screen.

I forced a smile and said, "It's going great. Actually, they will be promoting me within the next few weeks."

He nodded and smiled again. "That's good. And that boss of yours, he's not giving you a hard time, is he?"

I shook my head. "No, David's great. Honestly, I think I'll miss not working for him. But, Michelle, my new boss is nice too. So, is everyone else I work with." _Including those I work with at the orphanage, _I thought with a smile.

"Hmm," he said as he eyed me suspiciously. I changed my expression back to a neutral one and decided this was the time to mention Edward. However, just as I was about to open my mouth, Charlie spoke again.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" he asked, eyeing me dubiously.

I gulped in a breath of air and nodded.

Charlie picked up the remote and turned down the volume. Then he shifted in his chair so that he was facing me. He crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for me to speak.

"Dad, you remember after that incident with…..Aaron," he narrowed his eyes at the name, "you made me promise that if there ever was someone else in…my life, I should come straight to you and tell you about him?"

I looked up after I said this. He was now sitting up straight in his chair, with his palms resting on his knees. I saw a muscle flex in his jaw.

"Who is it, Bells? How much do you know about him? Do you want me to check for his criminal record?"

I shook my head. "Dad, please, let me finish. He works with me at the orphanage. That's where I met him. His name is Edward," I finished, ducking my head a little as I said his name. I felt a smile tugging the corners of my lips as his name rolled out of my tongue. My cheeks felt heated.

I looked up to see Charlie softening his facial expression. My lovesick behaviour must have relaxed him somehow because he settled back in his chair. But his eyes remained alert.

"How long have you known him for?" he asked, tilting his head to one side. His voice too was devoid of any sternness. Instead, he just sounded concerned.

I did the mental math in my head. "It's been a little over five months."

He sighed and a sad look came up on his face. "That's hardly long enough time to know someone. Don't forget, it takes some married couples decades to actually know their spouse."

I rolled my eyes. "Dad, I'm not _marrying _him right now. I just wanted to keep my promise and tell you about him."

He nodded. "And you're certain about your feelings for him? Does he feel the same way?"

Uggh. This was the part I was dreading.

"All I can tell you is that there will be no one else, ever." I said this while inspecting my bitten fingernails. I realized that I really meant it.

He gave me a disapproving look. "Well, you sound awfully sure. But I can't help but worry about that. You're still so young to feel that strongly - "

"I remember Mom telling me once when she realized she was in love with you," I interrupted him mid-sentence. "She told me that one day you two were laughing and talking, during your courtship and she felt like she really connected with you. She said, even though you had had only known each other for a few weeks by then, she felt like she had known you forever." I looked up to meet the eyes that were so much like my own. "That is how I feel when I'm with him, Dad."

He nodded again, this time knowingly as he pondered on everything I had said. "But you still haven't answered my other question. How strongly does he feel about you?"

I trained my eyes on my chipped nails again. He noticed my hesitation and said, "Bells? There's more to it, isn't it?"

I decided it was best to just come out and tell him the truth about Edward's past and the horrible tragedy that ended it.

"Dad, Edward was….married. About four years ago, his wife and his unborn child died in a car accident. He was behind the wheels during the accident. For some unfathomable reason, he blames himself for it."

I looked over Charlie to see a grim expression taking over his face. His lips were forming a tight line and his eyes seemed distant. Finally, he looked at me with a tired look. He seemed to have aged a few years after hearing about Edward's past.

"Bells, that's horrible. I can't even imagine what I would do if something happened to you, your mother or your brother. To be able to live through such a tragedy takes some great strength. Must be one hell of a tough guy, that Edward."

I smiled sadly and murmured, "You have no idea.

He doesn't show it to the world. He faces the people bravely, yet never breaks down or shows his weakness. And, even though it took him some time, but now it seems he's gradually able to open up a little to me. He doesn't talk about his past. But if you look closely, you can see the burning man under that entire charade. It will probably take him some time to feel as strongly about me as I do about him, but," I looked down at my lap, "I have a feeling he'll get there."

Charlie leaned forward and placed a hand on my head. "I just don't want to see you getting hurt, not again."

I smiled and took his hand between both of mine. "I know that, Dad. This is why I thought I'd be honest with you."

"I hope you know that I appreciate that, Bells."

I nodded and got up from my chair. I kissed his forehead and patted his greying hair. "I know that. Good night, Dad."

Just as I was reaching the staircase, he called out. "When do I get to meet this Edward?"

I turned slowly and faced him. "I think we should give him some time, don't you think?"

He nodded and picked up the television remote again.

Once I was in my room, I breathed out a sigh in relief. I grabbed my McBook and hopped on to my bed. Just as I was checking my emails, I got an invite in my messenger. A certain 'EAC206' had sent me an invite. At first, I got a bit confused and then it dawned on me. With a huge smile, I accepted the invite.

Almost instantaneously, I received an IM.

EAC206: Hey! You still up?

JingleBells87: No. I'm talking in my sleep.

EAC206: Ha ha.

EAC206: Your username is *ahem* very original.

JingleBells87: Shut up. Don't make fun of it. My dad sometimes calls me Bells.

JingleBells87: Besides I could say the same about YOUR username.

I sat back with a smug grin on my face, waiting for his reply.

EAC206: Using one's initials and birth date together as a username is fairly common. It's nothing unusual and has got nothing to do with holidays.

JingleBells87: You are so annoying.

He didn't write back anything for a few minutes so I got worried that I had offended him somehow.

EAC206: Sorry. I just got interrupted.

JingleBells87: By who?

EAC206: It's just my neighbour. She wanted some milk for her late night coffee.

I narrowed my eyes at this. The words I typed next were oozing with jealousy.

JingleBells87: You mean the new hot girl?

EAC206: Err….how did you know?

JingleBells87: Because you're an insanely sexy man and she's just another woman looking for a chance to bang you.

As soon as I hit enter after typing that, I let out a gasp as I realized what I'd just done. My fingers froze for a while as I read what I'd just written. Seriously, where did all that rage come from? I never spoke like that. So why was I suddenly being so….agonizingly honest?

I took a few deep breaths and made several futile attempts to delete my previous message. What I'd done cannot be undone. So, I just gave up and waited for him to reply.

As I kept waiting, I minimized the chat window and went on to reading my emails. This time I was truly terrified that I had crossed the line. I read emails from my old college friends, even though my mind was elsewhere.

Fifteen minutes later, I got a new IM.

EAC206: Bella? Are you still there?

I bit my lip and thought about how to reply.

JingleBells87: No. I'm waiting for the ground to open up so I can crawl under it.

EAC206: Come on. Don't be so melodramatic.

JingleBells87: Are you serious? That had got to be one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. And that's saying something because I've got plenty of those.

There, I went ahead and brought it up.

EAC206: So you mentioned how attractive you find me. What's so wrong about that? You have no idea what it does to a man's ego.

EAC206: Besides, your sudden outburst was kind of hot.

JingleBells87: *cue eye roll* You're such a guy.

EAC206: You weren't complaining about it when I had you pressed again the blackboard this evening.

JingleBells87: You're a jerk too.

EAC206: An 'insanely sexy' jerk. Your words, not mine.

I could practically see him smirk knowingly.

JingleBells87: So the 'A' in your initials start for a-hole, I'm guessing?

EAC206: Nice try. It stands for Anthony, actually.

JingleBells87: GOOD NIGHT Edward!

EAC206: I'll miss you.

And just like that, with one single sentence, he made me forget how annoying he was being mere minutes ago.

JingleBells87: We'll see each other on Monday. It's just two days in between.

JingleBells87: I'll miss you too.

EAC206: Good night, Bella. Sleep well.

Now I definitely will.

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	35. The House That Built Me

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing.**

**So if you're wondering why it took me 3 months to update, here's my excuse: school. I started my 1****st**** semester in May and got busy with my studies. Now I'm on my semester break so hopefully you'll get more chapters within this time. **

Chapter 34:

_Edward:_

I stood before the white door of the two-storey house that stood proudly overlooking 37 Marion Avenue in Newark, New Jersey. Seeing the house, the neighbourhood and the familiar streets every few months was like taking a walk down memory lane. Up until I was eighteen, this place had been my life. I felt like I belonged there. So much so that even now, after spending eight years in the city, it still didn't feel like home.

I released a breath of air and raised my hand to press the door bell. I had not called Esme to inform her about my arrival. Surprising others with uninformed visits wasn't my usual style, but I was willing to make an exception here.

Judging from the expression on my mother's face when she saw me standing on her doorstep, unannounced, I realized it had been worth it.

The woman who stood before me had her hair swept up and tied in a bun. Her hair colour had been caramel once. Now it was turning slightly grey. Her green eyes, so much like my own stared back at me in shock. She had lines around her eyes, on her chin and around her lips. Signs of aging. That's when it hit me. It must have been months since I had last seen her. Doing the math I realized it had been around eight months. Do people get wrinkles within that time? May be I hadn't been as observant then as I was now.

She was dressed in a plain floral print shirt and khaki pants that were rolled up to her knees. She was holding a pair of yellow plastic gloves covered in….dirt? No, it looked more like mud. She must have been doing some gardening. She had her other hand placed on the edge of the partially opened door. The expression of shock lingered on her face. She didn't move a muscle. She looked like she had frozen in place.

I decided I should break the silence first. "Hey, mom," I said with a smile.

I stood there awkwardly, carrying my overnight bag in one hand. At the sound of my voice, Esme opened the door further, took a few steps towards me and dropped the gloves she was holding. With a strangled cry, she wrapped her arms around me and started sobbing noiselessly into my shirt collar. I felt her shake slightly every time she elicited a tearful sob. With a sigh, I wrapped my free hand around her and hugged her back. Esme smelled like bougainvilleas, sweet tea and spring breeze. It felt like home.

Finally, when she was done crying, she stood back and roamed her eyes all over me like she couldn't believe I was there. She wiped her cheeks and ran her hands through my hair, before resting them on my cheek.

"My baby's come home," she finally said.

I rolled my eyes. "Your 'baby' will be turning 30 this year."

"Nonsense. You will still be my baby even when you are 60," she chastised, but her face broke into a smile.

Walking into the house brought back all the old memories of my childhood. The place was furnished in exactly the same way as it had been when we first moved in. Since Carlisle passed away after living in this house for a decade, Esme wanted to keep things as they were. I now realize that it was her way to keep something intact and unchanged since our entire world turned upside down after Carlisle's early demise.

This property was previously owned by my grandfather, Carlisle's father. It was passed onto Carlisle after his father died. I was born three years after my parents got married and two years after Carlisle finished medical school. While he was doing his residency, we lived in a small studio two-room apartment. It was so much worse than Angela and my apartment in Queens. The kitchen cabinets were hanging off their hinges, the radiator was faulty and the pipes under the sink had leaks in them. We had no choice. Carlisle was still paying his education loan.

After practicing for five years, Carlisle finally started building this house. Esme was enthusiastic about everything from choosing the right fabric for the curtains to the perfect wallpaper for each room. Initially, after the house was built, we bought just some necessary furniture. It took a while for Carlisle's career as a neurosurgeon to bloom before we could afford all other luxuries a doctor could provide to his family. Little by little, one item at a time, one day Esme finally finished decorating the place. And every little object has remained in its place in all these years.

I finished my bachelor's degree with the help of a little trust fund my grandfather left for me. After Carlisle's death, Esme worked a full-day job at the local elementary school. I knew she hated leaving me behind while she worked during the day, but we had no other choice. My mother and I had stuck together ever since. She had been there for me when I had needed her the most. Now, as an adult, I couldn't afford to forget that.

I dropped my overnight bad beside the familiar beige-coloured couch. I walked around the living room, inspecting the little nooks and cranny for any change. There were none. In fact the only change I could see was in the person standing before me.

Esme looked like she had aged a couple of years since the last time I saw her. Her wrinkles under her eyes were more visible now and I could see that more of her hair on top of her head was turning grey. Her eyes looked tired but they held some brightness in them in seeing me. I sighed as I realized how much I had missed her.

"It's good to be home," I said.

She nodded and smiled at me. She walked towards the kitchen and I followed her. She dropped her gloves beside the sink and washed her hands.

"You must be hungry," she said.

I nodded because I truly was.

"I haven't started making lunch yet. So, why don't you go upstairs and take a shower while I start lunch?"

Just like the rest of the house, my room looked exactly like it did when I was younger. There was a blue bedspread on my old bed and with a pang of distress. I realized she had changed the covers of a bed that no one was sleeping on. My study table still had the same reading light and some old battered paperbacks from my teenage years. The closet was mostly empty, except for some old clothes of mine. I cringed slightly when I saw my old 90s style suit I wore at my prom.

On the nightstand, there was a picture of me and Esme, taken during my high school graduation. Beside this picture, there was another embarrassing one of a six-year old me, in a beach, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. My eyes rested on the last picture frame. It was taken during Senior prom. Angela and I faced the camera, both looking awkward with the pimples and fancy clothes. But our smiles were genuine. We looked happy.

I turned my back to the picture, grabbed a towel and clothes from my overnight

bag and headed to the shower. After I was done, I padded downstairs, feeling familiar smoothness of the carpeted stairs under my feet and was met with a mouth-watering aroma that was Esme's cooking.

Mozzarella cheese sticks and roast beef sandwiches waited for me at the table. I sat down and gorged down the food like I hadn't eaten in days. I had forgotten what an amazing cook my mother was. It was a pity I didn't learn more from her. Bella would get a kick out of that.

_Bella… _

I tried imagining her here, in this place. For some reason, I could see her fitting right in. Even though you could tell she's not much of a domestic person, I can see her donning on an apron that probably says something silly like "Kiss the cook" and helping Esme in the kitchen.

Esme would be thrilled to know about her.

Esme sat across from me, playing with her food, eyeing me with a slight smile on her face. I meet her eyes and tell the truth, "I missed your cooking, Ma."

She sighed and said "You poor thing. Do you even feed yourself properly?"

I smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I survive."

"Surviving isn't good enough. Life is way too short to be surviving. You and I both know that. Life is meant for living."

I put down my fork and take a sip of the ice-cold water. "Come on, Ma. You're watching Dr. Phil again?"

"Make fun of me all you want. What I'm saying is the truth," she insisted.

"Ok, Ma. Whatever you say," I said, resuming eating, knowing it was pointless to argue with her. Part of me knew that what she was saying was true.

After lunch, Esme cleaned up the dishes. She refused when I offered to help. So I sat in the living room, flipping through the TV channels. I saw a fashion magazine lying on the coffee table and it reminded me of Bella. Smiling, I fish out the BlackBerry from my pocket and text her.

_What are you doing?_

_X0X0 _

_E._

Almost an instant later, I got back a reply.

_Did you seriously X0X0 me? What are you, Gossip Girl?_

I rolled my eyes and laughed at her ridiculousness.

A minute later, another reply.

_How's family time coming along? _

I type back a reply.

_It's great seeing my mom after so long. Go ahead and tell me 'I told you so.'_

It takes a while before my phone chirps.

_I'll tell you that I miss you._

My heart skips a beat and there's something blocking my throat. I couldn't speak.

_It's just one more day._

A beat. Then a reply.

_It will feel like days._

I stared at my phone screen, grinning like a maniac. I didn't even notice Esme coming in and taking a sit quietly opposite me.

I looked up to meet her curious gaze and try to bite my lip to hide the smile but I fail. She sits there for a while saying nothing. I continue gazing longingly at my phone screen, wishing Bella's face would pop up in it.

This time when I look up, Esme has her eyebrows raised questioningly. I don't blame her. I _had_ been acting like a 12 year old girl. I was _this _close to start giggling like Alice does when she has had too much of sugar.

Instead of explaining, I ask Esme, "Ma, did you ever consider seeing someone else after Dad died?"

As soon as the words escape my mouth, there was a flash of recognition across her face. Like she knew why I was asking her that question.

She sighed and replied, "I didn't feel the need to. I had you in my life. I considered it to be complete."

I nodded. "But if I weren't born, would you…"

"May be, Edward. I don't know. I just felt like what I had with your father was _it _for me. Like I said, I felt it was not necessary for me to go searching for love again."

I nodded again in understanding. My parents were one of those couples aptly described as 'soul mates.' After Dad passed away, Mom literally broke down. Like a part of her had gone missing.

"But you can be in love with two different people in one lifetime. I have seen it happening loads of times. Did I ever tell you about William?"

When I shook my head in confusion, she continued. "We met in high school. Like you and Angela did. I thought I was in love with him and maybe I was. That was a different time. I was a different person. At that time, William, the bookish quarterback was the world to seventeen-year old me."

It took me a while to accept that. Like any other kid, I always thought my parents belonged to each other and no one else. I had never given much thought about their past lives.

"Of course, I experienced a different kind of love when I met Carlisle. I was older, more mature than my seventeen-year old self. I knew what I wanted."

I nodded again, not knowing what to say.

"What I am trying to tell you is that different people make you feel different things. What I had with William was spontaneous and exciting at the time. Now I realize I never could have had a family with him. It's not like he was not a good person. He just wasn't good for me. Not the way Carlisle was."

"So, was there a reason why you asked me this?" she asked.

Wordlessly, I scroll through the photos saved in my phone and selected one. It was taken a while ago, during my and Bella's lunch with Alice and Jasper. She wasn't even aware that I had taken that picture.

I hand out the phone to her and perch on the armrest beside her. "Her name is Bella."

Esme nodded like she already knew that. "That seems fitting. She really is beautiful."

My face broke into a smile. "She is so much more than that. She is like crazy smart. A Chemistry major. Can you believe that? And she says the most ridiculous things and has a silly sense of humour and drives you crazy sometimes…" I trailed off.

My mother nodded, a slow smile tugging the corner of her mouth. "It sounds like somebody is smitten."

**A/N: Review please?**

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	36. I Wanna Hold Your Hand

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing.**

**So, these past three months have been crazy. Architecture is tough, I kid you not. I barely had time to eat and sleep. My break just ended today and finally I have a chapter for you. I am afraid this story has come to an end. I would like to thank every single person who has been with me since the beginning, those who abandoned it and those who started it recently.**

**I'm planning to write an epilogue next. But this is the final regular chapter. Thank you everyone. **

**Special thanks to my beta who saved me when I was in the middle of bad grammar and tense mistakes. She beta'd only ten chapters. I haven't heard from her since the earthquake in Chile and I hope and pray that wherever she is, she is well. You are truly wonderful, Mariana. **

**Chapter 35:**

_Edward_

Sunday evening I left my house with my heart feeling lighter, guiltless and a smile on my face. Although I felt my heart breaking when Esme clung on to me, I comforted myself with the promise that I would visit her again, very soon.

I drove back to the city with a greater spirit. Visiting Esme had been a fantastic idea. Being in my childhood home reminded me of the little boy I used to be. He seemed like a stranger to the bitter and cynical man I have become. Now that I had gotten a peek into my younger self, I longed to be carefree and happy like I was at that age. I was tired of finding faults in everything. I didn't enjoy pushing people away from me. After that accident, it just came as second nature to me. I felt like I had to build a protective shield around myself so that no one else could get close to me. I was under the impression that isolating myself from the people surrounding me would help me lead an uncomplicated life; a life where I had no expectations to fulfil. Not anymore. I was not going to be that person anymore.

Very few of us get a second chance in life. There must be a good reason why I survived that accident on that New Year's Eve. Esme moved on with her life after Carlisle's death because of me. I have to do the same.

I had wasted four years of my life moping and I wouldn't want to live that way anymore. Did I honestly think giving up on life would make Angela happy? She'd be devastated if she saw me like this. I realized I needed to start living again.

I walked into my apartment in better spirits than I left it. I quickly took a shower and made a split second decision, thinking it was now or never. I whipped out my cell phone and called Bella. As the phone rang, I kept hoping she didn't have any weekend plans.

After three rings, she answered, "Hello?"

"Um, hi, Bella?" I asked.

"Edward! What's up? Are you back?" she asked.

"Yeah. Hey I was wondering, do you have any plans tonight?"

A pause. Then she answered. "No, not that I know of. Why? What do you have in mind?"

Here was the moment. I could do it. "I was thinking I would take you out to dinner, if that's okay," I said, running my fingers through my hair which was still damp from the shower.

She responded almost instantly. "Sure. I'd love that."

_Bella_

I stood frozen in shock and stared at my phone for a full minute after he hung up. He wanted to take me to dinner. Tonight.

At that moment, all those scenes from chick-flicks flashed through my mind where the heroine raids her entire closet, looking for something good to wear on her date. While I was sure this was nothing more than a friendly dinner, it didn't make me feel any more calm. I quickly pulled out a blue sweater dress with sleeves right above my elbows and a height that came up to my knees. To break the monotony of the all over blue, I put on a brown leather belt around my waist. I paired it with black tights and black peep-toes. I have never been a fan of too much make-up so I went with a little eye-liner and lip gloss.

Just as I came downstairs, I saw both my parents eyeing me suspiciously. My mom asked, "Are you going somewhere?"

I nodded just as the doorbell rang. "Edward's taking me out to dinner."

My mom smiled and my dad cleared his throat and placed the newspaper he was reading on the coffee table.

I opened the door and there he stood all nervous smiles and slightly fidgeting. He was dressed in a blue-grey shirt with a black jacket over it and dark pants.

"Hi." I said shyly.

"Hey, Bella. Was I supposed to bring flowers? I'm sorry. I haven't done this since high school."

I laughed, immediately feeling at ease. "Don't be silly. We are way past flowers and candy. Come in."

As he stepped inside, I saw my parents assessing him. My mom appraised him with a small smile on her lips and my dad with caution in his eyes.

"Dad, this is Edward and Mom you've already met him" I croaked out, mortified at how nervous I sounded.

"Of course. It's so good to see you again," my mom said. My Dad just nodded.

I shot him a look that said, 'be nice.' He got up and shook Edward's hands.

"It's really nice to finally meet you both. And your house is lovely," Edward said politely.

My dad crossed his arms over his chest and nodded, unimpressed. "Have her back before midnight." I rolled my eyes.

"Most definitely, sir," Edward said, looking clearly terrified.

As we got in his car, I burst out laughing. "You should have seen you face!"

"I am officially scared of your dad," Edward said as her started the engine.

We settled into a comfortable silence after that. I stole quick glances at him, wondering what brought on this change in him. He seemed different, for a lack of better word. At first glance it would be hard to notice. But I have had months' worth of practice of reading his face.

"So how's your mother?" I asked.

"Great. She was delighted to see me. I suppose I should thank you for talking some sense into me and making me take that trip," he said with a chuckle.

"So is this dinner your way of saying 'thanks'?" I asked, teasing him.

"No!" He said, looking horrified. "I just realized that I wouldn't want to spend my weekend with anyone else." He replied with a smirk.

"I'm glad. Just so you know, I am not exactly opposed to spending my weekend with you either."

"I can see that. Which is why you are here," he said with a laugh.

"Where are we going anyway?" I asked.

"Just this little Italian place I like, on Tenth Avenue. I figured you could never go wrong with Italian food."

It was a short car ride from my house in Bronx and soon the car stopped in front of a building with large square glass windows. The entrance was flanked by two square red-brick pillars and in between each storey, was a black panel with the words 'Del Posto' written on it.

As Edward held out the door for me, I finally recognized the name and gasped.

"Is something wrong?" Edward asked.

"Edward! You brought me here? This place is crazy expensive!" I exclaimed.

He laughed like it was no big deal. "Think of it this way. I haven't eaten out at a nice place in ages. So I'm overdue in indulging myself in expensive Italian food."

"Oh so this is about you, huh?" I teased him.

"God, no! I just wanted to take you somewhere nice and this is the first place that came to my mind and I thought you might enjoy the décor and the food.." he kept on rambling.

I laughed out loud again. "Edward, I wasn't being serious. I'm sure I'll love it no matter what."

Edward was right about the interior décor part. As soon as we walked in, I was met with this great view of the whole place that was decorated in light, warm colours. The floor was wooden and reflected the ceiling lights. The ceiling itself was white with dark wood panels set in vertically and horizontally, creating little squares in between. The furniture was of the same dark wooden colour. The chairs were of deep red leather that matched the curtains.

The maitre d' greeted us in Italian and led us to a table at the corner. As soon as we were seated, she left and we were greeted by the hostess.

*"Buona sera," she said. "Benvenuti a Del Posto. Lo sarò il vostro ospite per la serata. Spero che ti piace la vostra cena qui."

"We would like to place our orders please," Edward said.

"Sicuro," she said and brought out two menus. She then gave us a few minutes to choose our orders.

I eyed Edward over the opened menu in front of me. He really did seem different. The usual frown was missing and so were the lines on his forehead. For once, he seemed relaxed. The trip must have gone really well. He caught me staring and his face curved up into that heart-warming smile.

"Do you know what you want?" He asked, still smiling.

I blushed at his words. The obvious answer would be 'you' but I'm sure that would send him running for the hills. Besides, I was pretty sure he was referring to the food.

By this time, the hostess had reappeared.

"Yeah, I'll have Spaghetti with sliced jalapeno, crab and minced scallion."

Edward chose a Gorgonzola Dolce with black truffle butter and handed back the menus to the hostess who assured the food will be ready in half-an-hour.

I sat back in my chair and rested my arms on the armrest. I looked around at the diners and then finally rested my eyes back on him. He was looking back at me with a small smile.

"Well, this is different," I commented after a while.

He burst out laughing, as if to prove my point. Since when does he laugh?

"I guess I just go tired of being miserable all the time," he said.

"You? Being miserable? Jeez, what are you talking about?" I teased him again.

"Ha, ha, you are hilarious," he said.

He remained silent for a few moments. Then he looked up and started speaking.

"I haven't treated you right, Bella. I was so wrapped up in my own misery, that I was blind and didn't see what was right in front of me. You are sweet, kind and wonderful and I was an ass to not see that. I should have done this dinner thing a long time ago. But I'm glad that you didn't give up on me and stuck around and gave me a chance even though I don't deserve it."

My jaw dropped. What was he saying?

He took a deep breath and started again. "I had made a mess of my life. I gave up my old house and moved into a cheap apartment in Brooklyn. I stopped seeing the only family I have left, my mom. I stopped playing the instrument I loved so much. I thought if I deprived myself from all the things that I loved, the guilt might somehow lessen," he said, with his voice getting smaller. "But that didn't happen. Instead, my nightmares continued. I started eating less, lost a lot of pounds and I think also grew some grey hair," he said with a mirthless laugh.

He then paused and took a sip of water. He ran his fingers through his hair once and continued.

"And then you came along. I started feeling better, less stressed and a whole lot happier than I had been in a long time. And Bella, I know I pushed you out at first but I was wrong. I though….that maybe after knowing about my past, you would want to stay away from me. So I had to tell you about my history before you took things forward. You wouldn't believe how relieved and frigging ecstatic I was when you didn't run away screaming after knowing about all that."

My head was spinning. He had always been so cryptic about what he felt. So what brought on this sudden candidness?

He cleared his throat awkwardly and fidgeted a little with his napkin. "You seem awfully quiet."

I took a lungful of air and exhaled and tried to come up with something to say. "I know. It's just that….you've never said….that's a lot to take," I finished lamely.

He nodded with a frown marring his flawless features. "I understand that." He suddenly looked up. "Oh God, Bella, I didn't mean to kill your appetite with all that heavy talk. I should have kept my mouth shut until we had eaten."

"No, no, it's fine. Actually, I am glad you let it all out. Sometimes, well, most of the time, to speak the truth, it's not easy to read you. Okay, since we are being honest here, it's very difficult to know what you're thinking. I feel like I am walking on egg shells whenever I am around you." It felt good to speak out loud about what had been bugging me since the beginning.

He looked down at his lap and nodded again knowingly. "I guess I am to blame for all that. I built this wall around me and it might have looked like I was pushing everyone out, truth was that I was petrified of letting anyone else in. But you….you broke through that wall and with you I could finally be myself again." He finished, smiling for the first time since he started the conversation.

I felt my own face breaking into a similar smile and was a second away from saying something ridiculously mushy. However, I was saved by the hostess serving our food.

"Enjoy your meal," she said, with a thick accent.

The food was unsurprisingly good. The spaghetti had just the right amount of tomato sauce and was sprinkled with jalapeno and went extremely well with the red wine we ordered.

"Is the food alright?" he asked after we began eating.

I hummed appreciatively with a forkful of spaghetti in my mouth and nodded my approval. "It's delicious."

He grinned and suddenly looked like a younger version of the twenty-nine year old man I knew.

We finished our food in silence. I declined his offer for dessert because I was full.

He paid the bill quickly and soon we were out of the restaurant. We walked side by side, keeping a few inches distance between us. It wasn't a cold night but not very warm either. It was the perfect weather for a night stroll, which I was sure what he had in mind as well because he didn't stop when we passed his car. I looked at him questioningly and he said, "I wasn't quite done talking back there."

I nodded. The next moment, our hands grazed and he gently entwined his fingers with mine. "Is this okay?" he murmured. I rolled my eyes. Of course it was.

I could be dramatic and say my heart was beating so hard it felt like it would burst out of chest. But I would be lying if I did say that. Truth was I felt nothing but a calm wash over me and spread all over, starting from my head to the tips of my toes. His hands were slightly rough but very much warm.

"Bella, I don't think I have thanked you for bringing this change in my life." He came to a stop as he said this and I was pulled by his hand to face him. He grabbed my other hand and brushed my knuckles with his thumbs. I suppressed a shudder that went through me at his touch.

"I can feel the change in me. I no more scoff at people who are nice to me," he said, with his eyes at our joined hands. I grinned at this. "I have started eating well; I feel like doing things that make me happy, you know? Like playing the violin or teaching those kids soccer with more enthusiasm than I had before. I realized how lucky I am to be alive and I am positive I wasn't given a second chance to live so that I could mope around." He knitted his eyebrows adorably at this and I lifted my hands to brush a stray hair from his forehead. He lifted his eyes to meet mine. Okay, now my heart was beating like crazy.

My fingers lingered on his skin. He grasped them and held them against his cheek. "I am still not all flowers and sunshine and rainbows. I still am slightly broken inside and I think that part of me can never be mended no matter how much I try. But I want you to know, I want you in my life. You are an amazing person and I want you to be happy. Even if you walk away from me now, I would wish nothing but your happiness, no matter who you are with."

I frowned. "You know, for a smart person, you can be really dumb sometimes." And with that, I didn't give him a chance to respond. Standing on my toes, I pressed my lips to his.

His arms immediately went to my waist and he lowered his head so that I didn't have to stand on my toes. My hands went around his neck and I kissed him with a newfound fervour. He wanted me to be in his life. Granted, he was still unclear about his feelings for me but I would give him time, because he was worth it.

I shut my brain off before the voice in my head started to sound any more like a L'Oreal commercial. I pressed myself further into his chest and gasped when he moaned at the sudden contact. He sucked on my bottom lip before slipping his tongue inside. This time it was me who started to make embarrassing noises and I gripped the hair at his nape.

We broke apart as soon as I realized we were on a pavement and were most likely giving passer-bys a show. Thankfully, when I looked around, I didn't see any creepy pedestrians nearby.

We were both breathing heavily. I looked up to see Edward still had his eyes closed. I giggled and he opened them at the noise.

"It was that good?" I asked, still laughing.

"You bet," he said and winked.

"Did you just wink at me? Very classy, Edward." I crinkled my nose in mock disgust.

"Admit it, Swan. You can't resist my charms," he said with a shrug.

I didn't disagree at this. He held my hands again as we walked back towards his car.

It didn't matter that I couldn't utter the 'L' word yet. I didn't mind that he wasn't being clear about his feelings. All I knew was that, deep down, a part of him was still unhealed and would remain that way for quite some time. But I wasn't in any rush. The thing that matters most is that I can see him getting there. And maybe when he's ready, I'll tell him.

**-The End-**

***Translation:** "Good evening. Welcome to Del Posto. I will be your hostess for the evening. I hope you enjoy your dinner here."

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